Heavenly
by Katraa
Summary: Even angels had jobs, as Sora quickly learned. Not only did he return to Earth eight years after his death, but he had been assigned the last person he thought he'd ever see again. His ex best friend--Riku Karada. .rikusora. .rikuleon. .axelsora.
1. start

**beginning note:  
**Ahoy there, maties! This be a new story! Okay, enough with the pirate talk. Ahem. This is a new, long, mult-chaptered story I decided to write! The first chapter may seem a bit confusing, but all the blotchy parts will be filled in, as they always are. Bear with the errors. I tried to sift through all of the words, on the search for errors. I'm pretty sure I got most of them. Anyhow, i really love this new story and the plot, so hopefully you will as well. The whole story is a new type for me, as you will see in the near future.

**warnings; **stuff that m-rated fanfics usually have. sexual content, language, and the works. be warned.  
**pairings; **main (riku x sora) sides; akusora , others along the way. hush hush.  
**finished fanfiction: **may 16, 2008

**ending note:**  
(over all, after having finished heavenly, I find that the experience was well worth it. not only is the story about angels and life and second chances, but it also taught me a lot about not only writing, but life in general. it also taught me many things about myself that i wasn't aware of--my personal beliefs and whatnot. i hope this story tickles your fancy and is half as much fun to read as it was to write. there's many twists in store for you readers, so be warned. they may be obvious to some, but they are truly what give the story it's meaning and purpose. have fun)

* * *

_**Heavenly**_

People always seemed to be enthralled by the concept of after-life. Debates often spurred on the matter of whether heaven or hell existed. Ghost, angels, and demons were also shoved into that heated argument. Did such things exist? Surely they did, for how could these things become so wide-spread if they were not real? Religion had to have its true parts as well. One person could not have concocted a belief /that/ religious. Regardless, life always puzzled humans, young and old alike. For one to say they understood the entirety of life, death, and the in-between would give evidence that that person must be on an ego-trip the size of South America and Europe combined.

Sora Kayaki often wondered what it'd be like to die. Did your mind shut off automatically? Were you unable to think anymore? Did you enter an endless dream? Did you become reborn with no memories of your prior life? Or did you become a ghost and haunt the living? Perhaps you became an angel. Life just couldn't /end/ with death. It just could not.

And at the age of thirteen, Sora found his answer.

Sora did not like remembering the gruesome details of his death. Nor did he like remembering the people who had been involved. The very thought of these memories made Sora's stomach churn. Such events should be forgotten and never thought upon again.

So where did this leave young Sora Kayaki now that he had died?

In heaven, of course.

A year had passed in the heavenly land—pun intended. Despite contrary belief, heaven was not composed of clouds, singing choirs, and halos. Heaven was like your ordinary place. Except it felt like you were in a colossal building and you could occasionally peer out the windows of the building, down at the world below. Within this 'building' were /other/ buildings that served as homes. Heaven was not what Sora had expected. Not one ounce.

During his first year, Sora had lived with his cousin, who had died one year prior. Cloud was the cousin's name. The pair of relatives would often discuss the finer points in their deceased lives. Cloud had been, regretfully, preparing Sora for the most difficult task in his entire after-life. Sora had to deem himself worthy of remaining the non-existent pearly gates (which really was just a crowded doorway—nothing all too grand).

And that left the now 'fourteen' year old brunet boy standing before one of the head honchos up here in heaven. The tall man had gritty hair and piercing green eyes that he hid behind tick-rimmed glasses. The man appeared to be more of a spy than an angel in appearance.

"You do know why you're here, correct?" asked the curt man who was currently sitting behind an expansive desk that, at the front, bore his name in pretty gold letters. Heaven seemed more like an office-building than paradise.

"Cloud told me the basics," Sora answered restlessly, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. Hah, another belief thwarted. Angels were not all adorned in silky white dresses, as demonstrated by Sora's t-shirt and the man's suit. Fashion was big wherever you were.

"Great. That saves me a good hour," said the stout man as he began fiddling with a letter opener that had been resting upon his desk. "So you _are_ aware that you must return to Earth for a month and fufill your heavnly duties? You know, a kind of guardian angel type deal? You know, keeping a simple-mind from making reckless decisions and or committing sins that'll have them end up in the incinerator."

Common Heaven term for hell—the incinerator. How blunt.

"Yes sir," Sora said quietly, his blue eyes staring reluctantly at the glasses-wearing man. "Cloud told me all about the process."

"Good." The man ran his fingers along the sharp edge of the opener. "How young were you when you died? And how long ago was it?" His eyes lifted from the dangerous, shiny metal object that was in his clutches.

"I died in 1999, sir. That was…what? A year ago. Yeah, a year ago. I was thirteen when I died, but I just turned fourteen a month ago," Sora explained rather calmly for a person who was speaking of their own death.

"1999, huh?" The black-haired man tapped the bridge of his nose. "Sucks that you didn't get to live until the new century. Oh well," he drawled. "Hate to break it to you, kid, but year's 2007. December first, to be exact. So you're, I'd say…twenty one now?"

Sora's jaw dropped as he stumbled into a vacant chair, at once gripping tightly onto the armrest. "But!! It's only been a year!" the brunet attempted to refute.

"Time here passes slower," said the dark haired man. "It's 2007. December. You are twenty-one. It'd do you good to remember that when you head back down. I _really_ don't feel like repeating myself for the third time."

"S-sir," Sora attempted. "What happens if I don't succeed?" A nervous gulp.

"Mostly everyone does," said the lanky man, his eye twinkling furtively behind his glasses. "Don't think about the what ifs, kid. Just think positive and focus on your task, that's all you need to do to succeed."

Sora gulped down a large lump of nerves. "Do I at least get to know the name of the person I'm going to be stuck following around for an entire month?"

The man smirked and proceeded to pull out a file from his desk, appearing rather amused. The angel then gestured for Sora to get up off his seat and come over to take a peek. "This is basically like work, kid. Even angel's have jobs, you know." The man chuckled at his own wit, but handed Sora the file regardless. "From this day forward you will be this man's person stalker," pause, "congrats."

All that was given was a name, address, phone number, age, and places recently visited by this man. Oh yeah, and there was a photo as well. Sora froze and then proceeded to turn a off-shade of white. "M-may I have a different person?" Sora stuttered uncomfortably.

The man arched an eyebrow. "Why?"

"N-no reason," Sora lied, his grip on the file that had been handed to him tightening by the second.

The man sighed. "Sorry, kid. This guy is yours and yours only. These files choose the angels, I swear. One day I come into work and a file is on my desk. And on that file is an angel's name. It's like a twisted destiny, don't you think? Anyhow, this is your guy. Let's just move onto the rules and regulations seeing I am sensing a migraine coming on. All right. One, you may not tell, or imply to this man that you are an angel, not like he'd believe you or anything. We don't need an uproar on Earth. Second, you are _not_ allowed to visit relatives or friends. They've coped with your death. Don't disrupt them. Third, you are /not/ allowed to have sex with _anyone_, you hear me? I don't know what it is about you angels, but the minute you return to earth you feel this intensive need to drop your pants. _Don't_. If a human has sex with an angel, they'll die. It's just the way it is, kid. If you feel like murdering someone, go right ahead. I won't stop ya."

Sora swallowed thickly and blinked cautiously.

"And I know what you're thinking. The big, bad angel didn't say anything about bjs and hjs," the man mocked a giggle before returning to glaring, "if you do either of those, kid, you'll be risking your afterlife as an angel _and _the human's life as well. Remember that well."

Sora nodded once again, smiling uneasily at the other angel.

"Or another note, I'd like to tell you that you are going to be faced with many hardships in the future. Hell, I'll doubt that you'll even _want_ to come back here after you've been back on Earth for awhile. That's why you shouldn't allow yourself to become attached to anyone while you're done there."

"All right," Sora whispered uncertainly. "I'll try my best." Sora was in no hurry to return to Earth and be reunited with his…well…

A moment of silence before Sora chose to speak once more. "Sir… what if he," Sora motioned to the picture, "already knows me. Or he knew me, more like it… I know it was eight years ago but…"

"Lie and say it wasn't you." Simple.

"B-but I'm /pretty/ sure he'll…"

"Lie."

Sora sighed miserably and nodded. "Okay," he said despondently, loosely holding onto the paper that had been given to him regarding his 'man'. "When do I leave?"

"Now."

And before Sora even had time to respond, he completely blacked out.

**xxxxxxxxxxxx**

The first thing Sora remembered about New York City was that it was /always/ colder there than anywhere else on the East Coast. It was just a matter of fact. Or at least it _felt_ colder there. When the wind blew, it swept through the city, between cracks and crevices made by the towering buildings that reached up into the heavens. The wind tended to beat against the sensitive skins of the tourists that wandered through the colossal city. On a single day the temperature could range from zero degrees to twenty, depending on wind chill. He did /not/ miss the cold. Sora was more of a summer person, honestly. Heat was better than no heat, Sora reminded himself.

The thing was, Sora didn't know _exactly_ where he was in New York City at this moment. He could be _anywhere_, practically. Thirtieth street. Sixtieth street. Anywhere. Sighing, Sora hugged his arms tightly to his skinny body. That was when the brunet noticed several substantial differences. He was no longer in the body of a thirteen year old boy, but a twenty-one year old young adult. The brunet had grown a good six inches—he was no a respectable five foot seven. If Sora had had a mirror on hand he would have noticed the loss of chubby baby fat that he used to sport. Sure, he still had an abundant amount of childish charm, but he had acquired a dash of handsome.

Sora was now adorned in a thick, black wind-breaker. The right pocket seemed to bulge out. Sora glanced curiously at the pocket before cautiously shuffling his hand into his jacket. Seconds later, the brunet's hand emerged with a leather-bound wallet.

"A wallet, huh?" Sora murmured and flipped it open.

Its contents consisted of a license (That bore his name, a 'new picture' and his information. Heaven was sure thorough when it came to these things. They didn't take any chances…) Other than the license was a bronze house key (33B-. And _behind_ that key was a slip of paper that gave the location of the brunet's new apartment. Sly. Heaven was very sly. So did that make Sora sly as well? He begged to differ.

Also, stashed away in that wallet was a credit card and a note. Questioningly, Sora opened it.

_We have provided you with a card and license that will get you by this month. You'll probably find your stalkee at 'D's Bar' down on63rd street. Either walk or take a taxi. Good luck, kid/. _

Sora sighed as he crumpled the note and tossed it over his shoulder. _And we all knew who wrote that note…_ "Figures that he'd be an alcoholic," Sora murmured as he began his quiet trudge up countless blocks. Once he had reached the end of the current street he had been on, Sora recognized where he was and just followed the street numbers up in sequential order. It was elementary. It wouldn't take that long. Besides, Sora missed simple things such as walking.

**xxxxxxxxxxxx**

It took barely under a half an hour to reach D's bar in respectable time. Sora had momentarily stopped to gander at the Rockefeller Tree (it was lovely to be able to see the magnificent tree once more. It seemed so much larger than Sora had remembered when he was younger…so many things he had missed being up in heaven…).

So here he was. Outside of a bar. For the first time _ever_. He still felt like a fourteen year old but apparently he was a twenty-one year old now. Now all Sora was waiting for was for his mind to catch up with his body in terms of aging. Oh yeah. He was also waiting to build up enough nerves to enter the bar. He was /legal/ now. It shouldn't be that big of a deal. Oh, but it was.

"Here goes nothing," Sora murmured as he pushed open the door, leaving the windy city outside, along with his trepidation.

At once Sora's senses were engulfed in alcohol and warmth. A toxic mixture, certainly. Alcohol. How familiar the smell.

Sora's blue gaze finally locked onto its target. Nestled amongst a few crowded tables, in the back, was a bar counter, and at that counter was /just/ the man he was looking for. Sora's throat tightened at once as he stood there, suddenly feeling a bit queasy. Why had he agreed to this again? After a moment of tough deliberation, Sora unceremoniously marched up and over to the counter. Quietly, the brunet sat down a few stools down from his target, observing him from afar, for now.

The 'target' sat at the bar, baring a smug grin. The man's silver hair fell down to his shoulders and cascaded gracefully onto the very top of his collar. Sharp and seemingly pensive, aquamarine eyes remained locked with several empty shot-glasses. The man was wearing the typical jacket and dark black jeans, along with the occasional chain. Nothing too thought-provoking or label worthy.

"One more round," urged the redhead beside the silver haired male.

The bartender turned to the pair of men, shooting them both a scowl. Her hands flew to her hips at once. "If you both drink anymore you'll be at risk for bloody _alcohol poisoning_," she seethed warningly, though a bit of affection was in her tone.

"Who needs health?" remarked the silveret who had begun to beat his eyelashes at the woman. A tapping of his fingers soon followed in beat with his fluttering.

"You both have already wasted my entire stock of Smirnoff, I'd like you to know. I'm down to /this/ much on the last bottle!" she complained, sending both men a menacing look. "That's just not /healthy/!"

Sora tensed, his mind becoming a tad bit fuzzy. /So much…alcohol…I…/ "Stop haggling the lady, would you? I'm taking the last of that bottle, thank you," Sora found himself saying, Those were not his own words, however, and he had not spoken on his own free will. /I don't need help!/ Sora shouted angrily in his mind. Heaven. Pft.

The red-haired man rolled his eyes curtly. "Whatever. I'm out of here. If we're not having any more drinks I'm not staying. Call me later," he said to the silveret as he arose to his feet, sending the other a devious smile. "Remember. Behave yourself."

The silver haired male sighed, nodded, and saluted the red-head off as Sora was carded by the bartender and then given his drink at last. /Some thing's don't change../ Sora thought dryly as he took a long swig from the glass. That was when Sora became aware of two, frantic aquamarine eyes set upon him. Sora lowered his glass from his lips and chanced a look over at the silveret, only to find him staring rudely at him.

"Either I'm entirely knocked off my ass or you're…" The silveret rubbed his forehead repeatedly. "I thought I was /done/ with you." Was that _fear_ in the silver haired man's voice?

Sora cleared his throat. "I've never met you before, sorry." Lie, lie, lie. He was going to be doing a lot of that in the near future. Better get used to it now.

"Right," answered the other man. "Of course you aren't him. Sorry." The man grumbled something else and began tracing the edge of his empty glass, appearing honestly perturbed all of a sudden.

"Come here a lot?" Sora asked in as casual as a voice he could muster up at that moment. Lying was one thing but having a full conversation? This was not what Sora was expecting. Expect the unexpected, he supposed.

The man turned his gaze back to the brunet and rolled his shoulders into a shrug. "I suppose I do. I've never seen you here before. Tourist?" asked the silveret with a cocked, thin eyebrow.

"Nah. I just don't come here often," Sora explained as he tapped his fingers upon the bar counter. Yes, the conversation was very awkward, yet at the same time it seemed casual. The contradiction bothered Sora and he figured it was only awkward to _him_ because of reasons he didn't feel like remembering.

Riku nodded, showing that he understood what the other young adult had said. "I'd like to say the same but hey, I like my alcohol." The silveret offered a devious smirk at Sora and then glanced back down at the empty shot-glass almost thoughtfully. "The name's Riku, by the way."

Sora stiffened but managed to hide the action very well as he took another sip of his drink. The taste was becoming all too familiar. The brunet was about to offer his name as well, but quickly caught himself and instead supplied, "Roxas. My name's Roxas."

When Sora had been little, his cousin—Cloud—had often called Sora by that nickname. The blond was the only person to have ever called Sora by it, so Sora figured Riku wouldn't be able to recognize the name. Why Cloud had ever settled upon that name…Sora never knew. And he never bothered asking, either. Not even when he had lived with Cloud in _heaven_ had he thought to ask. Oh well.

"Cool," Riku answered simply, running his dexterous fingers along the rim. "If you don't come here often, then why's tonight special? What's the occasion?" Riku wondered curiously, turning his sea green eyes over to Sora expectantly.

"Celebrating," Sora said, saying the first thing to come to mind. To hide his unease, Sora took a third sip from his glass, hoping it would somehow distract Riku.

"Celebrating what? If you don't mind me asking," Riku said rather suavely, his intense gaze remaining centered upon the brunet male beside him. Riku's gaze never faltered—Sora was surprised by that. Riku had…changed, in some aspects, Sora concluded mentally.

"Twenty first birthday," Sora replied, remembering that the birth date on the license had said the first of December. And that was today. Sneaky, yes. However, Sora's _real_ birthday had been the second of November, meaning he would have already been twenty-one for an entire month—but heaven probably assumed anyone that had known Sora would pick up on the alike birth date. Yes, they _were_ thorough.

Riku blinked in surprise then hoisted his empty glass into the air towards Sora. "Congratulations then. First time legally drinking." A beautiful smirk played onto Riku's lips as he tapped Sora's half full glass with his own, making a small ringing noise sound. And for some reason, Sora liked that sound.

"Yeah," Sora murmured in response to Riku's question, the words hitting far too close to home.

"So, Roxas, why would a man such as yourself come here alone?" Riku asked, leaning his elbows up onto the counter. Those aquamarine eyes turned to Sora, glittering furtively.

"All my other friends are studying for midterms," Sora lied.

"Bummer," Riku retorted with a mock frown. "Well, it's not good to drink alone. I figure you already know that, but yeah." The silveret offered another brilliant grin and then turned to his empty glasses. "I'd drink with you but Tifa cut off my supply for the night."

Sora chuckled under his breath. "That sucks."

"It does," Riku agreed, sadly poking the empty glass. "I'm not even fully drunk yet. I swear I've built up a tolerance for this crap," he complained, shaking his head. "Sometimes I wish I _was_ able to get drink quickly. It'd be a hell lot more fun then sitting around, waiting for the alcohol to kick in…if ever."

Sora nodded. "Perhaps you should try something stronger?" he suggested.

"Tried," Riku said with a dejected sigh. "I'm not that rich, and most of the really strong shit is expensive nowadays. I'll just stick to what tastes good."

"I see," Sora answered with a sharp nod and glanced around the bar. "That guy that was with you… I assume he's a close friend?" the brunet asked, arching a brow a bit shyly. He didn't want to seem too outgoing, nor did he want to reveal his true demeanor—a shy, somewhat stutter-producing brunet.

"Nah. We just know each other from here," Riku explained.

"Oh. I get it," Sora said and turned his attention to his now empty glass. "Hm…this sucks…" Sora mumbled under his breath, a small frown appearing. _Am I doing a good job? Am I supposed to have casual conversations with him?...Am I going to fail? _Sora's mind began to hurt.

"It does," Riku concurred and then stretched his arms above his head boredly. "Happens to me a lot." A smirk.

Sora chortled a bit. "You're…quite the comedian," Sora remarked, choosing his words carefully.

"That's what they tell me," Riku answered promptly, the smirk remaining on his refined lips.

Sora was about to answer when a ringing noise interrupted him. The brunet stared dumbfounded as Riku fished into his pocket, waving his hand dismissively at Sora. Sora watched curiously as Riku's hand returned with a vibrating cell-phone. Blue eyes stared as Riku read a line of words that were written on the display screen of the phone. "Fuck," Riku groaned under his breath.

"What's wrong?" Sora asked, the question being a natural instinct.

"Leon," Riku muttered to himself, rubbing his forehead as he put the phone away. Green eyes then turned to Sora. "Oh, sorry. My boyfriend texted me and wants me back seeing he has work tomorrow," Riku complained, shaking his head in disbelief.

_L-leon?..._ "Oh," Sora drawled, nodding to show that he understood once again. "Then you better go, huh?"

Riku chuckled. "I suppose I better. Don't want my boyfriend ripping me apart. Squall would do that," Riku said and then shook his head, reminiscing. "Anyway, have a good night…Roxas? Yeah, that was your name. See you around sometime?"

Sora felt faint. "Yeah," he whispered, almost choking on his words.

Riku smirked and patted Sora on the shoulder before leaving the bar counter and exiting the bar altogether.

Sora tensed in his bar-stool, his blue eyes going wide. "L-leon?" Sora repeated, choking on his words as he grabbed for his glass. Finding that it was empty, he gestured towards the bartender quickly, managing to ask for a glass of water.

_Leon? He's dating _Leon_? Leon?! Squall?!_ Sora felt weak as he was given his water. The brunet nodded graciously and took a long sip, his throat finally opening once again. Sora breathed out, clutching his chest weakly as he set the glass back down. _Riku's dating Leon…_ Sora repeated slowly in his brain.

"Sir…If you don't mind me asking, why did you lie to that man?" Tifa asked, leaning her own elbows down against the counter to stare curiously at the brunet who seemed quite flustered. "Usually people don't lie about their names around here. Age, yeah. Occupation, sure. But name? That's a rarity."

Sora lowered his gaze. "It's… just nothing, really. I don't like people knowing my name, that's all," Sora lied and took another sip from the glass of water. "Thanks," he said after a moment, gesturing to the glass.

"No problem," Tifa answered and frowned at Sora. "I wouldn't get caught up with that guy. He's nothing but trouble."

Sora laughed under his breath, "Tell me about it…"

Tifa offered a small, friendly smile at Sora before standing back up fully. "Well, have a goodnight. If you need anything else, just call me over." She offered another friendly grin before meandering away, probably to tend to other customers.

Sora sighed miserably and shoved his wallet back into his pocket. The last thing Sora wanted to do right now was to remain here in _this_ bar. Feeling a bit queasy, Sora got up and made his way to the entrance of the bar, not wanting to have any more drinks. The last thing he _needed_ was to become drunk. Yeah. That'd surely go over well in heaven.

**xxxxxxxxxxxx**

Sora reached his apartment as promptly ten at night. The brunet slipped the key into the whole wordlessly and entered the small apartment, throwing his coat over his back onto the floor. Sora barely remembered to lock the door after himself as he kicked off his shoes and drearily made his way across the living room, not bothering to inspect his new living quarters. Nothing really mattered at this moment, Sora's mind told him as he trekked down a scant hallway in search of a bedroom.

When Sora _did_ find that bedroom, he closed the door after himself and plopped down onto the bed. His head was throbbing and his stomach was twisted into millions of knots. Sora had _expected_ Riku to have a boyfriend, yeah, but _Leon_? Sora rubbed his temples weakly, age finally beginning to catch up with him.

Riku wasn't just the boy next door anymore. Riku just wasn't the boy who used to pick on him at school. No, they were adults now. Riku was twenty-two and Sora was twenty-one. They were on their own now. Riku had a boyfriend. Riku was no longer the cocky boy Sora had grown up with. Riku had grown up. Riku had gotten over it.

And now Riku was dating Sora's older brother…


	2. befriend me

_i love writing this story so much. it's like a messed up christmas story, in a way. anyhow, i'm glad you all like it. there are so many plot twists in store. so I hope you all stick around for those. please, please leave a review when you have the chance._

* * *

_**Heavenly  
**_

xx x **♥** x xx

_Sora winced as his eyes simultaneously widened. Riku had begun to charge at him with sea green eyes transfixed onto the brunet. Sora nervously swayed on his feet, uncertain whether or not to run. So, instead of moving, he just stood there numbly, his tanned cheeks a mix between pink and white. Deep blue eyes closed when he felt an added weight against his chest. Arms reached out and tangled themselves around his skinny torso. A head then proceeded to rest against the junction of his neck and shoulder. Sora squeaked nervously as the two bodies fell backwards, Sora's back making contact with the wet grass that he had been earlier standing upon._

_The brunet flailed in the silver haired boy's grasps. Sora gasped for air and tried to push the older boy off him but found it impossible. Sora's eyes watered as he croaked out warning noises. "Riku!" Sora began to sob, tears slipping from his youthful eyes. "Riku! You're squishing me!" the brunet wailed._

_Riku grunted in displeasure and got off Sora. However, he didn't move off the young brunet entirely. The nine year old remained somewhat straddling the younger beneath him—blocking his escape. "Sora, you're such a crybaby," Riku mocked and narrowed his eyes, his eyebrows knitting together._

_Sora gulped and looked away from Riku, a blush appearing on his face. Embarrassment. "I'm sorry but you hurt me!" Sora reiterated with fear. "I was afraid that you were going to beat me up!" Sora explained as the tears continued to freefall from his dreary blue eyes._

"_If you don't stop crying I will!" Riku growled and then glared down at his friend. "Stop crying, already. You're not bleeding and you're not hurt," Riku informed Sora as he entirely got off the brunet this time. Riku sat down beside Sora, eying him with vengeance._

"_Don't!" Sora wailed, quickly getting onto his knees as he sat beside his friend, grass stains now all over his pants. "Please don't, Riku!" Sora begged, shaking his head side to side. "Please don't beat me up! I promise I won't cry anymore!"_

"_Fine," Riku heaved. "I won't beat you up today." Riku folded his arms to his chest and then went on to say, "You're sitting with me tomorrow at lunch."_

_Sora sighed. "Fine…" he whispered a bit brokenly._

xx x **♥** x xx

Sora spent the early hours of the morning becoming acquainted with his apartment's bathroom. By the end of that night—or more so morning—Sora was fairly certain that he and the toilet were now an item.

Sora's stomach felt like it had been punched, kicked, and then twisted like some sort of branch. In half. Into little pieces. Knots felt present inside of his body and his organs felt like they were failing. God, was he going to die again? Sora figured that he _couldn't_ die when he was down here for a month—that'd be too cruel, right? So the brunet settled upon that this was just cruel, cruel payback for all his sins. Karma. Sora detested Karma, he really did. And now it was shining its true, bleak colors.

Sora gripped tightly onto the rim of the toilet-seat, spilling the contents of his empty stomach into the bowl of the toilet. His mind began to spin from having used so much energy moments prior to expel all of his fluids. Blue eyes snapped shut as he sat there on his knees. There wasn't a smell, thank god. All Sora had had was a drink prior to this so there wasn't really much to up heave. At least Sora had _that_ to be thankful for.

The angel was not sure whether or not this spell of sickness was from drinking on an empty stomach or from what he learned. Perhaps it was both. Who _wouldn't_ be sick when they learned of information such as what he just did? Leon. Of all people _Leon_. Sora felt sick once more as he gagged, finding it impossible to spew any more of his body into the seat. Still feeling a bit nauseas, Sora remained where he was, too terrified to move.

Anguish soon started to catch up with the earth-bound angel. Wearily, Sora pressed his forehead firmly down against the rim of the seat—the clean part—and attempted to regulate his breathing. Maybe if he started feeling better he could get some sleep. Sora didn't even dare check to see what time it was. It was, probably, around three in the morning and he hadn't had a wink of sleep since he arrived here. All that walking and not even a moment of sleep. It seemed so unfair.

Sora's tiny fingers dug down into the porcelain of the seat, attempting to keep himself balanced so that he didn't fall head-first into the toilet—not like that was possible or anything. A strangled sob emitted from Sora's quivering lips. "How could he?..." he wondered, his voice entirely strained. "How could he do that to me?..."

Sora shook his head weakly and began inhaling deeply once again. "I hate him. I hate him so much," Sora croaked out in between hiccups. His body was quaking insanely and he felt like fainting. Never before had he been drained of _this_ much energy. Not even when Riku used to beat him up. Not even then did he feel like weak and useless.

Pushing away his fears and sickness, Sora scooted away from the toilet, groggily rubbing his blood-shot eyes. He needed sleep. He needed rest so that tomorrow he could resentfully find Riku and become the man's 'friend'. Something that he didn't want to do again. But he had to. There was no other way. If he failed this angelic task…Sora didn't want to think about the consequences. He had been sent to Earth to succeed, not fail.

Despite how horrid he was feeling, Sora got to his feet, holding his spinning head. Weakly, Sora fumbled out of the bathroom, kicking the door shut behind him. In the darkness, Sora began jostling down the hallway, nudging random objects as he went. Perhaps he would feel better in the morning—later in the morning, to be precise. Right now he felt like he was _dying_ again, and damn did it feel atrocious.

Somewhere between three and four Sora had found his bedroom once again, thrown his body onto the bed, snagged the pillow, _hugged_ the pillow close, and fallen into a deep slumber. And even though he was now safely sleeping, out of the bathroom, that didn't mean the ghastly thoughts stopped hassling him. In fact, they just got worst when he dreamt.

xx x **♥** x xx

Sora often wondered how Heaven could construct a plan as intricate as this. How could Heaven buy an apartment, fake a license, provide him with a working credit card, all from up in the great beyond? Didn't that go against all laws of physics? Sora tried figuring it out but his mind ended up hurting even worse. Perhaps Heaven was just that almighty. Perhaps Heaven had control over every single mind on Earth and could bend their decisions and actions at will? Sora shivered at the thought. Heaven was, all of a sudden, a place he really did not want to return to.

Sora laid in his bed until his alarm started blaring at him, reminding him that it was ten. Six restless hours of sleep. That's all he had gotten, six. Damn. Hours. Sora groaned mentally and hugged the pillow tighter, the childish need to oversleep remaining. The brunet remained tightly wrapped up in the blankets. How long had it been since he overslept? Nine years? Sora sighed miserably and found it impossible to fall back asleep.

So he just laid there.

"I'm not going to spend my entire month following Riku around like some creepy stalker," Sora mumbled under his breath as his hair clung to his face. Had he drooled while he slept? Just great. Wonderfully bad. "I can't even imagine Leon with Riku," Sora whispered in a pained voice. "I just can't imagine that. It makes me sick…"

_And how am I going to help Riku if Leon is constantly with Riku? Leon will know right away if he seems me that it's me. He's my brother…he'll just know. But does he know…the other things? _Sora's stomach twisted into knots once more and Sora barely fought off the urge to rush to the bathroom. Instead, Sora remained in bed silently, drawing incoherent shapes onto the mattress beneath him.

Sora didn't move from that bad until noon. And he didn't leave the house until one with that little note in tow. Riku commonly visited the Starbucks down on forty-seventh street between Madison Avenue and Fifth. And that's exactly where Sora would be in the thirty-minutes.

xx x **♥** x xx

Had Starbucks existed when Sora died?

Sora didn't know, nor did he remember. If they had, they hadn't been this widespread as they were now. On his walk down to forty-seventh street he _must_ have passed over five different Starbucks. At least Sora knew which one Riku went to. If he didn't, he might have ended up wandering around New York City the entire day without luck. Regardless, Sora continued his trek down to the designated street—he wasn't going to use a taxi unless he desperately needed to. He'd rather walk. It was more efficient, after all.

Sora _finally_ arrived at the Starbucks with ten minutes to spare. The brunet entered the building quietly, glancing around the cozy shop. The glass windows near the front of the store, nestled next to the Men's Apparel store, allowed sunlight to leak in—the sunlight that managed to enter the city between the buildings, anyhow. Against the windows was a counter and a line of chairs. To the right was the ordering station and to the left was around six tables, sporadically placed. There was only one other person in the coffee shop other than Sora at that moment.

Sora wasn't even sure if he _liked_ coffee anymore. He had only had it once with Riku…and now he was finally going to have it again. With a sigh, Sora ambled over to the counter, tapping his fingers idly against the wooden surface beneath his fingertips. _This place smells awfully good… I wish it smelt this nice in heaven…_

"What can I get you?"

Sora snapped out of his thoughts when a worker exited from the backroom. Sora did a complete double-take. _They didn't say he _worked_ here! They said that he just came here on weekdays! They lied to me! Argh!_ Sora blinked a few times at Riku and then sheepishly glanced off to the side, a blush of embarrassment dancing onto his tanned cheeks. _Well, this is awkward. Surprise Surprise._

"Roxas?" Riku asked, staring at Sora with surprise as well.

Sora wanted to beat his head in for giving Riku a name other than his own. Hearing Riku speak such a foreign name that wasn't 'Sora' really bothered the brunet angel. It really, really irked him. Regardless, the blue-eyed adult glanced up at Riku, mustering up a shocked, warm smile. "Riku! I didn't know you worked here!"

"Ironic," Riku chuckled and leaned his elbows against the counter. His silver hair was pulled back and a green hat resided on his head, along with a green apron that sported the Starbucks' icon. Riku looked quite professional in those clothes. "What can I get for you then? Or are you just stopping by?"

Sora breathed in and then exhaled deeply. _I have to make it look like I come to these things all the time. Okay, let's see._ Sora quickly read the menu, faked a laugh, and then said, "Oh, just give me one of those Café Vanilla … Fr….Fra…"

"Fraps?" Riku finished Sora's statement, arching a brow at the brunet with a smirk dancing onto his lips. "Is that what you're trying to say, Roxas?"

Sora stiffened and then hastily nodded. "Yeah, one of those." Sora gulped down a lump of nerves as he fished into his pocket for his card. Wait. _Wait._ Sora paled as he retrieved the card. If this card was registered to him and he had a license with his real name on it…the card must have his real name as well too…

_Damn_.

Before Sora could check, Riku took the card from in-between Sora's fingers and swiped it. A receipt popped out and Riku handed it to Sora along with the card. "Sign there," Riku instructed, not having once looked at the name. Sora thanked his lucky stars as he quickly scribbled down a fake signature, in his fake name.

But didn't the receipt say his name as well? Sora, nervously, glanced upwards on the writing. Roxas Rait. Right. Heaven was thorough, he kept reminding himself. Heaven was pretty damn thorough all right. Relieved, Sora handed the receipt back to Riku and pocketed his credit card, sweat forming on the nape of his neck. Small little beads. That had been far too close. He never wanted to be that close to being found out ever again.

"Kairi'll make your drink," Riku explained as he walked to the right, around the counter, and out into the main part of the store. "I'm taking a break anyhow," he explained as he took off the apron and slung it onto the uplifted counter.

Sora blinked cautiously at Riku and took a seat at one of the many vacant tables. Riku took the seat across from him. "Considering that you could barely pronounce the drink's name…you don't come here often, do you?" Riku guessed, an endearing smirk playing onto his lips.

_He doesn't seem like a daredevil trying to risk his life for thrills. Why did they assign me to him? He hasn't done anything reckless except drink a lot. So why the heck am I here?_ Sora watched Riku for a long moment before answering with, "I don't drink coffee that much."

"Aha," Riku stated and then nodded affirmatively. "I see. Leon's obsessive over coffee so this job is a blessing in disguise," the silveret chortled under his breath, running a hand idly through his silvery hair as he removed the hat.

"That's good," Sora gritted out, trying his best not to let his emotions leak through. _I know Leon likes coffee. You don't have to describe my own brother's likes and dislikes_. Sora defensively straightened up in his seat, suddenly uncomfortable again. _I hate the fact that you're with Leon, Riku. I hate it with a burning passion. I hope you can read my mind._

A red-haired girl meandered over to the table moments later and handed Sora his drink. With a large smile, she stalked off and returned behind the counter, not at all phased by Riku's departure. Sora graciously took the drink in his hands and took an experimental sip. And damn. It was so good. Sora shivered from the cold taste and offered a brilliant grin at Riku. _I just smile at him. I just _smiled_ at Riku. I can't believe I just did that. It's the coffee…_

"Your smile is very attractive, Roxas," Riku noted as he eyed Sora, a furtive gleam in his eyes.

Sora paused, his fingers holding the straw in place. _Is he flirting with me?_ Sora nearly choked on his mouthful of coffee drink. _He's cheating on my brother with me?! By flirting with me?!_ Sora frantically thought as he tightened his grip on the cup. _Maybe that's why I was sent here. To keep him from being unfaithful to Leon. That'd be a cruel, cruel fate, you know._

"Something wrong?" Riku wondered, arching a brow.

_Other than the fact that you're the complete opposite of how you're supposed to be…nope. _"No," Sora drawled, taking another long sip of the drink before looking off to the right. "Just a bit cold, I guess. I forgot my jacket at my house," he lied.

Riku blinked and then nodded knowingly. "Oh, then hold on a second." Riku got to his feet and left the small area and returned behind the counter and then into the backroom. Seconds later, Riku emerged once more with a jacket in his hands. The silveret smirked deviously as he ambled back over and proceeded to hand Sora the warm, black jacket. "Here, I don't need it right now."

Sora stared in utter bewilderment at the jacket that was now in his hands. _R-riku… "_Why?" Sora found himself asking, holding the jacket limply in between his fingers.

"You said you were cold?" Riku speculated, tilting his head to the side.

_Why aren't you acting like a conceited jerk?! Why aren't you trying to hut me?! Why are you being nice?!_ Sora breathed in and out several times before slipping the jacket on. The smell of Riku intoxicated the poor brunet as he sat there, his mind going fuzzy. "Thanks," he whispered, uncertain if Riku could hear or not.

"No problem, Roxas," Riku answered simply, taking a seat once again. The silveret yawned a bit and stared out the glass windows. "I hate Mondays. They're so slow," he complained, rubbing his forehead.

_Why…_ "I'm surprised you don't have a hangover from last night," Sora teased, trying his best to push his wandering thoughts out of his head. But the scent. The scent was driving him insane. It was even more potent than the delicious coffee beans that permeated the air. Sora was going to be smelling the aroma all night…and he didn't mean the coffee.

"I usually don't get those," Riku confessed, nodding to his own words. "It's rare that I do."

"Oh," Sora said simply, returning to drinking his 'frap'.

"So, where do you work?" Riku asked after a moment of silence, his aquamarine eyes glancing at Sora curiously.

_Where do I work? That's a good question. Uh… heaven? Where do I work? Where?_ Sora cleared his throat and awaited an answer from above. Sadly, none came. _How dare you betray me! How dare you!_ "I'm sort of in between jobs at the moment," Sora lied nervously.

"I know how that feels," Riku concurred, laughing despite himself. "It sucks. Majorly."

"It does," Sora agreed, not really sure if he _could_ agree or not. Oh well.

Silence engulfed the two young adults for a long while. Riku continued surveying Sora, as if trying to commit everything about the other to memory. Aquamarine eyes shimmered mischievously making Sora _very_ uncomfortable. "Your boyfriend…tell me about him," Sora suggested, his hands lacing together in his lap below the table. His fingers nearly destroyed one another as he attempted to restrain himself from either breaking down or lunging across the table and knocking the older male out. Both were _very_ tempting at this moment.

"Oh," Riku said and chuckled, leaning back in the chair once again. "Well, he's a year older than me. He has brown hair, hazel eyes that tend to change colors at will…he's tall. I think he might be a few inches taller than me which is quite surprising considering I'm over six feet," Riku smirked, "and he's a lot more muscular than me. He likes to work out…I don't. He says it helps his stress issue. I don't blame him. If I had any stress I would do the same."

"You don't have any stress?" Sora arched an eyebrow. _Of course he doesn't have _stress_, Sora. He's Riku. He doesn't care about his life or anyone around him. He's just living care freely, killing himself. Of course that doesn't stress him out_, Sora murmured thoughtfully in his mind.

"Not really," Riku admitted and shrugged his shoulders. "I don't do anything stressful."

"Oh," Sora said, mentally cheering for being right. "So your boyfriend has all the stress, huh?" _Leon's always been stressed out. How in the world he ended up with Riku… I just don't want to know…They don't even…_ Sora had to stop imagining Riku and Leon together. If he didn't he probably was going to throw up again.

"That he does," Riku said and a small frown appeared on his lips. "I keep telling him to come down to the bar with me and drink off some of that stress but he goes off on this huge tangent about how he doesn't want to get an addiction." Riku sighed. "I mean, if he drank as much as you did last night he wouldn't _get_ an addiction. What does he think he'll become if he takes a sip? An alcoholic?" Riku snorted in dismal amusement.

_Leon's never liked drinking, Riku…You know that…_ "Maybe he just doesn't like the taste?" Sora suggested, his mind turning a bit fuzzy once again. _He hates alcohol…I thought you would remember that, idiot._

"Perhaps," said Riku with another sigh. "Whatever, though. I don't mind. We've been dating for a year so it's all good. We both have time to ourselves." Riku glanced out the window, breaking his locked stare with Sora. "It'd be nice if he actually tried a bit _harder_."

"Excuse me?" Sora wondered as he reached for his drink once more, occupying his mouth with the drink and straw so that he wouldn't blurt out something he'd regret. _I'd regret saying a lot of things, actually. One being; I hate you. Yeah, that'd surely save Riku…_ Sora then mentally grumbled.

"Huh?" Riku glanced back at Sora. "Oh. I just…the relationship isn't what I expected it to be." _Go figure, it's with you, Riku,_ Sora thought dryly and smiled encouragingly. "I thought that it'd be like our friendship…honest, fun…but it's not. It's dry. Boring… He never wants to do anything" _Like my brother would willingly have sex with you…_ Sora thought a bit embarrassedly.

"Have you talked to him about it?" Sora asked hopefully after having taken another long sip.

"Eh, he just says that he wants to take it slow. He's…a very complex person," Riku said, leaving it at that. Sora knew there was more.

_I know, Riku. Leon's always been… complex. But…I…I don't even want to know how he changed when I died…I hope he didn't take a turn for the worst…_ Sora's stomach began to churn again and he quickly changed the subject. "Perhaps the relationship isn't a good thing for you?"

Riku chuckled a bit distantly. "You think?"

Sora blinked and nodded slowly. "I do think that. If you're not having fun then break up with him." _And leave my brother alone. Break up and leave him alone, Riku…_ Sora thought protectively but continued smiling warmly nonetheless. In his mind Sora said it as it was…in real life he never dared.

"Maybe you're right," Riku answered and tapped his bottom lip attentively. "I couldn't break up with him, though…we've been through a lot." Riku was leaving something out and Sora caught onto that. But what? Sora wished he could read minds… Why couldn't angels do that?!

"I guess," Sora murmured and continued drinking the cold drink.

"What about you?" Riku asked, lacing his hands together beneath his chin. His green eyes twinkled at Sora for a long moment. When Sora didn't seem to understand the question he clarified with, "Are you dating someone, I mean."

Sora shook his head ferociously. "Nah. I'm not really into the dating thing…" _I wouldn't know what it's like anyhow… so why even bother trying now? It's not like I could have an actual relationship with someone this month. I'm not allowed to do anything. I'd end up killing them. That's really twisted and cruel…_

"Really?" Riku cocked his head to the right, sincerely surprised. "You seem like the type to be in a long relationship…I'm surprised you don't have a protective boyfriend following you around everywhere." This was followed by an all-around _gorgeous_ smirk.

"Pft." Sora rolled his eyes and shook his head dismissively to the right. "What makes you think I like guys, then?"

"It's written all over your face," Riku sneered nonchalantly. "And don't start lying claiming you don't. I can see it all over you."

Sora sighed in utter defeat. "Okay…so maybe I do like guys. I just don't date. Happy?" Sora felt a pang echo in his heart. _That's right, isn't it Riku? … I don't date at all. You know that…we're talking like we're old friends again. You have no idea it's me, do you? You just think I'm some guy named 'Roxas'. I can't believe that you're acting like this, Riku… Why did they even assign me to you?_

"Yep," said Riku before grinning devilishly. "So, tell me, will you be at the bar again tonight?" Riku wondered as he distractedly pulled out a small cell phone out from his pocket. The same one as the night prior. Sora watched as Riku set it on the table and opened the address book. And then to a blank entry.

"I might," Sora murmured although he knew that he _would_ be there. He had to get, regretfully, closer to Riku if he could teach the other to respect life and 'not make bad decisions'. And as far as Sora had seen…Riku wasn't really a sinner. Perhaps a flirty jerk but not a qualifier for the incinerator…perhaps Riku was just good at hiding things. _Ha. Of course he is…he's always been._

"All right," Riku said as he glanced up at Sora. "Number, please?"

Sora blushed a gentle red. _Wait. What? He actually wants to be my friend? I don't have to beg and prod him and win him over? He just automatically wants to talk to me? That's …unexpected…_ Sora sat there in shock for a moment. _Wait. What's my number…I…_ "Seven oh five, five three five eight," Sora found himself telling the silveret. _Thanks…Heaven…I love how you can randomly take over my body…_

"Thanks," Riku murmured as he quickly typed in a name and pocketed the phone.

"You sure your boyfriend won't get mad if you start spending more time with me than him?" Sora wondered and then quickly laughed uneasily. That so did not sound like he was coming onto Riku. No. Not at all. Yet, frankly, Riku had turned from a cocky, bratty teenager into a _gorgeous_, smooth, deep-voiced, and downright attracted adult. Sora found it quite hard to keep reminding himself that this was _Riku Karada._ Riku Karada, not someone he had just met.

"Nah. Leon isn't the jealous type. Besides, we haven't done anything to _make_ him jealous." Riku paused and leaned his cheek casually into his palm. "Unless you're proposing we do something unadulterated on this table?"

Sora rolled his eyes and scoffed under his breath. "On a public table, Riku? Where's your class?" _He doesn't have any…and yet I just can't help but fall back into the old groove of things…I just want to be his friend again…before all of this happened. Just me and Riku._

"How about the backroom?" Riku motioned over his shoulder to the small room he had earlier been in. "It's cold and dark. No one would ever know." Riku snickered and batted his eyelashes teasingly at the brunet.

"Do you do this often, Riku? Seduce your customers? And we what…buy more drinks as gratitude?" Sora wondered, an amused smile creeping it's way onto his face. He had no idea it was there until he saw the mirrored smile on Riku's lips. _Bad, Sora. You're supposed to be faking kindness…you're not supposed to be yourself around him…and mean it._

"Of course," Riku stated plainly and mockingly blew Sora a kiss.

"You're a grade-a flirt, you know that?" Sora remarked with a huff. _He's always been…_

"Why thank you," Riku grinned and casually crossed his arms to his chest once more. "I love hearing the opinions of my valuable customers." The silveret stuck his tongue out at the brunet. "You know, Roxas, you're quite the character. It's like I've known you my whole life."

_Don't think too much on that, Riku…_ "Really?" Sora asked softly, his hand rising nervously to sift through his brown locks of hair as he poked his drink with his free hand. "A lot of people tell me that…maybe I'm just that type of person?"

"I suppose you are," agreed Riku.

Sora laughed gently under his breath and finished his drink. Sora was silent. That was, of course, until Sora noticed something out of the corner of his eye. Around Riku's wrist was a tattoo. "What does that stand for?" Sora asked, being overly curious.

"That?" Riku glanced down at his wrist and shrugged. "Life."

"It looks kinda…angelic in a way," Sora pointed out, his eyes glancing at the swirly design around Riku's wrist with fascination. "Maybe heavenish, in a way."

Riku snorted in disapproval. "I don't believe in heaven."

Sora's eyes snapped up in confusion at Riku. "Why not?" Sora asked automatically. _If he doesn't believe in heaven then that's probably why they assigned me to him? That could be it…_

"I just don't believe in that shit," Riku explained. "I don't believe in after-life period. It's a waste of time. And it's a gimmick. Life just ends when you die. Period." Riku sighed and looked off to the right, his eyes glimmering bafflingly.

"What made you feel that way?...if you don't mind me asking, of course…" Sora trailed off and watched Riku with confusion. _Either he really has changed or this is just a wonderful mask he's putting on to show off in front of his new friend…_

"Just do." It was a simple, blunt answer.

"Oh, okay," Sora said in a murmur and turned his attention to his empty drink. Now that he was done with it he sort of missed the flavor. Oh the wonderful start on an addiction, Sora figured mentally. "I don't really believe in it either…" _You sort of lose the marvel of heaven when you get there. There's no wings, or halos, or singing angels…or anything. It's like an office building. Work. Work. Work. It's horrible, really… I don't like to believe that it even exists…_ But telling Riku that he didn't believe in it would probably be a bad part on Sora's…wasn't he trying to get Riku to do _good_?

"I guess I'm not the only one," Riku decided upon and chuckled under his breath. "Sometimes I wonder if life is even worth living, you know? You're just going to die one day. Why not end the torture and decide your own date of death?"

Sora felt himself panicking. "You're suicidal?"

Riku snorted loudly at that. "Fuck no. I was just saying that I'd rather die on my own accord than have 'the greater powers' take me."

Sora sighed in relief. _Then what the hell am I here for? He's acting like a conscience, good person! What the heck?!_ "I suppose you're right. But…I'd want to live as long as possible. Experience as many things as I possibly can." _Too bad I already died…I even died without having a kiss. How pathetic is that?_

"True that," Riku concurred.

Silence.

"I better get back to work," Riku grumbled as two people entered the coffee shop and began filing towards the counter. "I'll see you tonight, then?" Riku got to his feet and looked back at Sora, his aquamarine eyes shining brightly. And never before had Sora been so captivated by them.

"Sure."

And with that, and a smirk, Riku returned to his duties, leaving a very confused Sora sitting at the table, trying to get a grip on everything that just happened and everything he had just learned. And it came down to one thing.

_I can't get myself to hate him…_

**xx x ♥** x xx

Sora slammed his fist into a random vase the moment he returned home. Sora did his best to prevent the tears from falling. He managed to do such this time, unlike the night prior. So what if Leon was dating Riku. So what if Riku had suddenly morphed from cold bastard to an amusing and kind person? So what? Sora didn't care. He didn't care one ounce. All Sora had to do was make sure Riku didn't do anything reckless, then he could be on his merry way back to Heaven. Not like he wanted to go back there but anywhere without Riku was where Sora wanted to be.

Sora winced when the shattered glass clattered to the floor. It wasn't even _his_ vase. It was _heaven's_ vase. One they had put here in _their_ apartment. Nothing was Sora's. Not even his identity… Riku thought he was some guy named Roxas. Hell. Sora didn't even have his own _life_. No family. No friends… he was basically a lost soul.

Why would Heaven be so cruel and toss him back on Earth? Why hadn't Cloud had to do this yet? Why just him?

Sora clamored down the hallway and into his bedroom. He wasn't in the mood to go to the bar later. He'd just see Riku tomorrow at Starbucks. Right now Sora just wanted to sleep away the pain. He couldn't see his brother. He couldn't go visit his friends… and now he had just learned his parents had died. He hadn't even _seen_ them in Heaven for god's sake! What kind of Heaven was that? Weren't you supposed to be reunited with your loved ones?

Tears began to fall from Sora's eyes as he laid upon his bed, breathing dejectedly. The worst part? The worst part was that he was beginning to like Riku again…that's what the worst part was.

**xx x ♥** x xx

_Leon frowned deeply when he saw the two young teenager boys sitting on the couch with a beer in each of their hands. The brunet's frown grew when he noticed that his younger brother was passed out and the other boy was close to falling asleep as well. Leon was amazed that the can of beer hadn't fallen from Sora's hands the moment he fell into a drunken slumber. Regardless, the male angrily stormed over to the pair of boys, only one being awake, and glared darkly at them._

"_Riku! What the _fuck_ were you thinking?!" Leon demanded as he gestured to Sora who was curled up against Riku, using the silveret's lap as a pillow. It disgusted Riku, it really did._

"_The kid needed to loosen up," Riku murmured cockily as he handed Leon his empty beer can. "Here, I don't need it." Riku smirked conceitedly and glanced down at Sora. "He passed out a few hours ago. I've been watching tv ever since."_

"_How much did you two have?" Leon demanded._

_Riku rolled his eyes. "Damn, Leon. You're only what…Fifteen? You're acting like Sora drinking a beer at the age of thirteen is a bad thing. My god. Loosen up, would you?"_

"_It's a horrible thing, you idiot!" Leon snapped, his eyebrows knitting together in frustration. "They have a drinking age for a reason, you dolt!"_

"_Who cares? No one listens to that anyhow," Riku chuckled and then turned his attention back down to Sora. "Did you know that Sora's gay?"_

_Leon paused and arched an eyebrow. "And how the hell did you figure that out? Did you get him drunk and demand him to spill every single secret he had?" Leon was not amused. Not one ounce._

_Riku chuckled dismissively. "No. Not exactly, Leon. He told me."_

"_Why would he tell you that at random?" Leon demanded._

"_Because he asked to kiss me."_

_Leon fell silent. There was no need for any more words. Leon glared at Riku and moved over to the couch. Without a word, the older brunet scooped Sora up in his arms, stumbling a bit at doing such. Regardless, he managed to keep the slumbering teen in his arms. Before Leon left the room, he shot Riku one last nasty glare. "You're a dick, Riku, for treating him this way."_

_Riku shrugged and opened another beer. "What do I care?"_

**xx x ♥** x xx


	3. question me

next chapter...more is foreshadowed, lightly touched upon, and revealed. more flashbacks and whatnot as well. hopefully you all will like this chapter. just bare in mind that there are...elements to this story that make it the way it is, so don't go jumping to conclusions just yet. leave a review if you have the time, please. i'd really love it.

* * *

_Heavenly_  
xx x **♥** x xx

_Ten years old and he had already been in five fights—outside of school. Most of them were with Riku—the silveret would constantly tease him until the boiling point. Sora would holler in frustration and then throw a fist in frustration, not knowing what else to do. Other times Riku would initiate the fight for no particular reason. The older always claimed that Sora had done something wrong. Every time that he would get into a fight with Riku he'd _always_ end up with a black eye and a sore body. Riku sure knew how to fight. After awhile Sora just stopped fighting back and allowed the older of the pair to beat him up at will. Riku usually never hurt him too much and Sora knew that. As long as no bones were being broken he wouldn't tell anyone…_

_But it was the moments were Riku would tell him how much he cared about him and how much he appreciated that Sora was his _best friend_ that made it worthwhile for Sora. Riku was a bully but he was Sora's best friend and the brunet had come to accept the good and the bad that was associated with the older male. _

"_Sora," Leon said one day as Sora stared out his bedroom window, looking at the house across the street with eagerness. "Are you still waiting for Riku to come over?" the twelve year old brunet asked._

"_Yeah," Sora replied simply, happily drumming his fingers against the windowsill. "He's late, though. But he'll be there sooner or later. He always comes over after school," Sora whispered with a sad smile appearing on his face._

"_Sora…" Leon sighed and took a seat beside his brother. "You two made up after the fight yesterday?..." Worry was evident in the older brunet's voice._

"_Mhm," Sora said simply, raising his hand instinctively to his cheek. "Riku apologized and everything." Sora nodded and dropped his hand. "So I forgave him because he's my best friend ever. That's what the bigger person is supposed to do, right? Forgive?"_

_Leon sighed. "Yeah, of course…"_

_Sora grinned from ear to ear and pressed his forehead against the glass, blue eyes glued to the closed front door of Riku's house. "Then perhaps I'm the bigger person after all…"_

xx x **♥** x xx

Sora awoke to an annoying and ever prominent buzzing noise. The annoying buzz was then followed by a ringing noise. A telephone ringing, perhaps? Sora groaned and forced his body out of his comfortable bed. Tiredly, Sora shuffled through his bedroom and traversed down the hallway, cautiously avoiding the broken glass from the night before, as he followed the sound. The source of the sound seemed to be in the living room. The device rang once more before silencing itself. Sora's eyes wandered across the small, but neat, living room that he hadn't really inspected before. Blue eyes finally locked upon a small device—similar to the one that Riku had used.

Sora ambled over to the 'cell-phone' and hoisted it up into the air. Curiously, he clicked a button and watched as a message scrolled across the screen. 'Where were you last night?' Sora scrunched his nose up and eyed the message for a long while before realizing who it was. He had given Riku his number, after all. So this was what heaven had meant by 'his number'. Right.

Sora stared at the screen for a long moment before finally finding the reply button. "Do I just write back or something?" Sora murmured worriedly as he began figuring out the backbone of the device. Click this. Type this.

After ten minutes of hard work Sora had composed the message, 'I was sleeping. I'll see you at Starbucks." The brunet triumphantly sent the message and proceeded to place the phone back down onto the coffee table. Silence reigned through the apartment and something dawned on Sora all of a sudden.

He was alone. He _hated_ being alone.

Even when he had died he had had Cloud there to comfort him. But here on Earth he had no one. All he had was _Riku_, who he was trying his best to continue detesting. Everything seemed so much worse now that he was alone.

Weakly, Sora situated his body onto the beige couch behind him. The brunet carefully brought his hands up to his face and buried it into them. Blue eyes fastened themselves shut a few seconds later. "I hate my life," Sora repeated weakly under his breath a few thousand times. "I want to go back to Heaven. I want to go back. I'm not going to succeed and I just want to go back to Heaven."

_All I want to do is be as far away from Riku as possible. It hurts too much._

Before Sora could be too lost in his thoughts a ringing noise entered his ears again. However, there was no buzzing accompanying the ringing this time. Curiously, Sora picked up the phone and flipped it open. When he heard a voice on the other end he came to the assumption that someone had called him. Perhaps Heaven telling him that he could come back now? God, Sora wished it _was_ them.

"Roxas?"

Sora sighed miserably but nonetheless inaudibly. "Hi, Riku…" he murmured into the device, still not accustomed to using such a foreign thing.

"You don't sound well," Riku answered from the other line. In the background Sora could hear a voice. A voice… and god.

Sora's body went numb as his face lost all color. _Leon. That's Leon's voice. God damnit, Riku. Put Leon on the phone. Please! Please… Please, just this one time be nice to me, Riku! Please!_ Sora's mind pleaded as he gasped, desperately grasping for words. When he found he was unable to speak he just sat there, making small choking noises. _Leon's on the other end… I want to see Leon. I need to see Leon._

"I'm on the phone with a friend, babe," Riku said, obviously not directed at Sora. A moment passed. "So you're coming down to Starbucks again, huh? Don't you have a life?" Riku teased amusedly.

_No… No I don't. And you referring to my brother as 'babe' is really making me feel sick so please stop, Riku. Don't torture me. _"I suppose I am. And I'm a boring person, Riku. I don't do much other than look for a job and drink coffee," Sora sighed into the device, his body still quite numb.

Riku chuckled and seemed to be utterly amused with the conversation. "That's amusing, Roxas." There was a pause and then Riku bluntly stated for the world to know, "Hey kid, you still have my jacket you know." And Sora could _hear_ Riku snicker from the other end of the conversation. And that snick made the entirety of Sora shiver, and not in the good way either. Riku's snickers were usually never a good thing. Never ever.

"I'll return it, promise," Sora said quickly as he gripped the phone tighter. _Why is the room suddenly spinning? Oh god. _"You were working and I forgot that I had it on. I'm sorry!" Sora had no idea that he was acting just like that ten year old boy he had once been—begging to not be beat up by the big, bad Riku.

"It's fine," Riku stated nonchalantly from the other end; Sora could hear the relaxation in his voice. "Next time you seem me just give it back. It's no big deal." Riku laughed a bit and then silenced himself. Leon was heard talking in the background for a moment.

"That's good," Sora murmured into the phone and stared down at the ground. _If this was the old Riku he would have been entirely pissed at me…_ Sora thought numbly as he continuously tightened his grip on the phone until the point he was surprised that he hadn't _broken_ the damn thing. Those cell phones were sturdy, Sora discovered.

"Hey, would you object to meeting my lovely Leon?" Riku asked all of a sudden, his voice teasing but albeit that, serious.

Sora paled. "Why? I barely know you. Why should I meet your boyfriend? Is he threatened by me? If he is he shouldn't be." Sora raised his voice, hopefully so that Leon could hear, "Everything is fine! There is _nothing _going on! Don't worry!"

"Roxas, stop yelling," Riku deadpanned.

Sora sighed and returned to a normal voice. "I don't know why you'd want me to meet your boyfriend. That's a weird suggestion, that's all," Sora explained. _Or maybe that's something common nowadays? I wouldn't know…I died too early to know about adult-life…_ A pout proceeded.

"You're rambling," Riku pointed out, entirely amused.

Sora groaned. "You're not making this easier, Riku," Sora muttered under his breath and then finished with a, "Where do you propose we all meet up? The bar? I thought he didn't like to drink?" _And neither do I. Ever since you got me drunk that first time I had beer…I just can't stand to have that much…but you…already know that, Riku. You just don't recall it right now._

"Sure, why not," Riku stated and then called off into the distance, "Leon. You up for a drink later tonight? I want you to meet a friend of mine?" Pause. "You don't _have_ to have a drink if you don't want." A snort of amusement. "Right, _okay_." Riku then said clearly to Sora, "We'll be there at eight."

"All right, I guess," Sora answered quietly. He paused before saying anymore, however, because he heard the _distinctive_ sound of _lips smacking against one another repeatedly_ on the other end of the line. And was that a…god lord, it _was_ a stifled moan. Sora's cheeks turned a bright red before he gripped the phone so tightly he felt every single groove and ding the phone carried. _Riku is…not…making out with my brother while he's on the _phone!!

"Mm…" Sora heard. "Hey, Roxas? I'll see you tonight, all right?" There was a startled gasp and then a thud. Riku's groan proceeded. "Ow, the fuck?"

"Riku?" Sora blinked in utter confusion. "Are you okay?" _Not like I care…_

"I just fell off the couch," Riku deadpanned. "No thanks to my boyfriend." The silveret scoffed and muttered something not audible to Sora nor Leon. "I was _trying_ to connect with him…physically and he pushed me off the couch. How polite, huh?"

_More like 'Go Leon'. _"Of course," Sora said, trying his best to hide his amusement and glee.

"Anyway…I better go. I don't want to be late for work. I'll see you tonight. Make sure to bring the coat."

"Will do," Sora replied simply as he glanced out the window. The brunet noticed the rain at once. _They always said that rain was God crying. Or angels crying. Well, there were no angels crying up in heaven that caused the tears. There were no broken dreams that formed into tears and fell from the clouds. There was just precipitation in the clouds near the windows…it's kind of depressing. Every single beautiful myth about heaven was wrong…_

Sora hadn't even heard Riku hang up for the brunet was too enthralled by his broken view on the place he had dreamt about ever since he was young. _Heaven sucks. It doesn't deserve the hype it gets. _Sora sighed miserably and tossed the cell phone carelessly onto the couch.

Without another word Sora scurried off into the shower. Maybe he could wash away his heartbreak and tears? Just maybe.

xx x **♥** x xx

If there was one thing Sora hated about Earth it was the fact that he hadn't been here to witness his parents' death. He hadn't been there to hold their hands and tell them he loved them. He hadn't been there and he felt horrid. Sora hadn't even seen them in heaven.

Sora lowered his head into the stream of warm water from the shower head. It wasn't cleansing him—and there was no holy water in heaven either. Just platonic water that was a bit stale to be honest. Sora ran his hand along the blue tiles of the shower in distress. _If my parents died…then why didn't they come find me? Did they know I was still up in heaven? Did they…not want to see me? _Sora choked back a sob and fought back a few tears. _Of course they wanted to see me. What am I talking about? My parents loved me. I need to stop over-thinking things, that's all. I'm only hu-…I can't even say that anymore. I'm not human anymore… what the hell am I then?_

Sora trembled as he stared up at the water that was repeatedly hitting his head and drenching his hair. _I can breathe like humans…but so can angels. I can talk like humans, but so can angels. I can cry like humans, yet so can angels. So what's the difference between us? _Sora lowered his gaze and extended his hand curiously. _Do angels bleed? Are we humane enough to bleed? To feel pain other than emotional?_ Wearily, Sora began to tract a finger over his palm, his fingernail running over every small line on the skin.

_Maybe we don't bleed… Maybe we can't even love. I wouldn't doubt that. I mean…we can't do so many other things._ Sora glanced off to the right at the fogging mirror that separated the shower from the bathroom. He could see his reflection…that proved that he was truly _here_. But what happened if he broke that glass?...Would he bleed?

Sora pressed a palm nervously to the glass. His fingertips touched the foggy glass. Cautiously, Sora removed his hand and glanced at the area. There were no fingerprints. No signs that he had been there. _But that's just like me, isn't it? I don't leave any traces…It's like I was never there. At least that's how Riku is treating things…_ Sora choked back a sob and resisted the urge to see if he would bleed if he cut himself. He was curious, damn curious, actually, but the idea of finding out that he was no longer _human_ was something Sora wouldn't be able to cope with.

Finding out that he wasn't the same person he had been would tear him _apart_.

xx x **♥** x xx

Sora sat on a small chair in the heart of the NBC building. There was a plethora of chairs around the area that were open for the public. On weekends it was impossible to find a seat down in this underground shopping plaza that was connected to the Rockefeller skating rink. However, on the weekdays, the crowd was a fraction smaller and Sora managed to snag a seat and watch the skaters skate about merrily. So that's what Sora did. The brunet took a corner seat and held Riku's coat limply in his hands. He didn't bother putting it on—he just held it.

_I wish someone had taught me how to ice-skate_, Sora thought drearily as he brushed his thumb along the collar of Riku's jacket. It smelt so nice. It smelt like a mix of coffee and… and indescribable scent. It was a cross between something fresh and homey smelling and something…unique. Something warm, inviting, and utterly entrancing. Sora didn't dare guess what that scent was. Frankly, he didn't want to know the evident truth.

Sora's cheek fell down and rested against the warm coat a few moments later, inhaling the blissful scent. It was strange but Sora oddly liked it. Perhaps he was just weird like that. Perhaps _all_ angels were weird like that and smelt things because they had been deprived of them for so long. Sora shuddered and moved his face away from the coat a bit despondently.

If he had known returning to Earth would have been this hard he might have chosen the incinerator over this.

xx x **♥** x xx

Sora didn't know _why_ he returned here. He didn't even know _what_ it would accomplish. All he knew was that he just _needed_ to see Riku, whether it be to cuss the older out or to throw the jacket at him. There was just this unsettling need that rested in the pit of his stomach that just _wouldn't_ go away. So Sora, being the angel he was, decided to do something about it. And what better than bug Riku at work, on the job? He had done it the day prior, after all.

Though…there _was_ a downside to coming to this Starbucks twice in a row… you ran into people you really didn't want to run into.

Sora stood there, utterly petrified as his eyes locked with a pair of shadowy green eyes. Sora didn't know _why_ he hadn't recognized the man from the bar the night he was sent here, but he sure did recognize him now. Sora's stomach did a series of flip-flops as he held Riku's coat flaccidly in his hands, uncertain if it was going to fall out between his fingers at any given second.

"Sora?"

Sora dropped the jacket and gulped down a large lump of nerves. No. No, no, no. Sora looked away quickly, as if to pretend he hadn't heard he man. Thankfully Riku hadn't noticed him enter or the other man's statement for Riku was too indulged with placing a customer's order. Sora swallowed thickly and dared to look back at the man. Oh great, he was eight inches in front of him now. How did Sora know it was eight? Well, for every time his heart skipped a beat stood for another inch closer this man had come. Twisted, it was.

"Sora?" the man reiterated, staring in disbelief at the brunet, arching a fiery red eyebrow. "How the _fuck—" _

Sora gulped and grabbed the man's arm. Without warning, Sora dragged the red-head towards a corner table and gestured for the red-head to take a seat. Cautiously, the fiery man did such. His green eyes locked with Sora's once more for a moment as silence reigned supreme over the pair. Riku still hadn't noticed either, nestled away in the far corner.

And Sora knew, at once, there was no fooling Axel. He had managed to trick Riku into believing that he was another person entirely after eight years but Axel, oh _Axel_ was a different story _entirely_. "Axel, _please_ don't say anything. Please don't even ask. I can't tell you." Tears pricked in Sora's eyes. Not from pain or sadness but from _fear_. Fear that he was going to be found out.

Axel blinked slowly. "How the _fuck_ are you alive?" Axel demanded, keeping his voice down to a hoarse whisper. The man's eyebrow remained arched at an insane angle. "I _went_ to your funeral. You _died_."

"I'm not supposed to tell," Sora whispered back, just as harshly as he narrowed his eyes. Sora's attempt at being strong and mean only failed. The brunet was far too benevolent at heart to portray such a characteristic. "Please, Axel. Don't…"

"Does Riku know?" Axel said quickly, glancing over at Riku who was making a drink.

"No!" Sora replied with a rapid shake of his head. "And he_ can't_ find out, either. I'd _die_ if he found out. Please, don't tell him. Please don't think. I … I don't know what to do. You…" Sora buried his face in his hands. _They said to lie. They said to lie. How can I lie to Axel? How can I lie to him, of all people?!_

"Sora," Axel stated sternly in a deep voice, "I'm not gonna tell anyone so calm down."

Sora took a deep breath and splayed his fingers over his face, peeking beyond them at Axel. "Go on," Sora urged in a murmur.

"I don't know _how_ you're here, or _how_ you're …" Axel paused and shook his head. "I just want to know why you can't tell Riku. I mean, you seem to have no problem telling me. And I'm not the most trustworthy of people around here." Axel chuckled, hoping to lighten the mood, just a fraction.

Sora groaned under his breath. "He just can't."

"Why not?" Axel insisted, lacing his hands together cheesily under his chin.

"He just can't," Sora repeated in a huff.

"You're not going to tell me, are you?" Axel asked, highly amused. The red-head blinked teasingly at Sora, hoping that Sora would just spill his guts and tell him everything. "Come _on_, Sora. I'm not gonna go tell him My god." Axel then whined pathetically.

"Why aren't you freaking out? Why aren't you fainting? I'm pretty sure every other person in the world would do that if they just saw their deceased friend of eight years _at Starbucks_," Sora muttered in disbelief, eying Axel with a _very_ serious look.

"Hey, Starbucks is magic, what can I say?" Axel smirked.

Sora exhaled in defeat. "Whatever…"

A long, dreary silence followed.

"You gonna tell me?" Axel asked persistently, tapping his fingers idly against the table as he cleared his throat. "If you don't, I'll call Riku over and tell him that you're really Sora." A large smirk appeared on Axel's lips. "I can _see_ his reaction now."

"Don't!" Sora hissed under his breath. "Axel, stop making things complicated! I'm going to get in trouble if I tell you anymore! You're not even supposed to know it's _me_."

"How can I _not_ know it's you?" Axel wondered. "I mean, you've got Sora stamped all over your forehead and body. It's so obvious." Axel sighed dramatically and then went on to say, "At least for me. But you know, I think Riku's blind when it comes to 'stamps'."

Sora mocked a scoff. "I don't get you."

"And I don't get you either. Now, explain to me how the hell you're here and _why_ you'll get in trouble and by _who_ before I have a damn complex!" Axel said with a hoarse tone in his voice. Axel was so serious that serious wasn't even the right _word_ to describe it. It was just…_that_ serious.

"Axel…"

"You joined the mafia, didn't you? Is that what it is, Sora? You faked your own death and joined the mafia. I can't believe you. All this time--," Axel began in a dramatic sigh. The red-head was cut short when Sora smacked his hand with his own. A snicker and then sigh. "You gonna tell me now before I start devising more ludicrous ideas?"

"You…can't tell a _soul_," Sora reminded, his voice drenched with fear and restraint. "Not anyone. _No one_. If Riku finds out…god, Axel. You know why Riku can't find out."

Axel sighed. "Yeah, I do."

Silence.

"I'm…an angel," Sora whispered, his eyes glancing off to the right.

Sora expected a round of hardy laugher. Sora expected Axel to yell at him for lying. Sora expected Axel to tell him that that was a great joke and to get to the point. Hell, Sora even expected Axel to get up and tell Riku that Sora was _Sora_ and to have a ball beating the hell out of him. But no. All Axel did was tilt his head to the side.

"You don't say," the red-head said and then blinked a few thousand times. "Where's the wings?" And the scary part was was that there was no mocking or ridicule in that question. Just genuine curiosity.

Sora let go of a breath he wasn't aware that he was holding. "We don't have those. No halos either. Nothing. It sucks. It really does, Axel. It's…not like what I thought. I can't tell you anymore about it, I'm sorry. They'd probably …send me to the incinerator if I slipped up anymore…all I can say is that I'm only down here for a month."

"Why?"

"…I…" Sora didn't say anything and instead pointed in Riku's general direction.

"I…don't get it," Axel murmured, eying Riku and then Sora. "What does _he_ have to do with this? Are you like here to kick his ass? Because you don't have to, Sora. He's changed. He's not a dick anymore. In fact, he's my friend. It's weird. He's … a completely different person."

Sora shook his head. "You know, I just can't believe that, Axel."

Axel nodded in understanding. "Yeah…well, it's true. But really, what does he have to do with this? Why would an angel be sent back to Earth because of a human? I'm not catching on, Sora."

"I'm surprised that you're not laughing at me and calling me clinically insane," Sora murmured in shock, stealing a glance over at Riku who was tending to a _huge_, twisting line. Rush hour at Starbucks, oh joy. At least it smelt nice in here still.

"Well…if I hadn't been at your funeral I'd have my doubts," Axel stated uneasily and then cleared his throat, not wanting to bring up bad memories for the pair of them. "So, Riku. What does he have to do with this?" Axel questioned for the third time that day.

"Apparently I'm supposed to _save him_. You know, keep him from making bad decisions, committing sins, killing himself…that sorta stuff," Sora grumbled and lowered his gaze, cheeks a bright red. "It's horrible, Axel. Of all the people to stick me with it _had_ to be Riku. Riku!"

Axel sighed sympathetically and offered a weary smile at Sora. "I feel your pain, Sora. If I were you I would be a total wreck if I had to deal with Riku for an entire month nonstop. I feel even worse for Leon, though. He's dating the guy! Which is surprising, considering I never thought Riku was gay. That's…really shocking, to say the least," the redhead explained.

"Have you seen them together?" Sora wondered, sounding mildly curious. He was putting his _afterlife_ into Axel's hands now. If Axel told _anyone_ about _anything_ Sora had said…Sora didn't know _what'd_ happen. He was still mystified as to why Axel so readily believe every single word that escaped Sora's mouth. It was odd, but Sora didn't press on the matter. It was better than a round of interrogation and denial, anyway.

"I have," Axel said with a nod. "They don't kiss much. Leon's a distant person nowadays…I mean, after your parents died and all…"

"I heard," Sora whispered brokenly.

"How?" Axel cocked a brow.

"I…went to call them last night," Sora murmured, a bit ashamed at his defiance to the rules Heaven had laid down for him. So far he had broken two. Just great. "The person that answered said that the people that lived there before them were deceased…I…asked them to verify who they were…they said it was my parents, and that they had been friends with them…I didn't know them, though. I didn't bother asking who they were…all I knew was that my parents were dead…"

"Didn't you seem them in heaven?" Axel mused, a worried look crossing into his gaze.

"No," Sora answered despondently. "I thought I would, but apparently not everyone is reunited at the pearly gates. Which really sucks. Everything about heaven I _hate_. It's like a crowded office building. There's nothing to do and it's…horrible!" Sora kept his voice low but he made sure to add emotion and emphasis to every single word.

Axel sighed. "There goes the rumors."

"Tell me about it," Sora said in a broken tone before glancing over his shoulder to Riku. "Riku doesn't believe in after-life, he said. How am I going to get him to Heaven if he doesn't believe in that stuff?" Sora lowered his gaze, worry nipping at the lining of his stomach.

"Sora," Axel said, his voice stern and laced with compassion. "I know this is really tough for you…coming back eight years later and not even knowing your parents had died…but I'm sure you'll pull through it and find a way. I mean, come on kid, you overcame _everything_ when you were alive. Even me. And that's an accomplishment." Axel smirked, hoping to lighten Sora's mood.

"I guess," Sora sighed and then tensed when Riku began making his way over to the pair. "Let's…drop the subject. Riku's coming," murmured Sora under his breath, just loud enough for Axel to hear.

Axel nodded briskly and turned to Riku who, moments later, arrived. "What's up?"

"I didn't realize you two knew each other," Riku said as he placed his hands idly on his hips, exchanging a glance with Axel before glancing over at Sora, his gaze softening noticeably. Axel then gestured for Riku to take a seat to which the silveret gladly accepted.

"Oh, we've talked a few times," Axel explained with a coy look.

Sora paled. Sora hadn't told Axel about his fake name. Oh _crap_. "Yeah…" His eyes were widening with fear. _I messed up again. No. No, no, no._

"Roxas," Riku turned to Sora with that continuous look that Sora couldn't describe. "Leon's really excited to meet you."

Axel choked on his own spit from Riku's statement but covered it up with a cough. It was obvious what Axel was thinking. Sora, however, gulped, nodded, and forced a fake smile onto his lips. "I'm excited to meet him too."

Axel cleared his throat and looked innocently to the left, as if he knew something. As if he was hiding something. Sora supposed it was his secret. What else could it possibly be? Regardless, Riku kept his gaze securely on Sora. "Do you guys want anything to drink? It's on the house."

And with an order placed, a light and airy mid-afternoon conversation began between the three adults. Sora felt lost at times and tried his best to keep in character, though he was finding it increasingly hard. The façade Riku was putting up was amazingly _real-like_ and Sora was having difficulties even comparing the old Riku with this new, kinder one. Where did the Riku that used to beat on him, lie to him, make fun of him, and torture him _go_? Did he just vanish?... And Axel. Why did Axel believe his heaven theory without inquiry? Why didn't Axel, like most people, laugh his head off and claim Sora had just escaped from the mental ward…? All of this was far too complex and far too much for Sora to comprehend. However, one question stood clear in the angel's mind: What was going on?

xx x **♥** x xx

"Sora, deep breaths," Axel cooed, placing his hands comfortingly onto Sora's tense shoulders as the brunet stood wearily near the entrance of the bar. "Just go over to Riku and Leon, introduce yourself to your brother, and smile like you're meeting for the first time. Everything will be _fine_. I'll be right there. If he suspects something I'll… I don't know. I'll think of something." Axel nudged Sora forward encouragingly. "Come on, sport. If you stand there long enough you're going to get a loitering ticket or something."

Sora scoffed under his breath and shot his long-lost redheaded friend a glare before turning his attention back to Riku and Leon. There they sat, at the bar. Leon was beer-less, in contrast to Riku's wine glass that was clasped in between his fingers. The brunet appeared a bit void of emotions. His hands, though, were laced in his lap. Not within Riku's, which caught Sora off guard. He had expected Riku, of all people, to flaunt their relationship to anyone who glanced over.

Sora timorously ambled towards the bar, swallowing down his pride. _Leon will know it's me. Leon will know it's me. There's no way he won't. He's my brother. He'll know something is completely off. He'll know. Oh god, he'll know for sure_. Sora's mind kept going on and on like a broken record as he found himself tiptoeing ever so slowly over to the bar.

That was, until, Riku noticed Sora and jovially waved the brunet over, using his fake name and--…and Leon knew that name. Cloud often called Sora it when Leon was near. Sora stood there, making light of yet another error of his. Two errors in one day? What kind of angel was he? Weren't angels supposed to be perfect? Sora sighed miserably and sauntered over, no spring whatsoever in his step. Best face his horrid death now then later—figuratively, of course.

"Roxas, this is my boyfriend, Leon," Riku stated calmly, a protective glimmer flashing in his emerald eyes as he gestured to the stoic brunet who sat beside him.

Sora didn't dare meet his brother's gaze. His heart clenched tightly and he found himself at a loss for words. All he could possibly think of to say was, 'Leon! I missed you so much! I'm so sorry I left you and went to Heaven!' Tears formed in Sora's eyes and he had to force them to disappear. It hurt so badly. It truly did. Biting back all the pride and morals he had left, Sora extended his hand for Leon to shake, not noticing how badly he was trembling.

Leon's eyes flickered up to Sora's. There was a moment of hesitation before Leon shook the hand, glancing from Riku and then to Sora for a silent moment. Something was said wordlessly between the two lovers and Sora desperately tried to figure out what it was. Was Riku telling Leon that he wasn't a threat? And why did Sora suddenly feel so bothered by that fact?

"Pleasure to meet you," Leon said at last, his hardened expression melting away into something halfway acceptable as a 'good first impression'.

"You too," Sora forced out, wearily smiling at Leon as he quickly took the seat on Riku's other side. Sora had completely forgotten about Axel at this point, and a good thing too because the redhead had already wandered off aimlessly, in search for a dance partner to burn the floor up with. Sora would have been entirely irked if he had noticed.

Silence spread between the three males once more.

_If I'm an angel why don't I have any angelic powers? Like mind-reading, or the ability to fly? Why must I be like everyone else on this planet…and yet not be. Why is this so god damn unfair?_ Sora thought bitterly as he fidgeted anxiously in his seat. All he wanted was for this month to be over and to return to Cloud and hopefully seek out his parents back in Heaven. _Please. I want to see them. Let me go back now._

"Well…" Riku drawled as he tapped his fingers against the bar counter. "I didn't expect things to be this awkward," he laughed uneasily, his eyes being hidden behind a veil of silver. And even when Riku was awkward he sounded so eloquently seductive. That hadn't changed.

"Heh," Sora murmured and sheepishly looked to the silveret, making sure not to move too close to Riku for his own reasons. "I suppose…"

"Someone, strike up a conversation before I die from the awkwardness," Riku begged teasingly before chuckling under his breath. Leon's gentle laughter was heard. Sora's ears perked up when he heard the sound. _Leon…laughed? Leon rarely laughs…_ Sora smiled faintly and shifted a bit more comfortably this time.

"I don't know anything to talk about," Sora admitted as he swung his feet back and forth. _I just love how calm I am staying being so close to my brother and Riku. I must be numbed or something. Perhaps Heaven is controlling me so I don't freak out entirely and make an entire fool out of myself? That could be it! _Sora laughed under his breath.

"How did you and Riku meet?" Leon asked simply, his hard gaze turning to his brother.

Sora flexed his fingers against the counter. "Here," Sora murmured, trying not to sound too incoherent. "I stole the last drink from him."

Leon snickered and shook his head to the side. "Pretty pathetic, huh Riku? Now you're getting your drinks stolen from you." Leon chortled ever so quietly and laced his hands idly upon the counter, his body language doing more talking than himself. Leon obviously didn't want to be here, yet at the same time…did. Something was definitely up between Riku and Leon, and Sora was desperate to know what.

"Whatever," Riku muttered, a slight tinge of red appearing. "You don't have to ridicule me, you know."

Leon rolled his eyes. "If you consider that ridiculing you're softer than I expected." Riku flashed Leon a dangerous glare at that statement. All Sora could do was laugh uncontrollably for his own reasons. Riku? Soft? That was utterly amusing!

"Oh, shut up, Leon," Riku said with a grunt following afterwards.

"Make me."

"Don't tempt me," Riku answered curtly and turned to Sora. "See what I have to put up with, Roxas?"

Sora laughed gently and offered another weary smile to both Leon and Riku. Perhaps being around them both again wasn't as bad as he earlier anticipated. "I suppose I do."

Leon scoffed loudly. "Now, don't you two gang up on me. I'm an old man, you see. I have senior privileges."

Riku snorted in disagreement. "Old man? You're a _year_ older than me!" Riku shook his head in disbelief and patted his boyfriend on the shoulder. "Leon, you really need to stop with the old business. You're young."

"You're in the prime of your life!" Sora added on, just figuring he'd put that in. If Leon thought he was old…then Sora didn't want to know what else he thought. Hopefully a bit of optimistic conversations would cheer Leon up…that was, of course, if Leon was sad to begin with. Riku wasn't doing all that good of a job of informing Sora about his own brother. Oh well.

"That you are," Riku concurred and snickered at Leon. "So brighten up."

_Seeing Riku talk like that is …like a snail running._ "Yep," Sora agreed despite his wandering thoughts.

"Ganging up again," Leon remarked with a shrug.

"Oh, be quiet," Riku demanded as he rolled his eyes at Leon and took a sip from his wine glass. "We came here to have fun, not to argue about being old," Riku reminded with a flirtatious look on his face. "So, what say you, Leon? Care to dance? Loosen up?"

"I'd rather not," Leon answered honestly with a swift nod of his head, eying Sora and then Riku for a long while.

"But--…" Riku argued but figured it was pointless so cut himself off.

"You should," Sora concurred, a helpful looking appearing onto his face. _For some reason I actually want them to be happy. What the hell is Riku doing to my mind? Turning it soft and towards his favor or something? _Sora groaned and rubbed his forehead anxiously, trying to dismiss all his thoughts about heaven, angels, and his mission. And Riku in general.

"I don't dance," Leon answered honestly with a decitenly large, sad smile. "Never have. Go ahead and dance without me, I'll be fine," the older brunet urged as he gestured for his boyfriend to make his way over to the dance floor.

Riku cocked a brow. "Fine, ruin my fun," Riku answered mockingly as he swung his body off the stool, leaving his almost empty glass on the counter. The silveret snagged Sora's wrist and promptly dragged the brunet off his seat as well. "I'll just have to dance with _Roxas_ then," Riku said. He was obviously joking…right?

Leon rolled his eyes and yanked on Riku's sleeve. The silveret turned from smirking at the confused Sora to Leon, only to be met in a searing kiss. At once, Riku dropped Sora's sleeve altogether and eased into the kiss, pressing closer to his seated boyfriend.

Sora never felt so damn awkward in his entire life. Riku and…his brother were kissing. In front of him. Mouth to mouth. And there was probably tongue involved! Sora's stomach twisted and knotted as he stood there, turning a ghostly shade of white. With a loud and audible gulp, Sora quickly looked away as the two males continued kissing. _I hate this. Why did I agree to this? Why did I even come tonight!? _And if Sora hadn't been so determined not to cry he probably would have broken down by now.

When they finally broke apart for air, Riku's eyes were glazed over, as well as Sora's brother's. The older brunet stared at Riku for a long moment, eyes flickering with something unknown. Riku returned that heated stare before cautiously looking back to Sora.

Sora didn't want to intrude any farther. "I'm sorry but I have to go…I have to get up early tomorrow to go job searching. I'm sorry. It was really ncie meeting you, Leon. I'll…see you around, Riku." Sora squeaked at the end when he noticed how flustered Riku looked. The brunet quickly tore his gaze off Riku and sprinted away from the bar before Riku had time to protest on his deperature.

And for no reason at all, Sora ran out of the bar and down the crowded streets of inner New York City because really, now he knew one thing.

They were all so much happier with him _dead._

xx x **♥** x xx

"_Axel!" a thirteen year old Sora declared as he hugged his red-haired friend close. "You got to protect me! Riku's…looking for me!" Sora huffed out in-between deep breaths. It was obvious that the brunet boy had just been running prior to this and now was attempting to catch his breath._

"_What'd you do this time?" asked a fifteen year old Axel with an arched brow. "Did you make fun of him or something to set him off like that?" Axel was utterly amused. "If he touches you I'll kick his ass, don't worry."_

_Sora sighed and finally let go of his _other best friend_. Riku was his best friend too…and Axel and Riku were equal to Sora. "I…" Sora lowered his gaze._

"_What'd you do?" Axel reiterated, placing his hands idly onto his hips._

_Sora gulped down a lump of nerves before glancing to the right and left to make sure they were alone outside. "Pinky promise you won't tell anyone else?"_

"_Of course," Axel said with a stern and never quavering voice._

"_I…kissed him on the cheek and ran…"_

_Axel blinked in surprise. "And he…"_

"_He…"_

"_He?"  
_

"_Hekissedmyneck." And that was, frankly where it all started._

xx x **♥** x xx


	4. confuse me

_**more plot development ahoy! and...flashbacks that explain the chapter bits as well. And...more setting up and foreshadowing. Have fun! Please leave a review. It'd make my day. You have no idea :D**

* * *

_

**Heavenly  
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**x**x**xx**xx**xx**xx**x**

_"Mom!" Sora shouted as he wandered through the house, a book in hand. The young brunet boy scrambled up the stairs to his Mother's bedroom. "Mom!" he called again, excitement coursing through his youthful veins. Sora was so damn excited._

_"Yes, Sora?" his mother asked as she sat on her bed, sorting through an opened file. The kind, brunette woman set down the file and looked warmly to her son. "What is it?" _

_"Can we go ice skating in Rockefeller Center?" Sora requested with a bright grin. "I asked Riku but he said he was busy and that he hated to ice skate. I asked Leon but he was busy with his friends. Can you take me, mom?" Sora's eyes twinkled._

_"I would but I have a case to work on." She frowned and ruffled her son's hair. "But I promise I'll take you sometime soon, okay? Just not today." She kissed his forehead and hugged him. "How about I make it up to you and order pizza tonight?" _

_Sora grinned and nodded feverishly. Everything was so much simpler when he was younger. Pizza and dreams. So simple._

**x**x**xx**xx**xx**xx**x**

Sora staggered into his apartment, having not breathed _once_ since he left the bar. Just the mere sight of Leon and Riku, his brother and ex best friend, _kissin__g,_had forced him to scamper away. Now Sora resided in the entrance to his apartment. The brunet, earth-bound angel, kicked the door shut behind him. His thoughts were jumbled about, juxtaposed in his head. There was no clear sequential order in his mind. Just an unorganized cluster of events. All Sora remembered were a few simple facts. One being that his brother had betrayed him and now was dating _Riku_, of all people. Two, Leon nor Riku recognized him—and why should they? It had been eight years. They all had matured and grown… Finally, three. Axel and Riku were friends. Sworn enemies were now the best of friends. Sora's mind hurt unbearably. The brunet ambled unsteadily down the hallway that lead to his quaint bedroom. However, before the angel could reach his destination, icy blue eyes locked onto broken shards of glass scattered about the floor. Right. He had knocked the vase over the other night. From what? From anger and a tinge of jealousy. Sora quivered as he stared at the glass that oddly shimmered in the eerie moonlight leaking in through the window to his right—one of the only windows in his apartment.

The feral need to prove that he was a human grew in Sora once again. Treacherously, Sora lowered himself down onto his knees, beside the glass shards. A shaky hand extended outwards. Carefully, Sora plucked a single piece of broken glass up and off the floor. The sides were jagged and it did not appear to fit with any other of the pieces. For some reason, Sora likened this single broken shard to his life. This shard, however, was his friendship with Axel. It just…didn't belong anymore with what it _had_ belonged to in the start. Just like this piece of glass that had once been a beautiful vase. Now it didn't fit in with the other broken pieces.

Sora quivered and dropped the piece, listening to the small clink it made as it hit another. Without a specific reason, Sora snatched another piece of glass. This one was small. Very small. There was an expansive crack right down the center along with jagged edges. Sora knew exactly what this piece was. It was the broken and other unrecognizable relationship that he held with Riku. It was shattered—entirely broken. However, no matter how destroyed the piece was, it still mirrored what _had_ been. And if Sora squinted long enough, he saw what _could_ have been.

Tears swelled up in the brunet's eyes as he clutched the piece tighter in between his fingers. As he trembled Sora dragged the jagged piece of glass down the palm of his hand. He held his breath. Within seconds small drips of blood began to pool from the spot, dripping like any other human's would. Sora exhaled with utter relief. The moment of relaxation, thinking that he was human, was short lived. Before Sora had time to _think_ a good thought, the blood turned a dark black.

It was the sign of death. But how could that be if he was already _dead_ to begin with?...

**x**x**xx**xx**xx**xx**x **

Sora had no other choice—it was either deal with the backstabbing, heartless Riku or fail completely and face the incinerator. Although he would _want_ to choose the incinerator over _Riku_, he knew that was pointless. Cloud would be disappointed in him. And…well, he couldn't do that. Besides, he still had to find his parents in heaven…that was if he ever returned. So, all in all, Sora had no choice. He _had_ to stalk Riku. 

Sora stood wearily in front of Starbucks. His days were becoming trite and downright boring. And repetitive, that as well. Sora shook his head to the right and then the left. The brunet angel shivered and tossed away all his nerves and entered the coffee shop, his head held up high. Of course, it was until his memories from the night prior exploded in his mind. It didn't stop there, of course. Memories even earlier than that plagued the brunet's mind.

_"Hey, Riku?" _

Sora held his head as he entered the shop, closing the door gently behind him. Riku was making some sort of drink for the one customer that lingered near the cash register. Sora didn't recongize the person—not like it mattered, anyhow. 

_"Yeah, Sora?" _

Riku handed the blonde girl her drink. The girl happily giggled and left the store, waving off to her friendly drink-maker. The silveret turned his attention to the right. At once, the male's expression softened. 

_"You'd…never hate me, right?" _

Sora timidly made his way over to the counter, lacing his fingers absently in front of his body. Silence engulfed the pair. Nervously, Sora's eyes flickered upwards and met ashamed aquamarine. Shame? Riku had never been one to feel _that_ emotion before. The brunet arched an eyebrow impulsively and leaned against the counter, staring idly at the older male with fascination. Axel had told Sora Riku had changed, but how was that possible? Could a person really change that drastically in eight years time? 

_"…No, I'd never hate you, Sora."_

Riku cleared his throat and leaned against the counter as well. "So…" he began and then promptly cleared his throat for a second time. "Listen, I'm sorry about last night, Roxas. Leon's…usually never like that. I'm not sure what came over him, and well it's rare that we…" Riku looked off, coughing, feeling a bit out of place.

_"Promise, Riku?"_

Sora laughed uneasily and shook his head. "Eh, it's all right," Sora answered calmly. "I'm glad for you," Sora explained and offered a fake smile. He just hoped that Riku wouldn't notice how forced it was. Riku had never been good at detecting emotions, anyhow…

"Alright, good," Riku decided as he nodded firmly. Sora sighed. _He bought it._ "So, what are you doing today?"

"Nothing, as usual," Sora answered with a melancholic look spreading onto his face. "I have a boring life. I've told you this," Sora said with a small laugh sounding at the end. The brunet lifted his hand into the air and dragged it through his hair. Nervous habits. Stupid _nervous_ habits. Sora was just thankful that Riku didn't _remember_ which habits he had when he was young.

"Roxas…what happened to your hand?" Riku asked, his grin fading almost instantly. Eyebrows knitted together seconds afterwards. "It looks like a cut or something," Riku continued, reaching outwards with his own hand. The silveret paid no heed as Sora winced away. All Riku did was snatch Sora's hand and raise it to his eye-level. "What'd you do?"

"Cut it last night making a late night snack," Sora explained in a grumble. "I was cutting fruit for the cheesecake and the knife slipped. I'm just glad that it didn't cut too deep."

Riku sighed and dropped Sora's hand, despite the awkward look the brunet gave him. "Be careful," Riku said with a gentle look. "It wouldn't be smart to end up in a hospital this close to the Christmas."

"It's…what. Twenty days away or so?" Sora asked with a dismal shrug of his shoulders.

"Twenty-one, but that's beside the point," Riku said with a chuckle as he removed his apron. "Ending up in a hospital regardless is a really stupid idea."

Sora rolled his eyes. "Well yeah. I don't really think there's a person alive that enjoys going to the hospital as a patient," Sora reasoned with a fierce nod. _The pain hurts, Riku. You have no idea how horrible it feels to die. It's like someone is ripping out your already beaten heart. Every inch of your body and soul…every single inch, is in excoriating pain._

"I wouldn't say that," Riku replied as he rounded the counter, closing the small latch door behind him. The silveret stretched his arms above his head, plucking the hat off his head and tossing it back over the counter. Wordlessly, Riku sauntered over to Sora and planted his hands squarely onto Sora's scrawny shoulders. "I used to know this old lady, a few years ago actually, who was obsessed with going to the hospital. She _wanted_ to have something wrong with her. It's…weird, really."

Sora nodded and then stared apprehensively at Riku's hands out of the corner of his eyes. "I suppose it is," he agreed, his eyes glued to those hands.

"Well, I have an hour break," Riku drawled as his hands slipped from Sora's thin shoulders. Sora's eyes automatically followed them as they fell idly by the tall male's sides. _Gods. Riku really has changed…_ Sora was still struggling to accept the fact that when Riku touched him he wasn't going to _beat_ him.

"Oh?" Sora finally lifted his gaze and met Riku's sparkling one. How mischievous.

"And, I was thinking," Riku began as a smirk appeared on his dazzling lips. "Would you be interested in spending the day with me?"

Sora was caught off guard. The brunet stared at Riku for a long moment, a puzzled look crossing onto his face. _Did Riku just invite me somewhere? _Sora thought wearily as he blinked rapidly over at the tall silveret. "You'd want to spend the day with me?" Blink. "Really?"

"Why not?" Riku shrugged and tapped Sora's nose with an impish look. "Unless you don't want to spend a day with me?"

"No! It's not that!" Sora babbled and turned a shade of pink. _It's not that I don't want to spend time with you, Riku. It's just that I'm not used to you being kind. And the image of you and Leon kissing still isn't going away. How can I possibly act civil around you when you're with my _brother_? How can I even stand to be near you when you both don't remember me?!_

"Then what is it?" Riku wondered as he dexterously leaned backwards, hands gripping the counter. And he looked even more irresistible like that.

"I just wasn't expecting it!" Sora reasoned and began to swallow thickly repeatedly. "Thanks for the invite! I'm sorry if I was being rude." A gulp. "What will we be doing on this hour break?" Sora asked carefully.

"Eh, wandering around the grand city, what else?" Riku glanced over his shoulder. "Hey, Kai. I'm taking my break. I'll be back in an hour. If things get too hectic call my cell phone, okay?" Riku called and watched as a redhaired girl nodded from behind the counter.

"And what are you doing?" she asked, eying Sora and Riku's close proximity. "You and Leon break up?" Her eyebrow arched curiously.

"No," Riku lamented and hooked an arm flirtatiously around the silveret's shoulders. "But Roxas here is my friend. And he doesn't get out much, so I'm taking him out. I'd tell you but I don't want to spoil it." Riku grinned deviously and began toying with Sora's brown hair. "Do you mind surprises, Roxas? I don't want to upset you."

Sora flushed an awkward shade of color. "I don't mind surprises," Sora said slowly. "But won't I figure it out if—"

"You'll be blindfolded," Riku explained as he fished into his pocket for a bandana. "It'll…suffice," Riku murmured as he lifted it into the air and held it out to Sora. "Put it on. Or shall I?" He was grinning like the seductive man he was. Daredevil? He didn't seem like one. More so just a smooth-talking flirt. Sora couldn't help but caught up in his ex best friend's words. Why did Riku suddenly have a way with words?

"Blindfolded?!" Sora screeched, recoiling from Riku. "Are you _nuts_? There's no way you're getting me to walk around _New York City_ blindfolded. I'm going to get run over! There's no way I'm doing it, Riku!" Sora stated firmly and sternly shook his head. The brunet promptly crossed his arms to his chest and looked away. "There's no amount of words you can say to make me do something that stupid." _I'm done doing stupid, risky things, Riku. And you oughta be as well. You really should've consider how dangerous this stunt is._

"I'll hold your hand and guide you," Riku reassured Sora and absentmindedly tugged on both ends of the black bandana. "Come on, Roxas. It'll be fun. I promise I won't let anything happen to you."

"Hold. My. Hand?" Sora drawled, narrowing his eyes dogmatically at Riku. "You're insane!"

Kairi giggled from behind the counter. "He's right, Riku. That's a really stupid idea. Especially in a city like this." The redhead began skimming over a small sheet of paper that listed the ingredients to each drink. It appeared like she was attempting to memorize the list but was failing miserably. Oh well.

"It'll be fun," Riku reiterated as he lifted the bandana into the air and brought it up and over Sora's eyes, tying it in the back rapidly with ease. Riku ignored Sora's squirming. When he finished, he pulled away and smirked deviously at Sora, not really caring that Sora couldn't see. "See? It's not so bad."

"I refuse to do this!" Sora began flailing about, his arms reaching up to yank the blindfold down. "I've only known you for a few days! You could be a crazed rapist for all I know!" Sora shouted in frustration as he began digging at the bandana, attempting to remove the foul thing before he decided to bring it home and _burn_ it.

"Oh yes, Roxas, I'm a rapist," Riku repeated and snatched Sora's thrashing hands. The silveret clasped his hands coolly around Sora's and brought both hands down to rest at Sora's sides, his own remaining on them all the while. "Relax. You can trust me."

Sora winced, both mentally and physically. _And how far did that get me last time, Riku? _"I don't want to be run over…"

"You won't be," Riku said in reassurance and brushed his thumb once against the back of Sora's hand. Riku removed his hands and folded them across his chest.

"I hate this," Sora said irritably. He was engulfed in a world of darkness. No light. Just fear and Riku's voice. What a _reassuring_ combination. Note the sarcasm. Sora squirmed as he stood there. He hadn't moved yet and he already felt dizzy. "If you let go of my hand _once_, I'll kick you off the Empire State Building," Sora promised.

"I don't doubt it," Riku chuckled.

Sora felt Riku's hand clasp over his own once more. Sora gulped down a blush and allowed his body to relax. "Well, we're wasting time. Let's just leave already," suggested Sora as he limply began peering around. Darkness all around. At least the bandana smelt good. _It smells just like Riku…The old Riku…I mean…and yet not. _

"I agree," Riku concurred and squeezed Sora's hand tightly and began leading the brunet out of Starbucks. "See ya soon, Kairi!" he called over his shoulder as he dragged Sora out into the cold, December, New York City weather.

Sora shivered immediately. The brunet's shoulders pulled up by instinct as he tightened his grip on his lifeline. Sora would have removed his blindfold right there but he would need both hands to undo that knot, and currently one of his hands was being held captive. Sora grunted aloud as he felt his body being lead down a street. Or perhaps it was up. All Sora knew was that it was to the right. All right. So they should be on the corner of Fifth Avenue maybe? Or Madison? Sora rubbed his forehead. Street names were meshing with one another and all Sora could do was walk blindly after _Riku_.

"So, Roxas," Riku began as they continued at a steady pace, the wind rushing past them. It was always so damn cold in New York during this time. "Care to explain why your life is so boring? I'm sure it's not by choice."

"I don't like people," Sora proclaimed in a rancorous manner.

"Well, I would have never guessed," Riku sniggered. "But seriously. What made you such a reclusive person, then?" Riku oddly gave a reassuring squeeze to Sora's hand.

Sora sternly kept his feelings and thought to himself. "Does it really matter?"

Riku snorted as he stopped. Riku gave no signal for Sora to stop walking for the brunet stumbled into Riku's back. "Sorry," Riku said with no remorse. A chuckle was then heard from the silveret as he heard unpleasant grumbles emit from the brunet behind him who was probably rubbing his forehead.

"Can you at least tell me when you're going to stop next time?" Sora demanded grumpily. This whole ordeal with Riku was becoming tiresome and Sora would rather be at home with his beautiful, broken glass. At least then he would have _something_ that shared a common trait.

"Sorry," Riku said once again. Moments later Riku tugged on Sora's hand and they were, once again, walking down a crowded street.

Sora sighed loudly. "Riku, I just want to go back to Starbucks and have a drink and then go home. I'm tired," Sora complained as he began dragging his feet along, wincing every time his shoes hit a metal grate that lined every single street of New York City. Drainage, mostly.

"Nope," Riku answered bluntly.

Sora could _feel_ that Riku was smirking. Compassionless ass.

"I'm surprised that your boyfriend hasn't dumped you," Sora muttered. If this had been any other day he would have attempted to be kinder to Riku. Right now Sora didn't have the heart to. Not now knowing that Riku and Leon were truly together and purposely made out in front of him. Sora shuddered at the thought. _Black Blood_. _My time is limited, Riku. What the hell am I supposed to do to help you, Riku?_

"Well, that's nice," Riku remarked, snorting in amusement. "Someone's grumpy today. What crawled up your ass?"

"I'd say you but that'd be impolite and politically incorrect," Sora reasoned. Although he was being sarcastic and cruel—something that Sora never was—Sora couldn't keep from shaking from nerves. His after-life was in Riku's hands. Riku could basically _kill_ him here and now by accidentally letting go and allowing Sora to wander into the street. Then a speeding taxi would whizz by and he would meet his demise a second time. Sora mentally screamed at the idea.

"Wow Roxas, you're awfully blunt," Riku said and dragged Sora along.

The chattering of people he could not see frightened Sora. "Really, Riku…I don't like this," Sora whispered nervously as he felt himself being lead down stairs after what felt like a ten minute walk. Stairs? Were they entering the subway?! Sora tightened his hold on Riku's hand and struggled to cautiously step down the stairs, jostling through the apparent crowd of people. Where were they? Sora didn't have the slightest guess. There was no way _to_ know.

Sora stopped at the landing alongside Riku. Okay. Flat ground. It didn't smell like the subway. And they weren't in the Cathedral either. Sora breathed in heavily, inhaling the beautiful scent of fresh air. Well, as fresh as New York City could be. Riku had lead him here. Riku didn't let him go.

Riku took both of his hands this time. The warmth from Riku's hands generated through his body. Although he was in darkness he could feel Riku's smirk. He could see those sharp aquamarine eyes staring deeply at him. Sora's breath hitched when one of Riku's hands strayed from his own. Fingers brushed against his slightly frost-bitten cheek. A shiver slipped down Sora's spine.

"W-what?" Sora demanded, his eyebrows knitting angrily but it was obvious from his stutter that he wasn't as dogmatic as before.

There was a brief pause. Sora heard Riku talking to someone. The words couldn't be made out. Was that Axel? Sora squinted, despite the blindfold that blocked his vision. Perhaps he could see if he did that long enough? Sora breathed in deeply and then stopped altogether when he felt those nimble fingers on his cheeks again. Either it was his imagination playing tricks on him but it almost felt like the silveret was caressing his cheek. No. That'd be impossible.

Within seconds Riku's hands began undoing the knot to his blindfold. The blindfold fell and Sora was within inches from the grinning silveret. For some reason Sora didn't really bother to take in his new surroundings, or notice that Axel was behind Riku. No. All he saw were those stunning aquamarine eyes and that crafty_ smile_, and for a moment Sora imagined everything was okay again.

"Well, Roxas?" It was all okay until Riku called him _that_ again and it nearly brought tears to his eyes.

"Well what?" Sora choked on his words, attempting to block away the tears.

Riku cocked a brow. "Hey, you crying?" Riku questioned softly as he pocketed the blindfold and offered an offhanded smile at the brunet angel.

"No," Sora mumbled and looked away quickly. When he did, blue eyes were greeted with the very sight he had been beholding the day prior. Eyes swelled up once again. The ice skating rink. How many times had Sora _wanted_ to be here? How many times had he begged his parents to take him here? Sora swallowed thickly, in stun, and then turned back to Riku. "Why?"

"Uh…because it's Christmas and it's fun?" Riku answered lamely and shrugged. "Axel works here and got us to the front of the line." Riku gestured to his right to where a rack of ice skaters rested. "Pick out your size and let's get going."

Sora beamed brightly and scrambled over to the skates. The brunet hurried to the right size of skates and placed them onto his eager feet. Could feet even be _eager_? Or was it Sora himself that was so eager? Sora stood up and instantly fell back down. He had been half expecting Riku to catch him but when that never happened Sora was slammed back into reality.

"Graceful," Riku remarked.

Sora rolled his eyes and glared up at Riku from his placement on the ground. "Wanna help me up?"

"Nah," Riku responded, leaning against the wall. "I'm enjoying the view."

Sora blinked a few times before grunting. "Like I said, class A flirt," the brunet murmured and pushed his body upwards into an unsteady standing position. "Your boyfriend would be upset if he knew you were flirting with random guys you meet."

Riku smirked and placed his hand on Sora's shoulder. "Roxas, you haven't even seen me flirt."

Sora shivered. "So, when you flirt you…what? Kiss? Grope?" Sora bit back an embarrassed squeak as he stood there awkwardly. It hurt to talk to Riku like this. It really did. Sora wanted to remain kindhearted, but how could he?

"Stop chattering, would ya?" Axel demanded, breaking Riku and Sora's conversation. Sliced it in half like a pineapple in the air. Not like anyone would want to do that anyhow.

Riku nodded to the redhead and entered the ice-rink itself, dexterously gliding about. Sora stumbled over to the edge of the ice. Before he could enter, Axel grabbed his arm and murmured directly into his ear, "Do you see the way he looks at you, Sora? He's attracted to you."

Sora shuddered. "That's great, Axel…but it doesn't matter. He's with Leon. He doesn't know it's me," the brunet mumbled harshly, his heart breaking a thousand times over.

Axel kept his voice low. "Really?... I knew it was you, Sora. Why shouldn't he?"

Sora shook his head. "He would have said something," Sora retorted stubbornly.

"Oh?" Axel let go of Sora's lithe arm and watched in amusement as Riku glided by them, as poised as ever. How charming. "I wouldn't bet my money on that, Sora. If anyone were to recognize you I would say it'd be Riku or Leon."

"You were my best friend. They just had to put up with me," Sora whispered brokenly. "They just think I'm someone named Roxas. It doesn't matter to me anymore, Axel. It really doesn't. "

"I think it does, Sora," Axel answered with a rejoinder."Of course I'm mad that my brother doesn't know it's me!" Sora chided. "But as for Riku? I could care less. He never really paid attention to me so I'm not surprised he doesn't know it's me. It's been eight years. …Why are we even arguing about this?" Sora groaned and looked to Axel pathetically.

"We're arguing about this because," Axel lowered his voice to a gentle whisper now, "Riku told me last night, after you stormed out, that Leon and him were considering breaking up and going back to being just friends. And do you want to know what else he said, Sora?"

"Do I have any other choice?" Sora mumbled dishearteningly.

Axel mockingly laughed. "He said," he began sternly, quite serious, "that he can't keep you off his mind."

"He's known me for four days," Sora deadpanned with irritation. "How can he even _like_ me after four days? He knows nothing, Axel. How can he—"

"That's what I said," Axel said slowly. "Four days sure rivals a lifetime, doesn't it?"

Sora blinked and then felt his body being shoved onto the ice before he had time to further argue. Sora squealed in shock and began flailing his arms about in the air, trying to keep his body balanced. As if by a stroke of luck, Riku soared by on his white skates. The silveret audibly chortled and hooked his arms under Sora's arms.

"Need any help?" Riku wondered in a slightly husky tone.

Sora rolled his eyes and allowed his body to slump back against Riku's for support so that he wouldn't fall and break his neck. "Not really. I'm doing fine." Lie. "Can you get your hands off me?" _Maybe I should try being polite again…_ "Please?"

Riku refused this request, though. "Don't like me touching you or something?" the silveret asked as he kept Sora securely against his chest, inhaling the brunet's scent. "Roxas, you are quite something."

_Stop calling me that. Stop saying that name. It's making me sick_. "I just don't think it's fair to your _boyfriend_ to be holding me like this!" Sora complained and then pouted, not about to give up another verbal confrontation. He was annoyed. There was no second guessing it.

"Leon…sort of wants to break up," Riku murmured to Sora, a small trace of remorse in his voice.

"…And I'm what? The rebound?" Sora guessed as he stared apathetically at the ice below them. So cold.

Riku chuckled amusedly. "You think so highly of yourself," he said. "But what makes you think I'm even interested in you? I barely know anything about you, Roxas. Unless, of course, by some odd chance, you like me?" Riku arched a brow and kept his arms around Sora's body. "Then…if that were the case—"

"You're setting up dates even before he breaks up with you?! Do you have no respect or something?! No _feelings_?" Sora demanded as he tried to wiggle free, his feet slipping. But Riku kept him standing. Riku amazingly kept his balance.

"Forget it," Riku informed Sora. "You wouldn't understand our relationship."

"I think I would," Sora argued. _You're my best friend and he's my brother. I think I'll be able to understand it. Morons._

Riku rolled his eyes. "Well, let's just take your advice and not talk about it until it happens," the silveret concluded as he let go of Sora. Riku watched as Sora began slipping once again. Desperately, the brunet reached out and clung to Riku's chest, this time facing Riku.

"How…How can you be this okay with a potential breakup? Shouldn't you…be home trying to win him back?" Blue eyes sparkled up at Riku with dull confusion. _Don't throw Leon away, Riku. Don't do that. Don't ruin your life. He's the best thing to happen to you. He'll keep you grounded. Please don't toss him away, Riku. Axel told me you've changed. If you breakup with Leon and automatically go for someone else, I don't see any change at all._

"We've been talking about it for awhile," Riku answered, shifting his arms so that he could keep Sora's balance once more. "We're best friends. We've…been dating on and off for awhile. It's no big deal, really. We'll remain friends regardless."

Sora sighed. "What about love?"

"What about it?" Riku echoed.

Sora shook his head. "What about love? Do you love him?"

Riku looked contemplative. "As a friend. Maybe even as a brother. But I don't think I love him as a soul mate. That sort of love. "

Sora frowned. "Then why are you wasting your time? Wasting _his_ time? Love is supposed to be sacred and and supposed to grow and if you know you're not in love then you shouldn't prolong it and," Sora stammered and then was silenced when he felt lips press against his forehead. Sora froze. His voice tightened and his arms went limp. He was suddenly glad that Riku was holding him up.

"Breathe, Roxas," Riku cooed and removed his lips from Sora's forehead. "If you feel this strongly about the matter, then why don't you talk to both of us about it? Like say…my place later tonight?" Riku smirked down at Sora. "I'll even make dinner."

_What?_ _Did he just kiss my forehead?_ "But you!"

Riku shook his head, eyes shimmering in the sun. "Have dinner with us, Roxas. I'm inviting you."

Sora sighed, utterly defeated. "Fine," Sora decided and uncomfortably looked away. "But I don't want Leon feeling threatened or something by having another guy in the house with his boyfriend. Especially a guy that his _boyfriend_ just kissed," Sora snapped and looked angrily up at Riku, though a small blush remained on Sora's cheeks. _He kissed me. Why. Why?..._

"I'll explain it to him. I'm sure he won't mind at all," Riku reassured Sora and smiled brightly at the brunet. "Let's take one more loop around the rink and then head back. My hour's almost up," Riku informed Sora and gently took his wrists. Sora cautiously moved, allowing Riku to assist him in attempting to skate.

"I'll help you," Riku said soothingly.

_But aren't I the one that's supposed to be helping you?_

**x**x**xx**xx**xx**xx**x**

"Dinner."

Sora stared in the mirror, his body still shivering from hours before. Blue eyes stared back at him. His reflection. He had changed so much. Sora sighed miserably and placed his hands squarely down onto the sink. "I'm having dinner with them. Can this possibly get any worse?"

_I have twenty one more days. Twenty come tomorrow. How am I supposed to help Riku? How?! Why can't you stupid Heaven people help me?! Aren't you supposed to be my guiding light?! What do I have to do! _Sora closed his eyes, his heart thumping insanely against his ribcage. _Axel remembers me. Axel does and Riku and Leon don't. Axel tells me Riku likes me. Riku and Leon are about to break up. Why. I __don't…I can't handle this. I want to go home. But…I don't have a home anymore. Home would be heaven and I don't really call that home._

A tear slipped from Sora's eyes as he tightened his grip on the sink. _I'm a nobody. I'm a twenty-one year old nobody who…who won't succeed in saving the life of Riku. I'm hopeless. _Sora began to choke on air. _I bleed black blood. The omen of death. I'm losing it. I'm losing it,_ Sora told himself as he struggled to control his breathing.

_Dinner. I have to eat dinner with them. If this goes over smoothly, I won't ever complain again_.

**x**x**xx**xx**xx**xx**x**

_The fourteen year old Riku stood in front of Sora, eying him for a long while. There was a moment of silence. "Sora," Riku said as he stepped closer to the trembling brunet. "I heard what happened yesterday." The silveret approached Sora._

_Sora winced and offered a weary smile at his older friend. "It was…nothing. I deserved it."_

_"Why?" Riku arched a brow. "Last time I checked being gay wasn't a crime that was payable by punches," Riku muttered scornfully and placed a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Besides, I'm the only one allowed to lay a hand on you." His words were whispers. Deep, dark whispers that clouded Sora's mind and scared him. But Sora would never say that out loud._

_Sora lowered his gaze. "You're going to beat them up, too?"_

_Riku nodded. "They hurt you. I won't let that go unpaid," Riku retorted darkly and eyed his brunet friend for awhile. "Besides, I've already given you enough shit about being gay," he remarked lamely. "Need I remind you of that one night that I came over with the beer?"__Sora shivered and shook his head. "No…I'__m sorry."_

_"Good," Riku said and patted Sora's head. "Now, be a good little boy and keep your sexual pretences to yourself. I won't be here to protect you forever." A wicked grin appeared on Riku's lips before he, at random, kissed Sora's cheek._

_Sora froze and then watched in utter confusion as his best friend stalked off, looking just as beautiful as ever. Riku was a beautiful disaster and Sora was the willing victim. Every time.

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review :D?_


	5. lie to me

why look at that! a very frequently updated story by katraa? that's a shocker! haha. i love writing this story because i have the entire plot written out and whatnot, so I know exactly where everything is going. it feels great. and this story just flows along. by the way, thanks for all the reviews so far. you guys are amazing! anyhow, review please. it'll make my day!  
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**_Heavenly_****  
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_"Riku… it's nice having you over here to eat dinner with us," Sora's mother said as she graciously passed the young silveret a dish of what appeared to be mashed potatoes. The brunette woman smiled fondly at her son's best friend and then turned to Sora and Leon who were eagerly chattering about something. A happy sigh elicited from her lips. Everything seemed perfect in that moment. No chaos. Just perfection. _

"Thanks for inviting me," Riku stated, faking manners. Sora caught this and sighed dramatically from his seat in between Riku and Leon. Riku had always been the dramatic one, after all.

"Sure you are," Sora mumbled under his breath, just loud enough for Riku to hear.The silveret caught that. Riku proceeded to kick Sora's foot under the table. When Sora looked to him, Riku shot Sora a glare out of the corner of his eyes.

"Watch yourself," he murmured darkly as he served himself.Sora rolled his eyes, a sad smile on his lips.

"Why? Gonna beat me up some more?" Sora whispered despondently back to his older friend, his sad blue eyes twinkling helplessly at Riku. Why did Riku enjoy seeing Sora in pain? Was there even a reason to that twisted behavior?

"No," Riku said simply.

"I only do that when you piss me off," Riku continued in a whisper as he began poking the potatoes on his plate. "Besides…you're my best friend," Riku concluded lamely.

"What does that change?" Sora wondered quietly.

Riku chuckled to himself and took a bite. "Everything." 

**x**x**xx**xx**xx**xx**x**

Sora had no halo, no wings, not even a mark of approval stating that he was, in fact, of the heavenly hierarchy. Sora did not mind that, though. He would rather _not_ have something stamped onto his body, labeling him as other worldly and more specifically a freak-of-nature, though considering he was an _angel_ he really wasn't 'of nature'. What bothered Sora the most, Sora figured, was the perception the Earth had of Heaven. Pearly Gates. Beautiful, fluffy, white clouds. Singing angels that floated around. Halos that proved your goodness. A god in a throne with goddesses. Paradise. Sora chuckled mentally at the mere thought. Heaven was just another part of life—the after part. That _was_ why they called it after-life, after all.

On his way to Riku's Sora passed St. Patrick's Cathedral. Even at sunset the magnificent church in the heart of New York City glowed beautifully. People rushed in and out of the church, whether to sit down and admire or to pray. Sora sighed. What were they even praying to? A business office up in the sky? Sora clenched his fists by his sides. Perhaps there were other heavens. Maybe people had different kinds of heavens, depending on their religions, and perhaps Sora's was a business office-esque place based on the fact that he did not _have_ a religion.

Sora sighed miserably as he continued down the cold stretch of street. The TGIF across from the Church looked appetizing but he chose to ignore it for now. He was eating with his brother and Riku. Sora shook his head as he began to tremble. What if they somehow recognized him during the midst of dinner? What if he slipped? If that happened…what chaos would ensue?

It frankly was unfair to _Riku_ onto Sora. Sora hadn't the faintest idea on _how_ to save Riku nor did he even care at this point. Riku was a flirt with a bad track record who was about to break up with his brother. Sora, at this moment, wanted to beat Riku's head in with a pointed baseball bat. Perhaps then Riku could feel half the pain he had felt when _he_ died. Sora sighed. He wouldn't wish that upon anyone. No one should suffer from pain in their last few moments of life.

Black Blood. Sora couldn't keep his angelic mind off it.

**x**x**xx**xx**xx**xx**x**

Sora arrived at Riku and Leon's shared apartment right on schedule. The brunet, surprisingly, had not gotten lost. It was odd, to say the least, to see Riku _and_ Leon living somewhere other than their old homes in upstate New York. Sora shivered as he hugged his arms tightly to his body as Riku opened the door to the apartment for him. Sora murmured graciously under his breath and kicked off his shoes, making sure not to trek in any snow that had collected outside of the apartment building. There usually wasn't much snow in New York City this early in the month, anyhow.

The first thing Sora noticed about the apartment was the wonderful, wafting smell of dinner. It smelled like some sort of pasta dish. Sora crinkled his nose and removed his jacket, placing it on the coat rack seconds afterwards. The brunet angel glanced around the homey apartment and proceeded to sigh. Riku and Leon had such a great life together. Who was he to interrupt it and cause a breakup? Was he even the cause? Sora hoped he wasn't. There was no part of Sora that wished ill onto his brother. Perhaps onto Riku, but not Leon. Sora loved his older brother to death. Of course, death had already come and gone.

"You're not allergic to broccoli, are you?" Riku asked as he paused at the end of the small hallway that connected the entrance to the apartment to the other rooms. Sora peered forward and noticed that in a few feet the hallway branched off into a living room and a kitchen.

"Nah. I wish I was. Would have been helpful when I was younger," Sora joked as he timorously padded down the hallway. Nervously, the brunet entered the living room. That was when blue eyes locked with stoic ones from across the room, causing Sora's throat to clench tightly. How many times had it done that in the past few days? Sora had lost count at twenty.

"Hi," Sora said softly as he lifted a hand in greeting. Hopefully Leon was not upset with him over the whole 'Riku' ordeal. Sora swallowed thickly. "Thanks for inviting me," the brunet angel went on to say as he precariously made his way over to the couch, taking a seat next to his older brother. Sora could do this. He could definitely do this. He had survived Riku flirting with him so he could handle a civil conversation with his brother. All he needed to do was breathe in and out. That's all.

"You're welcome," Leon responded stiffly and glanced across the room towards the entrance of the kitchen. "Riku. Don't put too much broccoli in that dish. Don't want to overkill the boy with greens," Leon remarked and then chortled aimlessly to himself, folding his muscular arms over his jacket-clad chest.

Sora thought it was suitable to laugh as well. "I like your apartment," Sora complimented, his voice still timid and quiet. Blue eyes surveyed the area. Riku had a good life. Why would he want to end it? Why would Riku want to risk his life? Riku didn't _seem_ suicidal. Sora had even asked him. So what was Heaven's problem? Riku, apart from the jerk gene, was a completely normal human. What saving did Sora have to do?

"Thank you," answered Leon.

Sora looked back to his older brother and noticed the brunet's quiet disposition. Leon had never been one to show emotions to anyone outside of his immediate family. Sora supposed that Riku was an exception. Of course, that very thought brought up another subject in Sora's mind. How had Leon coped with their parents' death? Sora gulped as he fought back the tears. All Sora could do was hope that Riku had been there to help Leon through the pain. That's all Sora could possibly do—hope.

"Roxas, that's your name, correct?" Leon asked as he laced his large hands on his lap. They were larger than Sora's and a fraction larger than Riku's. Sora figured that Riku liked that. The brunet sighed away the thought and forced a bright smile directed at his brother.

"Yeah," said Sora and looked off to the right. His eyes locked with a painting. "That's…really beautiful. Who's it by?" the brunet asked as he arose from his seat and quietly traversed across the living room. The brunet stood in front of the expansive painting that held a scenic, costal beach. A house was at the top of a sandy hill by the ocean. A lighthouse flashed in the distance, the light barely breaking through the stormy weather. It would be an understatement to declare that the painting took Sora's breath away.

"My mother," Leon responded instantly, glancing over his shoulder to where Sora stood.

"Mom, huh?" Sora whispered under his breath as he reached up and traced over the signature with his index finger. It took everything heavenly Sora had not to break down. No. He was a guest here. He would not. Not here and not ever. He had more important things to do. "It's really gorgeous," Sora said, raising his voice so Leon could hear him.

"Thank you," Leon said and turned his attention back to the kitchen entrance. "How much longer, Riku?"

"Would you _wait_ longer than two minutes?" Riku demanded as he walked into the room, locking stares with Leon. "Just because I cook does _not_ mean you can boss me around," the silveret grumbled and rubbed his hands together before pausing, noticing Sora's sudden distant look. Riku arched a brow and stood by the couch wordlessly for a few minutes.

Leon rolled his eyes at Riku's response. "Whatever," he murmured and looked back out the window, appearing quite distant. Maybe Riku was right—maybe they were drifting apart after all. But why? Sora hadn't the faintest idea.

"So, Roxas," Riku marched over to Sora, "did you work up an appetite walking over here?"

"Yeah," Sora answered simply. The brunet was about to respond with more but his older brother cut him off.

"Don't flirt with the guests, Riku. Didn't your mother ever tell you? No sex before dinner," Leon chirped in wisely from his placement on the couch. Was that resentment in the older's voice? Leon remained sitting there impassively and a bit unemotional—minus the resent, of course.

Sora blinked in confusion. But...weren't Riku and Leon best friends now? Weren't they lovers? They were bickering like the last time Sora had seen them together when he was alive. Before he had died, anyway. The angel stood there in befuddlement as he looked from his brother to the smirking Riku. He was missing something. How could two people go from making-out-all-over-each-other to bitter enemies in the next? Was this how twisted their relationship was behind closed doors?

"I'm not sexing him up, _Leon_," Riku drawled and jokingly hooked an arm around Sora's waist. "I'm just _turning him on_," Riku corrected and pointedly sent Sora a look that could, possibly, turn any man on. Whether they be gay or straight.

Sora gulped and promptly rolled his eyes. "You're a flirty jerk," Sora remarked.

Leon snorted from his placement on the couch. "Roxas; ten. Riku; zero."

Riku sighed in disbelief and let go of Sora and walked over to Leon. The silveret narrowed his eyes at Leon and whispered something harshly under his breath to Leon that Sora couldn't quite hear. It was probably a slew of curses that Riku felt Sora didn't need to hear. Regardless, Riku left Leon's side once again, returning to the kitchen to finish their dinner. Sora remained standing near the painting, a look of puzzlement still etched deeply on his tanned face.

"Ignore his attitude," Leon said as he looked over the back of the couch to Sora. "We're…going through a rough time and he's a bit…emotional. And bitchy."

Sora resisted laughing. Leon? Using the word 'bitchy'? That was a new one. "I see. I don't blame him…" A pause, and then Sora took the plunge. "You two aren't breaking up, are you?" he whispered, a large piece of his heart wanting to know. If it involved Riku and Leon, he just _had_ to know. They both, sadly, meant so much to him.

"Eh…" Leon shrugged and shuffled his hands into his pockets. "It's on and off…we're just that kind of couple."

Sora nodded and remained where he was. "That's…kind of a bad habit, don't you think? Constantly breaking each other's hearts?"

Leon laughed out loud. A deep and pure laugh. "Is that what you think, Roxas? That we're breaking each other's hearts? Wow," Leon said and smirked over at Sora. Something that usually was rare for Leon. "No, Roxas. We're casually dating. There's not many emotions in there. Just two friends that are looking for that next level connection every once in awhile."

Sora didn't get these two. "But…if you guys are best friends how can you…stand dating on and off?"

"We're just special, I suppose," Leon answered lamely and gestured for Sora to sit beside him. Wearily, Sora made his way back over to the couch and sat down beside his brother. "Riku's been my friend for awhile now and he's helped me through a few difficult times. He means a lot to me, no matter how much of an ass he can be. I know as a stranger you might find this hard to believe but what we have is beneficial to the both of us. At least until something outside of our relationship happens."

Sora slowly nodded. "So you…"

"Have no problems with Riku dating other people?" Leon arched a thick eyebrow.

"Er…sure," Sora murmured, looking down at his feet.

"Not really. As long I know it's something serious, I don't care. He'll still be my friend. I'll still go to him first for advice," Leon answered genuinely. "If I'm bothering you with all of this explaining, you can tell me to shut up. Riku just told me that you were confused and he wanted me to explain this to you."

"…Why?" Sora guessed.

Leon shrugged. "Take a wild guess, I suppose?"

Sora shook his head. "No."

"No?" Leon questioned, echoing his younger brother with confusion. "No, what?"

"I don't want to be why you guys break up. I just met Riku and I want him to be happy. And last night," Sora blushed, "he seemed incredibly happy. I don't want to take that away from either of you. I'm a stranger to you guys… it's not worth ending something as good as this." _Besides, Riku would never want me. I'm skinny, I'm nervous, and I suck at mostly everything. Riku deserves someone like you, Leon. He deserves you…not the younger and immature version._

"So?" Leon rubbed his chin. "The only thing I'll be without is the occasional kissing, and I can do without that. As I said, Riku will still be here as my best friend, but nothing more. It really doesn't bother me. It's not like he's exiting my life."

They had such a complex relationship. "Er…I see." Sora understood what Leon was saying but he just didn't get it. Were Leon and Riku really that kind of people? The kind that turned to their best friend for support when times were getting rough. "But I thought you guys were dating for a year?"

"Nah." Leon waved it off with an expressionless shrug. "We've been on and off for a year. Other than that we've just been close friends. Nothing to lose sleep over."

Sora sighed and nodded to show that he was understanding this. "You…sound like a complex person."

"I am," Leon agreed. "As is Riku. And I bet you are as well."

Sora laughed under his breath. "More than you'll know…"

"Can you both stop plotting my demise and get in here and help me with dinner before I toss it out the window?" Riku hollered from the kitchen before yelping in what seemed to be pain. "Hot!" he hissed and a clunk of metal against a counter was heard. Sora could only assume that Riku had just burned himself. Oh well. Riku was always smooth like that.

Leon chuckled and got off the couch and headed into the kitchen. Sora stood up and was about to do such as well, his stomach growling and all, but something on the bureau caught his attention. The brunet angel stopped dead in his tracks. Blue eyes widened before his heart stopped beating. As if sleeping walking, Sora paced over to the picture that rested in a wooden frame, propped up by a small stand.

"…They…kept it?" Sora whispered as he stared at the picture. In the picture Sora had just turned thirteen. It was at his birthday party, to be exact. The brunet was giving the peace sign as he sat in the middle of a bench. On his right was Leon who had his arms crossed and was trying his best not to crack up over something. Riku was on his left, purposely looking as seductive as ever. Sora shivered as he stared at the photograph. A tear slipped down his cheek as he ran his finger over the picture. He would have done anything to retrieve that time. Anything whatsoever.

"Roxas? You coming?" called Riku from inside the kitchen.

Sora snapped out of his thoughts and left the picture to itself. Quietly, Sora entered the kitchen, looking rather despondent and oddly broken. The brunet wearily watched as Leon set out three, yellow plates along with napkins and forks. Riku set the large dish of pasta in the middle of the small kitchen table along with a large, black serving spoon.

"What do you want to drink?" Riku asked as he walked over to Sora, holding an empty cup idly in his hands.

Sora was surprised he hadn't begun to cry. "S-soda's fine," he stuttered and quickly took a seat at the table.

Riku nodded and went to pouring the brunet's drink. Leon took a seat as well and surveyed Sora for a long moment. "It's chicken and broccoli cheese pasta," Leon explained as he tapped the dish with his fork. "My mom's recipe and Riku's cooking." A smirk. "Which we all know could kill."

Riku returned with a cup. As he passed by Leon's chair he kicked it. Sora laughed to himself. "Here," Riku said softly as he handed the younger brunet his drink. Sora politely took it and murmured a short, 'thanks'.

"Leon," Riku said as he took a seat and began scooping some of the pasta onto his plate. The brunet from across the table glanced up and met his boyfriend's gaze, arching a brow. The pair seemed to be speaking wordlessly to one another. Sora stared at them for a long while, trying to decipher just what was going through their minds. Whatever it was both seemed entirely pleased over it.

"Uhm…Riku?" Sora broke the silence.

"Hm?" Riku broke his staring contest with his boyfriend and turned to Sora. "What?"

"May I see the spoon?" Sora requested as he motioned to the black spoon in Riku's grasps. Sora then proceeded to smile weakly at the silveret.

Riku blinked and then glanced to the right, noticing the black spoon. Chuckling embarrassedly, Riku tossed the spoon back into the dish for Sora's use. Sora soon after began readily serving himself as Leon and Riku returned to their intense staring game. Sora didn't bother asking. All the brunet did was quietly eat, hoping that one would choose to speak to him sooner or later. Maybe this was their form of breaking up? Sora highly doubted it.

"It's good," Sora said and gestured to the food. "I really like it."

Riku looked over to Sora once again. "Thanks," he responded distantly and poked the noodles. That was when Sora noticed a small bandaged area on Riku's wrist. Sora's eyebrows arched instinctively.

"What happened?" the brunet asked, not really remembering his manners.

"What?" Riku answered in confusion after having swallowed a bite of his home cooked meal. Aquamarine eyes met blue and still he had no idea what Sora was getting at. That brunet was puzzling.

"Your hand," Sora said and gestured to it with his fork. "What happened?"

"Burnt it a few minutes ago," Riku explained and shrugged. "It hurts like hell, let me tell you."

"Be careful next time," Leon advised from across the table. The brunet seemed to be lost to his own thoughts and only interjected where he see fit. Leon was just as puzzling as Riku. Sora just wished he could read minds. It would make his whole angelic job easier. That way he could figure out why he was here and how he could help Riku. That was, of course, if Riku even wanted Sora's help in the end. That fear was still prominent.

"I'll try," Riku murmured.

There was another aspect to the relationship his brother and Riku held that piqued Sora's interest. For the first time in his entire life, Riku seemed vulnerable. It was almost as if Leon held power over Riku and could, at any moment, make a request upon the silveret and Riku would follow it faithfully—like a newly trained puppy, perhaps. Sora found this…awkward, in some senses. Riku had always been overpowering, tough, and dominant towards him and everyone else around him. But with Leon… with Leon Riku was different. It was almost as if the older was commandeering Riku's position –Intriguing. All of this was utterly intriguing.

Sora couldn't deny the obvious chemistry that drifted back and forth over the kitchen table. It almost felt like he was an intruder into this happy household. _How can they possibly be thinking of breaking up? It's obvious that they've got something special. __Just the way that you're staring at each other._ Sora sighed miserably.

"Roxas, is something wrong?" Leon asked calmly from his seat, his dark eyes migrating over towards Sora.

"No," Sora said simply as he began poking at his meal, hurriedly eating some so that neither of the two males would find his behavior suspicious. The last thing the brunet angel needed were the two most important _humans_ to be suspicious of him. Damn. Sora shivered at the mere thought of either of them finding it. It would spell his demise.

"You're…acting peculiar," Riku noted, arching a brow as he set down his fork.

Sora could smell the ashes and burning flesh in the distance. Oh incinerator, don't stay up all night waiting for lovely Sora.

"I'm fine," Sora reassured Riku with a forced smile. In honesty the brunet was not fine at all. How could he be? He was in the _shared_ home of the two people who had betrayed him. How could they have _done_ this to him? If Sora hadn't cried so damn much in the past few days he would have shed another tear. For now, he remained stoic and silent—he couldn't possibly cry, even if someone shoved a rusty kitchen knife into his throat.

"I swear Riku, it's your cooking," Leon said coldly as he took a cautious bite of his meal. "You're going to give the kid food poisoning."

Sora twitched his nose. _Kid?_ "It's good," Sora argued, feeling an odd desire to defend Riku. "I'm just… over thinking things a lot lately, I'm sorry. Please excuse my behavior," the brunet mumbled as he lowered gaze in a silent apology. Sora noticed something just then in Riku's eyes. Possibly Sora was misreading Riku's eyes—how many times had he done that?—but it seemed like Riku was _reluctant_ to break things off with Leon. Sora saw the struggle and strain in Riku's eyes. It was as clear as day that Riku was holding things back from the older brunet at the table.

Sora didn't dare question Riku on it. To Riku he was a mere stranger. Sora sighed to himself and continued eating his dinner, not bothering to say anything more. Dinner was for eating, after all, right?

Riku was the first to finish. The silveret excused himself from the table and left the kitchen. Sora didn't see where he went, his gaze had settled upon his older brother. A shiver slipped down Sora's spine instantly. Leon was staring at him with that _stare_ of his. The brunet swallowed down a noodle and offered a weak smile at the other. "It's good," Sora repeated, gesturing to his almost completely empty plate.

"It was," Leon concurred and stared at Sora a bit blankly for a long moment. Was he struggling? Sora supposed that Leon had probably likened him to the _old_ Sora and was having difficulties excepting that his brother had _died_ and that this was an entirely different person. Sora's heart broke to imagine the pain Leon must be going through, on top of his rocky relationship with Riku.

"Is he all right?" Sora asked softly. Riku had left for really no apparent reason, and for some odd reason, Sora was worried. Was that normal? He didn't think so.

Leon shrugged and stared down at his plate.

"Are you really okay with this?" Sora wondered quietly, his fork now wandering aimlessly along his plate. It then poked a noodle.

Leon lifted his gaze. "Okay with Riku and I breaking up again? Yes," Leon said slowly, as if he had to think about it as he spoke. There was obvious tension going on in the older male's heart. How could you possibly let someone you care about _go_ only for them to fall into the arms of someone else? How could Leon stand this?

"Yeah," said Sora in a whisper. "But…how can you be? Riku's obviously not taking it well. He's hiding it..I can tell." _But why should Leon believe me when I say that? It's not like I can tell him that I know Riku that well to read his emotions? As if._

"He'll get over it," Leon said through gritted teeth. "We promised one another that if we ever broke up again it'd be mutual and that there would be no regret. There is none on my part. I've told you this, Roxas."

Sora lowered his gaze. Was he overstaying his welcome? Making his older brother upset? "But I think he loves you!" Sora shot back. The words slipped from his lips. The idea had been bouncing about his head ever since Riku told him earlier that day at the ice-skating rink that Leon was considering a breakup. Maybe, just maybe, Riku had found love. And sadly, Riku deserved to keep that love. No one deserved to live a lonely life. Not even heartless Riku.

"Love?" Leon echoed and laughed emptily. "Roxas, you haven't known Riku that long. If Riku loved me he would have told me. Don't worry too much over this. It's not your place to be concerned over it."

Sora flinched and shrugged dismally. "What if he's hiding it?"

Leon's eyebrows knitted together, becoming irked. "He's not," he deadpanned. "Now, would you excuse me? I'm going to check on Riku," the brunet murmured as he rose from his seat. Without another word, Leon left the kitchen.

Sora sighed, beginning to shake again. Had he given Riku and Leon second thoughts? That was good, then. Although Sora detested the idea of them together, he wouldn't be afraid to admit that they seemed happy together. Sora figured that all the words they had spoken to him were just forced out lies. It was blatant that they still held a shred of interest for one another. Why waste that?

That was when Sora knew he just _had_ to leave this apartment. He had to walk out and leave Riku and Leon to themselves. Leave them in privacy, allowing them to make things _better_ and mend what had been broken. Sora sighed dejectedly as he rose from his own seat. The brunet glanced around the kitchen in desperation until he found a small pad of paper and a pencil by the phone. Quickly, Sora scribbled done a note.

_Riku _

_I'm sorry for leaving abruptly but I didn't want to intrude any longer. __Dinner was great and thank__ you for inviting me. It was great. I'll__..see__ you around, sometime. I hope you and Leon fix things._

_Roxas _

Sora had _almost_ written his real name but caught himself at the last moment. Wordlessly, Sora dropped the note on the table and left the apartment, collecting his things with ease. He was stepping back out of Riku and Leon's life for a second time…but why did it hurt so damn badly? It wasn't the same hurt he had felt when he died. No…this pain felt almost akin to that of losing a loved one…losing a lover to someone else. Sora forced back the tears that he didn't realize he was still capable of producing and shrugged away the idea. There was no plausible way that he still had feelings towards Riku. No way. 

**x**x**xx**xx**xx**xx**x**

It was later that night. The brunet angel was about to go to bed and call it a tiresome day. He had had his ups and downs and all he wanted was to go to bed and sleep away the pain. It seemed like a plausible idea. Sora exhaled in relief as his body made contact with the bed beneath him. Blue eyes lidded carefully and he snagged a pillow, holding it close. Now was the time for confessions, Sora figured in his mind. No one could hear him nor could they read his thoughts so however he was truly feeling was safe. Safe from Riku, Leon, and Axel.

_I'm glad that Riku and Leon are staying together, I really am. I'm glad that they're working through their problems and realizing they really do care about each other. I'm so glad…but it's just…I sort of don't want them back together. Why do I feel like crying_ Sora winced, sniffling once as he groaned and shifted onto his right, staring vaguely out the window. _Why does the new Riku seem even more __appealing than the old__ Why does it feel like if I wasn't in this situation I would fall for him?_ Sora shuddered.

"No," he said aloud. "I would _never_, _ever_ fall for Riku, no matter how kind he was."

Sora rubbed his forehead and slowly began running through the facts. Maybe now, seeing that Leon and Riku were back together, he could return to Heaven? Sora shivered with pleasure from the mere thought. Yet, if that were the case, wouldn't he already be back? Another grumble emitted from Sora's lips as he turned to lay on his back.

"I hate this," he murmured truthfully into the stale night air.

His peace was interrupted when his cell rang. Sora arched a brow and made a move to reach for it but decided against it. His voicemail would pick it up. Sora sat there quietly, listening to the ringing over and over again. Deciding that it was getting annoying, Sora scooped up the phone and flipped it open. Blue eyes scanned the screen. New voicemail? Click here to call it? Sora shrugged and did as his phone instructed.

After a few moments of waiting, his newly recorded mail began to play.

_"Roxas, are you there__ Or are you just not picking up your phone__Damnit__. I'm sorry about tonight, I really am. __Damnit__, pick up your phone! I really need to talk to you! It's…about Leon. He…he kicked me out. I need to talk to you."_

Sora dropped the phone. "He did _what_?" Why, in the name of everything heavenly, would Leon throw Riku, his best friend, _out_?

**x**x**xx**xx**xx**xx**x**

_"Your brother annoys me," Riku declared as he began toying with Sora's hair as they sat side-by-side on the couch. "He's rude and has to always __be__ right," Riku deadpanned as he sent a glare across the room to where Leon was at the computer, listening to music on his headphones. There was no way for the older brunet to hear what the younger pair was discussing._

_"But he's my brother," Sora pointed out with a frown. The thirteen year old stared up at Riku, blushing from Riku's fingers. "He'd like you if you weren't so rude to him. You two would probably get along, even!"_

_"I doubt it," Riku groaned and protectively tugged Sora closer, still glaring at the other man. "I don't like him," Riku made known as he buried his nose in Sora's hair, inhaling his scent. A moment of silence passed before the fourteen year old stated, "Sora__You don't smoke, do you?"_

_"N-no?"__ Sora stammered and eyed Riku nervously as the silveret pulled away from his hair._

_"Your hair.__ It smells like smoke," Riku stated darkly. And that look he was sending Sora was just terrifying._

_"I…It's probably just musty or something," Sora murmured as he looked away, an ashamed look on his face. _

_Riku's hand rose to Sora's face and cupped it briefly. The brunet gulped and __flickered__ his gaze back over to Riku. Their eyes met and Sora gulped __fiercly__. Riku said nothing for a moment, allowing their breaths to mingle. "Why are you lying to me? Aren't I your best friend?" Those words sent chills down Sora's spine._

_Sora didn't say anything. How could he when Riku was making him feel like this? Making him feel this worthless and yet so damn _loved_. Sora just wanted to cry. Not even trying smoking could heal the brunet's confused state._


	6. confide in me

another update...yay for emotional updates! there is foreshadowing for what is to come...and foreshadowing on plot twists as well. so stay tuned my loves, and review. i love you all so much for reviewing and reading!  
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**Heavenly**

_Riku ran his fingers gently through the brunet's hair, trying to cease the boy's incessant sobbing. Blue eyes were screwed shut and aquamarine remained fixated on the trembling, younger boy. The beautiful silveret leaned down and pressed a soft, angel-light kiss to the top of shaking, brown locks of spiked hair. Moments later, he murmured, "Sora, stop crying. You're going to get a headache."_

_"You…why," Sora croaked out in a broken voice, his hands clinging to the carpet before him. He was on all fours, crying as if he couldn't hold it back. And frankly, he couldn't. There was only so much verbal abuse he could take before he lost it entirely._

_"Why what?"__ Riku answered simply, kissing the hair once more as he threaded his fingers reassuringly through the younger boy's hair. __"Why what, Sora?"__ Riku reiterated._

_"Why do you hate me so much?" Sora demanded in a hoarse voice, seemingly losing all his ability to speak. Tears continued to leak from his blue hues, never once ceasing. Over and over they fall, hitting the green carpet beneath him, drying a few seconds later, as if they were never there to begin with. Never to be seen again._

_"What makes you think I hate you?" Riku questioned, a bit of interest gathering in his youthful voice. When Sora did not answer, Riku placed his hands onto the brunet's shoulders and forced the sobbing Sora to turn around and face him. When he did such, a tear-soaked face hung low, refusing to make eye contact. "Why do you think I hate you?" he asked again._

_"You…hit me…yell at me…make fun of me…" Sora was crying still. "And…and I thought you were my best friend…"_

_"I don't hate you," Riku stated slowly, a hand moving to brush against Sora's cheek. Sora recoiled, afraid he was going to be hit, but when discovered he wasn't, leaned into the warm hand._

_"Then why?__" Sora whispered, straying one glance up at Riku._

_"You wouldn't understand," Riku sighed out and reluctantly tugged the brunet in for a hug. It helped, just the smallest, but it couldn't mend the broken bridges that were out of use. _

**x**x**xx**xx**xx**xx**x**

Why was he doing this again?

It was ten, no doubt, and Sora was leaving his apartment, locking it, tossing the key into his jacket pocket, entering the cold, and yet he didn't care one ounce. Sora left the small apartment complex and entered the frigid streets of the unforgiving city. Blue eyes glanced up and down the street, trying to figure out _just_ why he was doing this. A tremble shot through the angel's body.

To be exact, Sora was meeting Riku down at Rockefeller Center. Of course, this would be a difficult feat, finding someone in the endless crowd, but Riku had promised Sora he'd find him if he came. Riku also told Sora to look for him outside of the NBC building, near the rotating doors. He promised he'd be there. Sora sighed and silently wondered why Riku couldn't have picked a more remote location. Like, oh for example, outside the usual Starbucks? Regardless that it was closed at this time of night, of course. Sora would rather be home…not in this horrid lack of temperature.

"Stupid Riku," Sora murmured as he traversed down the now-familiar streets. People rushed past him, eager to go to wherever they were headed. Sora was a bit envious—at least _they_ were looking forward to their destinations. All Sora had in his favor was a heavenly title. The mere thought of that caused Sora to promptly roll his eyes and kick at the metal grate he walked upon. A small, metal twang echoed through Sora's ears, reminding him that he had no time to waste. He had to 'change' Riku before a month was up. Pft. Like that was even possible.

Sora paused. There was Riku, lingering near the entrance to the center, wearing nothing more than a thin pair of jeans and a shirt. Okay, so maybe Leon really did _kick him out_. Without his clothes and everything. No jacket, either. Sora frowned and observed the shivering silveret from a distance. A part of Sora laughed manically at the sight, thinking, 'man, he so deserves that for everything he put me through', yet a larger part of Sora's heart, the civilized part, broke for Riku. Riku seemed to be in love with Leon and yet, here he was, broken up.

Sora shook his head and hurried over to Riku, not really noticing the small snowflakes that fluttered down from the darkened sky above. Before Riku could reach the NBC building that was in back of the large, decorated tree that millions came to see every year, Sora latched onto Riku's arm.

Riku whirled around, ready to pummel the person who had touched him, but his harsh gaze softened the slightest when he met Sora's blue eyes. Was that compassion drifting about in Sora's endless blue eyes? "You came?..."

Sora said nothing for a moment as he released his hand from Riku's arm. The brunet sheepishly looked off to the right. "You seemed upset. Why wouldn't I have come?" he questioned dismally but was silenced when he felt a pair of arms wrap around him. At first Sora thought he was being choked to death but he slowly realized that he was being _hugged_. Riku was…hugging him?... Sora's mind went numb at once.

"Roxas…I didn't think you'd come…thank you," Riku whispered brokenly into Sora's ear, causing the brunet to feel even more light-headed. If Riku were to have requested _anything_ Sora would have gladly agreed, and more than likely flung himself at the older. Riku's hug…it was just that powerful. That caring, passionate _touch_ was enough to paralyze the poor angel.

"It's…no problem," Sora answered breathlessly as Riku recoiled. The silveret offered a lopsided, but gorgeous, smile at the brunet. "So…Leon really kicked you out?" Sora asked, a bit frightened to see Riku's reaction.

"Yeah," Riku replied despondently. "A bit after you left, actually. We were talking in the backroom…and then I came back into the kitchen to-"

"Let's talk over here," Sora suggested as he gently took Riku's wrist—careful not to touch his fingers or make a reach for his hand—and lead the taller male over to a quieter corner of Rockefeller Center.

When Sora stopped, he let go of Riku's wrist and turned expectantly to the older. Riku sighed and leaned his back up against whatever building was currently behind him. Aquamarine eyes drifted about before he finally found the will to continue his bleak and dreary story. "Like I was saying…" Riku's voice was soft and yet horribly shaky. "I came back into the kitchen to apologize to you for having left you out there alone…and then we got in an argument. We started yelling back and forth…we do that a lot, though. We're both hotheaded and it's hard…Anyway, he started telling me that if we stayed together it'd hurt us both in the end and I asked if I could stay and work things out….then he started yelling again. I yelled back…he told me to get out and not to come back until tomorrow so I…said I wouldn't come back at all and I told him off and… now I'm here." Riku exhaled deeply.

Sora frowned. "Riku?..."

"Hm?" Riku looked up, his aquamarine eyes twinkling in the darkness.

Sora stiffened. Seeing Riku like this made Sora want to cry. "Did you…love him?" Sora was afraid to know, afraid to ask, but he just _had_ to know. He had to know if his ex best friend truly did love Leon. If so…then really, what did Sora have left to fight for? Their happiness? They could do that themselves.

Riku lowered his gaze. "I…don't think I did," he murmured. "I cared about him a lot, don't get me wrong, Roxas," Riku reasoned and then began shivering once again due to the lack of clothing he wore. "But he would have never allowed me to love him."

"Why?" Sora tilted his head to the right.

Riku chuckled distantly. "You up for another depressing story?"

Sora rolled his eyes and nodded. "If it'll make you feel better than all right, I am up for it. But let's go some place warmer." Sora took Riku's wrist and lead him _inside_ the NBC building this time.

The yellowish building filled their senses as a blanket of warmth covered them. Riku breathed in the warm air with relief as Sora dropped his wrist, glad that they hadn't gotten separated. Sora cleared his throat and nudged his hand in the general direction of a pair of stairs that lead downstairs. Riku followed faithfully after Sora as they trekked down the black granite stairs. At least it was warm in here. As long as it was warm Sora didn't mind walking. As long as he could help Riku just a fraction and complete his job, anyhow.

Sora stopped at the base of the stairs and took a left, headed down a twisting hallway. Riku said nothing and walked silently after the brunet angel. After a few minutes of walking through the underground shopping plaza (there really was no other way to describe the glorious building) Sora stopped yet again. The brunet turned around and smirked softly at Riku and gestured to a vacant table beside a smaller Starbucks.

Riku mirrored that smirk and took a seat alongside Sora.

Then there was silence again. "So…now that we're inside, sitting down…wanna start that story?" Sora suggested as he laced his hands together on top of the small table.

Riku cleared his throat and nodded. Wearily, Riku threaded his nimble fingers through his tresses of hair and then looked up to Sora. "I have no idea where to start, Roxas. I suppose I'll start at the very beginning." Sora nodded approvingly. "When I was young I had a best friend…" Sora's heart clenched. "He was amazing, really. We fought a lot. It was mostly my fault. Anyhow, Leon was his older brother and we really didn't get along whatsoever for all the years I was Sora's friend." Sora swallowed thickly, trying not to break down. "Leon, in fact, hated me. I was a jerk, I admit it." Riku looked off to the right. "Anyways, to make a long story short, something happened between me and my best friend…and Leon thinks he's just a replacement for Sora."

Sora choked on his own spit. "A… replacement?"

Riku looked back at the brunet curiously. "You know. An alternative best friend and whatnot." Riku looked down again, a small blush on his pale cheeks. Riku _never_ blushed. "And…well, more, but that's beside the point."

Sora felt like throwing up. "This boy you were friends with, what happened to him?" Sora asked slowly, his voice catching in his throat. He tried to be strong and understanding but at this moment it was becoming harder by the moment.

Behind those silver bangs, and in those sea green eyes, was shame. "…He died." There was pain and remorse in Riku's voice.

Sora pretended to look stunned and depressed, and honestly, it wasn't hard. For Riku to tell a random stranger the story about _him_ and still be _sad_ over it nearly drove Sora to the limit. Riku actually cared that he had died? Sora, being overly curious, asked, "How did you cope with something as horrible as that?" If Riku was _effected_ by Sora's death, then how did he manage with it?

Riku shook his head. "I just did. It took awhile," Riku murmured vaguely and rubbed his forehead, as if suffering from a migraine.

"I'm sorry. It's… a tough topic for you, I can see that," Sora whispered and looked down at his fingers again. So Riku was still effected by his death? Sora closed his eyes briefly. _Eight years. __Eight damn years.__ Why don't they know it's me? It's only been god damn years._

"It's fine. I was the one to bring it up," Riku concluded and took in a heavy, deep, and hopefully relaxing breath. "If I lose Leon as well, I don't know what I'll do, Roxas. Even if Leon and I stay friends…I just can't lose him."

Sora nodded slowly, pretending that he understood Riku's desperation. "I'm sure he'll come to his senses tomorrow. I'd offer to go with you tomorrow back to your apartment but I think that'll just make matters worse."

"Thanks…Roxas," Riku offered a weary smile.

Sora smiled, despite his aching heart. "Hey, Riku?"

"Hm?" The silent silveret looked back up at the angel. "What?"

"…Considering Leon kicked you out for the night, do you want to …spend the night at my place? I have extra room and I don't think I'd be able to sleep if I knew you were out on the streets, freezing to death," Sora admitted and embarrassedly began licking his lips. Riku. In the same household as him? For a night? This wasn't going to end well…but what could Sora possibly do? Riku was his 'friend' now and that's what friends did. Help each other out.

"Really?" Riku blinked in genuine surprise.

"Yeah," Sora said, sealing one of many deals that would forever set the course of his future.

**x**x**xx**xx**xx**xx**x**

"I like your apartment," Riku said as he closed the door gently behind him, trapping all the warm air inside Sora's apartment. The one that Sora didn't have to pay for. The one that, truly, wasn't even Sora's but more so belonged to Heaven, which still confused Sora. How could Heaven own things down here? Sora didn't bother trying to figure out. Right now the most important thing was, sadly, the depressed silveret in his home.

"Thanks," Sora chuckled kindly and tossed his coat on the couch. Quietly, Sora stretched and looked at Riku, noting how distant and quiet his demeanor was. Sora cleared his throat and then asked, "Do you want something to drink?" He gestured to the kitchen over to his left.

"Whatever you're having is fine," Riku answered as he took a cautious seat on Sora's couch. Sora nodded and scampered off to the small kitchen. "I take it I'm sleeping on this tonight, right?" The silveret patted the couch, testing to see how comfortable it was.

Sora glanced back at Riku as he neared the fridge. "Yeah…sorry. I'd offer you my bed but…I have this thing. I don't like other people sleeping in my bed," the brunet said sheepishly and turned back to the fridge. The angel grumbled something incoherent under his breath as he pulled the door open. Before him was an array of drinks. Sora settled upon a simple glass of water.

After two minutes, Sora returned. The brunet angel handed Riku his glass and took a seat beside him. Blue eyes watched in silent fascination as his old-friend took a sip of the cold beverage.

"Thank you," Riku said quietly, setting the glass down on the small table in front of the couch. "You really are an angel, Roxas."

Sora recoiled from the words. They were too close to home. Too close to the truth. "Me? An angel? You must be joking…" Sora looked out the window distractedly, trying to hide the blush that was appearing on his cheeks. The blush that he wanted to smack himself for having. This was absurd. He should _hate_ Riku, not _blush_ over him.

"I would have to disagree," Riku said and chortled.

"Pft. What makes me an angel, then?" Sora asked, despite how badly he was shaking. Hopefully the silver haired Adonis beside him would not notice this. Riku had never been the observant kind, so Sora counted himself lucky.

"Let's see…well, first, you invite me into your house and let me spend the night. Secondly, you're probably the kindest person I've met, and thirdly, well, you can tolerate me," Riku said and displayed a weak smirk over at Sora. Even though Riku was in a rare, broken state, he still had that ambigious charm that Sora couldn't help but feeling dizzy over.

"A lot of people are like that. It doesn't make them angels," Sora remarked and then placed a finger to his chin. "And hey, don't you not believe in angels and that stuff? Why the sudden change of heart, huh?" _I actually might be doing my job. Oh my god. _Sora couldn't help but smile openly at the thought. _The quicker I change Riku's views on life the quicker I can return to Cloud and find my family in heaven! This is actually…going well, despite the whole Leon fiasco._

Riku snorted in amusement, shaking his head. "How about earth bound angels, then? I'll believe in those, then."

Sora went silent.

Riku looked up and eyed Sora suspiciously. "Something wrong, Roxas?"

"No," Sora answered automatically. "I was just thinking."

"Oh?" Riku arched a brow and took another sip from his glass of water, glad to have it.

"I was thinking how a person who doesn't believe in afterlife can believe in earth bound angels. That's kinda an oxymoron, you know," Sora said and then grinned despite how _nervous_ he was feeling. _Let's get off the topic of angels, please, Riku. I don't want to slip. Please, pick another subject_. Inside, Sora was an emotional mess. At least he was a good actor.

"All right, you caught me," Riku chuckled. "Not technical angels. I meant…people that are just too good to be true. Not _real_ angels."

Half of Sora was elated to hear that and another part died from the knowledge. "So you're…what? Calling me too good to be true? Geez, Riku. That's the lamest pickup line ever." Sora didn't know why he tossed in that last line but he did. The best thing to do in a situation like this was toss humor in, right? Humor usually cheered people up. That and laughter. Both were beautiful remedies.

"You think I'm picking you up?" A true smirk appeared on Riku's lips for the first time that night.

Sora nodded jokingly. "Oh yes. I do believe that."

"Well, I'm not," Riku drawled, a bit too slowly. Sora arched a brow but then lowered that single eyebrow when his eyes widened in shock. Out of _nowhere_ Riku was wrapping his arms around him. "But now I am."

Sora squeaked in alarm as his body was hoisted into the air. _What?!?_ Sora began to flail about, not enjoying being held _bridal_ style by _Riku_. _Riku __Karada_ Sora shrieked in protest as he began punching Riku's chest, demanding to be put down. Riku ignored him and laughed heartedly, holding the brunet male close to his chest in utter enjoyment. After a few moments of pathetic screaming, Sora quieted and glared up at Riku.

"How literal," Sora murmured as Riku grinned down devilishly at him.

"Why thank you. I know, I'm clever," the taller concluded as he made no move to place Sora back on the couch.

Sora went silent once again. _Riku…has me in his arms…literally_. Sora's heart began to throb and pound and other insane things Sora didn't know it could do. It was beating so damn fast and he had no idea why. _No, no, no_, he told himself as his eyes went blurry, his heart not being able to withstand staring up into that broken perfection. _I can't…like him. I can't, I can't. _Sora wanted to cry but he resisted. Just for now. Just for this moment. _I can't…_

"Your eyes are amazing," Riku said, his voice dropping to a whisper as he stared down at the brunet in his grasps.

_Please…don't do this to me, Riku…_ "If you're looking for…rebound action, you're not getting any," Sora said sternly, though at the end his voice cracked and he ended up appearing like a blushing, flushed idiot. How joyous.

"Who says I was?" Riku wondered as his eyes dropped to half-mast, staring rather fondly down at Sora. "Anyway…" Riku trailed off and loosened his grip around Sora, finally allowing the brunet to sit back down on the couch. Sora gladly took this opportunity and pounced back onto the couch, sitting nervously beside Riku.

"That was…awkward," Sora decided as he intertwined his fingers in his lap.

"Agreed," Riku replied and fell silent.

"Yep…" Sora scratched the back of his head.

"That it was…." Riku tapped his fingers against his knee.

"If it makes you feel any better, Riku, I think Leon's a fool for dumping you. You're an amazing guy," Sora said, though he wasn't really thinking of the words he spoke. They mostly just fluttered out like caged butterflies suddenly set free. When the words entered Sora's ear and registered in his mind, Sora flushed a dark red and quickly added in, "You know! From a friend standpoint!"

Riku smiled warmly. "Thanks, Roxas."

Sora breathed out in relief, glad that Riku wasn't making fun of him. "You're welcome."

The ever prominent awkward silence then decided to drift in. Riku twiddled his thumbs together before finally deciding to ask, "Roxas, can I ask you something?"

Sora lifted his gaze from its placement outside the window. The moon was so gorgeous tonight…Sora had missed it when he was in Heaven. "Yeah? What is it?" What could Riku possibly ask him? Sora was like a newly opened book. Everything was _out there_ for Riku to know. Well…almost everything. Some secrets Sora kept to himself.

"Do you honestly see Leon and I getting back together?" Riku questioned, desperation floating in those broken glass-pools of sea green. It was tragic, really.

Sora bit his bottom lip. "Honestly?..." Sora shifted uncomfortably. "Leon seems like a…stubborn person. I don't really know, Riku. To be honest…I doubt it." _I know how my brother is. Even though you may love him, he won't care. Whatever reasons he has for breaking up with you, he's going to stick by them. It'll…hurt me to see him not take you back, though. You guys seemed to so perfect before I came over for that stupid dinner._

"Thanks…for your honesty," Riku mumbled and closed his eyes, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "Today's just been such a peachy day." A groan ensued.

Sora nodded and laughed softly. "It has been. I mean. I feel, what? How many times on the ice? Probably over twenty. I'm sore all over. And now you and Leon broke up…and I didn't get to have a Starbucks drink today and….well, it was just a bad day," Sora concluded in concurrence.

"Hopefully tomorrow will be better," Riku stated and cracked one eye halfway open. "Do you think it'll be?"

And there was no denying how beautiful Riku was. "Maybe," Sora said with an indignant shrug.

"You…seem upset all of a sudden. What's wrong?" Riku murmured, noticing a sudden mood change in the brunet beside him. "Did I say something to offend you? If I did, I'm sorry, Roxas. I'm just not in a good mood, for obvious reasons. My mind's not in the right place."

Sora shook his head, dismissing the uncertainty that clung to them. "No, it's nothing you did, Riku." _At least nothing you did today. I was just thinking about how things could have been different if you were this nice when we were younger. We could have gotten along all the time and maybe…maybe you would have….reciprocated when I…when I tried to kiss you…_

"Oh, okay," Riku said and nodded in silent understanding. "Just checking."

"Yep…"

"Do you want to go to sleep?" Riku asked softly, looking over at Sora with a sad smile. "I won't mind, don't worry. You don't need to stay up on account of me."

Sora shrugged. The brunet was about to answer when a hand slid on top of his own. Ice filled the angel's blood as he dared to glance down at Riku's hand that was resting on top of his. The fingers weren't intertwined, though. His hand was just on top of his…and it was enough to send a cascading river of heat through Sora. Sora struggled to breathe.

"You look tired," Riku noted and stared softly at Sora. "Go to bed. We can finish talking in the morning." Sora nodded, a bit entranced by their small form of contact. He was suddenly a helpless drone under the spell of the gorgeous Riku Karada. "Thank you for everything, Roxas."

Sora nodded feverishly this time as Riku removed his hand. "Goodnight," Sora whispered back and was about to make his move to leave the couch but was stopped entirely when a pair of angelic lips pressed against his cheek. Those lips…so soft and wet and amazing. Gliding against his cheek. Sora's eyes lidded and his hand, that was out of sight of Riku, clenched the couch's cushion intensely, biting back an urge to gasp in silent pleasure. The gentle kiss to the cheek ended all too quickly and Sora found Riku smirking at him.

"'night," the silveret told him.

"Y-yeah," Sora said and stumbled off the couch, waving sleepily at Riku before staggering down on the hallway, on a euphoric, shameful high. He shouldn't have enjoyed that small brush of lips against his skin. He shouldn't have reacted like a hormonal school-girl. He shouldn't have blushed. He should have pushed Riku away and glared at him and demanded that he and Leon get back together. He should have done so many things but all Sora did was fall back into the old trend. All Sora did was fall back into the trap that Riku lay.

And for some reason, it hurt even _worse_ this time.

**x**x**xx**xx**xx**xx**x**

Sora awoke to the ringing of his cell phone. Considering Riku was in his _house_ and the fact that no one else had the number…Sora curiously answered it, despite how groggy he was feeling. The brunet yawned and murmured a sleepy hello into the phone, hoping that whoever it was had just gotten the wrong number. Therefore, he could just go back to bed and curl up in his blankets and perhaps sleep the day away.

"Sora?"

Sora sat up straight. "Axel? How'd you get this number?"

"You gave it to me, you doofus," answered the redhead with a distinctive chuckle. "Listen. I didn't see Riku last night at the bar. Do you know where he is? He won't answer his phone and I tried calling Leon but Leon refuses to tell me anything. I have no idea _what_ bug crawled up his ass, but I'm assuming it's not Riku, considering Leon sounded really pissed. Anyhow, do you know where he is?" That had to be the longest ramble in _history_ that was on a cell phone.

Sora groaned and laid back down, allowing his spiky brown head to make contact with the soft pillows behind him. "He's…" Yawn. "Here with me."

Pause. "_Oh my god, Sora!_ You did _not_ screw him last night, did you?! Oh my god! You're back on Earth for almost a week and you've already fucked your old crush?! Who's dating someone?! How scandalous! I applaud you, you player."

Sora's head was beginning to hurt. Badly. "Axel…breathe, would you?"

"How can I when I just learned such…shocking news?" A laugh was heard from the other end of the phone.

Sora sighed and proceeded to correct Axel. "Okay, first off, I'm…really tired, so excuse my lack of a vocabulary. Okay, secondly, Riku's here because he and Leon had a fight and broke up. And thirdly, we didn't…have sex," he lowered his tired voice to a flushed whisper, "he's just staying the night because Leon kicked him out."

And then a resounding 'ooooh' was heard over the phone. "Have you made your move then, yet?"

Sora rolled his eyes. "As you said, I've barely been back for a week, Axel. Do you honestly think I would have kissed Riku ye—Hey! Wait a second!"

Axel snorted in sheer delight. "You just…admitted that you still like him. I'm proud of you."

"You tricked me!" Sora growled into the phone, now fully awake. "You're taking advantage of my sleepy state and I'm eternally angry at you for that! I don't like him anymore! Not after everything he did, Axel! Even you should understand that! How could I?! Does that even make sense?"

Axel sighed into the phone. "…I can understand that, Sora…I really can…but he's changed."

Sora sighed as well. "He told me about _me_ last night."

"Did he?"

"Mhm," Sora said and began massaging his forehead, similar to what Riku had done. Hey, at least it was helpful for his headache. Hopefully Riku was still asleep. Hopefully.

"What'd he say?" Axel demanded.

"He sounded really depressed over it. Which he ought to be," Sora grumbled. "For everything he did to me, and all."

"Yeah…but did he kiss you?"

"No!"

Axel began laughing hysterically. "Listen, I'm gonna hang up now, Sora. Before I piss you off even more. I'll talk to you later, then, now that I know where Riku is and all. I should have known he'd be over at your place. The chemistry and pull of love between you two is undeniable. You're like…the sun and he is merely a planet. Or something cheesy like that. I don't know."

Sora groaned. "Are you done?"

"Yes."

"Goodbye, Axel," Sora drawled, finger over the 'end' button.

"Seeya, Sora. Remember, _safe sex!_"

Sora slammed his finger against the end button and tossed the phone onto the floor, now a shade darker. Stupid Axel and his stupid suggestions. The brunet groaned yet again and yanked the blankets back over his head. Maybe he'd just sleep for a few more hours, wake Riku up, have another conversation with him and—That's right. Riku had kissed his cheek last night. Sora opened his eyes and lightly touched his cheek with his fingers. It was still tingling. The brunet swallowed before shaking his head. _No,_ he kept telling himself. _No. I can't do this. I can't._

And he kept telling himself that as he fell back into a light slumber. One that would surely be disturbed shortly.

**x**x**xx**xx**xx**xx**x**

Sora stood by the entrance to the living room. Blue hues stared worriedly at the slumbering silver haired male who was stretched out on his couch, clutching a blanket desperately over his tall body. It wasn't Riku's fault that he was tall—one of the only things that _wasn't_ his fault. Regardless, the broken down teenager turned and groaned incoherently in his sleep, looking rather perturbed and downright miserable. And it hurt to admit it but Sora felt _bad_ for Riku. Just for this moment, anyhow.

Out of nowhere, Riku stirred away. Aquamarine eyes flashed open and settled upon Sora's thin, boney frame near the couch. As Sora came into focus, Riku sat up straight and continued staring at the brunet who seemed void of emotions at this moment. Sora said nothing. Neither of them said anything for a moment. It was almost as if one of them _knew_ something they shouldn't. Just thinking that thought sent shivers down Sora's spine.

"Did I wake you? I'm sorry," Riku mumbled as a hand flew into the air and raked through his tangled mess of silver. "I sometimes sleep-talk, and well, I've never really figured out why." A dismal shrug.

Riku being friendly was still bothering Sora. A lot. "No, you didn't wake me," Sora answered and shook his head, brown locks of hair. Something was bothering Sora, a lot, and he was going to ask it even if it killed him—again. But for now, he'd avoid it. At least for a few minutes. "Are you going back to your apartment today?..."

"I'll wait until he calls me," Riku said and arose. "If I'm inconveniencing you I can go."

"No. You can stay as long as you want. It doesn't bother me." The question floated back into Sora's head once more. And he just had to ask it. "Riku?..." Riku looked back over to Sora with gratitude and a dash of confusion. "…You said, that when you were young you were a really huge jerk, right?" A hesitant nod. "…What changed you?"

Riku bit his bottom lip and began toying with the ends of the blanket he had been given. The gorgeous silveret swallowed and then daringly answered with, "His death changed me…that's all."

Sora stared deeply at Riku, as if expecting more, but when none came, Sora nodded sincerely and turned away. Perhaps some things were better left unsaid.

Perhaps… his eternal crush for the man who had hurt him as a child was better left unsaid.

**x**x**xx**xx**xx**xx**x**

_Leon stared sternly at the trembling Riku. Wearily, the brunet teen extended a hand and placed it onto Riku's quivering shoulder. There were no words spoken. Gently, Leon lowered himself down onto his knees and cautiously brushed his fingers through the younger's hair. "Riku," Leon spoke calmly, a frown appearing on his stoic lips. "Moping like this won't solve anything."_

_"Leon!" Riku choked and pushed away the hand. "No. I can't…You don't understand at all, do you?!"_

_"…Riku. I was his brother…of course I fucking understand," Leon murmured harshly, a lot better at hiding his emotions than the silveret. "But you need to break out of this. You're…scaring us. You've never acted like this before. It's frightening."_

_"I just lost my best friend!" Riku spat back, anger flashing in his eyes. "How the _fuck_ do you think I feel?"_

_"…I know…"_

_"And he's never coming back, Leon! I fucking lost him. He didn't…He didn't even fucking know how I felt!" Riku slammed his fist down onto the ground, tears falling from his eyes. "Fuck, Leon…He shouldn't have died…"_

_Leon nodded sympathetically. "I know, Riku…he shouldn't have."_

_"__…I miss him, Leon…"_

_Leon stared emotionlessly at Riku and then coldly answered, "You should…"

* * *

reviewwww_


	7. move in with me

new chapter. i cried like five times writing this. emotional. one plot twist is revealed. a hell of a lot more to come. just you wait. this one i'm pretty sure most of you saw coming. it was supposed to be semi obvious. if you didn't, well, here it regardless. much love to all reviews.

* * *

_**Heavenly**_

_"Sora," Axel told the brunet with a frown on his lips. "You can't hide from him forever," the redhead reasoned as the pair of males hid in the elementary school slide. Of course, they were far too old to be in such things but it was a hiding place. And that was all that mattered at this moment._

_"He won't find me here," Sora pointed out and sheepishly looked up to Axel, a small smile forming. __"Besides!__ It's kind of fun, isn't it__Hiding in a slide, together. We can share secrets in our own secret place and stuff," Sora said and beamed widely at the other._

_"You're a strange one," Axel decided and ruffled his friend's hair. "If you find hiding in a slide that's two sizes __two__ small for us fun, then I commend you."_

_Sora stuck his tongue out at Axel. "You're just jealous that you didn't think of this great idea yourself."_

_"No, that's not a look of jealously, my young friend. That's a look of a crushed limb," Axel answered bluntly. And honestly, his arm _was_ being crushed. The pair began laughing heartedly and decided to remain in that orange slide for the rest of the day. _

_It was those times where Sora wondered why he even considered Riku a better friend than Axel._

**x**x**x**x**x**xxx**x**x**x**x**xx**

Sora had heated up a few waffles that were in the freezer section of his fridge. Riku had one, Sora had one, and they shared the third. Waffles. They barely had any flavor. Sora figured that they were just suffering from freezer-burn and therefore were lasting a distinctive taste. Regardless, Sora consumed his and waited for Riku to finish. That was something about Riku that hadn't changed over the past eight years—Riku was a slow eater. Blue eyes watched the silveret carefully cut the waffles into small sections, dousing maple syrup on them, and then pushing them into his mouth for consumption. As Sora watched him eat, Sora silently wondered just how many things had changed in Riku's life since his death.

Riku obviously had no one to pick on, abuse, and toy with after Sora died. From the way Riku retold that story, Sora supposed he must have been shell-shocked, perhaps even remorseful. Sora sighed mentally and tossed the thought aside. Just because Riku was feeling bad over Sora's death didn't mean that he valued the brunet when he was still alive. And just because Riku said that Sora's death had caused him to stop being a jerk didn't necessarily mean that was the truth. Leon would know but right now, Leon probably hated Sora, who called 'Roxas'. After all, it seemed like ever since Sora entered Riku's new life, Leon and Riku's relationship fell to shreds.

"Roxas, you're spacing out," Riku declared, lifting his fork into the air. Maple sugar dripped off the prongs, landing onto the plate.

Sora snapped out of his daze and locked his blue gaze with Riku's. Right. He was zoning out again. He had to stop _doing_ that around Riku…the other might get _ideas_. Sora cleared his throat and glanced across the room at a calendar that hung from his wall. Lovely. They had even gone to the trouble of _marking_ the blasted thing. How wonderful. "Sorry, I'm just not feeling myself today."

"It's fine," Riku answered, gently waving it off. "Thanks again for letting me stay the night. It was really kind," the silveret said and offered a brilliant smile in Sora's direction.

Sora chuckled under his breath and glanced down at his empty plate. _That smile. __Damnit__…_ Sora laced his hands together on the table for a moment, trying to regulate his breathing. Cautiously, Sora got up and took his dirty plate over to the sink. Maybe cleaning the dishes would clear Sora's mind off this stupid haze that Riku was casting. Sora grunted irritably under his breath and began scrubbing the dish with a sponge, trying to remove all that stupid maple sugar.

"I'm going to call Leon really quickly and see if he's still pissed," Riku explained as he lifted up from his seat and crossed the kitchen and into the living room to retrieve his cell phone. Sora's eyes followed Riku's retreating backside and the brunet had to smack himself with the sponge to get a grip on himself.

"Breathe, Sora, it's just Riku," Sora told himself as he continued scrubbing. "Riku, the jerk-face," he continued in a whisper. "The boy who made your life horrible and teased you and punched you and yelled at you…" Sora's scrubbing ceased as he stood there, frozen to the spot. "The boy who…was always there for you regardless…" On more occasions then Sora could count. Most Sora didn't want to relive. Never again.

Sora heard Riku on the phone and dropped the plate into the sink quickly. Stealthily, the brunet meandered over to the end of the kitchen, crouching down out of view. Perhaps he could listen in to Leon and Riku's discussion and see what was going on? He had the right to know, after all, as earlier stated. Sora was Leon's brother still, regardless that he was deceased and now a heavenly being. Anyhow, moving on.

Sora strained to hear what Riku was saying. What he did hear was Riku saying the following… '_Are you serious?' 'Leon, you must be joking. Reconsider…please…' 'It's half my apartment too, you idiot!' '…no, Leon, don't…' 'You know what this means to me, Leon. You know what's on the line!' __'…I know. But things have changed, Leon.' 'I don't think so.' __'By…tonight?'__ 'All of my things? __Where will I go?!'__'How can you not care?!'_Riku then tossed his phone across the room. Apparently Leon had hung up on Riku.

The cell phone crashed against the apartment wall and shattered in half, the screen breaking upon contact. The silveret huffed angrily and took a seat on the couch, cradling his head in-between both of his hands. Sora couldn't quite hear what Riku was saying, but he knew it involved Leon and the pain Riku was currently facing. Sora felt like telling Riku he deserved it, but Sora chose not to.

Cautiously, the brunet entered the room. "I heard a crash…" Sora started, looking at Riku nervously. God. Riku looked like a mess. A beautiful one, but a mess nonetheless.

"Threw my cell phone," Riku explained, gesturing over his shoulder to the broken shards that had once been his phone.

Sora winced at the sight and walked over to the couch, making the wise choice and deciding to just stand by Riku. The other probably didn't want Sora to sit next to him at this moment. "Can I get you anything, Riku?..."

"A new life, for starters," Riku whispered despondently and then grumbled under his breath, "but I've already fucked up too much for that, so don't even bother."

Sora frowned and placed a weary hand on Riku's shoulder. The silveret glanced up and looked at him for a long moment. Silence. Were those tears in Riku's eyes? The angel recoiled but kept his hand on Riku's shoulder. Riku needed reassuring for once in his life and Sora was going to give it to him. Not really understanding what he was doing, Sora crouched down and engulfed Riku into a hug. Sora's scrawny arms barely wrapped around Riku.

Riku's eyes widened and leaned apprehensively into the hug. Sora thought it felt warm, unlike their old hugs from when he was alive. Sora rested his chin upon Riku's shoulder and sighed out blissfully. "I'm sorry this is happening to you, Riku."

A fraction of Sora was, surprisingly, sorry.

"I'll get through it," Riku mumbled stubbornly, his soft hands resting on the small of Sora's back. Somehow, Sora ended up sitting down on the couch beside Riku, never once breaking their hug. It was either that or shift into Riku's lap, and Sora gladly chose the couch.

"I know you will but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt," Sora pointed out dogmatically and proceeded to rest his forehead against Riku's shoulder. It was so comforting. Oddly comforting, actually. It was almost like old times—before Riku turned into an overactive bully.

"Of course it hurts," Riku snapped back, his hands remaining flat against Sora's small back. Aquamarine eyes were closed. Almost painfully.

"What did he say?" Sora pried, his urge to be close to Riku nearly taking over his body. Sora remained rigid in the hug, his arms loosely wrapped around Riku's neck. Blue eyes stared awkwardly at Riku's shirt, his breath hitching in his throat. Riku was so close to him. Like last night, even. Sora couldn't allow what happened last night to happen again. He just couldn't. He wasn't here to fall back in love, if he had ever done so in the first place. No, he was here to save Riku from the incinerator and teach him right from wrong.

"He told me he didn't want me living there anymore. We've never had a breakup like this, Roxas. I'm worried," Riku whispered brokenly, his rough tone suddenly melting into weary. "If I had known this would affect us so damn badly I would have never started dating him again."

"Where are you going to live now?" Sora murmured, his fingers playing with each other as he remained rigid in Riku's grasp. Why wasn't Riku letting go of him? Sora's heart continued to beat faster.

"I don't know," Riku answered honestly with a dejected sigh. "I don't think I have a place _to_ go."

Were Riku's hands weaving through his brown hair? Sora further stiffened and lowered his gaze down onto the floor. _I can't let this go any farther. I have to get them back together before Riku does something he'll regret. Or more importantly, before I do something I regret…last night was too close. Too close for comfort_. But those hands in Sora's hair. It felt so warm so Sora naturally leaned into the touch, despite his quarreling heart.

Then Sora blurted out, "You can stay here…if you want."

Riku blinked and his hands ceased their enticing movement. "What?"

Sora breathed in and embarrassedly murmured, "I said you can live here, at least until you can find another place or until you and Leon fix things…assuming you will, which I know you will." Sora's cheeks were a bright red. Riku? Live here? With him? What was Sora? _Nuts_?

"I can?" Riku questioned, his hand flat against Sora's head.

"If you want," Sora murmured shyly. "I can't see you living in some crappy hotel or on the streets. Even though we don't know each other that well yet, you can stay here with me…I trust you enough." Sora gulped down the lump of guilt that formed in his throat. He only trusted Riku because it was his job to trust Riku—to help Riku.

"Thank you, Roxas," Riku whispered. "If it's going to be an inconvenience for you, tell me now. I don't want to disrupt your life."

"What life?" Sora snorted in amusement. And really, what life? Sora was dead. He had no life. Not physically or socially.

Riku released a hearty laugh. "So you're sure you're not going to regret me moving in for a few weeks? I won't stay long, I promise. I'll be out by the end of the month, no matter what. I'll probably be gone sooner…but it all depends on Leon and my job and promotions and shit…" Riku cleared his throat worriedly.

_And by the end of this month I'll be back in Heaven, Riku. And you'll never see me again… I'll never see you again, either…_Sora's throat clenched and he suddenly felt very weak and faint. _Why…Why does this bother me? I should be glad that I'll be away from Riku soon_. Sora shook away the thought and decided to just answer Riku's question. "It's fine. Don't worry."

"Thanks," Riku breathed out again and finally broke their hug that really had lasted far too long. "I'll go over Leon's later to get my stuff. He offered to leave it outside the door for me. Isn't that nice of him?"

Sora sighed. "I'm really sorry this is happening, Riku. If I had _any_ part in this I am _so_ sorry," Sora babbled. But really, why should he be sorry? Leon was away from Riku, that was a good thing. Riku was miserable, that was also a good thing. Riku might court him instead…which wasn't really a bad thing.

"Roxas," Riku stated quietly and placed a hand onto Sora's cheek. Sora instantly blushed and widened his eyes. "You're innocent. Don't try thinking otherwise. We're just having our own problems. It has nothing to do with you. Don't blame yourself."

It took everything Sora had not to lean into that warm and accepted touch. "Okay…but I still feel bad."

"Don't," Riku told him and offered a smirk. "You don't have to feel bad. I'll be fine. I'm an adult."

"Anyone can feel a broken heart, stupid. Not just teenagers," Sora muttered and looked off to the right, suddenly feeling irritable.

Riku eyed Sora for a moment. "You've suffered from a broken heart, I assume, Roxas?" Riku arched a silvery brow and frowned at him. Sora shyly looked back over at Riku and nodded weakly.

"Yeah…it's a long story. I don't feel like going into it, I'm sorry, Riku. Maybe some other time. Let's just concentrate on you and Leon. My story isn't a big deal," the brunet reasoned as he forced a smile over at him.

"Then tell me another time," Riku agreed and brushed his fingers on Sora's cheek, causing the brunet to tense up. "I don't see how anyone can hurt someone like you. I mean, you're gorgeous," Riku complimented, his nimble fingers tracing the contours of Sora's face.

The blush remained. "Remember, Riku. I'm not here as a rebound. I'm here as your friend."

Riku chuckled. "I know that. I was just complimenting you. Don't have to be all defensive." He flashed Sora a dazzling smile and dropped his fingers. Sora said nothing so Riku decided to start a new conversation. "I'm going to go to my apartment and see if my things are out."

"But I thought you said you would later," Sora pointed out, too enthralled by the fingers that had once been on his face. _Don't forget your mission, Sora. You're not here to fall back into his arms and comfort. You're here to fix his messed up life. That's all. _Sora blinked for a moment. _But…would me dating him fix it_

"I'll just do it now. Why procrastinate?" Riku said and got to his feet, stretching his arms above his head. "Besides, I'd rather do it now and not have to worry all day as to whether or not Leon's going to attack me when I get there. And by attack, I don't mean the sexual kind," he deadpanned lamely and snatched his coat from the back of Sora's couch.

Sora rolled his eyes. "Okay, you do that. I'm going to go see Axel for a bit."

"Sure thing," Riku answered and smirked over at Sora. "Just don't let him seduce you. He's good for that," he advised, waggling his eyebrows over at the brunet.

Sora rolled his eyes, yet again. "I think I can handle myself, Riku," Sora answered sternly and got up as well. His gaze wandered back over to Riku. When he first returned to Earth all he wanted to do was punch Riku square in the face. Now he wanted to kiss that face. Sora angrily dismissed the thoughts. It was just his hormones, that's all. If you've never kissed before you're prone to want to kiss any attractive person you see. And, considering the past, Sora found it heartbreakingly easy to become attracted to Riku yet again.

"Can you?" Riku challenged, his hands falling down to rest on his hips.

"I can," Sora agreed and grabbed his own coat, easily slipping it on. "I resisted your pathetic pick up lines and passes, didn't I?"

"Good point," Riku said and rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. "I'm flirtatious by nature then, I suppose." A cheesy grin displayed on his features.

"I noticed," Sora answered curtly and made his way over to the door. As he passed Riku, a hand reached out and took his wrist. Confusedly, Sora turned back to Riku. His eyes met Riku's. "Something wrong?" Sora asked slowly.

"Thank you again, Roxas," Riku breathed out graciously. "If there's anything you need, anything at all, don't be afraid to ask."

A perverted blush appeared on Sora's cheeks and he fought it off. It wasn't working, though. "I'll keep that in mind," Sora said quietly and shook his hand free of Riku's grasp. With a weak smile, he left his apartment, waving Riku off.

_You wanted to kiss him, Sora. You wanted to kiss that face and pull him down onto the couch. Don't deny that you're happy that things are playing out the way they are currently. Don't even try to hide it_, Sora thought to himself with a sad smile. _I'm pathetic…_

**x**x**x**x**x**xxx**x**x**x**x**xx**

"So you're telling me you're falling for his pretty-boy charm?" Axel asked as he handed a small, brunette girl a pair of white skates. The redhead told her the rules and waved her off as she happily skated onto the rink, singing some merry tune under her breath. Christmas was soon, right.

"I wouldn't call it falling," Sora reasoned. The brunet leaned against the small wall that surrounded the beginning of the rink where Axel was standing. Sora's eyes wandered over to Axel a moment later. He said nothing. _Falling.__ I don't fall. And I certainly don't love, either. I just become attracted, that's all_.

"What about freefalling into love?" Axel questioned as he turned his attention back to Sora. The skinny male's hands rested square onto his hips, similar to how Riku did this morning. Oh well. Now was not the time for comparisons.

"Not that either," Sora grumbled stubbornly. "Axel… I'm here for a month. I'm not here to date Riku and get my heart broken again." A glare was sent towards Axel.

Axel chuckled. "It'd be a perk, now wouldn't it? Minus the heartbreak. I doubt he'd break your heart twice, kid," he explained casually and quirked his lips into an all-knowing smirk. That just crept Sora out, honestly.

"…Axel," Sora said gravely and snatched the man's arm. Axel was the only person who recognized him. He was the only person who _believed_ him. Who still called him Sora. Who still was his _friend_. Axel was his lifeline and Sora was relieved for that. He didn't question as to why Axel believed so heartedly, he was just thankful that he did. "One moment I want to punch Riku's lights out and the next I want…to kiss him. What's happening to me?..." His grip loosened.

"You're learning to forgive," Axel explained softly. "It was an accident, Sora. You should know that. True, he wasn't the kindest person in the world but it was an accident."

It felt odd to speak of your own death after you've already died. "Axel…" Sora lowered his gaze and felt tears prick at the corner of his blue eyes. He was _falling apart_. His mind suddenly began reeling, replaying those events. His _death_. Sora's stomach knotted and he felt like throwing up again. It was like the first night back here. In his bathroom. He felt sick and faint. The brunet weakly clung to Axel, and without knowing it, buried his face into his taller friend's chest, silently sobbing.

"I know, Sora," Axel murmured and raked his fingers through his deceased friend's hair. "It's hard, I bet it is." When people began staring Axel spat at them and to mind their own god damn business. No one else said anything.

Sora kept releasing cracked, weak, broken noises as his tears drenched Axel's coat.

"Did you ever consider that to save him you need to let him know it's you and that you've finally forgiven him? And that you know he's changed?" Axel suggested, his stroking ceasing as he looked down at the crying angel. An angel should never cry. Even nonbelievers of heaven knew that small fact.

"Axel," Sora lifted his gaze, eyes blurry. "I can't forgive him. He _killed _me."

And the sobbing continued as he gripped violently to his friend, crying his eyes out. Just for now he'd cry. Just for now he'd release all of his god damn frustration from this past week. Just for now he'd cling to his best friend, the only person that knew he was _Sora_, and just for now he'd pretend he was a little boy again, hiding from the big bad bully in Axel's warm arms.

Just for now he'd be Sora again and not Roxas.

**x**x**x**x**x**xxx**x**x**x**x**xx**

"Do you think you should give Riku a call? To let him know you're here and all," Axel asked as he closed his apartment door behind him. Here in New York City most of the residents lived in apartments. Some small, others big, and some massive. It just depended on your income, that was all. When they could no longer build out, they built up, and built more apartments they did.

Sora lowered his gaze and kicked off his shoes. Axel's apartment smelled of something that Sora couldn't quite pinpoint. It wasn't cookies. No, it wasn't that sweet. But it had a good and reassuring feeling about it. Comfort food, in other words. The brunet continued soaking in the aroma as he shuffled his jacket off and hung it up beside Axel's.

"No," Sora finally answered, shaking his head to the side, brown bangs falling into his eyes. "I can't speak to him right now. I need to…gather my thoughts, that's all," he whispered despondently.

Axel nodded and gestured for his friend to take a seat on his couch. Sora graciously did such. The angel took a seat and laced his hands shakily in his lap. At least he had stopped crying. That was a good thing. Sora cleared his throat and proceeded to allow the atmosphere in Axel's homey apartment suck him in. It was larger than his and a lot more comfortable. Smaller than Leon and Riku's, though, but Sora didn't really care.

"I don't get why Heaven did that to you," Axel murmured, rubbing his temples with frustration. "They assign you to save someone you hate? Did they even specify how you are supposed to do that?" the redhead wondered, eying Sora with concern. Sora had never been this _bad_ before. Never.

"They wanted to torture me," whispered Sora weakly. "They wanted me to relive my death, that's what they wanted. They wanted me to have to spend a whole month with Riku and have to resist crying or yelling at him every time I saw him. Do you realize how hard that is, Axel?...Do you realize… how hard it is…to live with your murderer?..."

Axel frowned. "The last time we talked I thought you were doing pretty well, actually."

"I was," Sora admitted. "B-but…I just can't handle it much longer."

"Then I suppose my mid-morning phone call asking if you two fucked didn't help, huh?" Axel questioned, lacing his hands together under his chin. His cat-like eyes watched his brunet friend with a look of sympathy and compassion.

Sora nodded weakly in return.

"Sorry," Axel sighed and shook his head. "You know me, Sora. I can't go a day without a joke or a laugh. I figured that if you were dealing, you—"

"I know," Sora interrupted, peering over at the redhead. "I know what you're trying to say. I thought I was doing well myself. I mean, I coped with Leon and Riku dating. I didn't think I'd manage to do that. I managed to speak to my murderer without throwing up in his face or something stupid. And I even managed to ask him if he wanted to live with me considering Leon kicked him out. But today…when he went to Leon's…something in his eyes. God, Axel. That look he gave me…I went weak and I didn't know what to do. I wanted to cry. I wanted to just _die_ again."

Axel nodded understandingly and reached out, hooking an arm around the brunet's shoulders. "When you died, Sora, he was a mess. He wouldn't speak to anyone for three months. After that he just turned cold and violent. It took awhile for him to break that, but he wanted to be a better person."

Sora stared blankly at Axel. "So killing his best friend made him a better person? Geez…that's backwards," murmured Sora.

"Sora, you know it was an accident," Axel mused, tightening his hold around Sora's shoulders as he sat closely beside his friend. "He didn't know it was loaded, Sora."

"But he…he pulled it anyway."

"He wanted to scare you," Axel said dogmatically.

"He had the _intention_. He pulled the trigger, and I would have hated him regardless if it was loaded or not. He just got lucky and a bullet was in there…" Sora lowered his gaze and choked back another sob. "I hate him so fucking much, Axel."

Axel winced. To hear Sora swear so violently was something new and unsettling. "You're doing a good job so far. I mean, if I were in your shoes I would have already slipped." The redhead ruffled Sora's hair affectionately.

"I'm surprised I haven't," Sora sighed breathlessly, his body still suffering from post-crying shivers. "Every time he calls me Roxas I feel like I want to die. Not because that was Cloud's nickname for me but because he…he'll never call me by my real name ever again. Not even if he says something nice. And I…"

Axel nodded and murmured into Sora's ear, "And if you two get close again it's going to kill you to hear him say another person's name when you're together, right?"

Tears formed in Sora's eyes and he weakly nodded. "It'd be like him cheating on me," Sora whispered and looked over at Axel. Without a word, the brunet buried his head into Axel's chest and began to sob again, salty tears trickling from his blue eyes. The angel remained in Axel's arms, continuing to cry away the frustration and the god damn hurt.

"I'm pathetic," Sora croaked out. "I'm having these…thoughts about the person who betrayed me…who killed me…why am I so weak, Axel?..."

Axel shook his head and pulled away from Sora a few inches so he could see the brunet's face. "Sora, you've been my best friend since I can remember. You're not weak. You and Riku…you guys have a fucked up relationship, and it's not your fault that your heart is still attached to him. It's not your fault," he murmured and pressed a soft kiss to Sora's forehead. "So don't cry over it, okay? It's not worth your tears, beautiful."

Sora shuddered, eyes slipping shut. That comfort…that warmth…only Axel could bring that. "Axel?" Sora said inaudibly, hands weakly looping around his friend's neck. "Thank you so much for being here, Axel…for believing everything I tell you."

"No problem," Axel answered nonchalantly. "The least I can do is be here for you. I wasn't there for you so many times before so hey, I'm here now. Crazy jokes and all."

A small smile broke onto Sora's face and he looked directly at Axel, their gazes meeting. "What do I suppose I do, Axel?"

Axel shrugged and did not avert his gaze from his friend's. "Well, first off, not cry anymore over Riku. Secondly, I'd have to say for you to follow your heart. You may be an…angel, as you've said, but you still have a heart and a soul. You can still love and be hurt. So just listen to your heart like all those cliché romance movies and songs tell you. Do that, and you're golden." He patted Sora on top the head.

"Do exactly what it tells me to do?" Sora questioned quietly.

"That'd be a good idea," Axel confirmed, nodding.

Sora stared softly at Axel. "…Don't let me go," Sora requested silently and moved closer, forehead hitting Axel's. "Just let me stay here for another hour…and don't…" Sora leaned impossibly closer and brushed his lips to his friend's, desperately needing some affection. Some love. Something to show him he was still alive and human, if only for this month. He just wanted to know how it felt to be loved. To be wanted. To have someone kiss you. "…let go," Sora finished against Axel's lips, his body numb.

Axel's green eyes widened. Something snapped inside the wise redhead as his hands lifted and threaded into Sora's brown locks of hair, gently tugging at the hair as he returned the gentle kiss. Both of their eyes fell shut. "Sora…" he whispered.

And Axel was the only person who would say his name. The only person who would kiss him, look at him, and say _Sora_.

And right now, despite the fact that Sora felt nothing when he kissed Axel, absolutely nothing, he needed this.

God, when did he become so cold?...So emotionless?

**x**x**x**x**x**xxx**x**x**x**x**xx**

Sora returned to his apartment an hour later, as he promised Axel he would do. When the brunet returned he found Riku waiting outside the door with two suitcases. The silveret's gaze was cast downward and his back was slumped against the wall, waiting for Sora to return. The brunet angel observed Riku for a long moment before walking over to him. When he approached him, he noticed that Riku had, in fact, fallen asleep. A dreary smile appeared on Sora's lips as he snagged his key from his pocket and opened the front door.

The sound the key made unlocking the door jerked Riku from his light slumber. The silver haired male's eyes sprung open and he glanced tiredly over at Sora. "Hey, Roxas," he greeted sleepily as he rubbed his eyes. "Sorry, fell asleep. Was really tired," he explained, yawning at the end.

"Don't worry about it," Sora murmured as he glanced down at the suitcases. He pushed the door open but stood in the threshold, eying Riku. "I take it Leon didn't change his mind?"

"No," Riku sighed. "My stuff was outside the door. I stayed there for awhile, knocking and asking him if I could come in, but no such luck. I don't know what I did this time to fuck up so badly but I did," he sighed and looked at Sora thoughtfully.

"Well, you're welcome here," Sora said gently and entered his apartment, his body feeling numb and cold. It hurt. It hurt to think that Riku was living here and had no idea he was Sora. Sora's nails dug into his palm, nearly drawing blood. Not even kissing Axel put his mind at ease. Not even that ultimate form of comfort brought him out of this _hole_ he had tumbled into.

"You look upset, is something wrong?" Riku wondered as he carried his suitcase in and kicked the door shut behind himself.Sora laughed at the irony. "If anyone should be asking anyone if they're all right, it's me to you," Sora remarked casually, watching as Riku began fiddling with his suitcase.

"…I'll keep my clothes in the suitcases and I'll put them under the couch…" Riku reasoned as he eyed his bulky items with a frown. "Damn, this is going to be hard. But I assure you you won't even notice I'm here," Riku said and lifted his gaze over to Sora, wearily smiling.

Sora shrugged. "It's fine…If I had a spare bedroom it'd be easier…sorry. The apartment is small," he explained with a dismal sigh. "One of these days I'll upgrade. I assure you that."

Riku sniggered and tugged his suitcase over to the couch. Sora watched him and when Riku managed to shove his things orderly under the couch he took a seat on the couch above. Sora plopped down next to him and exhaled, hoping that he could sigh away some of his problems and frustrations. Yeah. Like that'd actually work.

"I think we'll manage," Riku said after a moment, looking over at Roxas.

"Hm?" Sora spared a glance at Riku once more.

"Living like this for awhile," Riku explained and laced his hands behind his head. "At least I'm not by myself. Thanks again."

Sora sighed and nodded. "Yeah, no problem."

And for some reason that gorgeous smile Riku gave him made every part of Sora tremble. Down to his toes. His heart skipped a beat and his toes curled. Sora mustered up a return smile and found his soul melting into putty once more. Maybe this would work. Maybe…

**x**x**x**x**x**xxx**x**x**x**x**xx**

_"Riku…"_

_Riku glanced wearily over his shoulder at the approaching redhead. A groan slipped from the fourteen year __old's__ lips. "What?" he ground out, looking entirely annoyed and frustrated. "Come to yell at me some more? Or did you come to tell me that the cops found me guilty of murder?" Riku narrowed his eyes at Axel._

_"…__Riku…he died four months ago. It's over…I know it hurts. And by god, I still fucking hate you, but if you don't get over this and turn your life around you're going to end up dead," Axel snapped back, lingering near the slide that he and Sora had so commonly hid in. God, it hurt._

_Riku stood by the __monkeybars__, glaring up at them. "Sora loved this place."_

_"I know," Axel remarked and folded his arms to his chest, resisting the urge to cry. He was strong, though. "We used to hide here a lot and talk."_

_Riku glanced back at Axel. "We did as well," he murmured and took a seat on the edge of a small, blue step that led up onto the slide. "…You know it was an accident. You _know_ that I never meant to kill him. You know that, Axel…right?"_

_"You treated him like crap. I wanted to kill you sometimes for the way you talked to him. He probably died thinking you hated him."_

_Riku winced and folded his hands weakly in his lap. "…If that's the case….well, I really did completely fuck up."_

_Axel snorted. __"More than completely.__ You're lucky that people are actually speaking to you. They think it's an accident and __was__ Sora's fault…"_

_Riku lifted his gaze and then looked down. "…I miss him."_

_"Miss someone bossing around?"_

_Riku shook his head; hurt. "I miss his smile."_


	8. trust me

_new chapter. mostly just development. things are slowly starting to fall into place and more foreshadowing is being introduced. I hope you all enjoy this chapter. The next one will probably have less...emotional crap as these two last ones have had. At any rate, I hope you all continue reading and reviewing! It makes my day!

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**Heavenly**

"Sora…what the heck are you doing?" A very irked Riku asked as he stood by the edge of the garden, eying his brunet friend with a lack of amusement. Deep eyes watched the brunet boy as he pranced about in the small garden nestled beside his house, picking flowers merrily like a small girl would for her mother. It was odd, to say the least. 

_"Picking flowers, duh!" Sora chirped cheerfully. The eight year old brunet continued, skipping amongst the flowers as he continued plucking said flowers from the earth, creating a makeshift bouquet in the process._

_"Only girls do that, Sora," Riku grunted, sitting on the small stone wall that circled Sora's mother's garden. His thin legs dangled over the edge of the wall, swaying back and forth with the wind._

_"So?" Sora stuck his tongue out at his friend. "Maybe I _am_ a girl!"_

_Riku snickered. "Perhaps you are. You sure act like one."_

_Sora rolled his eyes and continued his activities. The young boy stopped by a small cluster of orange flowers. A smile appeared on his round face. "Oh, wow! These are really pretty! Come and look at them, Riku!"_

_Riku lunged off the wall gracefully and promptly marched over. His eyes locked with the orange flowers. "They're stupid."_

_"Nu-uh," Sora argued and turned to glance at the tag. __"Orange blossoms.__ Wow. They're so pretty!"_

_"…Whatever," grumbled Riku. _

_As he turned to leave the garden, Sora stopped him and placed a small, orange flower in his hands. Riku's eyes snapped down at the flower. He stared at it for a moment. "What?" he demanded questioningly._

_"For you," Sora giggled._

_That was back when things were innocent. When the only time Riku abused Sora was verbally. Back when Sora's spirit wasn't broken._

**xx**xxxxxx**x**xxxxx**xxx**

Sora was busy filing away and resorting memories in his mental library when Riku entered the brunet's bedroom. Their eyes met and Riku proceeded to enter through the door and towards the bed. The silveret's eyes remained glued to the brunet, his lips tweaked up into a smile. Something about the way he was looking at Sora seemed to captivate him. Those eyes. That smile. It was all too much for Sora to handle. His throat tightened and he immediately sat up from his prior laying position. Feet crisscrossed beneath his thin body as blue eyes instantly turned upwards, meeting a pair of shining sea-green. Breath-taking, as usual.

"What time is it?" Sora asked casually, his hands locking together in his lap. Shyly, Sora removed his gaze from Riku's and replaced it with the lamp. All right. Not as pleasing nor exciting as Riku but it would have to do for now. _I don't want him to get any ideas or something. The last thing I need is Riku thinking I find him utterly attractive, sexy, and alluring. Hah. That'd be hilarious. Because I don't think that…__er__, right?_

"Five," Riku said with a sharp nod, gesturing to the clock beside Sora's bed.

"Oh. Dinner time," Sora burred amusedly. A moment of silence trickled by. "We can order takeout if you want?" he suggested dimly, shrugging his shoulders as an afterthought. "I'm up for pizza if you want it?"

"Pizza it is," Riku concurred, flashing Sora a beautiful grin. "You call it in; I'll go pick it up."

"All right," Sora said, nodding briefly. "There's a pizza place down the street a bit so it shouldn't be that long of a walk at all," he explained, ripping his gaze off the lamp. He reached for his cell-phone that rested beside his bed and opened his address book. _All right, Heaven. Let's see just how sly you are. Were you smart enough to put the pizza place's number in here, eh?_

To Sora's bewilderment, his address book was quite expansive. There were two pizza places, both apparently close, one Chinese, two Starbuck numbers, Axel's number (geez, Heaven was thorough), Riku's number (Sora knew right away that Riku had put that one in a few nights prior), a few other places Sora didn't really recognize, and finally… Leon? Sora bit his bottom lip. _I thought I was supposed to avoid all loved ones and friends. That's a bunch of bull considering they just gave me my brother's cell number. __The hell._

"That sounds like a plan," Riku answered and dug into his pocket and retrieved his black wallet. "I'll pay."

"No, I will," Sora reasoned and shook his head. A frown appeared on the brunet's face as he turned to look up from his cell to Riku. Riku was offering to pay? That was different. "Put the wallet away, Riku. I'll pay for it. It was my idea."

"Roxas," Riku stated sternly, eyebrows knitting together obdurately, "You're letting me stay here for _free_. The least I can do is pay for our dinner." The silveret casually placed his hands onto his hips, green eyes gluing solely onto Sora.

Sora opened his mouth to protest but clamped it shut moments later. A puzzled look crossed Sora's face. "What kind of pizza?" he finally asked, sighing in defeat as he dialed in the number to the nearest pizza place.

"Pepperoni fine with you?" Riku questioned as he folded his arms triumphantly to his chest. Moments later, he pocketed his wallet and took a seat on the edge of the bed beside Sora, watching him with curiosity.

Sora seemed to notice this. One ring….Two ring… Cautious blue eyes flickered over to the silveret who was sitting a mere few inches away from him. Three ring…Sora's breath hitched as their gazes met. Quickly, Sora looked away and was quite thankful to hear a curt, "Tonny's Pizza. How may I help you tonight?"

"A large pepperoni pizza, please," Sora said softly into the phone, his fingers shakily holding it to his ear. _Riku's just teasing me. He's a flirt. He's always been a heartless flirt. He hasn't changed. He hasn't changed._

"Will that be all, sir?" asked the employee on the other line.

Sora gave an invisible nod and murmured, "mhm", before daring a chance glance at Riku. The silver haired male was staring rather fondly at him, awaiting the ending of the phone call. Sora gulped and added in, "The pickup name is Riku." Pause. "Number twenty four? All right, thank you." Sora clicked 'end' and exhaled deeply.

"Twenty four. Good number," Riku reasoned and got up from the bed. "How long did they say?"

"Ten to fifteen minutes," Sora responded and gingerly placed his phone on the nightstand beside him. The bedroom was soon after engulfed in an eerie peace. "It's only ten bucks. Cheap, huh?"

"I suppose," Riku said and shuffled his hands into his pockets.

Sora cleared his throat and remained on the bed, his legs dangling off over the edge. _Silence.__ I hate this silence. It bothers me so damn much_. He began to nervously twiddle his thumbs together, hoping that it would draw his own attention away from Riku. Anything to appear innocent and calm. "It's about a ten minute or so walk there. Maybe you should start now?" Did that seem rude?

"You're right," Riku said and nodded in concurrence. "I'll be back shortly. Don't miss me too much, Roxas." Riku shot Sora a tragically _gorgeous_ smirk before leaving the bedroom, tossing a wink over his shoulder as he went.

Sora swallowed thickly and mumbled something incoherent under his breath. The statement sounded strikingly akin to 'that asshole' along with a 'prick' tossed in there. Of course, Sora kept the words to himself, only whispering them in harsh murmurs to himself. The day he got the nerve to call people what they were to their face would be the day he would sprout wings and return to Heaven in _peace_. And considering there was no peace and no wings but a screwed-up Heaven, Sora considered his statement utterly impossible.

Regardless, the brunet angel settled upon ambling down towards the kitchen. Once there, he removed two glasses and two plates, along with forks (if either wanted to cut their pizza slices. Sora had always done that since he was little…) and a few napkins, just in case, as well.

Sora glanced wearily over his shoulder and stared at the clock in the distance. Time. When he was alive he couldn't _wait_ for time to go by. The faster the better. The faster he got out of high school the better. The faster he went to college the better. The faster summer came the better. Fast was always the way to go. Now, though, that had changed. Now, he wanted time to stand still. Now, he wanted more time. Time to obtain Riku's trust, save him, and have a few enlightening conversations with his loved ones.

But what if he went against the rules more than he had? Axel knew. That was against the policy. Did that mean the incinerator for him? Sora shuddered at the mere thought and sat down at the kitchen table, slumping into his chair.

_I'm not going to the incinerator,_ he reasoned, shaking his head brusquely. _Never.__ I'm an angel. I just have a job. I can do this. All I have to do is get Riku to trust me then I help change his life. And to do that…I have to get close. __To get closer to Riku I…_ Sora stopped all of his thinking. Thought process ended. The only way to get closer to Riku, beyond that best friend level, to where they shared secrets and lusty kisses, was to date the man. Be the rebound. Be his _brother's_ god _damn_ rebound.

Sora hung his head in shame. "There's got to be an easier way," he spoke resentfully. "There has to be."

But really, was there? If he dated Riku he would be able to have the other open up to him instantly. You were always more compelled to tell your significant other mistakes and whatnot, right? Sora didn't know. He had never been in a relationship before he died. Sora cringed at the mere thought of his death and pushed it aside, just for now. He'd return to that gruesome scene later when Riku was fast asleep. When all was quiet.

When Riku did return with the pizza, well, the pizza wasn't alone. In fact…Riku was five minutes late and…dear sweet naked jesus…were those flowers?

Sora snapped out of his daze and stared at Riku blankly. All right, he wasn't seeing things. Those were flowers in his hand. Orange blossoms? Sora arched a brow and glanced accusingly at Riku. "And what are those?" Well, _obviously_ flowers but…

"For you," Riku chuckled suavely and crossed the room, handing the small bouquet of thirteen flowers to the brunet. "Roses are too cheesy. Besides, these smell better, don't you think?"

Sora glared at the flowers in his hand. "…You got me _flowers_. I'm a _guy_, first of all. Second of all this isn't a date and third…they're _flowers_. How girly can you possibly get?" Sora groaned and glared darkly once more at the pretty orange flowers.

"No thank yous? Geez," Riku said, appearing a bit shell shocked from Sora's response. No wooed brunet? Damn. "Here's the pizza, anyway."

Riku placed the box down on the table and took his seat across from Sora. He watched as the brunet placed the flowers a bit uncomfortably onto the counter. The silveret sighed and turned his attention to the pizza box. With ease, he opened it and snagged a slice of the spotted pizza. It smelt _and_ looked delicious. New York City pizza was the best.

"Why'd you buy me flowers?" Sora inquired after a few moments of awkward, chewing accompanied silence. _Flowers.__ What does he think I am? __A girl?__A lovesick teenager?_

Riku looked up from his meal. "I thought it was a nice sentiment," he reasoned.

"If you're sixteen and have a uterus," Sora whispered and shook his head. Okay, so maybe he _was_ a bit shocked that Riku had done that, but still. Flowers? For a guy? Sora wasn't pleased at this, and yet at the same time, was. How awkward.

"Good one," Riku sniggered and took another bite of his meal.

"I know. I'm simply amazing, aren't I?" Sora asked mockingly, rolling his pretty blue eyes. The brunet angel returned to his meal, gawkily eating his pizza. Cheese fell off the slice and landed onto the table. A groan emitted from him mere moments later. "Stupid pizza," he mumbled.

"You're a slob," Riku pointed out with a snicker as he continued to eat _meticulously._

"And you're a flower giving pansy," Sora remarked stubbornly, shifting in his seat. _Riku thinks he can boss me around? Well, he's got another thing coming. I'm not going to let him bully me around like when we were kids… I've lost total respect for him. He has to earn every single ounce back. __The hard way.__ Although…those flowers…were a nice start… __Ack__! What am I saying?! No, Sora!_

"That's redundant. A pansy is a flower," Riku commented lazily, shrugging his shoulders in response.

Sora narrowed his eyes. "Then I guess it was triple redundant considering you're a pansy and a flower. And everything else that relates to those words."

Riku rolled his eyes. "You can't outwit me, you know that, right?"

"Cocky," Sora shot back, setting his pizza down on his plate. "Where did you buy that ego? Was it fifty percent off or something? Must have been for those pathetic comebacks."

Riku gaped and then snickered mischievously. "Aw, Roxas. That was sweet of you. Perhaps I should ask you where you went for that haircut? Looks like a weed whacker got into a fight with you and sadly, it won, obviously." The silveret sniggered and laced his hands together under his chin, elbows propped up on the table.

"…Jerk," Sora said in a mumble. "How old are you? Seventy? I thought only old people have grey hair, Riku." Sora looked to the silveret with a impish look scribbled all over his virgin face. Really, Sora loved the hair. Adored it, actually. But Sora needed something to critique.

"When I first saw you I thought you were a _girl_ with that body," Riku said, eyes flashing challengingly.

"Really? I could have said the same about you. The way you were twirling your hair and all." Wide, evil, Sora smirk.

"Well, you're short."

Sora snorted. "Weak, Riku. And you're abnormally tall. Didn't your mother teach you not to take growth hormones? It's bad for you."

Riku chortled under his breath and stood up, aimlessly folding his arms to his broad chest. Sora's eyes followed him. "Your pants don't fit you."

Sora arched a brow. "Excuse me? What kind of comeback is that? A lame one, to be honest." The brunet stood as well and walked over to Riku, standing determinedly in front of him. "Are you albino or something? Your skin is _way_ too white to be considered healthy, Riku."

Riku said nothing, rolled his eyes for a third time, and brushed past Sora, bringing his plate and now empty soda glass over to the sink. Sora dazedly watched him, eyes glued to Riku's meandering, graceful body. His breath caught in his throat from just _looking_ at that Adonis. That silver hair. Those sharp eyes. That body. Sora shook his head rapidly. _No. No thinking that again. You are not here to obsess over how hot Riku is. No. I can't do that. No. _Sora bit his bottom lip, keeping himself from giving the silveret a compliment on just how _divine_ he looked. Sora resisted, though. The last thing they needed were awkward compliments, right? Or could that be a new game?... And where would that lead? Hm…

"I take it back, I like your hair," Sora breathed in confession, walking over to stand beside Riku at the small sink.

Riku glanced up from his dish. "Thanks," he said simply. "And I take it back as well, your body is sinful." His eyebrows waggled and he dumped both the glass and plate into the bubbly water.

Sora smirked. "Your tallness is actually quite appealing. It's rare that you see someone that tall nowadays." The brunet subconsciously felt like stabbing himself over and over. Complimenting Riku had always been a bad thing.

"Your pants don't fit you, but I like them tight," Riku explained and brushed past Sora once more. This time, the silveret headed back into the living room.

Sora followed faithfully. "Your pale skin is nice, too."

Well, this was an odd game. "Your hair. It's nice as well. Unique, to say the least," said Riku as he took a seat on the couch, yawning.

Sora sat down beside him silently and offered a timid smile. All right. He had shown Riku he wasn't a pushover, that was good. Now was time to compliment the other and earn his trust and open up to him and get him to spill his guts and stare at him a lot and to completely fan over him and… Sora took a deep breath. Too many things to do. Deep breaths. One at a time, please. "Thanks for paying, Riku."

"Welcome," Riku answered and closed his eyes, head resting against the back of the couch. "I figured the flowers would be an easy way of showing my gratitude but I guess I sort of offended you by that, huh?" He opened one eye and peered at Sora.

Sora scrunched his nose up. "I'm not a girly guy, Riku."

"I never said you were," Riku enlightened the angel, "I was just thinking that it was a nice gesture. Everyone loves flowers whether they admit it or not."

Sora groaned in defeat. "Fine. They were nice. Happy now?"

"Not quite," Riku stated simply and left it at that.

**x**xx**x**xx**x**x**x**xxx**x**x**xx**

It was already nine and Sora had spent a good four hours talking about nothing of importance with Riku. Bonding. That's what Sora considered it to be. The angel remained by Riku's side, on that stupid couch, for four hours. Of course, they got up occasionally to excuse themselves to the bathroom or get a drink, but for the more part they remained side-by-side. Sora swore that a few times Riku's hand had brushed against his. However, when Sora peered down to investigate the situation, the hand was gone and Riku was in the midst of a ramble about his favorite movie or game or something of the sort. Sora found the conversation enlightening, in some lights. It was almost _relieving_ to get to know the person you had once called your best friend. Almost like reliving memories, as well.

"Do you think you and Leon are ever going to get back together?" Sora dared to ask as the time danced on to nine p.m. They had gone from stupid, generic questions to more personal ones during that lengthy amount of hours. Now was time for the hard, personal ones that Sora was truly interested in hearing firsthand.

"I don't know," said Riku with a dejected sigh. "My heart keeps telling me it's over but my mind refuses to believe that. It's still not processing yet that Leon kicked me out and we're over for good this time. Not yet, anyway."

"Usually it's your heart that doesn't accept the change right away," Sora said with an arched brow, puzzlement twinkling in his big, blue eyes.

"I know," answered Riku. "It's kind of funny how backwards I am."

Sora frowned and shifted a bit on the couch, getting more comfortable. It wasn't until that moment that he realized Riku still had his jacket on. Did he ever take that damn thing off? Whenever he wasn't wearing _that_ he had a long sleeve shirt on. Or something like that. "Aren't you warm?" Sora wondered, gently prodding Riku's arm.

"Nah. A bit cold, actually," he responded.

Sora nodded.

"My turn for a question, Ro-xas," Riku hummed and propped his feet up on the table. Sora's hands swatted them off seconds later. Riku frowned in displeasure.

"Go ahead with your question before I choose to end this questioning extravaganza," Sora stated with a large smirk. He gestured with his hands for Riku to go on before he changed his mind about answering all together.

"Have you ever dated a guy?"

Sora bit his lip. "No," he admitted and lowered his gaze.

"But you're gay?" Riku questioned slowly, his gaze wandering back to Sora.

"Yep," Sora agreed.

"Then…"

"No one's ever wanted to date me. That's all," Sora explained and shook his head. _Perhaps if I had lived longer I would have had a boyfriend. God, Riku. Why did you have to do that_ Sora's eyes began to lightly fill with tears. Sora only hoped that Riku would assume they were tears from the lack of relationships. _Please. Believe that_.

"Well, that's horrible," Riku said and frowned widely. "You're beautiful. I don't see why anyone wouldn't want to date someone as strong-willed, humorous, and gorgeous as you."

"I'm strong-willed?" Sora blinked a few times.

"To be honest, I thought you were the time to be easily swooned by come-ons and passes and flowers and all that shit. But I guess I was wrong. And don't even deny that you're gorgeous. I'll pin you to this couch and _make_ you believe." A perverted look appeared on Riku's face. It was jokingly said, of course, but the suggestion was there.

Sora shivered at the mere thought. "Well then, thanks. I'm glad I passed your little acceptance test thing?"

Riku nodded acceptingly and emitted a relaxed sigh. "It's sort of nice to be able to talk about life with someone other than Leon," he admitted. "It's like a whole new take on things. It's…comforting, in an odd way, to be honest."

Sora blinked in sheer surprise at him. "You think?"

"Yep," Riku said in agreement and breathed in the warm scent of Sora's apartment. The one he would be living in for a few weeks. A look of pure repose appeared on his face. "Thanks."

"No problem," Sora whispered. _He…he has changed? _

"Hey, Roxas?"

"Hm?" Sora turned his head to look back at Riku who all of a sudden appeared melancholic. Quick change.

"Have you ever wondered if you could go back in time and change things…would they be different now? Would they be better, I mean. Have you?" Riku asked in a lulled murmur, his usually sharp and pensive eyes closed and shielded from the word. If Sora didn't know any better, he would have _sworn_ there was a tinge of guilt and regret in those words. Or was his mind playing tricks on him?

"Yes," he said a bit brokenly. _If I hadn't let you boss me around I'd still be alive. If I had half the backbone I do now I would still be your friend and things would be so much better. I wouldn't be a dead angel, Riku._

"I keep thinking that I wasn't such a dick and so damn conceited I'd be a lot happier now…" He was beating around the bush. It was obvious from the way his fingers trembled out of view.

"You can't change what happened, Riku. All you can do is try harder for a better future. That's all," Sora explained, despite the urge to yell at Riku and tell him bluntly, _Damn__ right you should feel bad. If you were _kind_ to me you wouldn't have accidentally killed me!_

"But how do you change? And even if you _do_ change, who will believe you? How do you convince someone you've changed?" Beautiful sea green eyes flickered open, staring solely at Sora. His hair fell gracefully around his sharp teal eyes, making it seem like he was frozen in time—an actor on a paused movie.

"I don't know," said Sora, eyes averting themselves.

"I don't think anyone does," Riku confessed. "If they did, the world probably would be a better place."

"Agreed," answered Sora.

Silence. And then Riku's eyes closed, his hands trembling far worse than before. "My friend. The one who died…the one I told you about the other day. I think he died hating me."

Sora snapped his gaze up and stared in bewilderment at Riku. "Does that knowledge bother you, though?" He was trying to be casual and concerned, but it was hard to conceal his surprise, shock, and interest in the matter. Was Riku regretting all of his decisions? Was he opening up to the first person who actually showed interests in friendship?

"It does," breathed Riku deeply. "If he died hating me, well…I deserve it. He didn't deserve to be treated the way he was."

"Then why'd you do it?" Sora wondered, tilting his head. _Play dumb, Sora.__ Play dumb_.

Riku laughed under his breath despite himself. "Ever hear of the cliché that you were hiding your true feelings?" Sora slowly nodded, apprehensively. "Well, I was. I picked on him because I didn't know any other way of expressing just how much I enjoyed being around him. If I was nice, I figured, he'd lose interest in our friendship and find someone else. If I scared him into being my friend, he'd stay. I…didn't know how to tell someone I liked them for who they are."

Sora shifted uncomfortably. "So you?... Made fun of him and all that because you didn't know what else to do?"

"Hard to believe, right? I won't deny it. I was an asshole, too. I did it for stupid reasons as well, not just that. I liked the power…but I hated when he cried." Riku shrugged.

"Everyone likes power. Perhaps a bit too much," Sora whispered, shaking his head knowingly. "So you really changed from an asshole to this… other person because he died?"

"Roxas…" Riku gulped. "When you accidentally kill the most important person in your life, apart from your parents, you change."

Sora's eyes flashed open. He hoped that Riku would assume it was from the 'killing' information he had just learned, but in honesty, it was from the second statement. _I was important to him? __Since when?__ He…_ A small blush appeared on Sora's face, despite the fact that he was supposed to be reacting horribly to this mortifying knowledge.

"You probably think I'm a sick murderer now, right? A liar?" Riku lifted his gaze to stare directly at Sora.

"No…I just think you were a jerk that needed to be put into his place when he was young," Sora snapped back, though his tone was gentle. He was almost _afraid_ of this conversation. _Afraid_ of reliving these moments again and again, but this time with _Riku_.

"It took awhile," Riku went on to say, rolling up his sleeve jacket. Sora stared curiously. "I didn't know what to do. Everyone around me hated me. They all knew I had something to do with it. Everyone thought it was an accident caused by Sora. They had… no idea I was involved. I'm not sure why, though. It was my dad's gun… Maybe one of my relatives paid them off. I don't know. It's fucked up. I'm ashamed of it. But I didn't know what to do…so for two years I turned to drugs. Another big fuckup. It took Axel, who at the time hated my guts, to make me stop."

Sora's eyes wandered along Riku's arm. Small scars. He figured out what they were from just by a glimpse. "Why do teens turn to drugs? It's so stupid…"

"What else did I have? I killed my best friend on accident, my friends hated me, and I just didn't know what to do. Regardless…after that, I figured I'd just try and get on with my life and make the best of it." Riku sighed, pulling his sleeve back down. The silveret ran his fingers through his hair, fingers shaking all the while.

"You're clean now?" Sora supposed, chewing his bottom lip.

"Yep. Have been for over five years now." Riku turned his gaze back to the brunet. "I almost died. It was another wakeup call to me."

Sora sighed dejectedly. "You've had a tough life." _You put it all on yourself, Riku. You made your life that hard. You turned to the drugs for no reason at all, except selfish remorse. You treated me horribly and…and killed me…regardless if it was an accident or not. You did this to yourself. You deserved it, Riku._

"Yeah," said Riku simply.

"So, where do I fit in?"

"Hm?" Riku arched a brow at Sora, appearing to be caught off guard.

Sora decided to rephrase that and explain. "Well, it seems like everything in your life had a purpose. I mean, you picked on your friend because you were a weak idiot who wanted power. You turned to drugs because of depression or something. And I'm assuming you dated Leon for comfort?...Or to remember your friend? I don't know. And Axel, I assume, was friends with the guy you killed…so you befriended him to make things right… But where do I fit into this weird puzzle?"

Riku shrugged. "Don't know. Maybe I just need more passion than you know?"

Sora sighed exasperatedly. "You'll get a small bit of sympathy and comfort, but not passion."

"I didn't mean that kind," Riku reasoned.

"Right…" Sora began to nervously tap his fingers on his knees. _I think he has changed. It's taken me this long to realize it, but maybe he has changed. Maybe Riku __Karada__ isn't the selfish ass I remember him as. Maybe…Maybe I should just…let this grudge go_

"I'm sorry for shoving this all on you. We were talking and I just really needed to vent," Riku said, looking graciously to his brunet friend. "If it bothered you at all, I'm sorry."

"No, it's fine," Sora said with a small smile. "It helps to talk things out, right?"

"Damn right," Riku agreed and took in a deep breath. "Hey, if you don't mind, I'm going to go to bed, okay? It's been a rough day with all this talking and walking and stuff. I have to get up early tomorrow anyhow to go to work."

"It's fine," Sora responded and got up from the couch. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Goodnight, Roxas," Riku said, arising to his feet as well.

Sora smiled at the silver haired male. _Is it possible to let this grudge go__… I sort of want to now. Am I…am I weak? Should I continue being mad at him? Am I supposed to forgive him_ "Goodnight, Riku."

Without a word, Riku leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss onto Sora's forehead. His eyes closed and his lips lingered there for a moment before pulling away, smiling thankfully at him before turning his back, returning to fixing the couch up.

Sora stood there, a dark shade of crimson. Heat radiated from his face as he turned around as well, quickly retreating from the room. He may hold a grudge. He may be wanting to let it go. He may hate Riku for the things he did, but it was impossible _not_ to be affected by those warm touches. The touches that Sora often had dreamed about during class or at home, safely tucked away in his old bed.

Maybe, just maybe, tomorrow would bring a new change upon them? Sora only hoped so.

**xx**xxxxxx**x**xxxxx**xxx**

_"You're ruining your life, you idiot," Axel snapped irritably as he stood at the corner of Riku's lawn, glaring at the silveret who was currently leaning up against his house. The male had a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. He took an overly long drag before blowing the smoke out in small puffs. His attention finally settled upon Axel. An irritated look crossed his pale, gorgeous face._

_"The hell do you care, Axel?" Riku remarked, lazily holding the white stick between his fingers as the smoke drifted up into the sky._

_"You're going to kill yourself if you keep that up. I would have thought Sora's death would have changed you for the better, but I guess I was wrong," the redhead growled, his green eyes narrowing at the other teenager who was obliviously taking another drag._

_"Geez, Axel. If I mope around, you holler at me. If I ruin my life by doing things that make _me_ feel better, you get all pissed off. The hell do you want me to do? I'm tired of making other people happy. My life isn't worth anything anymore. I already fucked it up enough," Riku complained with a simple shrug._

_"I want you to stop acting like such an attention-craving whore and do something!" Axel hissed, refusing to come onto Riku's property. He just wasn't in the mood._

_"Sora's dead, Axel. He isn't ever coming back. I've come to deal with it. What about you?"_

_Axel appeared hesitant. "…"_

_Riku arched a brow and tossed the cigarette to the side. He had grown so cold, so violent. It would be another year before he turned around. __Another year.__ For now, he was stuck in this mold. "You liked him, didn't you? You've always been a flamer, haven't you?"_

_"Shut the fuck up," Axel snarled, meeting Riku's fiery gaze._

_"He didn't like you," Riku stated simply with a mere shrug. "He didn't like anyone. Maybe that's why I acted the way he did. No matter what I did, he never liked me back."_

_Axel blanched and stared at Riku straight-on. "You…"_

_"So I figure, if I can't be with him, life just isn't worth shit anymore. Why continue living well when the light of your life is gone?"_


	9. kiss me

_no flashbacks in this one, sorry, there will be flashbacks in the next. and sorry for the wait. i blame my boyfriend for distracting me...le sigh. anyway, dramatic chapter. the ending may seem a bit confusing and rushed, but rest assured that the next chapter will explain as much as possible... so, onward. bear in mind...this is only twist two of four. don't think the twists of this story are over yet, darlings... leave a review, please._

* * *

_**Heavenly**_

The next day began with a bang. Riku went straight off to work and Sora lingered in his apartment. The brunet angel didn't want to appear like a stalker that followed Riku wherever he went. Besides, Sora wanted to inspect the orange flowers that the other male had given him the night prior. It was odd, to say the least, for Riku to, at random, give him a bouquet of such gorgeous flowers. It was even odder considering they were only friends for such a short while. True, Sora had 'opened his heart' and allowed Riku to stay here…but was that really a credible reason to give someone flowers? Regardless of the ambiguous meanings to the gorgeous orange blossoms, Sora shrugged it off. It was just a simple, kind gesture. Something that small couldn't change his entire outlook on Riku. Of course not…

Still, the idea of Riku living with him sent shivers down the angel's back. Even when they were younger they rarely had sleepovers. The very idea of being in close proximity to Riku at _night_ had always frightened Sora, ever since a young age. Perhaps it was because of the crush he harbored or because of Riku's sudden, violent nature. Sora never figured out which it was. Perhaps it was just a mixture of both that grew stronger over time.

Now… Now the idea of Riku being in his apartment (which really wasn't his in the first place) sent cold pricks of _emotion_ down his spine. Was it fear? Was it arousement? Or was it something more profound? The angel refused to expand on that concept. It was just fear and past hatred and loathing, that was all.

Sora continued his quiet trek around the streets of New York City near Radio City Hall. People clustered near the side entrance of the building, eagerly awaiting their entrance into the building, either for the Rockettes or just to glance around.

When he was younger his mother had promised to take him there someday. Now, considering they both were _dead_, Sora figured it'd be pretty impossible to see a show. He was not in the mood to see the spectacular show without his jubilant mother, so show less he remained.

The temperature continued to decrease, degree by degree. Sora pulled his thin jacket closer to his lithe, angelic body. The brunet had been walking around the city for an hour or so. There was no particular reason to his aimless meandering. Maybe he just wanted to clear his mind. Not even Sora knew his own reasons. Regardless, after twenty minutes of circling the same area pointlessly, Sora came across someone _very_ familiar at the cross-walk.

Sora's eyes widened when someone jostled by him. When his blue eyes glanced upwards in confusion, they met a pair of stunned, stoic grey ones. He gulped and fidgeted uneasily. Of all the _million_ things he could have said, he chose to state, "It's you."

Leon shifted uncomfortably, his gaze wandering away from Sora over to the cross-walk sign. Still 'Do not Walk'. The taller brunet grunted under his breath. "Well, obviously," he murmured lethargically.

Instead of trying to hint at his brother that it was _him_, _Sora_, he decided upon another approach. Something… that even he was surprised he was doing. "Why did you kick Riku out? Aren't you guys still friends?" he asked defensively.

Leon glanced back at Sora. "…It's over, Roxas. That's all."

Sora frowned and followed Leon as the brunet crossed the road, over to the other side. The angel was determined to goad the answers he wanted out of Leon, even if it meant stalking the other all the way to wherever he was headed. Whether it be for his own personal reasons or to help Riku…Sora would never know.

"Yeah, but…Riku was really hurt. He thought that if you guys ever broke up you'd stay friends and live together and-"Sora rambled and was cut short when Leon paused his lengthy stride.

The tall brunet turned around and eyed Sora, being considerably taller than the angel. "Roxas don't get involved in this. It's between Riku and me. What we do does not involve you," he told Sora emptily, his voice treading on irritation.

"He loves you, though! Don't you realize that yet?! And I'm sure you love him back! So what's the problem?" Sora demanded as he ignored the sets of eyes that had fallen upon the paused pair of males.

"He doesn't love me," Leon deadpanned, eyes narrowing at Sora. "His heart belongs to someone else. He's _never_ loved me. It was lust. Understand that."

"How can you _say_ that? He's a _wreck_ without you!" Sora argued. Though, his words were not entirely true. True, Riku did seem upset over the breakup, but he was not an emotional wreck. In fact, he was doing surprisingly well. Sora absently wondered why, but now was not a time to think such things. No, he had a conversation with Leon that he needed to focus on.

"I doubt that," murmured Leon, glaring at someone who was watching intently. Needless to say, the person scurried away without hesitation.

"Leon…" Sora sighed deeply. "He's…"

"He's not in love with me, Roxas. The sooner you realize that the better. He'll get over me. We were just friends in need of comfort and affection. That's all," he stated indifferently.

"But… how can you have a relationship that's…not based on love?" Sora whispered, eyes widening with confusion. Sora had died far too young to realize that relationships with the absence of love were a common thing nowadays. No, Sora still had the perception that almost every relationship was a small piece of paradise. Where nothing went wrong—just like his parents'.

"Easy. It wasn't serious," said Leon with a dismal shrug.

"You seem awfully okay with this," Sora mumbled, a bit offended that Leon wasn't a wreck without Riku.

"I am," Leon muttered. "I knew that it wouldn't last forever."

Sora glanced back up at Leon once more. "Then what's so different about this breakup? You never kicked him out of the apartment before, did you? What makes this time so different?"

Leon chuckled. "You."

"…Me?" Sora gaped and then scowled. "I thought you said I have nothing to do with this! Besides, I don't want to be involved! So how am I…?"

Leon shook his head. "Roxas, just take care of Riku. Make sure he doesn't do anything foolish or reckless. I'll take care of the apartment bills and rent. Just…tell him to have a good life and if he ever needs to talk, he knows the number."

"But! You're?!" Sora didn't understand this. How could two people breakup this suddenly and both be entirely okay with it? Sora stood there, absently thinking up a plausible reason. If he had broken up with someone he would be an emotional wreck for a few days, maybe even weeks. Yet here was Riku and Leon, acting like nothing happened.

"It's final, Roxas. Please understand that," Leon stated calmly, reaching out to pat the angel's shoulder firmly.

Sora flinched, despite his urge to hug his brother for being so unusually strong. "…Why are you okay with this, Leon?"

"Because," he stated just as firmly as he had patted Sora, "I knew his heart was never mine to begin with. He's too caught up in his past and future to lend a piece of himself to anyone around him. Friendship if all that he's capable of, Roxas."

Sora sighed. Silently, a piece of him died. If Riku wasn't looking for commitment, for _love_, then why the hell did Sora feel so strongly, _still_, for him? The angel wanted to throw himself off the nearest cliff for feeling this horrid over the situation. "Do you hate me?"

Leon arched a brow. "Why would I?"

Sora glanced up and down the sidewalk they stood upon. It was so quiet yet…loud at the same time. Something only New York City could accomplish. "For somehow getting inadvertently involved, I guess. For driving you both apart?..." Was he really the cause?

"It was bound to happen," Leon answered, a furtive glimmer sparkling in his eyes.

"…I wish I was as strong as you," Sora admitted with a weak laugh.

"It's not so much strength as it is perseverance," he responded and pushed a gentle smile onto his pursed lips. After a moment of that awkward smile, he cleared his throat. "Well, I better be off to work. I don't want to be late. If you see Riku, tell him that I say hi and relay the message about the apartment rent to him, okay?"

"Sure," Sora whispered with a weak nod.

"Thank you," Leon answered graciously. "You're a good person. I'm starting to see what Riku is seeing in you."

"What?" Sora blinked curiously.

"Next time you're around him, watch him. Watch the way he looks at you," Leon said as he shoved his hands into his pockets. "I'll see you around, Roxas," he said and began walking off, waving off to the younger brunet.

Sora bit his bottom lip. _You're giving advice to the person who drove you and your ex apart? God, I always knew my brother was weird but…not this weird. He's…always been this distant and stuff…but to openly tell me that Riku er…sort of likes me…is really odd. God, so much has changed._ Sora hung his head low in confusion.

"I don't get them," he decided with a heavy sigh. "I really don't."

And the sad part was that he didn't even _understand_ his self. How _did_ he feel about Riku? His ex best friend. His old bully. His murderer…his old crush and current job… and current infatuation.

God, why did the world have to be so damn complicated?

Maybe that was the beauty of this world. If it was, well damn, the world was pretty screwed up.

**xx**xxxxxx**x**xxxxx**xxx**

It was already noon and today was turning out to be quite the eventful day. Not only had the earth bound angel encountered his brother, who appeared quite all right with the recent breakup, but he proceeded to run into his best friend near the Starbucks that Riku worked out. And after what happened a few days prior, Sora stopped dead in his tracks.

The angel gulped and watched nervously as his eyes met sharp, bewildered green ones. Weakly, he offered a smile and wave to the redhead, sheepishly moving his hand back and forth. After a moment of what appeared to be contemplation, Axel hurried across the cross-walk and over to where Sora was idly standing, now up against a wall. When Axel did approach him, silence reigned over the pair of best friends.

"Hey," Axel greeted, a cheeky smile spreading on his lips.

Sora gulped and mustered out an echoed, "Hey."

"You look upset. What's wrong?" Axel wondered, cocking his head to the side. "Whose ass am I kicking and why?"

Sora forced out a strangled laugh and shrugged, shaking his head in the process. "No one. I just had a conversation with Leon about Riku, that's all. I don't get why…they don't feel remorse for what happened. I don't get it, I really don't." He was, once more, spilling out his problems on Axel. After all, the redhead was the only one who was wiling to listen and who actually _knew_ what was going on.

"Hah, that's easy," Axel replied smoothly, leaning up against the building alongside Sora. "He's going crazy over your cute little ass."

Sora scorched a dark red. "He barely knows me!" he squeaked, waving his hands in the air. "Besides," he hissed out frantically, "I don't want anything more than a fake friendship with him, Axel! He hurt me and! And even though he gave me flowers and bought me dinner _doesn't_ mean that he's kind or considerate! And just because he's so hot now doesn't mean anything!"

"Uh-huh," Axel snickered and reached over, ruffling Sora's hair. "Why are you fighting so hard to keep yourself from falling for him?"

And it was like their kisses never happened. Either that or they were just both avoiding it because bringing up something that awkward wouldn't do either of them any good. "Because he's a heartless jerk, that's why!" Sora retorted stubbornly.

"You're gonna have to accept that it was an accident and that he really has changed sooner or later, Sora. And from the way you're rambling on, I think you've already done that. Now…now it appears that you're struggling to keep yourself from pouncing on the poor bloke. I doubt he'll mind, though. Anyone would be lucky to have you attack them."

Sora winced, memories flooding back. He fell silent. "Axel?..."

"Hm?" The redhead furrowed his brows.

"About what happened the other day when I was over your house…" And for something this awkward, Sora was showing no signs of backing away from it. It _needed_ be brought up. Avoiding it would be pointless, right? At least, that's what Sora figured.

"We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," Axel answered smoothly, waving his hand dismissively. "It was just…"

"My first kiss," Sora admitted, hunching his shoulders in shame. "I…I'm sorry for that, Axel…"

Axel chewed on his bottom lip. "First kiss, huh? Oh… well, damn…if I knew that was your first I wouldn't have frenched you. …Sorry," he mumbled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck with an usual blush appearing on his cheeks. However, he did a marvelous job at trying to hide it.

"It's…fine. I was sort of asking for it," Sora whispered, eying the ground. He'd never confess to Axel that he felt nothing. No excitement. No pleasure. Just a pointless rubbing of lips. It was almost sad and _very _disappointing.

"Well, it was fine," Axel said and then trailed off. "Until Riku figured it out."

"Huh?" Sora looked back up at his friend. "How'd he do that?"

"I was as giddy as a guy who just got laid when I went to the shop this morning," he explained calmly. "He knew something was up and well…"

"You…told him?" Sora paled.

"Well, at first I told him it was nothing. Then it turned into, 'it was just some guy', and then _somehow_ your name, the Roxas one, I assure you, slipped out. He kind of got pissed at me. Oh well." Axel shrugged and shook his head.

"…why'd you tell him, Axel? He's probably going to think I'm a… I'm a slut or something," Sora whispered quickly, wincing in obvious pain.

"I told him I forced myself on you. He thinks you were an innocent bystander," Axel reassured and pushed off the wall. "He wants to kiss you bad, Sora. I don't know how you've done it, but you've already recaptured his heart, even as another person. Damn, you're good."

Sora squeaked and hid his face. However, a certain part of that statement caught him off guard. "Wait. Recapture? The hell?"

Axel chuckled uneasily. "You didn't know?"

"No?..."

"Riku was crazy about _you_ when you were younger. When you died he wouldn't shut the hell up about how he wish he could have expressed his feelings in a more affectionate way. He'd sit at the playscape for hours, on that stupid slide, wishing he could kiss you and shit. It was depressing." Axel sighed and tapped his foot on the sidewalk.

"Er…" Sora looked away.

"Question, though."

"What?" Sora looked back, blinking in embarrassment and confusion.

"Did you like him when you were alive?"

"Y-yes…"

"…He thinks you didn't," Axel responded and then laughed at the irony. "He thought that you were just curious and wanted to kiss him for no reason. God, he's so dense. Maybe he just thought it was impossible for you to like him when he was such an ass to you. I don't know. Weird, though. I swear, this should be a sitcom."

"That's weird," Sora whispered and sighed. "There was just something about him."

"And there still is, isn't there?" Axel leaned over and poked Sora's nose. "Don't go throwing yourself at him. Make him work for every single thing."

Sora rolled his eyes. "_Okay,_ Axel."

Sometimes he wondered, in the back of his mind, if Axel had…something more than just friendly feelings for him. But, that would be stupid, right? Axel was just his best friend. Axel never… liked him, did he? Sora forced himself to banish that thought. He didn't need any more confusion added to his boiling pot of a brewing mess.

So, for now, he'd go to Starbucks and keep Riku company at work. That was his best option, after all, right? He needed to get closer to the other man and spending time with him was the best choice, right?

**xx**xxxxxx**x**xxxxx**xxx**

Having a normal, sit-down dinner with Riku at a restaurant after he had gotten off work came as a pleasant surprise to Sora. The change of pace was shocking, but all in all pleasing. After a quick bite, the pair returned back to Sora's apartment. The angel had offered to retire to his bedroom and allow Riku to get some well deserved sleep, considering the other had worked that day and was probably exhausted and over-worked. Riku, though, declined his suggestion and proposed that they stay up until at least eleven and watch movies and talk. That's what roommates did, after all, he told Sora with a prompt smile. A dazzling smile, to say the least.

And that was where they currently resided; on Sora's couch/Riku's bed. The brunet curiously glanced over to the silveret who was dismally flipping through the channels. Click. Boring. Click. Next channel. Sora concluded that nothing would catch Riku's attention. Perhaps his attention was elsewhere and nothing on TV could possibly settle his cravings?

"Roxas," Riku said after a moment, placing the remote down.

"Hm?" Sora looked up.

"What you told me earlier at Starbucks…about you talking to Leon and that crap," he murmured and went onwards, despite the odd look Sora was giving him. "Why are you so hell-bent on getting us back together? We weren't the perfect couple, by far."

"You both seemed happy when you introduced Leon and me," Sora responded quietly, a tinge of color appearing on his cheeks. _Is it so bad that I want my brother to be happy? Even if it means Riku giving him that happiness…no matter how absurd that sounds. Especially coming from me. Sora._

"When we're spending time together we are happy," Riku agreed with a hasty nod. "But…it's hard to explain. I can't really explain to someone who isn't a part of it. It's just… weird with Leon." Riku shrugged. "Maybe one day I can explain to you with the right words what it is that we have."

Sora nodded slowly. "Maybe you will."

"Probably," Riku answered. "But I appreciate your concern, Roxas."

_I'm getting sick of that name…_ "No problem," he murmured, his voice treading onto the annoyed plain of emotions.

"We haven't been to the bar recently," Riku noted, strumming his fingers gently on top of his knee. Aquamarine eyes slid shut and he sat there in silence, basking in that feeling. Whatever feeling that may be. "Strange. I don't have any withdrawals or anything. It almost feels nice to not be drinking constantly."

_I'm…actually succeeding in my job?_ "Well, that's good," Sora answered with a stern nod, regardless of whether or not Riku could see it. "Becoming addicted to something isn't a good thing. I'm glad you broke the habit."

"…To some things," Riku responded curtly.

"Huh?" Sora blinked and watched as Riku opened his eyes.

"Addictions to some things aren't bad for you," he reasoned, offering a brilliant smirk over to the angel who was sitting there in utter confusion. "Like, for instance, coffee…well, bad example, never mind. Coffee can be bad for you… Let's see, a better example." Silence. The smirk grew and Riku stated all knowingly, "How about you, for example."

"Come again?" asked Sora. _What does he mean by that?..._

"Ever since I've met you, I can't stand to be away from you." Pause and then laughter from Riku. "Sorry, that sounded really obsessive and crappy. Let me try again. Ever since I've met you, I've felt this need to spend time with you. There, that sounds better. You're such an interesting person and we just get along so well. It's…comforting, I suppose."

Sora smiled. Truly smiled. "Well then, I suppose that's a good thing."

"It is," Riku concurred, mirroring that expression of affection.

"It's nice to have a new friend," Sora reasoned. _Even if it's just for a month, it's good to be your friend, sort of, again, Riku. Even if I'll return to Heaven after a month, it's good to know that you're doing better and you've changed. It's…almost settling. Maybe now I can 'rest in peace'._

"It is," Riku repeated.

"Thanks again for the flowers," Sora interjected and laced his hands behind his head. "I like them."

"Well, it was the least I could do," replied Riku and kept his gaze locked with the angel's body. "Say…how about tomorrow we go job-hunting for you? I don't have work until two so we can spend the morning hours looking for something for you."

Sora shrugged. "You don't have to if you don't want to. It's no big deal." _I don't really want a job. Heaven gave me all the money I need._

"It's fine. I don't mind at all," said Riku and dismissively shook his head, dispersing any awkwardness that had accumulated. "That's what we'll do. It's settled."

"Okay then," Sora chuckled and smiled once again. Silence…the nattering of the television drifted about the living room of the apartment, giving the whole area a rather bizarre feeling. "Hey, Riku?"

"Hm?"

"What you said earlier, about wanting to push me up against a wall and kiss me all over," Sora stated slowly, his voice surprisingly serious. "If you're such an assertive and suave guy, why are you holding back, hm? Is the Great Riku afraid of rejection?" he teased.

"Is that a challenge, Roxas?"

Sora stuck his tongue out at the silveret. "I don't know. You tell me. You're the one who keeps saying all these sexual things but yet you never go through with them. If I didn't know any better I'd say that you were all talk and no action." _I love teasing him. It's beautiful, brutal payback_.

"Roxas, Roxas, Roxas," Riku hummed as his gaze intensified. Something _hot_ swarmed in his pools of green. "I don't think the customers would like to see me molesting you against a wall. I think we'd lose business if I did that."

"Well, what's stopping you now then, Mr. Tough-Guy?" _Riku has no guts at all, I swear_. "We're not in Starbucks anymore."

"Good point," Riku decided and smirked deviously at Sora.

Sora paused and then froze in spot. That look Riku was giving him. That look. It chilled Sora down to the bone. His entire body warmed to the touch and he found it suddenly difficult to breathe. When Riku joked about those things it always made him feel a bit funny, but now, being all alone, with Riku staring at him like that, Sora felt entirely helpless and oddly intrigued. Yet, a part of Sora held back, refrained from completing his desires. However, that look drilled holes through his body.

"Er…why are you looking at me like that?" Sora whispered, his voice strained and almost a bit whispery.

"Just wondering how you'd look under me," Riku answered in a smooth and downright husky.

Sora gulped visibly and gasped involuntarily. _U-under him? _Sora shivered and hunched his shoulders impulsively when his friend leaned closer, one of each of his arms resting on the couch on either side of Sora. And the angel found himself leaning backwards, his back hitting the armrest as Riku nearly hovered above him, staring down at him with those gorgeous, endless eyes.

"Rebound?" Sora wondered, his words flying out impulsively. He arched a brow nevertheless.

"No," Riku answered, honesty leaking from his lips. "Attraction," he corrected.

Sora began to breathe unevenly as Riku remained hovering above him, nearly having the angel pinned beneath his well built body. The silveret remained there, motionless for a long moment. His aqua eyes studied Sora's lips and mouth and eyes and face and chest and everything in between.

"If you're going to kiss me, just do it. The suspense isn't helping," Sora murmured cheeks ablaze.

"It's making you hornier, isn't it?"

Sora squeaked and looked off to the right. "I wouldn't…necessarily call it that."

"Fine then." Riku leaned closer, brushing his lips against Sora's ear. "Aroused?"

Sora gasped as his eyes fluttered shut. He weakly nodded, despite the urge to shove Riku away. That small part of his brain that was responsible for hating Riku and reminding himself of all the horrible things he had done was temporarily out of service. What a pity. "You're…"

"I'm what?" he questioned, his lips pressing a delicate kiss to Sora's tan jaw.

"Awfully close…" Sora answered breathlessly, his neck arching upwards, into Riku's warm touch. Riku wasn't even kissing him on the lips and he already felt ten times more turned on than he had with Axel. He already felt a hundred times more needy and breathless and downright good. It didn't feel like an empty void in his stomach, or a burden on his shoulders. No, it felt like he _needed_ this, no matter how screwed up that sounded. At this moment, he needed the kiss that he had been striving for for nearly ten years.

"I'm going to kiss you now. I hope you don't mind," Riku whispered, lowering his face so it was within inches of Sora's.

"Not at all," Sora whispered dazedly, staring at the close green eyes. His vision blurred as their foreheads bumped against one another's. He could barely make out Riku's gorgeous hues so he simply closed his own eyes. When he lost the ability to see, a wave of excitement coursed through his angelic body. He knew what was coming and yet couldn't believe it was.

Their lips brushed together shyly at first. It was barely a kiss. The silveret leaned his head further down a bit, capturing Sora's lips into a second, more pressured kiss. Their lips brushed tentatively against one another's this time, rolling and meshing. Sora nervously responded, his hands shakily finding their way up into Riku's hair as sparks of fire danced through his veins.

"Riku," Sora whispered against their lips, hands tugging at the other's hair as he refused to break their kissing. The brunet eagerly leaned up closer to Riku, nearly bruising their lips together. So much need. So much hate. So much hurt. So much… was put into that desperate kiss. He needed this. He had needed this for way too long.

Riku murmured something into the kiss as his hands fell down to rest on Sora's hips as he squirmed a bit over the angel, angling his head so that he could better access Sora's lips. They remained like that, close-kissing for a few moments. The kisses turned from fleeting and experimental to desperate and downright needy in a few seconds.

The silveret flicked his tongue out experimentally, licking the expanse of Sora's bottom lip as they rolled against one another. Sora's body shivered at the touch and instinctively arched, his hands tightening their grasp on Riku's silvery locks. His body felt like it was on fire. He didn't want to stop. He didn't care anymore, at this moment, that Riku had killed him. He didn't care that Riku called him Roxas. He didn't care that Riku had dated Leon and recently broke up with him. He just didn't give a fuck at this moment. Riku was his, for this brief moment. Riku was finally _his_ and _his_ he was going to stay for as long as Sora could possibly keep it that way.

Desperate to keep Riku kissing him, desperate to keep Riku intrigued by the tongue-kiss, Sora's hands wandered down from Riku's hair and onto his back. Small hands massaged the taller's back, making small moans escape the older's lips.

Whether it was from the tension or pure attraction that Riku was kissing him, Sora was just glad that he was. The reason he could hardly care less about at this moment. He'd figure out the details later, when he wasn't so affectionate and frantic.

As their lips engaged in a heated battle, Riku's hands began wandering along Sora, fingers slipping up the angel's shirt. Cold fingers met warm skin and Sora mewed surprisingly into the kiss, his body jerking and twisting out of confusion. Though, after a moment, he relaxed, allowing Riku to continue running his dexterous fingers along his sides, producing large tremors to fly up Sora's body.

"Oh _god_, Sora…"

Sora was so lost in the ecstasy of such simple affection that he had been denied of when he was alive; he barely caught what Riku murmured loudly into the kiss. But he _did_.

It took Sora a moment to process what was just said. When he did, the brunet's hands shot up and shoved violently at Riku's chest. Without warning, Sora began to forcefully heave Riku's heavy body off him. And considering Riku was so caught up in the kissing, he instantly fell off Sora and onto the floor.

Riku fell with a thump which was followed by a groan. "Ow…what the hell?"

"You…" Sora breathed in deeply, his voice shaky from the kissing. "You!..." Sora said more forcefully, pointing his finger at him.

"Did you…not want my hands up your shirt?" Riku asked, licking his lips with a feverish want.

"You!" Sora nearly practically screamed, feet slamming down onto the ground.

Riku flinched. "What?"

"You…called me Sora!" he nearly screeched.

Riku paled and slowly shook his head. "No…I didn't…?"

"Yes you did!" Sora snapped back.

"Why would I?" Riku arched a brow and stared confusedly.

Sora narrowed his eyes. If Riku wanted to play this game, Sora would play it as well. The brunet growled and lunged onto Riku's body, pinning the silveret beneath him, on the carpet. Riku's eyes widened when he felt his back being shoved into the carpet, his wrists being slammed down. "What are you doing?" Riku demanded cautiously.

"I know what I heard…" Sora breathed in deeply. _Or maybe I…I thought it up because…I wanted him to say it?...No. He said it. He said my name…_ Becoming utterly frustrated, Sora leaned closer and lowered his mouth directly down to Riku's ear. "Tell me the truth, Riku. Or I'll throw you out this second. Tell me the truth," he hissed.

Riku shivered and said nothing.

"Tell me!" Sora shouted, his body shakily holding down Riku. "Tell me or I'll… I'll…" What could he possibly do to make Riku confess? His mind went blank and he stared down at Riku, betrayal in his eyes. "…How did you know?...When did you…I…"

Sora let go of Riku and sat down, a few inches away from Riku's laying body. "You… knew all along…didn't you?...Why…I…"

Riku sat up and eyed Sora. Were those tears? "I didn't—"

"I'm not insane!" Sora snarled and shook his head to the right and then to the left. The brunet quickly got to his feet and stared down at Riku, anger flaring in his eyes. "You killed me," he deadpanned, his body freezing. Riku knew. Somehow Riku knew. And even if he didn't, he knew now. He knew now and that was all that mattered. Some way or another, Riku knew now.

"I…"

"I _hate_ you!" Sora shouted and left the living room in a fluster to his bedroom, slamming the door shut.

Riku's stomach dropped and he stumbled out of the living room and down the hallway after the brunet. "Sora, god damnit wait a second!" he hollered and shoved his body against the now closed door. With a low groan, the silveret exhaled harshly and rested his forehead against the cold wood. "Sora…please, open the door."

"You _lied_ to me!" Sora shouted from the other side. "You! I can't…believe I let you kiss me! I _hate_ you!" he repeated, still screaming.

"You weren't objecting before you knew I knew, were you?" Riku groaned and rested his clenched fists against the door. "Sora, please open the door."

"How long?!"

"…What?" Riku answered uneasily, his head beginning to throb.

"How _long_ have you known it was me?! Why didn't you say anything?! Why did you act clueless…Why! You…I…" Sora was having difficulties producing words at this moment. It came as no immediate surprise, really.

"…Sora, did you really think I wouldn't recognize you? Are you that dense?" Riku murmured, shaking his head with a loud sigh.

Sora promptly kicked the door from his side. "At least _Axel_ told me he knew it was me!" Sora growled. _Why isn't he asking me why I'm here? How I'm here. Why is he so damn preoccupied with calming me down and getting me back on that couch with him?_ Sora gritted his teeth. _Because Riku is a horny idiot…he hasn't changed_.

"You gave me a fake name. I assumed you didn't want me to know. Sorry for playing along with your little charade, Sora," said Riku angrily.

Sora was getting tired of arguing. "You killed me," he reiterated and felt like breaking down into a frenzy of hot tears. "You…"

"Sora…I…didn't know it was…"

"You still pulled it, Riku! You… you knew very well! You had the intent! You _wanted_ me dead! I … I was just your puppet and plaything and I _hate_ you for it. I don't even know _why_ I gave you this second chance. I must be a _complete_ idiot!" Sora barked back defensively.

Riku winced, his hands flexing uneasily. "I told you I was sorry. I just wanted to scare you. I'm sorry, Sora. You… know as well as I do that I never wanted you gone."

"Why can't you tell the truth just _once_?" Sora yelled and turned away from the door. "I'm going to bed. Don't talk to me until morning. I'm not in the mood to see your face. It makes me sick," he muttered, entirely broken.

Riku sighed and looked off to the right. "If it counts for anything, Sora, the kisses weren't fake."

Sora didn't respond. His ears caught Riku's footsteps leading away from the door and he sighed helplessly to himself. The brunet tossed his tired body onto the bed and began to weep, his eyes stinging from the tears. It was going to be another long, _long_ night.

The only thing going through Sora's head was one repeating statement, _Riku knows. Riku knows it's me…what do I do now?..._


	10. hold me

_let's see...update ahoy! Not much really happens in this chapter, to be honest. there's lots of riku and sora...emotional ness, i suppose. but the end. ohoho. that's a bit revealing, i tell you. read that part carefully. anyhow, thanks for sticking with me and i apologize for the delay of the wait. you know how life gets when finals slither around. anyhow, please leave a review. i'd make me elated and i'd love you forever. so...let's move on_

* * *

**_Heavenly_**

"_Riku…" Sora looked away, refusing to cry. Thirteen year old boys did not cry in front of their best friends, nor did they weep in front of their crushes. That was all. "Please, just forgive me. I didn't mean it. I was just…curious. You're just being…difficult. Boys kissing are gross. I didn't know what I was saying, I…I'm sorry?"_

_Riku barely listened. His mind was reeling at the bad side effects. "Just forget it, Sora. Go home. I don't even care anymore. Just go home before I get pissed off at you. More than I already am."_

_Sora lowered his gaze. "Why are you always so cruel to me?" he whispered under his breath, tears pooling in his eyes. He resisted them and instead kicked at the ground angrily. "Fine," he grumbled, just loud enough for Riku to hear. "I'll see you tomorrow._

"_Maybe," Riku answered and glanced wearily at the brunet._

_Sora shrugged. Sora walked off, not turning back. But he always came back, that much Riku and Sora knew. _

**xx**xx**xx**xx**xxx**xx**x**x**xx**

When Sora was certain that Riku had retired from the hallway and into the living room, he slipped out of his locked bedroom and into the bathroom across the hall. Quietly, he locked the door behind him and collapsed in front of the toilet. At this moment he had no desire to vomit or cry. All he wanted to do was be nearby, just in case. His blue eyes remained tightly clamped shut, unable to open. His skinny body trembled as his arms clung to the porcelain skin of his companion, as if gripping on to protect his life. Things had gone from bad to worse to the absolute worst in no time at all, and to be quite honest, Sora was not sure if he could handle this anymore.

Sora's small fingers traced the smooth, white texture of the object before him. Eyes remained shut as he sucked in a deep, strangled breath. "He knows," he whispered to himself, a sob sneaking its way in towards the end. "He's known all along…"

Sora's body slumped further down until his hands were firmly pressed down onto the cold, bathroom tiling. His knees remained pressed against the floor and his body began to violently tremble.

_Riku's known since the beginning. That means that… he kissed me knowing it was me… He broke up with Leon…because?..._ Sora's head began to throb and it took everything the brunet angel had not to expel his stomach contents. _Don't say he ended things with my brother because of me. Please don't say that. There has to be a bigger reason. A better reason—one that doesn't involve me…_ His eyes snapped open, the corneas stinging. _Does Leon know too, then?_

"What am I going to do? What am I going to do?... He's not supposed to know," he rambled weakly, fingers digging impulsively into the ground. "Heaven's going to kill me. He knows, Axel knows, and and Leon probably knows as well…how the hell am I supposed to finish my job now?!"

Would Heaven persecute him for willingly admitting that it was him to both Axel and Riku? Sora's stomach twisted and churned and he felt tears trickling down his cheeks. The inside of his chest felt like it was on fire and therefore was boiling some brew of liquids. It was an odd feeling, to say the least, but it felt horrid.

A loud wail emerged from Sora's lips when a sharp jolt of pain centralized in the pit of stomach. It felt strikingly akin to a gunshot—he would know, after all—but it was constant. It wasn't like a bullet tearing into your skin and body from the outside in, it was the opposite. It was like a ball of pain was trying to rip your body apart, from the inside out.

The groaning from the angel continued. _Am I dying again? Is this my punishment? Am I going to die again and end up in the incinerator? Not now. Please, not now. I need to sort everything out. I can't go back. I can't die again_.

"No," Sora wailed out loud, his thoughts piercing into vocals.

_I don't belong here. Everyone here is alive. I'm dead. I don't belong_. Sora was vaguely aware that he kept murmuring incoherent words into the air, trying to control the pain that was throbbing in his stomach. It felt so strikingly similar to the pain he had felt when he died that he screamed out in fear. The scream wasn't pain-induced, it was fear. When you knew what dying felt like you weren't afraid to express your mortification of it.

_I don't deserve this. I don't deserve to die again—not like this. I don't…I don't… My life was horrible enough as it was…don't make me go through this pain again. Please don't. I can't do this again. Just let me live one more month. Let me just complete my life in peace, please…_

The pain in his stomach numbed, just the slightest, and Sora's head lolled back, eyes fluttering open. He shortly after became aware that a pair of arms was tightly wrapped around his waist and that his body was resting up against another. Blue eyes blinked slowly, staring up at a worried expression. His entire body remained lifeless and limp in the other's hold. His back remained up against the other's chest and legs sprawled out on the floor.

"Sora…are you okay?"

The brunet's lips fell half open as he stared confusedly up at the silveret. His spiky brown head rested firmly on Riku's chest, comfortably beneath the male's neck. "Let go of me," Sora demanded in a coarse, weakened voice.

"You look like shit," Riku commented and stared down at the brunet with bewilderment. His hands slithered from around Sora's torso and wandered upwards into Sora's soft, brown hair.

"Don't…touch me," Sora murmured weakly, eyes falling shut once again to preserve the last shred of dignity that he had left. Although he despised the fact that he was currently leaning up against the man who had landed him into this situation, he could not do anything about it—he was too weak. "I feel like I'm going to die," Sora croaked out numbly.

"I think that'd be impossible considering your current situation, Sora," Riku reasoned with a mock laugh, his fingers raking through Sora's hair. Due to their current position, the silveret could feel every single shiver and tremble that made its way down Sora's body. It was a bit disturbing.

"Shut up," Sora groaned his body stiff against Riku's. "You're the one who got me into this mess."

Riku sighed. "I won't deny that…" he murmured, fingers beginning to lightly massage Sora's scalp. "But I also won't deny that I'm worried about you, Sora. You look like death itself."

Sora snorted in mock humor. "I doubt I look any worse than I did eight years ago, huh?" he murmured disdainfully. "I told you I didn't want to see you until morning. What didn't you understand about that?"

"Guess I just can't stay away," Riku reasoned, smiling faintly down at the angel. "Even though you lied to me and took advantage of what you thought was 'me not recognizing you', I'm still glad you're here, Sora."

Sora tensed automatically. "Me take advantage of _you_? Hmph," Sora struggled to mockingly laugh. When he did such, his head throbbed and his weak body went through another round of pain. The brunet angel closed his eyes weakly and tried to ignore the jolts of pain in his stomach. Damn, this might even be worse than the incinerator.

After a moment of warding off the pain, Sora's blue eyes lazily cracked open, staring up at the man whose arms he was in. "So…if you hadn't screwed up and said my name, you would have continued calling me Roxas? Even…if things…progressed?"

Riku's brows furrowed. "What do you mean?" His fingers continued massaging the angel's scalp, almost lovingly.

Sora rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean, Riku…"

"No, I don't think I do," Riku answered curtly and then paused. His aquamarine eyes flickered down and met Sora's blue. In that moment he realized that if he hadn't said Sora's name, things probably would have gone farther. And maybe if he hadn't said Sora's name at all, they'd be dating and they would have started from square one. "Oh," Riku murmured, a hot blush appearing on his face. "Well…be glad I did?"

Sora sighed. "Whatever."

"Why are you here?" Riku finally asked, fingers wandering from Sora's hair down to the brunet's face. Once there, they began to gently brush along the angel's cheeks and forehead, kneading the surprisingly soft skin.

"Heaven apparently thinks you're screwing up your life," Sora explained reluctantly. "So I figure, if you already know it's me, I can't possibly mess up anymore…so why not tell you everything?" He sighed exasperatedly. "Ever since I've come back I've been messing up over and over. First letting Axel know it was me, then telling you…and now just everything." His eyes shut, tears leaking out the corners. "Do you realize how hard it is to be near you, Riku?..." His voice fell to a strained whisper.

The silveret said nothing. "You don't have to be around me, Sora. I'll understand."

Sora shook his head weakly. "It's part of my job… Heaven, they're all sadistic idiots up there. They assigned me to you. They probably_ knew_ all about our past and," Sora coughed violently, "and now I'm probably dying again because you know it's me. That's…really sad, isn't it?"

Riku shook his head, a sad smile on his lips. "You still hate me, then? The past week or so has just been a lie?"

"I had to put up with you. I had to get to know you again so you'd," cough," trust me. So I could save you from dying before you…were meant to," Sora finished, his body trembling. A moment of silence passed by, the minutes trickling on before dared to speak again. "Everyone keeps telling me you've changed. I don't want to believe it. My heart won't. Not after what you did to me…"

"Sora," Riku exhaled, watching as the brunet squirmed. Within seconds, Sora was resituated. The brunet was now laying in the silveret's lap, his head resting firmly against the other's chest. His arms looped tiredly around Riku, weakly holding him. His legs folded up, attempting to make himself comfortable with the little energy he had left.

"You know…considering I can't possibly dig myself any deeper, I figure I'll just say it all," the brunet angel mumbled, his headache feeling like it was tearing his brain and mind apart. "I only stuck around with you when we were young because I hoped that one day you'd change and like me back."

"What?" Riku blinked, eyes widening in confusion.

"Even though you hurt me, punched me, yelled at me, lied to me, cursed at me, and even ignored me, I still liked you and would have done anything to be with you." Sora buried his face into Riku's chest, inhaling his scent. "And for this past week, I've been forcing myself to hate you. To continue hating you, I mean. Because liking the person you killed you is just stupid and impossible, after all."

Riku couldn't take the words that Sora was saying, even if they were true. "We were young," Riku argued. "I didn't know. I was stupid. I wanted power. Sora, you don't realize what I went through when you died. You have _no idea_. I…"

Sora spared a glance up at Riku, his chin resting numbly against his friend's chest. "You what? You're sorry?"

"I just need a second chance," Riku finally said, his hands reaching down to cup each of the angel's cheeks. His thumbs idly brushed along the tear-soaked skin, their gazes meeting.

Sora shrunk back a bit, his breath catching in his throat. "We can't do this, Riku," he informed him weakly. "It wouldn't work. I'm _dead_. Don't you see how wrong this is?... I'm here to save you, that's all."

"You're _alive_," Riku argued, shaking his head violently. "You're breathing, you're…you're right in front of me. Don't tell me that you're dead, Sora."

"You can't be with a dead person, Riku. Maybe if you hadn't killed me, maybe we—" Sora began bitterly, his voice barely above a whisper. He was exerting too much energy to speak and every word he did speak hurt his dry throat.

Riku didn't answer, nor did he argue. All the silveret did was stare desperately down at the fragile angel in his grasps. "No," he breathed out imperceptibly. "I _won't_ accept that," he growled and forcefully lowered his lips onto Sora's.

The angel's eyes flew open and then shut in the timeframe of one second. Sora swallowed thickly and then aguishly returned the kiss. _He thinks that everything will be okay. He thinks just because I know he knows everything will be fine. He thinks that a simple kiss can solve everything. He…he has no idea how hard he's making this for me. Damn it, Riku. Can't you just let me hate you and leave in peace?_

"Sora," Riku said quietly, lips lingering against the angel's. "Give me another chance."

Sora didn't answer, nor did he return the kiss once more. The angel just sat there, and within a few moments, passed out, clinging to the only thing that could ever possibly make him feel this damn _worthless_.

**xx**xx**xx**xx**xxx**xx**x**x**xx**

Sora figured he had passed out close to three in the morning. When ten came around, Sora's body stirred away. Dull blue eyes opened and slowly took in his surroundings. It was dark—there was a lack of windows in this room. A yawn slipped from the brunet's lips. He felt entirely energized—ten times better than the night prior. Just the mere thought of how _weak_ he had been last night sent cold shivers of betrayal down his back. _You're weak, Sora. You let him hold you. You willingly told him anything he wanted to hear because you felt sick. God, you're so weak. _

Sora winced and quietly shook away the thought. _No, I'm trying to be human again, even if I'm only an angel. I'm trying to forgive. Maybe he has changed. I need to see if he has—if he's worth of saving from the incinerator. _The brunet sighed and shifted a bit, trying to get comfortable. He figured he'd sleep for another hour and then get up and attempt to make breakfast due to the fact that he was starving and probably had spewed up anything _food-related_ in his stomach.

However, it was not until that moment that realization hit Sora. He was in the bathroom still. He hadn't moved out of it last night. More importantly, though, he slowly realized, was that his body was snuggled up against another. A warm, comfortable, reassuring, and inviting body. Blue eyes widened and then narrowed when Sora realized Riku's arms were tightly wrapped around him. The silveret had the angel's body tightly pulled to his own as they slept uncomfortably, on their sides, on the bathroom floor.

"This is gross," Sora decided, scrunching his nose up in distaste. He sighed once again and squirmed, attempting to remove Riku's arms from around him. When he found the effort in vain, Sora groaned and stopped moving all together. It was pointless; Riku's hold around his thin body was too tight.

With a lack of anything else better to do, Sora's gaze ventured upwards. Riku's right cheek was pressed against the tile as he slept; silver tresses cover his lidded eyes. His arms were looped around Sora's body, keeping them as close as physically possible.

"He sort of looks peaceful when he's sleeping," Sora murmured and continued to eye the slumbering silveret. "If only he was this harmless when he was awake," he mused and exhaled, blowing hair upwards to move his bangs out of his eyes. When the brown locks did blow away they almost immediately fell back into place—resistant strands of hair, they were.

_So he knows I'm an angel, okay. He knows I'm Sora. Okay. He knows that I'm here to save him, I guess. But what else does he know? Does he… know that I'm…struggling to not fall for him? Oh gods, if he knew that I'd be dead… well, deader than I already am. _"I think he does know," Sora mumbled begrudgingly, his body tense in Riku's hold.

"Maybe…"

_Since he's asleep…_ Sora ducked his head down and cautiously laid it upon Riku's chest. His breath caught in his throat and he shyly pressed his cold nose to the other's clothed torso. A moment of silence passed as Sora's eyes snapped shut. It hurt. Just imagining what things could have been like if Riku had been kinder, if Sora had still been alive…it just hurt so damn much. Sora could not handle all these emotions and thoughts. Why couldn't there be a guidebook on 'what to do when your best friend kills you'?

"You know, if all of this wouldn't have happened, we probably would be together," Sora whispered weakly, hurt leaking from his voice as he impulsively snuggled closer. When Riku slept there was no possible way of him witnessing Sora's pathetic attempts and strives for affection.

Sora laughed quietly to himself. "You…we probably would have dated all through high school…" The brunet's hands pressed against Riku's chest, clenching the shirt between his fingers weakly. "I wouldn't have had the heart to ever break up so I guess…we would have been the longest lasting couple." The angel sighed shakily, tears forming in his eyes. "And…and we would have made love too, I suppose…" Tears began to fall. "Because with you, it would have never just been sex…it would have been l-love…" Sora choked up and began sobbing silently against Riku's chest, his body, heart, and soul aching.

He was tired of feeling this _hurt,_ _this_ often.

"Sora?..."

Sora tensed and dropped his hands from Riku's shirt. The brunet quickly pulled his face away from Riku's chest—he missed the warmth at once—and lowered his head, keeping his brown bangs over his tear-soaked eyes. "What?" he murmured, remaining in the other's arms but refusing to touch the silveret's body.

"I'm sorry," Riku whispered, his arms tightening around the angel. Without a word, he yanked the angel closer and pressed soft kisses to his forehead, his hands massaging the boy's back.

"Let go," Sora stammered, squirming to get away from Riku's grasp. "Don't touch me," he gritted out, arms flailing.

Riku sighed and obediently let go. At once, Sora scrambled into a sitting position and stared darkly at the silveret. "I guess comforting you is out of the question, huh?" Riku groaned absently as he sat up as well, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

"Pretty pathetic," Sora commented, folding his arms childishly to his chest. "You can't get a living boyfriend so you turn to the dead. Real smooth, Riku."

Riku rolled his eyes and brushed his hair behind his ears. "You weren't objecting earlier last night," he stated coyly and got to his feet. The silveret shot the earth-bound angel a furtive stare before leaving the bathroom, gently closing the door behind him..

Sora chewed on his bottom lip and glared at the closed door. "Well, you're still courting a dead person!" he shouted angrily from the bathroom before ripping his attention away from the door. The brunet sucked in a deep breath and closed his eyes. His heartbeat escalated and he found his mind spinning in a million different directions.

_Why the hell did he kiss my forehead?..._ Sora shook away the thought and got to his feet, stumbling a few times. After a moment of effort, the angel ambled towards the sink. Once there, he gazed idly at his foggy reflection in the mirror. Shakily, he raised his right hand and pressed his fingertips to the glass, as if expecting to touch himself through the mirror.

"Do I just forgive him?..." Sora licked his lips and dropped his hand. "What about Leon?... Am I expected to avoid him? What about Axel?" Sora's throat clenched. "A-axel," he repeated and shut his eyes painfully. "H-he… kissed me too and Riku got mad and…"

Was it even possible that two guys were fighting over him? No, that couldn't be possible. He was_ dead_. Why would they even give him a second glance?

**xx**xx**xx**xx**xxx**xx**x**x**xx**

"I'm going out," Sora announced as he left his bedroom after having quickly gotten dressed. The idea of lingering around this dingy apartment, that wasn't even his _own,_ for an entire day with _Riku,_ sent shivers down Sora's spine. The angel decided that the shivers were produced from fear and disgust. Just what would happen if he stuck around?

Riku lifted his gaze from a magazine he was reading. His aquamarine studded gaze surveyed Sora for a moment. "Sora, we need to talk."

"I think we did plenty of that last night," Sora spat and stuck his nose up as he passed the living room and headed towards the front door. "I'll be back around for dinner, maybe, if you're lucky. I don't know. Maybe I'll just go fling myself off the nearest bridge into a river. Wouldn't that be convenient, hm?"

He was mad and just randomly saying whatever came to mind.

Before Sora had a chance to grab hold of his apartment door, Riku's arm had grabbed his own. Sora flinched and spun around on his heels. Angry blue hues flashed up to aquamarine. "I'd…appreciate it if you let me go, Riku," Sora mumbled, averting his gaze. Why did he find it so hard to be cruel when Riku was so close and was staring at him like _that_?

"Five minutes. Five minutes of talking and you can do whatever the hell you want," Riku suggested.

Sora sighed and nodded. If it would get Riku off his back for today then he'd take the deal. "Okay. What are we talking about? How about pizza? Or something like politics?"

"Sora," Riku stated firmly, his hold on the brunet's arm not faltering. "I'm serious…"

Sora shut up and looked away, a small blush on his face. "Fine…go ahead. Ask whatever. It's not like I can get in any _more_ trouble with Heaven. I've already messed up completely. What could a few more questions possibly hurt?"

"Last night," Riku began, his hand that was on Sora's arm slipping down to rest around the angel's wrist. "You said that if you weren't dead and if I hadn't been a complete ass to you, we could have been together?..." His voice fell quiet and he stared confusedly at Sora.

Sora gulped and began shaking uneasily. "Does that bother you?"

"It does," Riku confirmed. Inconspicuously, his hand slipped from Sora's wrist and onto his hand. Quietly, he interlaced their fingers.

A wave of heat engulfed Sora as the tips of his fingers felt like they were oozing lava or something. Riku was…holding his hands? "What are you trying to prove, Riku? That no matter how big of a jerk you are, I'll always come crying back to you? If that's so, then it's not going to work. Death changes a person…"

Riku squeezed the angel's hand. "Does it even register in your head that I'm trying to prove to you that I'm sorry and that I've changed?"

Sora stiffened and looked away once more. "No matter what you do, Riku, you'll always be the person that shot me. That won't change. I'd say I'm sorry but really, I wouldn't know what I was apologizing for. So please, don't make this any harder on me."

"When we were younger," Riku began, ignoring Sora's statement, "I had _dreams_ about being with you, Sora. I got scared. I didn't know what to do. I told myself that if I bullied you around constantly I would just learn to be annoyed by you."

Sora promptly rolled his eyes, shoulders going rigid. "Riku, do you honestly think I'm going to believe that?"

The silveret opened his mouth to agree but instantly shut it. His eyes stared quizzically at Sora. "Actually, yeah. I did hope that you would believe me. If you won't believe I've changed, then well…"

Sora scrunched his nose up, angrily glaring at his friend. "You haven't changed at _all_! You're still rude and…weird! And you are somehow _completely_ okay with the idea that I'm _dead_ but here! I think you've gone insane and you're just pretending to be okay with this and to be 'changed'!"

Seriously, none of this made sense. The brunet angel inhaled raggedly, eyes filling to the brim with growing tears. He did not cry, though. He held it back. It was pointless, so he just chewed irately onto his lip. He stared at Riku, waiting an answer—hoping for a reasonable explanation to this whole entire mess.

When no answer came, and Sora had grown tired of staring wildly at the silent silveret, the angel lifted his chin into the air indignantly and muttered, "I'm going to see Axel. See you around."

With that said, Sora left his apartment, slamming the door shut behind him. He needed air. He needed time to think and reevaluate the situation before it turned worse. What he really needed, and wanted, was for Riku to chase after him, apologize endlessly for his sins, whisper his _love_, and to kiss him until he was blue in the face. He wanted Riku to be sincere and honest and…Sora didn't even know what he wanted from Riku at this point. All he knew was that it wasn't what Riku was giving at this moment. He desired something more—something more real.

**xx**xx**xx**xx**xxx**xx**x**x**xx**

It was then when Sora found himself standing on the corner of the street that Riku worked. The brunet angel sucked in a deep breath, eying the Barnes and Noble that graced that street corner. Really, he had no idea what he wanted to do at this moment. Going to see Axel would be pointless—he would just unfairly distribute his anger. Going to see Leon—his brother—would be even more pointless. So what did that leave Sora to do? Wander aimlessly through the crowded streets until he figured out something to do.

Yet this street corner. It held memories. Memories of when he traveled into the city with his mother, father, brother, and Riku. The brunet lowered his gaze. It might not be exactly _this_ corner—for it was a long time ago—but it was still a corner. He shivered and hugged his arms tightly to his body. Why did Riku have to make everything complicated. Why did he do that…

Sora's thoughts were cut off by a ringing. Curiously, he reached down and snagged his phone, flipping it open. "Hello?" he asked dryly, hoping it wasn't Riku.

His hopes were confirmed. "Kayaki," said the voice, deep and stern. Sora knew that voice. It was that snappy little angel back up in heaven that he had to contend with before he was sent here. What a sound for sore ears. "How is your job going so well?"

"Can't you see?" Sora groaned, holding the phone firmly. "I would think that you guys could see everything, you know?"

"It's best to hear from the employee himself. You know, for that personal touch," chimed the other in that shrewd, prissy voice. "Your time is running out. If you don't have Karada, well, you both aren't going to get that far."

Sora scrunched his nose up. "What does that mean?"

"If you fail, Karada's going to technically fail as well. So, think real long and hard about how you treat your assignment. Listen, I have to go. Paperwork and angels to tend to. I'd say good luck but hey, you'll need more than luck."

The conversation ended.

Sora stood there in a daze, holding the phone to his ear, listening to the static. Things just kept getting weirder and weirder. So…if he failed, if he couldn't save Riku, not only did he fail his job, but apparently Riku got punished for it as well. Did that mean they'd both get sent to the incinerator? A shiver danced down Sora's spine. No. That won't happen. It couldn't…right?

**xx**xx**xx**xx**xxx**xx**x**x**xx**

Sora arrived home earlier and went to bed. Though, before he went to bed, he was stopped by Riku who had been watching television to keep his mind off things. The silveret gently grabbed Sora's arm, deterring him from moving away. Blue eyes met aquamarine. Sora braced himself. Riku looked like he wanted to say something serious, and usually that rang true.

"Sora," Riku said, his voice gentle yet unyielding. "You didn't tell Leon, right?..."

"Why would I?" Sora responded, his voice uncertain. "Why would I…Riku?"

"He doesn't need any more pain. Knowing that you're somehow alive again would send him over the edge. Hell, it's doing that to me…but I didn't lose my parents recently. He did," Riku murmured and almost instantly wrapped his arms around Sora.

Sora stiffened, trying to resist. "Let go, Riku…"

"Not until you promise not to tell Leon…" Riku muttered, resting his chin onto the boy's shoulder. "Don't tell him. Promise me, Sora. Promise me you won't confuse him like you are to me. Just don't do it."

"Let me go and I might promise," Sora growled, trying to push the other off him. Surprisingly, Riku complied and moved away. The brunet blinked and moved away as well, looking off to the side. He averted his gaze so that Riku would not be able to meet it. "Promise…" he whispered softly.

"Get some sleep," Riku told him, flashing him a rare, flirtatious smile. Sora's heart automatically fell.

Before the silveret moved back to the couch, he leaned close and brushed his lips over Sora's forehead. The brunet tensed and shoved Riku away, though the hot red on his face did not disappear. A blush. Riku snickered at this, tossed a wink over his shoulder, and allowed Sora to go to his bedroom to sleep.

Sora took his leave, rubbing his forehead and growling curses under his breath. He breathed heavily and retired for the night. Tomorrow, no matter what he had promised Riku, he'd go see Axel and Leon. He needed to talk to them. He needed to make these last three weeks mean something. That's all.

**xx**xx**xx**xx**xxx**xx**x**x**xx**

_"Leon…Sora, it's…Sora…"_

_Leon started in utter mortification at the crumbled silveret who sat on the floor. His face was contorted into something that looked like unbelievable joy. Was he holding back tears of…elation? Leon stated irately at his boyfriend. "How…" he demanded, his hard gaze turning sharper by the moment._

_Riku's gaze flickered up, his heart beating far too fast. "Sora's…back. I…saw him and I…"_

_Leon looked away and glared out the window. "You're going to fall for him again, aren't you?" the older demanded coldly. He looked hurt. He looked utterly broken down and hurt. The brunet said nothing and folded his arms to his chest._

"_Leon…" Riku quickly got to his feet. "Sora…you don't…it's Sora!" _

"_I _know_," Leon deadpanned, fixing his stare with Riku. "I know…"_

_Riku saw the hurt in his boyfriend's eyes and he felt his body tremble. He knew it was coming shortly. The inevitable truth. "Leon…listen, I…"_

"_I want to see him," Leon stated coldly. "You and I will meet him together, okay?"_

"_Leon…please," Riku said, his voice breaking at the realization. He reached out to touch his boyfriend's hand reassuringly but Leon pulled away harshly._

"_You love him, don't you?"_

_Riku fell silent. And silence was the only thing heard, other than the frantic beating of Riku's heart matching the breaking of Leon's._


	11. hurt me

_i do say that this is, so far, the most important chapter yet. with the flashback and all the foreshadowing, and all the confusing bits...yeah. it's utterly important. read carefully and excuse typos and whatnot. thank you all for the reviews, i love you dearly. please leave one and tell me what you think so far. i'd love you forever.

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**Heavenly**

Sora was sleeping over Riku's house that night. Although the two bickered a lot—mostly due to Riku's immature, bossy behavior—they still did 'best friend' type things. And among those was the famous sleepover. The brunet had arrived early and was hoping with all his heart that now that they were alone, in Riku's house, he would be kind to him. Usually when people weren't around Riku was kinder to him. Sora labeled it as unfortunate peer pressure and he figured one day he'd fight back and end it. He just didn't want to lose Riku in the process. It was a hard concept for his thirteen year old mind to work out and accept. 

_Sora dropped his things in the familiar hallway near the entrance of Riku's home. Riku hadn't greeted him at the door with his usual smirk. That was peculiar. The brunet glanced about. "Riku?" he called into the home._

_After a moment, shuffling was heard upstairs. "I'm upstairs," announced a voice from up the stairs. Thumping was soon after heard—like a drawer being slammed, or forced, shut._

_Curiously, Sora left his bags by his friend's front door and headed up the carpet-adored stairs. As he trekked up, his feet produced clonking noises, announcing his ascend. It took Sora less than a minute to reach the top. When he did such, he took a sharp right into Riku's room. "Hey, sorry I'm early I—" he began._

_Sora stopped speaking when he entered Riku's room. His eyes made contact with a black, metallic, shining object in Riku's hands. The boy's nose scrunched up and he lifted his gaze to stare accusingly at the silveret. "Riku," he hissed warningly. "That's your dad's. Don't touch that!"_

_Riku paid no attention. "It's a lot heavier than I had imagined," he murmured to himself, the pad of his thumb running along the smooth edge._

_Sora stiffened and remained near the entrance of the room. "Riku. What if your dad comes home early and sees that? He's going to yell at you," Sora warned with a hint of vacillation in his voice. "I really would put it…"_

"_Don't tell me what to do, Sora," Riku ground out as he elevated his aquamarine stare to observe his scrawny best friend. "Do you want to touch it as well? I'm sure you've never touched one before, Sora."_

_Sora lowered his gaze to the floor. "I'm sorry," he mumbled._

_Silence reigned over. "These things are pretty dangerous, huh?" Riku wondered, idly turning it in his hands. His fingers brushed teasingly along the trigger, down the body of the weapon. It was obvious he was enthralled by the gun—as any other child would be when being able to see one up close for the first time._

"_Well, yeah," Sora answered at once, shuffling his feet worriedly. "Can we put it away, please?...I really don't like guns…" He was terrified of them. Violence _always_ scared Sora. Ever since he was young…and his father had—no, he didn't want to think about it. His father was nonexistent now. His step dad _was_ his 'dad' now._

"_Does it scare you?" Riku asked as he mockingly raised the small firearm, indolently aiming it towards his friend. "It's not like it's loaded or anything, Sora," he cooed with a dark laugh._

_Sora frowned and shook his head. "Still. Please…just put it away," he said, nervously side-stepping away from the line of fire. Even if it wasn't loaded he didn't like being near it._

"_You're a chicken," Riku chortled, a shadowy grin on his face. "You're never going to succeed in life if you're afraid of guns, Sora. Grow some balls, my god."_

_Sora blanched. "Hey! Riku, wait a minute!" _

_Riku tightened his grip on the weapon, looking as if he was aiming. "Eh. Don't argue, Sora. Now, why exactly are you afraid of these? Why can't you be like every other boy in the world and like them?"_

"_Because! They kill people!" Sora barked back, lifting his hands defensively. "Riku, _please_."_

"_It's not like I'm gonna do anything," Riku laughed, that teasing smirk still present on his lips. "Even if I," his finger rested on the trigger, giving it a small force, "pulled it, it wouldn't do anything."_

"_Riku…" Sora whispered; his voice cracking._

"_I wonder what it feels like to shoot one of these," he murmured to himself, his finger becoming like lead to the metal trigger. _

_Before either knew what was happening, Riku's finger had pressed all the way back on the trigger. The unexpected force caused Riku's body to jerk backwards, instantly dropping the gun as his limbs became paralyzed. The power that was released from the weapon caused his body to tremble as his ears began to figuratively bleed from the sound. Realization did not hit until Riku stumbled backwards into his bureau, the unexpected gunshot having cast him into a dreary daze. But when he did see what happened, his heart stopped and he fell to his knees, face turning a ghostly white as he crumbled. His hands curled into fists and he shakily held onto his carpet, hyperventilating. His mind went black._

_He could have done something, but the fear that he had just committed a horrid act upon his _best friend_, the…the boy who made him feel so damn weird...took over and left him on the floor, a complete mess, as the brunet slowly, painfully, tearfully died._

_**x**__xx__**xx**__xxx__**x**__xx__**x**_

Sora found himself trapped between reality and the disillusioned world he had crash-landed into. Things weren't going to get any better and the earthbound angel had to accept this. Riku hadn't changed (despite his persistent attempts to show otherwise) and he wouldn't be allowed to even /be/ with his older brother. These ideas had already begun to rock the brunet's world, sending him into a silent fit or pure rage and hatred. Why had they /sent/ him here? They knew full well of the bad blood between Riku and him/didn't/ they? What did they have against him to actually throw him back on Earth and pair him up with _Riku?_

"Sora."

The brunet lifted his gaze and glanced upwards. Riku was in the threshold to Sora's bedroom, silver hair gleaming and all, looking at him with a gaze that not even Sora could begin to comprehend. The silveret looked puzzled—no, bothered.

"What?" Sora asked, his brown locks of hair purposely obscuring his line of vision.

"Do you want me to go?" Usually when Riku said that he meant leave as in come back later or take a walk, but from that look he was giving the brunet, Sora abruptly knew otherwise. Riku meant something else entirely.

"You can stay," the angel said in a murmur, his head hung low. "It's not even /really/ my apartment. I don't have the right to—"

"No, Sora. It's your choice," Riku said, swiftly cutting the seemingly younger off. "You /have/ the right."

Sora stiffened. Riku was his job. He _had_ to stick around, no matter what. The brunet proceeded to cringe. True, he didn't really desire Riku to stay but…to cast the other out onto the punishing streets of New York City was something he could not do. That truly would be heartless. And Sora might have been an angel but he still had a heart. "Stay," he muttered.

Sora was extremely caught off guard when the older stepped over. His crafty, soft hands landed, at first, on Sora's shoulders, but then drifted up to run along Sora's face. Blue eyes glazed shut, a tremor soaring through his body, down to his toes. Sora found that after a moment he had begun to lean into the other's touch. Alarmed by this, he attempted to stammer stupidly, hoping to get himself out of this mess, but found that his effort was in vain.

"Sora," Riku whispered, the name sounding like what heaven /ought/ to have been like. He spoke no more words and instead held the angel's face in his hands.

Perplexed, Sora sat there. Millions of things rushed through his head. Everything in him told him to push Riku away and yell at him for being a creep, but he didn't. He was about to finally flinch away, coming to his senses, when the other pivoted their heads at just the right angle. The silveret then covered the angel's lips with his own.

Hot tendrils of heat that Sora thought only the incinerator was capable of producing danced through him. The seduction of the kiss was leaving Sora breathless and it had barely begun. Riku, though, leaned closer, deepening the kiss. His hands soothed the angel's tanned face, mistakenly lovingly, along Sora's cheeks, neck, and then back. The massaging of lips did not cease and Sora soon found himself empowered by the stolen kiss.

It might have been an indecent caricature of affection but Sora found his body acceptingly moving closer. His toes curled and he shyly, at last, returned the kiss. A feral and _human_ need grew in the pit of his stomach. God, he needed this from Riku.

Desperately, their lips clashed together, moist and wet, rendering Sora helpless—not like he wanted to be helped anyway. Hot spots began to form on his untouched, sensitive, virgin skin. Sequins of undistinguished emotion began to seep through the angel. It was messy but so damn gorgeous, this kiss.

"Sora, you have no idea," gasped the silveret.

Riku supported his body by pressing a hand firmly down onto the bed before him. He leaned even closer to Sora, his knee creeping up on the bed as well. His hand and knee barely supported his lankly form as he pushed flush to Sora's body, fitting perfectly against the angel.

"No idea 'bout what?" Sora murmured, his conversational skills hitting an all time low. His hands joined in the beautiful, silvery mess of hair and he found himself falling backwards. No, he wasn't falling to his death this time. Not to his death but to the bed behind him. His back greeted the bed with eager, earnest want. Never before had he felt so entirely enthralled by _Riku_.

Anger seemed to slip away as Riku towered above him, body molded perfectly to Sora's. It was what Sora had wanted.

"How badly I need you," the older teen rasped out, fingers kneading and trailing from Sora's wrist that he had pinned to the bed, down to the angel's curvy sides. He remained above the angel, keeping him pinned beneath him.

It wasn't want. It was _need_. Riku had uttered _need_. Riku was making him an oozing puddle of submission. Sora's eyes rolled inward as he felt Riku's crafty lips skip away from his mouth and then traverse along his face, his jaw, and then his neck. Need. This wasn't want. It was _better_.

"Can't…" Sora mumbled. He wouldn't deny the pain he felt towards Riku just as much as he wouldn't deny just how /amazing/ Riku was making him feel. "We can't…"

"God Sora, why _not_?" Riku all but moaned as his lips tentatively danced along Sora's neck. He watched in adoration as the angel's neck curved, arching, giving him more room. He needed this just as badly as he needed air. God, they both did.

"I…want you too," Sora blurted out, heated mews and moans cascading from his lips. All that rage was temporarily forgotten and all he could think about was that old dream of being laid by Riku. How long had he wanted to be this intimate with Riku? The beautiful, charming…amazing _Riku?_

"Then what's the problem?" Riku questioned with a guttural sound. He licked Sora's neck, hips pressing dangerously hard to Sora's. The problem? The problem was obvious.

Sora's senses returned at the mere thought. He shouted it, "I'm _dead!_"

Riku stared down at the flustered brunet beneath him. Their bodies remained flush and both were painfully aware of how badly they wanted _this_. Maybe not want each other, but _this_ euphoric sensation that this intimacy would surely bring.

"But you're _here_. Sora, you're breathing and _living_." His hand darted down in between the angel's legs, giving a blunt stroke to the restrained, clothed arousal. "Don't tell me that isn't _real_."

Sora's breath hitched and he screwed his eyes shut. As much as he despised Riku and as much as he wanted this dreamt about pleasure, he refused to kill the other in the process. "It'll kill you," he whispered, panting heavily.

"What?" Riku was honestly confused. "No, you won't. I've heard of crazy stories about sex but I doubt you'd be able to kill—"

"Don't you get it?" Sora was recovering from his fog. "I'm here for a month! I'll kill you if we have sex because it's just the way it is!"

"By choice?"

"No! Not by choice!" Sora was growing frustrated. "Gah, Riku! Why couldn't you have let me _live_? I could have been _yours_. All _yours_."

Silence.

Sora harshly looked away. He refused to be jaded by Riku's appealing touches again. He had almost murdered Riku. A part of Sora thought that killing Riku would be fair, considering Riku had done the same to him, but he couldn't bring himself to do it, no matter how badly turned on he was. Hot tears filled in his eyes as he irately gripped at the blankets, trying not to move against Riku's achingly hard body. He wanted this so bad. Sora wanted Riku more than he thought imaginable.

"Sora…" Riku stared coldly down at the brunet and began kissing his neck again.

"What…did I just tell you…" Sora grumbled stubbornly, the submissive side disappearing for that moment. "Get off…"

"I want you so badly," Riku reiterated, kissing the skin with desperate need. "I've wanted you for so many years. I don't care if it 'kills me'. I want you so, _so_ much."

Sora stared blankly at Riku. "I was sent here to keep you from making stupid mistakes…this would be one of them. Save your libido for someone else." The angel pushed his hands against Riku's chest, shoving him back a bit. "I'm not interested."

"You just said you were!" Riku argued, pinning Sora back down to the bed.

The brunet stared with bewilderment. The angel's chest rose and fell quickly. "You killed me. What makes you think…"

"It. Was. An. Accident. Damn it, Sora. Why can't you accept that?" Riku stared at Sora, oddly pleadingly. "I didn't want you to die! I stayed by your hospital bed. I skipped school to go and see you even though you were on life support. I _cried_ during _school_ because of you."

Sora rolled his eyes apathetically. "Did it ruin your reputation?"

"Sora…" Riku fixed his gaze directly with Sora's. "Do you really think I cared more about my fucking reputation then I did about you?" It was meant to be a rhetorical question, really it was. If Riku had not had asked he wouldn't have had to deal with his answer.

"Yeah," Sora responded honestly, wanting nothing more than to scamper away, out of Riku's grasp. Or push Riku off his bed. Either would suffice for now.

"How can you say that?! Do not know me at _all_?" the silveret demanded, frustration growing in his widened eyes. "Sora. Do you realize how _hard_ it is for me to be here right now with you _under_ me, alive again, and resist taking you? Do you know how long I've _dreamt _of this?"

Sora looked away harshly. "You're the one who was an ass growing up. If you were kind you wouldn't have—"

"Don't you see, _moron_? I _want_ you."

Sora fell silent. His heart stopped and he ceased trying to push Riku off. "No. No, you don't," he drawled, eyes screwing themselves shut. "You're just frustrated right now and will say anything to get want you want. But don't you see, Riku? We can't. I won't. And I _don't_ believe anything that falls from your lips."

"Why do you have to be so stubborn," Riku breathed out shakily, releasing his tight grip on Sora's arms. He relinquished his pinning of Sora and got off the boy, sitting beside him on the bed. The sexual frustration and desire was temporarily forgotten. It all was.

"Because I'm trying to finish my job so I can go back to being a good little angel. I don't want to _play dead_ anymore, I just want to _be_ dead already," the brunet snapped as he shot up into a sitting position.

Riku harshly looked away. Maybe he deserved that sarcasm. "I can't believe you've changed this much," he muttered, hands gripping at the bed sheets below him. Their kissing seemed so far away all of a sudden. It was as if it never even happened.

"What do you expect?" Sora grumbled as he shifted his body off the bed. His hard gaze remained on the door. Silence. "I told you they scared me and you _had_ to be the jerk you were and continue teasing me. Well, I would say Karma does exist after all, but I _still_ don't know what I did to deserve death. Maybe Heaven got mad because I didn't like girls," he mumbled and made his way to leave the bedroom.

"Sora, wait!" Riku sprung to his feet, expression unreadable.

"Hm?" Sora spared a glance over his shoulder.

"You never did anything wrong, Sora. Nothing at all. Never…" he whispered, offering the brunet a broken smile. Something to reassure the brunet.

"Then I guess I just died because I sucked at living and being your best friend," the brunet decided as he actually left this time.

Why did things always get so damn _good_ and then suddenly so _bad_?

Riku sighed miserably and kicked the floor out of self pity. "I don't get this at all."

_**x**__xx__**xx**__xxx__**x**__xx__**x**_

It took Sora nearly all day of doing research at the small libraries and available computers he found to discover what had happened to his parents after their deaths. Apparently they were cremated and it seemed likely that Sora's older brother held the ashes. The brunet groaned at the idea. Riku had told Sora not to visit Leon because if Leon figured it out…he'd just be a complete mess. Sora actually agreed with Riku on that. What would his brother do if he knew his younger brother was back for only a month. Amongst the living. From_ heaven_. Then again, Riku had accepted the idea without a _single_ question…so maybe Leon would do the same.

"Why is he so accepting," Sora pondered as he sat in the Starbucks, his visits being perfunctory. Riku wasn't working today so it was safe to come here. "Why doesn't he freak out and think I'm an illusion or something," he grumbled, rubbing his forehead.

Riku was a mystery. Sora just didn't understand him—he never did. He sighed helplessly and buried his face into his shoulders. He was stressed. Sora thought that after he died the stress would be gone but it seemed to be even worse now. At least when he was alive he had Heaven to look forward to—the big, pearly gates, the smiling angels, the wings, the halos…but no. He had nothing to look forward to at all. The whole idea of Heaven had been a caricature that had developed over the years. That's what it was. But…how could someone make up angels with wings? Weren't angels _supposed_ to have wings? Sora shrugged away the thought. Maybe they were invisible. Hah.

"Hey, Sora!" Axel greeted as he slapped his younger friend onto the shoulder.

_Axel. He's accepting of my death and sudden return as well. What is wrong with these people?! Why aren't you freaking out?!_ Sora looked up at the redhead who was seating himself. He looked like the paragon of scheming. Sora just couldn't put his finger on what it was. "Hi, Axel…"

"Why so melancholy?" Axel asked, tapping his fingers on the table. "You look like you've just seen a ghost."

Sora rolled his eyes. "Very funny…"

Axel noticeably cleared his throat. "Oh right. Not the best…expression," he laughed and looked away. "How are you and loverboy doing?"

Sora groaned. "Let's not talk about that, please," he suggested dimly.

"All right," Axel agreed, glancing around the shop aimlessly. "So, what's wrong? You seem really down." The redhead's gaze returned to the angel before him. Sure, Sora had been sully since he returned to Earth, but today he appeared worse. Axel's gaze remained on the brunet, trying to decipher the things floating through Sora's head. If only he was a mind reader. It'd make this whole conversation ten times easier.

"Nothing I wanna talk about," Sora admitted, lowering his gaze. _I'm tired of bothering people with my problems. I'm tough. I can keep them to myself. Besides, Riku and I always get into fights. This is normal. That's all. Normal. And that look Riku gave me when I left, that was normal. It was…_ No matter how hard he tried to convince himself that the fight was just a random tussle, he couldn't. _Hurt_ had been in Riku's beautiful eyes.

"All right," Axel reiterated and leaned back in his chair, arms folding to his chest. "So you what, have three weeks left?" he guessed, glancing over at Sora who appeared to be out of it. Zoning out, if you will.

"Three weeks," Sora echoed, thoughtfully tapping the table in front of him. "Three weeks to turn Riku's entire life around and convince him he doesn't care about me." The brunet groaned audibly and buried his heads into his arms, not wanting to face his friend from across the table.

"I understand the first part but what about the latter? Why the hell do you need to make Riku think he doesn't care? Wait… He _knows_ it's you?" Axel asked curiously, his eyes widening in honest surprise. It was simply amazing how Axel remained silent about their kiss shared days prior. They had talked about it, yes, and Axel had almost willingly given up. Sora's defiance to admit that he still cared about Riku was all Axel needed to make a choice. He wouldn't interfere with the dead.

"Yeah…" Sora groaned, sounding awfully displeased about the situation. "Don't ask how. The story is really complicated and I don't wanna talk about it…"

"But why do you have to convince him he doesn't care?" Axel said, tilting his head at his brunet friend with growing curiosity. Now, this was interesting.

"Because!" Sora argued, shaking his head angrily. "Riku can't live a normal life if he cares about someone who's dead, Axel! Don't you see that?"

Silence.

A worker glanced over at Sora oddly. The brunet stiffened, his clenched fists resting silently on the table. Deep breaths. A moment passed before Sora dared to look back up at Axel who seemed to be quite amused. The worker had gone back to doing what they did best and silence once again was victorious. Still, he felt the presence of countless eyes on him. Perhaps not those of Earth but those of Heaven. They were warning him. Warning him that he was going to be deported soon if he didn't cut the crap or something along those lines, but perhaps a bit more refined. Heaven wasn't really one for cussing.

"But doesn't that tell you something?" Axel wondered, breaking the eerie silence that had befallen them. "The idea that he still cares after all these years?"

"He was dating my _brother_," Sora snapped, argumentative till the end. Honestly, he was truly a benevolent, shy, humorous guy, but this past week had driven him to the point of insanity. He could _not_ deal with Earth much longer. Riku was getting on his last nerve with all the lies he constantly spoke and frankly, Sora was _glad_ that he was dead.

"So?" Axel quipped, shrugging.

"So a lot of things," the brunet murmured. "If he cared about me _that_ much he wouldn't have dated Leon or anyone for that matter."

"Sora, do you realize how selfish you just sounded?" Axel asked, cocking a brow. "And unreasonable. Riku apparently was trying to move on with his life. A lot of people don't get over those they care about, true, but they try to move on and have a _life_."

"A life that _sucks_, apparently, because _I'm_ here."

Axel sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Sora…a lot of people care about you. Riku cares, I care, and I bet Leon cares as well. You need to look at the big picture. Your job, right? That's important. Forget about Riku and his feelings. Just get the job done. You'll be happier that way, I'm guessing."

"My job," Sora repeated, nodding to himself. "My job that I so kindly was given," he grumbled. "Of all the people…they gave me Riku. And of all the people for him to still be in contact with, it had to be you. Both of you are probably the only two who could recognize me no matter what. And I just _had_ to stumble upon both of you…"

"How unfortunate," Axel muttered and looked off into the distance, out the glassy windows. "You'd think that more people would have people like you, Sora."

Sora stared silently at Axel. "What do you mean?"

Axel appeared like he was struggling for a brief moment. After what seemed like a moment of heavy deliberation, Axel finally said, "To have someone come down and fix their lives. You'd think that everyone who is doing horribly would have one. But no."

Sora blinked. "That's…true…" So why was Riku so _god damn_ special?

"Maybe there's an ulterior motive," said Axel hesitantly.

"You don't think that Heaven would be _that_ cruel to try and slam us together only to tear us apart, right? Because they made a point to say…" he leaned closer, "…that any sex with a human would result in their death. I doubt they wanted me and Riku to somehow magically mend things."

"…Wow," Axel laughed. "They give you a chance to be human for a month but rip your heart out by saying you can't indulge in one of mankind's greatest pleasures. Wow, that's just fucking cruel. And to think we were making out." He began chuckling absentmindedly, shaking his head at the irony.

Sora shifted uncomfortably. "And I'm not that heartless to kill someone."

"Wait…" Axel's gaze widened.

"Riku and I almost had sex," Sora said for no real particular reason whatsoever.

Silence, yet again. "So you _do_ like him," the redhead declared triumphantly. "I knew it. See? You can't help but fall right back into his trap. Sora, I know you too well. We've been best friends since I can remember. I can _tell_ when you've got it bad."

Sora glared. "See, I'd probably be a blushing idiot right now if it wasn't for the fact that I'm not alive," he whispered hoarsely, meeting Axel's gaze again. "Axel, I can't handle this. I'm trying so hard to be someone I'm not… I'm not this strong person that I'm supposed to be. I can't help that I have these stupid feelings for him. It's so twisted considering everything that happened but god, Axel…I just don't know what to do…where to go from here. I just don't _know_ anymore."

The confession wasn't something Axel had been expecting. "Talk to him," he suggested after yet another moment of eerie silence. "Do it, please," he urged.

Sora pushed out of his seat, rising to his feet. "I'm going to go see Leon," he announced.

Axel appeared flustered at once. His catlike hues widened and he scrambled to his feet as well. "Why? I don't think Leon knows it's _you…_ why would you go see him?" Yeah. Axel appeared to be quite nervous over the whole idea.

"Because I need to see my brother, regardless!" Sora snapped, his mind reeling in a thousand different directions. Not even the simplest things made sense anymore. Nothing did. His mind hurt and he just wanted to run away from his problems. But how could you? How could you run away when you were already dead? Sora didn't know, and he deduced that he wouldn't know for a very long time. He was stuck here, with Riku and Leon and Axel, no matter what he said against the matter. In the pit of his stomach, he _knew_, deep down, he really wouldn't ever see Heaven again. He had screwed up far too much to be awarded with such a heavenly gift…

_**x**__xx__**xx**__xxx__**x**__xx__**x**_

Sora's hand rested nervously on the apartment door. He sucked in a few, shaky breaths before mustering the courage to knock. His knocks echoed against the wooden door, drifting solemnly down the hallway. His blue eyes averted themselves, not wanting to meet his brother's gaze whenever he chose to open the door. No. If Leon met his gaze that sternly, that wholly, he would certainly know it was his brother and not some newcomer by the name of Roxas. Sora went frigid as the door was unlocked and soon after opened. With a deep breath, he shyly glanced in Leon's general direction, gaze hitting the man's shoes. Okay. That was a good starting point.

"Roxas?" asked the taller in a demanding tone.

Sora stiffened and lifted his gaze from Leon's large shoes up to the man's stoic expression. Uneasily, Sora offered a nod as he bit his bottom lip. He smiled apprehensively and proceeded to answer with, "Yeah, it's me."

Leon leaned silently against the threshold, allowing his bony fingers to beat gently against the threshold. What a contradiction. "Is there any specific reason you're here?" Sora didn't answer at first. "If it's to collect the rest of Riku's things, go ahead. The sooner his things are gone the quicker I can start fixing my life again," he groaned, absently looking back into the apartment with an apparent frown.

_Riku's things…that's a good excuse_. "Yeah…" Sora repeated quietly, not certain what to say to the other. "I won't take long, I promise." _As long as I'm here for a bit, with my brother, I'll be fine…just long enough to remember everything about him. God, it's been so long…_

"I take it you two are still living together," Leon said as he moved aside, allowing Sora entryway. Quietly, Sora entered, glancing around the desolate apartment with a frown. It looked so lonely, so dull, maybe even deceased. An apparent frown appeared on his small lips at the sight.

"We are," Sora agreed, sheepishly walking around the apartment he had been in days prior. Back when Leon and Riku were still together. Back when he assumed Riku didn't know it was him. Sora's stomach churned and clenched. "What things are Riku's?" he asked.

"In the corner," Leon remarked at once, walking over to the couch. He didn't seem all that extroverted. Then again, Leon never was. He usually was the quiet, reclusive type. Oh well. "Take all that you can carry. It'll help me out."

"Why are you so eager to see Riku out of your life?" Sora didn't mean for the question to be so blunt or so demanding, but it just floated out of his lips that way. The angel tensed, at once scuffling to the corner. He didn't want to see the look on Leon's face, nor did he want to hear his reaction, but he figured he'd _have_ to considering he brought it up. Damn it all.

"I want him out of my life. He was good back then but things have changed," Leon answered simply, sounding drained of all emotions. The tall brunet sat on the couch, arms folded to his chest. His feet remained planted squarely on the ground. He appeared to be dead, almost, with that lifeless glimmer in his eyes. Cumbersome.

"What happened between you two?" Sora dared in a hoarse whisper as his fingers landed on a jacket of Riku's. It smelt like him and the scent nearly drove the brunet into insanity: That was if he hadn't already reached that point yet.

"Nothing worth telling," murmured the older, remaining as hostile as ever. "Just collect his things and hurry off."

"Leon…" Sora began, his fingers gripping Riku's coat increasingly tighter. "What did he do to you?"

"Why do you care so much?" the older brunet snapped, his head pivoting to the right to glare directly at Sora. And damn. That anger…Sora had never seen that much _hate_ in his eyes. The angel visibly shrunk back, terrified at the sudden change. "I'm not going to tell a complete stranger all my life secrets and stories. I'm sorry," he groaned irritably.

Sora didn't expect anymore. Though…there was something about the way Leon said that that made the brunet stiffen farther. "I understand," he murmured, grabbing one of Riku's bags as he held the coat in his other hand. Suddenly, Riku didn't seem all that bad anymore compared to his vengeful brother. God, why was everything so fucked up?

"Relay a message for me?" Leon requested apathetically.

"Sure," Sora whispered, his voice broken and utterly weak.

"Tell him, 'I told you so'."

And never before had Sora felt so _out of the damn loop_.

_**x**__xx__**xx**__xxx__**x**__xx__**x**_

"_Don't lie to me," Leon spat as he harshly looked away from the silveret. "I saw the way you were staring at him earlier tonight, Riku. You just don't know when to quit."_

_Riku sat dejectedly on the couch, staring blankly at the floor. "Leon, listen…you know that he's important to me. You know everything. I've _told _you everything. I'm not gonna pick him over you, though," the silveret tried to reason, desperation flaring in his eyes._

_Leon scoffed. "Riku, just stop it."_

"_Leon…" Riku lowered his gaze again, a wave of ice covering his body. "Sora's back and you don't even seem glad. What the fuck is wrong with you?"_

"_What is wrong with _me?" _Leon demanded, harshly throwing Riku another glare. "How can you even ask me that? How can you have the guts to say that to me, Riku? After everything. After all you've done. Why are you acting like I'm the villain here?!"_

_Riku flexed his hands angrily by his sides. "Don't…"_

"_You should be fucking distgusted by yourself," Leon deadpanned, shaking his head. "Not just because of this fight but because of everything. Sora doesn't deserve this one ounce…" _

"This?" 

"_Don't play stupid," Leon muttered and looked out the window. "You're going to pick him. And don't think I don't know why…I know more than I ought to, Riku."_

_Riku sighed miserably, refusing to look at his boyfriend._

"_And Riku? When this all blows up in your face and Sora hates you?... I told you so."_


	12. date me

_sorry for delay. honors classes. they murder me so. anyhow...plot development...foreshadowing...do review, please :D not much else to say... oh! but a thank you to cassie-san for helping me work out plot-kinks. yes yes._

* * *

**_Heavenly_**

"_Hey, Cloud?"_

_Sora was sitting across from his cousin. His big, blue, youthful eyes stared at the blond as he stared out the window, down wearily at the world below. Something was bothering him—that Sora knew. The young brunet sat there, hands laced nervously in his lap. Had he done something wrong to upset his tenant? Uneasily, he sat up and watched as Cloud finally looked back to his cousin, his eyes locking with Sora's deep blue ones._

"_Yeah, Sora?"_

"_You look sad," the boy commented, lips falling into a frown. It was true, Cloud always did look a bit sad…_

"_Just remembering, that's all," he sighed, staring out the window once more._

"_Remembering what?" Sora tilted his head curiously to the side._

"_Someone," Cloud answered vaguely, obviously not wanting to go into the details. "Someone I left, that's all."_

_Sora nodded, not wanting to further pry. He tapped his fingers nervously on the table before mustering up the courage to ask, "When all my friends die I'll be able to see them, right Cloud?" He looked uneasily to his older cousin, feeling a bit desperate._

_Cloud said nothing. Instead, he looked away. That usually meant he didn't want to talk anymore. He usually never _did_ want to talk about things like that…_

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

It was the morning of December fifteenth.

Sora's fifteenth day back on the Earth.

The brunet tugged the blankets tighter around his body. He had no desire whatsoever to remove his body from the cocoon of blankets he had created—his realm of seclusion from the problems that the world faced. He was tired of participating in this sickening masquerade that the world seemed so intent on keeping alive. No one was _real_ anymore. Everyone wore a mask that hid their true intentions, their true desires, but most of all their true _selves_. The world was falling apart, metaphorically speaking, and it took someone dead to see it. All Sora wanted to do was return to heaven before the corrupted world drilled more sins into his brain that was currently on overload. His body was cold and numb—he was tired of feeling these pathetic emotions that humans so joyfully embraced.

Liking Riku was revolting. Liking anyone, for that fact, after death was revolting. The angel shunned himself for the mere thought of going against even _more_ rules. He'd never kill Riku. They'd never have sex. They'd never get together. Not because of the stupid _rules_ heaven so rudely slammed in his face but due to his morals. He wasn't going to give himself to his best friend. No, not now and not ever. Riku had betrayed and Sora was tired of playing the weak little boy who always fell back into his arms.

"Maybe I'll just sleep here for the rest of the month," Sora murmured. His cheek grinded against the pillow, a slightly itchy feeling being produced in result. His eyes drooped shut once m ore, keeping him hidden from the outside world—from the _real_ world. "Then again, I'll fail my job and lords know what heaven will do to me if that happens."

Sora laid there, becoming immersed in his thoughts. He was tired of all this. He just wanted to go back to Heaven with his cousin. Yeah, that'd be amazing. The brunet sighed heavily as he rubbed his forehead. "No wonder people commit suicide," he mumbled into the air, feeling awfully grumpy and upset. "The world is a horrible, _horrible_ place. It takes a dead man to realize that…"

Sora's gloomy speech was soon ceased when his bedroom door swung open. Dully, he peered to the right, watching as his friend stood there, his chest heaving up and down rapidly. Sora would have cursed at him for busting into his room unannounced but the brunet simply did not have the energy to do such. Instead, he stared blankly at the tall male as he ran his hands through his sweat-covered silver hair. A moment passed before the newcomer walked over to the bed, hands dropping onto the sheets. Their eyes met and a frantic spark appeared in the pools of aquamarine.

"Can I help you?" Sora murmured, staring up at Riku. His body felt numb and he was completely void of volition at this moment. His arms laid lazily by his sides, forever immobile. God, he just wanted to _die_ again.

Riku appeared flustered and _desperate_. His eyes raked over his friend's body and words caught in his throat. Desperately, the silveret's hands landed on Sora's shoulders, yanking the angel into a sitting position. Numbly, Sora submitted, pushing his body up against the headboard. His eyes stared droopily at Riku for a long moment, neither saying anything as Riku edged his own body on the bed, sitting before the brunet. Silence once again wafted between the two and the only sound to be heard was Riku's shallow, breathless breathing.

"Something wrong?" Sora questioned, blinking emotionlessly at the other. He was dead, he shouldn't have emotions. Why did he even dare to think otherwise prior to this? It wasn't worth it whatsoever. Not when the people you cared about most toyed with you.

"It's…" Riku's voice cracked and he longer spoke. His aquamarine eyes seemed uncommonly dark and drenched with fear. The silver bangs that Sora often played with at a younger age clung to his pale forehead, glued to their spots instead of freely fluttering about on their own accord.

"Riku?" Sora reiterated, tilting his head questioningly.

Riku said no more. Instead of speaking, he leaned forward and brushed their lips together. The wet sensation at once sent sparks down both their spines. The angel's eyes fluttered wide open and then shut. Annoyed at this sudden burst of pointless affection, Sora's hands flew out and scraped at Riku's chest, pushing him away.

Obediently, the silveret ended the kiss, his breathing far more haggard than it was moments prior. The brunet's blue eyes instantly opened, staring unresponsively into confused green. A few more moments trickled by until Riku's hands landed on Sora's shoulders, drawing both their attentions back to _this_ world.

"Sora," the older said, his voice on the brink of desperation, "please, for once in your life, listen to me."

Sora didn't understand what the other was rambling on about. He stared at him with confusion concealed by unsympathetic ways. Thick, brown eyelashes outlined his piercing blue eyes that once were so damn jovial and innocent. Had he really changed this much? Had his death changed him this drastically? Did he no longer feel? Honestly, his hope and will had died. There was no more optimism left in his tortured heart.

"What are you talking about?" the brunet asked, hands curling against the blankets beneath him.

"Close your eyes," Riku ordered, not daring to explain what had spurred this sudden moment, nor why he had come into the room sweating vehemently with a look of death scrawled across his face. No, he simply just instructed Sora to do things. With a dejected sigh, Sora's eyes slid shut. A bit relieved, the silveret leaned closer, his lips breathing hotly into Sora's ear. He frowned before going on with his orders. "Just for this moment, just for a few minutes…please do as I tell you, okay?..." A long, uneasy pause. "Please, Sora. For two minutes forget everything ill that happened between us. Forget that I accidentally killed you. Forget that you're dead. Forget that I was an inconsiderate asshole looking for power. Instead, remember us as we were, okay? Before any of this happened. When we _were_ happy together, playing, laughing…please, Sora, remember as your best friend, not the man you hate."

Uncertainty gushed through Sora's veins as he kept his eyes firmly shut. _Before I hated you? Before you killed me? Before you were mean to me? God, Riku, what does that leave? I don't think I can even _remember_ back when you were kind_. However, the thought was short-lived.

At once, a plethora of _good _memories flooded the angel's mind: Memories involving a _smiling_ Riku, one that was considerate and kind and charming. The mere remembrance of such a man caused Sora's heart to ache—to literally bleed more than it already was. It hurt. It truly did.

"Sora," Riku started up again, fingers shakily holding his shoulders still, "just do this for me. Just this once. Look at me without the damn hate and instead friendship. Please, Sora."

When Sora did open his eyes, his eyes began to water. He stared lifelessly at the silveret, his own body trembling. Limp arms moved from their immobile state. Tanned digits reached up and drifted through Riku's hair, as if trying to confirm that he was really _real_ and before him. Never before had Riku spoken such words of conviction. Never before had Riku appeared so weak before Sora, so desperate, even.

"Riku…" Sora whispered brokenly, his body suddenly yearning for affectionate. He stared widely at his friend for a long moment, all the memories swirling about in his brain. Riku's laugh. Riku's smile. His grin. His touch. The brunet angel's eyes began to fill to the brim with hot, painful tears as his gaze met a nervous aquamarine one. Riku was never nervous. Never ever.

"Why?" the brunet begged, his limp body falling towards Riku's. His arms sought out leverage and wrapped possessively around Riku's shoulders. For that brief moment in time he felt no hate and no childish need for revenge. In just that moment he simply felt the pain that came with being reunited with someone you thought you had lost. The _real_ Riku was in there. He had been trying to touch Sora this entire time. No, Riku hadn't changed, he just went back to the kind boy he was before any of this started—before he started treating Sora like a lifeless puppet.

"I just need you to believe me," Riku whispered, hands soothingly running down Sora's back. Fingers rubbed at the clothing the angel wore as they both breathed unevenly, too much going on in both their minds that the other had no idea about.

"Believe what?" Sora spoke, his voice quiet. He wasn't crying—he had grown accustomed to dealing with his sorrow without shedding a tear.

"Believe me when I tell you I'm not the person who I was all those years ago," he stated quietly, his nose burying into Sora's spiky brown hair. Silence, for the hundredth time that morning, fell upon them. Neither said anything for a long moment and instead held each other, as if afraid that if they let go they'd return to witty and hurtful comments thrown at each other every other sentence.

"Why do I need to believe that?" the angel found himself asking as he clutched Riku's shirt, his heart desperate to just _kiss_ Riku. He resisted. He wasn't weak. He didn't _need_ Riku. He was his own person—his own beautiful, unique person that didn't need Riku Karada to survive and be happy.

"Because," Riku murmured, this time into Sora's ear. The temperature of his breath sent shivers down the angel's undead spine. "I think I've found a way to save me."

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

"So…" Axel said as he walked alongside Sora.

The honking and engines of cars blared in their eardrums as they continued their peaceful saunter down a side street of New York City—then again, there really were no side streets. Each street held its own charm—its own glory. To say that one street was less important than another would be a lie. However, the Avenues were typically more crowded than the streets—that was just a fact. Regardless, the cold breeze still swept by the pair as they continued on. It was ten days to Christmas and the streets were mobbed with frantic shoppers. Most were rude and jostled about, pushing through the teeming streets with hysteria. Sora did his best to ignore them.

"He's at work," Sora explained, knowing what Axel was getting at. The thin boy lowered his blue gaze to the street he walked upon, careful not to leave his friend's side. The last thing he wanted was to get separated. "He said he'd be home around six for a late dinner." A shrug followed his statement.

"Sounds romantic," the redhead cooed as he toyed with a strand of brown hair. "You seem far more tolerate of him today. What's with the sudden change?"

"Dunno," the angel admitted with a dismal shrug. "Just had an enlightening morning, I suppose."

"You both totally madeout," cooed the redhead as he slapped his best friend proudly on the shoulder. "You see that, Sora? I have a little tear in my eye because of this. My little boy is growing up and making out with hot guys. Oh darling, I'm so proud."

"Axel, cut it out," the angel murmured as a healthy blush spread across his face like wildfire. "We didn't kiss, okay? Nothing of the sort."

"Oh," continued the redhead, a mischievous smirk dancing onto his lips, "but you _definitely_ wanted to. Gods, I can see it in your eyes. Oh Sora, you don't conceal your emotions all that well."

Sora grumbled something incoherent under his breath and continued through the crowd. Only when the pair stopped at a small café for lunch did they finally get to sit down at a table and have an actual conversation. The brunet sat across from Axel and promptly propped his elbows up onto the glossy circular café table, his blue eyes heavy from countless nights deficient of sleep. His brown hair covered his heavy eyes, though, as he breathed in evenly through his nose, resting his tired, thin legs and mind. It was so cold in the city and to finally be in the warmth of a café was an appreciated change.

"Think you guys are gonna have sex?" Axel asked once the pair had settled in. His catlike eyes lifted off the small menu on the table and across to the brunet.

Sora blinked his eyes open and sent a harsh, pathetic glare directed towards Axel. However, the callous look was diluted by the hot blush appearing on his face. "…No, we aren't Axel. Even if we wanted to we couldn't. It's not possible…"

"Oh phooey," Axel taunted, rolling his eyes. "So, what? You guys are dating now but aren't having sex?"

"We're not dating!" Sora stuttered quickly, shaking his head vigorously. "We're just friends…he's just my client and I—"

"Sounds kinky," purred the redhead in means of interruption.

Sora continued albeit Axel's interjection. "—don't even want to be with him, okay? Maybe when I was younger. Maybe before he started being an ass to me. Not now, though. I could never date him after the way he treated me, regardless of how kind and thoughtful and beautiful and…perfect he is now…" He trailed off.

"Sora's got a crush," Axel bluntly stated before offering his friend a smile. "Listen, don't deny yourself of something good just because of a grudge. If he's changed, he's changed. If you like him, I say go for it. And I'm sure if you guys fuck once heaven won't know."

Sora twitched, the blush growing. "We've gone through this…it'll kill him. Literally."

Axel sighed. "The poor fellow…"

Sora sighed heavily. "Axel…do you honestly think I should give him another chance?...You're my best friend, you've seen the different dimensions of his personality…what should I do?" His big, emotional blue eyes stared nervously across the table to his friend. All he wanted was some advice—something he rarely got nowadays. He wanted someone to back up what he thought and to offer some kind, helpful words. He wanted his friend to support him…that was all, truly.

"I say go for it if it'll make you happy, Sora." A small smile was offered.

"That's what I'm afraid of…" the brunet whispered under his breath in a pained voice.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

"Riku…really, you've left me on a cliffhanger all day. What did you think of to save yourself?..."

Sora watched as the silveret slipped off his jacket and placed it carefully onto the coat-rack. His silver hair fell gracefully down onto his shoulders and his piercing emerald eyes wandered over to Sora who was currently on the couch. A smile lifted onto the taller's lips as he stretched his arms above his head and meandered over, glad to finally be done with work for the day. Now was a time for relaxation—and a time for Sora, of course. Regardless, his aquamarine eyes sparkled furtively as he took a seat beside his friend on the couch and sucked in a deep, tranquil breath.

"Well, you said you're here to keep me from making bad decisions and committing sins, right?" He cocked a brow and eyed Sora curiously. "And you've already made me believe in heaven because really…how the hell else would you be here before me after so many years?...And I know I'm not crazy because Axel knows it's you as well so…"

"So?" Sora echoed, blinking blankly at the smirking silveret. "How do you propose I keep you from ruining your life?"

"Date me."

Sora paled. "E-excuse me?"

"Date me," reiterated the silveret with a smug look. His gaze danced back over to Sora and sparkled adoringly at the brunet.

"W-why?" stuttered Sora as he stiffened.

"Because," Riku began calmly, "if we were dating, I probably would have a reason to keep myself healthy and whatnot. You know, make _good_ decisions. Plus…" He carelessly leaned over and raised a hand. Said hand began toying with the locks of brown affectionately. "I really do like you, Sora. Still."

Sora wanted to ask if he was the reason why Leon and Riku broke up but he found his mind fogging from the kind, _true_ words. "You really do?" He stared uncertainly at Riku, as if expecting that any moment the other would laugh coldly and inform him that he was only joking. Riku used to be cruel like that—Sora knew firsthand.

"I'm willing to do anything, Sora," the silveret reasoned, the hand threading through Sora's hair. "I'm willing to stand out in the pouring rain to prove to you that I've changed and I'm sorry for the way I was. I'm sorry about everything, Sora. I just want to prove to you how glad I am to have you here again."

"But I'm leaving in a month," Sora pointed out logically, the blush growing.

"Precisely. Sora, we never got to date when we were younger. What makes you think that I'm going to give up a chance to date you now? Even if it's for a few weeks?" He was being unreasonable, he wasn't looking at the facts yet…Sora believed every single specious word that fluttered out of Riku's gorgeous lips.

"You're being really nice…" Sora made known quietly, head automatically leaning into the fingers in his hair. It felt so warm, so different, so damn _right_.

"Eh. Don't make too much of it," Riku suggested, his fingers curling around the strands of brown. "Just remember what I told you, okay?" He leaned closer, kissing the top of Sora's forehead gently. He inhaled the angel's scent and remained like that for a prolonged moment, recapturing his composure. He didn't say anything—just remained close to Sora—for a long period of time.

"I…" Sora stared uneasily at Riku, his face burning red from the touch. Dating wouldn't…do much harm, right? Could he really return to Heaven never knowing how it felt to _be_ with Riku? Would it kill him inside knowing he had a second chance and didn't take it?... He had two weeks. Sixteen days, about. His stomach churned. "Why me? Why not someone else? Why?" _Why not Leon?..._

"You think too much," Riku breathed into Sora's hair, his hands wandering down to clasp at the base of the brunet's skinny back. "Just relax," he urged, fingers massaging the clothed skin. "Take deep breaths and relax."

"What does dating entail?" Sora whispered, his back arching the slightest to the warming, appreciated touches. His eyes fell shut once more and he found it impossible to resist a soft purring noise from the back of his throat. It was strange…whenever Riku touched him, he felt so damn different. He couldn't _help_ but indulge in the electrifying touches.

"Kissing," Riku said quietly, promptly doing such to the angel's forehead. "Touching," his fingers roamed along Sora's back, "hugging…all that sappy stuff…" He trailed off, leading his lips down to Sora's chin. He kissed the skin and then the corner of the other's mouth. "It also means me finally showing you just how much I've missed you."

Sora felt his entire body tremble. His eyes fluttered open and he stared widely at Riku. "I still haven't entirely forgiven you, you know," he felt the need to point out, a stubborn glitter still residing in his eyes.

"I know," responded Riku immediately. "I didn't expect you to. Only a fool would." He kissed Sora's lips this time, running his tongue along the pliable area. "Let me convince you that I'm worth forgiving, then."

"How would you do that?" Sora murmured, almost whining at the short, one-sided kiss.

A smirk appeared on the silveret's lips. "Well, take you out to dinner, treat you like a boyfriend, make these next few weeks amazing… I just know that if I dated you I'd be saved, or whatever you angels call it…you'd be doing me a favor as well, Sora."

Sora nodded. _If this means completing my job and m-maybe getting to be with Riku, then… _"All right."

A gorgeous smile appeared on Riku's lips. "But first," he said softly into the night, hands ceasing their roving on the other's back. "I'm going to kiss you senseless."

Sora was startled by the idea of being with Riku…about all of this but…if it meant completing his job, he would do it, no matter what. His heavy eyes fell shut and he looped his arms instinctively around the other's neck. Within moments, Riku's lips were hot and heavy on his, clashing and meshing hungrily. His thin body pushed up into Riku's kisses as he returned them, moving and rolling his lips desperately to keep up. His hands clutched at the back of the other's collar as he shifted onto his knees impulsively to deepen the already frantic kisses that were being exchanged.

Riku's lips tugged and nipped and licked at Sora's over and over. He pushed forward a bit, allowing his chest to bump against the brunet's. Neither broke the millions of searing kisses. Riku pushed a bit closer, managing to push Sora's body backwards and in return flat against the couch so that his own body was towering over the other's. He basically had the angel pinned beneath him at this point.

"Sora," Riku muttered gutturally as he pressed his mouth hard to Sora's, covering his lips over and over. His tongue slipped out and tasted the other's wet and puffy lips. God, he tasted so divine. His pale hands tugged at the hem of Sora's shirt, pushing it up just a fraction. Once that was accomplished his fingers inched their way across the scant amount of newly exposed flesh. A few inches of the other's stomach but damn…it was more than Riku thought he'd _ever_ see.

His fingers danced along the tanned skin, relishing in the way Sora's beautiful body squirmed and arched against the foreign touch. He kept his lips clamped to Sora's as his tongue flicked against the boy's, tasting it and enjoying every single second of the kiss. Their tongues curled and played and danced as Riku's hands memorized the way Sora's skin felt beneath his palms. So gorgeous. So sinfully perfect.

"Can I take your shirt off?" Riku moaned against their interlocked lips.

Sora's fingers dug into the soft, silver tresses of Riku's hair and he couldn't help but arch against the other's body, his head lolling back, never once breaking the kiss. "…don't care," he murmured, his legs shakily hooking around Riku's waist, keeping the taller pressed to him.

After a moment, Riku's lips fled from Sora's, a wet pop being the product of the move. Both their faces were flushed as their hearts beat rapidly in sync. Riku's hungry aquamarine eyes swarmed along Sora's body beneath him until they finally settled back up to Sora's half-closed blue. "You look tired," he whispered, his hand reaching up to cup Sora's hot cheek. Their eyes met again.

"Kinda…am," Sora admitted breathlessly, his legs weak and his body numb. "Walked… a lot today."

Riku nodded, kissing Sora's lips. "I'll carry you to your room."

"But … didn't you…?" Sora stared in confusion. Hadn't Riku wanted to take their clothes off a moment prior?

"We have time," he whispered huskily, kissing Sora's lips to silence him. "Hold on and I'll carry you."

Sora flushed and looked away as Riku's arms wrapped around him. Within seconds his body was lifted off the couch and into Riku's arms. He was quite certain that his cheeks were hotter than fire at that exact moment. Wordlessly, the silveret carried the angel across the apartment, down to the bedroom. As he carried him, he continued pressing soft kisses to Sora's burning cheeks, loving the pants and squeaks he received from the brunet.

After a few moments of stumbling and traversing, the pair finally made it to Sora's bedroom. Sora expected Riku to push him down on the bed, ravish him senseless, and end up killing both of them, again, by screwing him senseless. That didn't happen…all Riku did was gently rest Sora on the bed and let go. He remained leaning over the brunet, however, with a gorgeous, unreadable expression.

"Sleep, okay?" he stated calmly, lowering his hand to cup Sora's cheek. Sweetly, he pressed a final kiss to the flustered boy's lips and pulled away, back into a standing position. "I'll see you in the morning."

"O-okay," Sora stuttered, touching his lips with his fingers. He stared at Riku with utter confusion. Riku wasn't being a perverted jerk for once? What gives? With a sigh, Sora nodded to Riku's earlier words and shut his eyes. Perhaps he shouldn't be so giving…so submissive to Riku's feverish touches. Maybe he should make the silveret work for every kiss…

Dully, Sora watched as Riku left the bedroom, closing the door behind him. When the door closed, he sat up, calling the other's name quietly. When he did not return, Sora sighed and lowered his gaze, feeling the frantic beating of his heart, still.

"He could have slept in here if he wanted…" he mumbled.

Things…weren't going according to plan. If dating Riku meant saving him…if dating him meant keeping him from ruining his life, then Sora would do it. He didn't have to entirely forgive Riku…just…let him touch him, and kiss him, which really, felt amazing.

"What did I just do?..." Sora asked himself weakly as he collapsed back onto the bed, his mind spinning.

He had just sealed his fate.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

_Green met green._

"_He has no idea, does he, Riku?"_

_Riku shifted uncomfortably, lowering his gaze. His fingers curled around the cold beverage, making sure not to meet the other's sharp gaze once again. It hurt. It hurt knowing that everyone else knew except the brunet. "No, he doesn't. I want to keep it that way. If he doesn't know, it won't be a problem."_

"_He'll figure it out eventually, you know," commented the redhead across from the silveret. His catlike eyes watched Riku intently, as if trying to convey something through his eyes. When he discovered Riku was purposely avoiding eye contact he simply gave up._

"_No, he won't. I'll make sure of it," Riku reasoned, shaking his head._

_The redhead chuckled, shaking his head in disbelief. "You're doing a horrible thing, Riku. You know that, right?"_

_Riku didn't answer right away. He was too busy staring at the drink as his heart clenched. He already knew what Axel had told him. He idly licked his lips, cleaning off the Starbucks' drink from them. His hands laced together on top of the table this time before he finally looked up to Axel. Weakly, he said, "Sometimes you just have to be selfish."_


	13. deceive me

sorry it took so long. major drama has been going on (oh highschool) and my honor classes have sucked the life out of me! and writer's block, that i finally managed to sneak my way out of. Anyway, i hope you all enjoy this chapter. it's really setting up for the next few, which i promise, is where the major plot twists are going to take place. so please do review. yes.  


* * *

**_Heavenly_**

It was rare to see it snow in New York City. However, on that cloudy morning, it did.

Sora awoke to a cluster of white flakes descending from the heavens outside his window. The blanket of white, that was quickly covering the bustling city, captivated the brunet angel. It had been _years_ since he last saw it snow. For a brief moment of time, the earth-bound angel felt human again. Moreover, he felt like a wide-eyed child, not a grudge holding adult. The contrast was both shocking and expected, all at the same time, which really was a problem. How could something so pure by so tainted? Something so dreary be so…flawless?

Sora shuffled out of his bed—his domain—and out of the bedroom. The pure white had begun to burn his eyes and he really needed to get away from it all. So, quietly, the angel traversed down the empty hallway, careful not to let his footsteps or inward heaving wake the sleeping. However, as he walked, he became aware that falling for Riku was a fragile accident. He had let his emotions slip and now he was tangled precariously in a web of carefully woven lies—kisses, _touches_.

What would he do when his time was up on Earth? What would heaven say when they learned of his relations? His lies? His adoration? The mere thought of unimaginably consequences twined together around the angels' heart. He had been forcefully shoved into a bad situation and now he was just making it worse.

"Looks like a blizzard."

The angel's attention was coyly stolen by the remark. Blue eyes wandered to the couch. Riku was aware, tangled in a blanket—in lies. He was currently staring out the small window, the epitome of pacific. A tranquil look crossed his stoic face before he turned his head. Tresses of silver outlined his face as he looked to Sora, eyes filled to the brim—overflowing—with conviction.

"You're awake?" the angel wondered, lingering near the threshold to the small living room. He ignored Riku's statement regarding the weather and countered with a question instead. His mistakes boiled and boxed uncontrollably in his stomach. He wanted this to be over.

"Obviously," the silveret chuckled, his warm expression never faltering. "You look upset, what's wrong?"

Thing was, _everything_ was.

"Nothing," Sora lied expertly, casting his gaze away. "Just…tired, I suppose." A shrug proceeded, his skinny shoulders betraying his innermost dread. 

A long pause surfaced which was shortly followed by a cough. Sora caught note of the peculiar heave. It seemed force, fallacious. The silveret's hand rose, curled into a loose fist, and then covered his mouth, to prevent a second cough. Viridian hues kept themselves from direct eye contact at all costs, instead remaining casted down to the floor.

"That sounds pretty bad," Sora noted, resting his small hand against the back of his couch. A wave of envy poured through him in that instance. Angels could not get sick—another sign of just how _inhuman_ they were. And in that moment of silent observation, desire to be human again overtook the brunet angel. 

"I've had worse," Riku answered nonchalantly. He spared a glance over his shoulder, studying where Sora was located. "Here, sit down," he offered, patting the spot beside him with a soft look in his eyes.

With a hint of uncertainty, Sora accepted and sat down. "You're not bothered by the idea of dating an angel?" The question flooded from his lips, just like undammed water that was threatening to cover a plantation. The words just escaped him by instinct—he had no time to think about them, no time to think of their consequences.

"You've always been an angel to me," Riku reasoned. His gaze finally met Sora's. Green hues twinkled upon a blanket of white and sporadic red. "What makes you think I'd agree to this if I was uncomfortable?"

Sora didn't answer right away. Blue hues ripped themselves from Riku's gaze and turned to the floor of his apartment. "I'm de—" he began.

"Sora," Riku breathed, hand rising. Slim fingers curled upon Sora's face instantly. They gently held and caressed the angel's face, silencing him instantly. "Sora, don't say that anymore. I know. I _know_," he whispered, his left hand lifting into the air. It rested upon Sora's other cheek.

"Doesn't seem fair," Sora murmured, doing nothing to move away from the lovely touch. 

"What doesn't?" Riku countered, his thumb tracing circles onto Sora's face. He tilted his head curiously, uncertain as to what Sora was talking about. Many things in life weren't fair. Just what was Sora speaking of?

"That you don't get to _do_ things with your _boyfriend_," the angel explained. His body went stiff. 

Riku laughed. Long and hard. "Sora," he began, shaking his head in disbelief, his hands remaining gently cradling Sora's face. "I would _gladly_ trade the lack of _everything_ if it meant I could keep you here. And right now, you _are_ here. What makes you think I'm going to be greedy and want more than I have?"

"You always have," Sora pointed out, averting his gaze away sharply. It was true. Riku had _always_ wanted _more_. Sure, he had changed to some degree, but could someone _really_ change _this_ drastically?

Riku sighed, the humor suddenly departing from his demeanor. "I have you. It's enough."

"It _should_ be enough," Sora corrected.

"It _is_ enough," Riku reiterated.

Sora sucked in a shaky breath. His eyes heavily lidded and he eased into the warmth that Riku's hands provided. "Hm…all right, then. I believe you." At least, he believed him for the most part. Riku's words were only to be taken at face-value. 

"Good," Riku hummed with a grin forming across his thin lips. His gaze lifted briefly off Sora and onto the foggy glass window. "I doubt I have work today," he noted with a deep chuckle. "The storm is probably causing chaos throughout the city."

"I don't doubt that," Sora answered as he watched the blizzard outside. If he were to step out in it, could he feel it? Would the cold even register in his dead body? His nose scrunched up and he arose from his seat on the couch. He ignored the questioning look his boyfriend shot him. Instead, he made his carefully across his living room. He paused at the window and lifted a small hand to the glass. Tanned fingers pressed against the surface and he waited for the wave of cold to overtake his body. When it did, after a stalling, a sigh of relief appeared.

"Sora?" Riku wondered, remaining on the couch. His sharp, green gaze settled upon the angel.

"I was just checking. To see if I can feel and all," he explained as his small fingers curled upon the flat surface. With a sigh, he pulled his hand back and let it slack by his side. "Want to go out in it?"

"Excuse me?" Riku was caught off guard by the sudden question. His thin, silver brows rose and formed an arch. "It's freezing out there, Sora. Probably below freezing considering it's snowing. And you want to go out in it?"

Sora nodded briskly. "You know…see the snow, touch it…might be my last chance." He laughed uneasily under his breath. "But then again, who am I to ask for such a thing? Touching snow isn't why I'm here. I'm sorry. I'm being selfish."

Riku frowned and got up with reluctance. "Stop being so hard on yourself. Have a little fun. Your job is nearly completed. I mean, I have you. What kinda danger am I going to put myself in with you around me?"

"I think they're more concerned with what you'll do when I _leave_," Sora murmured under his breath. The angel sighed and tore his gaze off the window. He turned around and faced Riku, wide blue eyes staring solely onto his boyfriend. "So you don't want to go outside?"

"No, we will," Riku interjected quickly, shaking his head. "I was just surprised, that's all." He stretched his arms lazily above his head. "Let me get my jacket and then we'll head outside."

"All right," Sora said softly. 

Riku sauntered silently across the expanse of the dreary living room. He stopped a few inches before the gorgeous brunet. Behind his veil of silver, aquamarine hues sparkled. With a warm look, Riku's arm hooked around Sora's skinny waist. A smile appeared on his lips as he drew Sora close to him, allowing his more refined chest to gently hit Sora's.

Sora blinked in surprise and glanced up awkwardly. His lips parted and he cleared his throat. "Uhm? Something wrong?" His toes curled within their socks.

"You're really here," Riku murmured, more so to himself. The silveret buried his nose into the yielding tresses of brown hair. The spikes poked his pale face and caused his nose to itch but he didn't care. That inviting smell they gave off entranced him and was, by far, worth the tickling sensations. 

"Of course I am," Sora answered slowly, his words spaced out. Blue irises filled with confusion but he refused to question Riku's motives. A hug was a hug and Riku's strong arms around his fragile body made him feel safe—made him feel human again.

"You still like hugs, right?" Riku questioned, his arm remaining tightly woven around Sora's waist. His lips, however, began to steadily press kisses to Sora's brown hair. Aquamarine eyes fell shut, shielding themselves from the hair. His lips continued along Sora's hairline, down onto the brunet's forehead. The warm skin that greeted him sent his mind into seizures.

"Of course?...Who doesn't like hugs?" Sora laughed awkwardly, his hands resting against Riku's chest uncertainly. The kisses he ignored.

"Never mind," Riku reasoned. His kisses ceased and he pulled back an inch. His gaze swam across Sora's curious face. "You're adorable when you blush, you know that?"

Sora's face screwed up and he averted his gaze. "I do _not_. I don't blush, either. Only girls do that."

"You're being sexist," Riku chuckled, kissing the bridge of Sora's nose. He lingered there, inhaling the scent that the entirety of Sora gave off. It captivated his entire being and made him feel faint, light. "But I don't mind. It's even _cuter_."

"Jerk," Sora grumbled as he scorched a hot red. He struggled, faintly. He really didn't want to remove himself from Riku's hold, from his arms. 

"See, when you get all defensive, I find it quite attractive," Riku laughed hardily. His arms finally removed themselves from Sora's addictive curves. The silveret pulled away and lazily stretched again, a yawn slipping from his equally pale lips. "I'm going to get my jacket and go to the bathroom really quickly," he informed Sora.

"You do that," Sora answered. He watched in slight amusement as his boyfriend left the room at last

Sora glanced over his shoulder and sighed. The snow held so many memories. Riku had always promised him that, one day, they'd go ice skating. And Riku had fulfilled that promise, and gods, it had been amazing. Ice-skating in New York City. Riku had also promised that they would do so many more things, but he never got around to it. The brunet had died too young, too quickly. As Sora stood there, staring out the window, a thought came to his mind. He wasn't sure if the answer had surfaced yet, or if the question had been avoided. _Does he feel guilty about killing me?_ It seemed obvious but…part of Sora didn't know the answer. However, that answer tied to a second—a far more important question. 

_Does he…love me?_

Riku returned to the room. He was wearing his usual black jacket, buttoned halfway. His distinctive eyes stuck out far more with the black clothing working as a contrast. Regardless, he offered a friendly smile and leaned against the wall, watching his brunet boyfriend with what appeared to be some form of affection. "You ready to go, shortie?"

"Don't call me that," Sora answered quickly, trying his best not to pout. He hated nicknames, especially Riku's. "But yeah, I'm ready." He stalked over to the silveret and eyed him curiously. "You're…wearing a scarf? Since when do you wear scarves?"

"Since ever, my love," Riku hummed nonchalantly. His crafty fingers lifted into the air and took a hold of the right end of a teal-colored scarf. It matched his eyes flawlessly. "I like it, don't you?"

Sora flinched at the new nickname but chose to ignore it for the time being. "It's kinda feminine."

"You're kinda feminine," Riku refuted with an arched brow. He snickered. When a pout appeared on Sora's face, along with an offended look, Riku was quick to act. Carefully, the taller of the pair leaned closer and pressed a ginger kiss to Sora's cheek. 

"Let's go."

Before Sora had time to react or speak, Riku was already out the door, heading down the hallway. The brunet angel blinked thrice and then hurried after Riku. He was planning something. It was obvious. But what? Sora didn't know, but he _did_ know that, deep down, he would find out eventually. All plans were meant to be put into action. All secrets were meant to be _told._

**xxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Sora was soaked. Down to his toes. Having a snowball fight with Riku? Bad idea. Riku fought dirty. And he fought with the idea that he was going to win no matter what. Over the course of two hours, Sora had been hit by a cumulative of fifty snowballs. It was absolutely no fun, considering Sora had only hit Riku in revenge _twice_. That sneaky bastard. Regardless of his losing streak, it was, admittedly, a good time. Fun? Maybe not…but a good memory, yes?

Sora's thin body fell backwards against a hard chest. Laughs surfaced from his lips, having begun in his throat and floated upwards. A smile was strewn across his delicate, reddened face. "My gods," he began, tilting his head back against the comfortable chest. "When did you get so good at snowball fighting?"

"Years of practice," Riku snickered, his cold arms curling around Sora's waist. He held the brunet close to him, staring down at him with a look everything but tepid. "I'm amazing at other things as well," he stated carefully. He tilted his head down a bit more, mouth near Sora's ear. "_Many_ things."

Sora shivered at the suggestion. Instead of melting against the other's hot words, he playfully shoved Riku's arm that was holding him from behind. "You're a pervert. That hasn't changed at all."

"What'd you expect? A complete makeover?" he laughed, hugging Sora closely nonetheless. "I couldn't get rid of my perversion, Sora. It keeps you coming back for more and more. Dead or not."

Sora rolled his eyes and took Riku's right hand. He lifted the pale appendage to his lips and breathed on it. Riku arched a brow at the action and watched as his boyfriend literally nuzzled his cheek against his hand. 

"It's cold," Sora mumbled in way of explanation. His eyes fluttered shut and he nudged his face against the freezing hand, in attempts to warm it up. "Just trying to warm it up."

"There's more effective ways to warm up a hand, Sora," Riku reasoned.

Sora pulled the hand away from his face and glared up at Riku. "…Pervert."

"I didn't mean_ that_," Riku laughed and shook his head in disbelief. However, after a moment of laughing, his hand stirred into action. Instead of doing something utterly uncalled for, the hand sought out Sora's. After a moment of slow movements, the silveret caught Sora's hand in his own. Silence overcame the pair instantaneously.

"Holding hands?" Sora wondered curiously, glancing down at their interlaced hands with a hot blush.

"Holding hands is a wonderful thing," Riku explained, giving an effective squeeze to their adjoined limbs. "Your hand fits perfectly in mine. It's quite amazing," he murmured, keeping his free arm wrapped tightly around Sora's waist. He didn't want to let him go, regardless of how cold they were.

"We're in the middle of the sidewalk, Riku. Maybe we should—" Sora began, hesitantly glancing at the slightly desolated street. The snow was preventing many people from getting where they needed to.

"You're so cute," Riku cut him off. He let go of Sora and released the boy's hand.

Sora blinked in surprise. Was it a bad thing to miss the hand in his own? He cleared his throat and instead buried his hands into his pockets, wanting to warm them up as soon as possible. Yes, holding hands was a very effective way to warm his fingers. "I'm not cute," he stated after a moment of silence.

"Sure," Riku stated with a snicker. He rolled his eyes and glanced over his shoulder. "Hey…I'm gonna go run an errand, okay? I'll be back for dinner, promise. I'll meet you back at the apartment?"

"Of course," Sora answered. _Why can't I just go with him?_ He quickly shook his head. He didn't want to become attached. No. That'd be bad. Riku was still the man who murdered him. But here he was, falling head over heels for the man who had caused him so much grief. Damn. Life was so ironic in the end.

"See you there, love," Riku called as he gave Sora one last beautiful smile. He waved his boyfriend off and headed off, to complete whatever errand he had suggested. It was amazing. They were dating and had yet to kiss this morning. Was Riku actually being serious about this whole dating concept?

"Yeah…" Sora watched him walk away in the flurry of snowflakes. The brunet sighed helplessly, his body glued to the sidewalk. "I'm such a girl," he whispered under his breath, listening to the quiet chatter around him. 

The city was covered in white and it never looked so beautiful. However, it could _never_ compete with the beauty that was walking away from him. For a few hours, or forever. Sora wasn't sure. All he was certain of was that he wanted to follow, and the only thing keeping him from doing such was a little thing dubbed pride.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Once the earthbound angel had finally rooted himself from the snowy New York sidewalk, Sora began walking. Instead of heading back to his apartment, as expected, he took a detour. It took him ten minutes to carefully maneuver his way through the bustling city, but once he got there, trepidation grew. His entire body froze. An unearthly amount of fear coursed through his skinny body as he stared at the closed door. His heart had brought him here and there was no way he was turning back 

now. He just _had_ to come here. Heaven had told him not to but…he just had to. Heaven couldn't keep him away from his brother. He _had_ to do this.

Sora knocked. On the third knock, the door opened, revealing a snowy Sora on one side, and a confused, stoic Leon on the other. The angel cleared his throat and lifted his hand into the air, offering a timid wave of sorts as snowflakes upon his brown spikes melted simultaneously. "Hi," he whispered, looking at his older brother with a weary stare. Either Leon was going to send him away or invite him in.

"Roxas?" Leon wondered, holding the door carefully. The older eyed Sora for a long moment. "What are you doing here?"

"…Funny story," the angel mumbled as he shrugged. "Can I come in?" he requested, lifting his gaze back up to his brother's. _I have to do this. I've already caused enough trouble. I can't possibly cause anymore. I just have to do this._

"Sure," Leon said slowly. With a heavy sigh, the tall brunet stepped aside and allowed Sora entry. Graciously, Sora did such.

"The storm's lightening up a bit," Sora noted as he entered the warm apartment. He vaguely heard Leon close the door behind him, sealing in the observed heat. "There's a lot of storm out there, though. It's really pretty, but kind of an obstacle." A nervous laugh proceeded.

"I see," Leon murmured. 

Sora watched in dismay as his brother pointedly made his way to the couch and sat down, not once offering Sora anything to drink or a place to sit. The younger brunet followed regardless, not allowing his brother's curtness to stop him from what he came here to do. 

Once Sora had made it over to where Leon was seated, he cleared his throat. Leon lifted his gaze and stared up at Sora expectantly. "Are you going to tell me why you're here? Or am I going to have to guess?" Ouch.

"Leon…" Sora began, uneasily lowering his gaze. He hated when his brother was like. "There's something I need to talk to you about…"

"If it's about Riku, I don't want to hear it," he grumbled, raising his hand to rub his temples. "I'm done with him, okay? It's over. I don't even want to see his face again. We need time to heal. I wish you would understand that."

"It's not about Riku," Sora corrected, chewing on his bottom lip. "It's not about him, at all. It's sort of about me?" 

"You sound doubtful?" Leon arched a brow. "Is this about you or not?"

Sora gulped and flexed his cold hands by his sides. "You're gonna think I'm crazy…"

"Go on," Leon urged.

"But…"

"But?"

"I'm sort of…not Roxas?"

"What?"

Sora gulped for a second time and turned his attention to the ceiling. It was best not to look Leon directly in the face at the moment. "I said, my name's not Roxas. I'm…"

"Sora?"

"What?!" 

Sora's heart stopped, dropped, and did a roll in his body. The brunet looked to his brother finally, flustered and downright confused. Blue eyes widened in stun as he eyed a rather calm and not-surprised Leon . All right, this made no sense at all. "How did you?!"

"Sora, I knew," Leon muttered, crossing his arms to his chest. He surveyed his younger brother for a long moment. "I've known from the start. I was just waiting for you to finally come to your senses and admit that you're you."

Sora gaped. "Why does _everyone_ know?!"

Leon sighed. "Oh…"

"Oh what?" Sora blurted out, confused again. "Leon! Why aren't you surprised it's _me_? I've been dead! For years! Why isn't _anyone_ surprised that it's _me_? It's _Sora_?" No one was surprised at all. Okay, so maybe Axel was, just a bit, but everyone was acting so calmly about this whole situation. It made Sora wonder, far too much.

"Never mind it," Leon answered and shook his head, looking a bit appalled. He decided to change the subject. "I'm surprised you got together with Riku," he began, watching his younger brother with an unwavering stare.

"Uhm…yeah…" He cleared his throat. "I think it's more of a surprise that _you_ got together with him. I mean, you guys were total enemies! And you guys were always at each other's throats! What happened between you two to make you guys so close?"

Leon groaned audibly. "Then you don't know that as well…" He sighed and motioned for Sora to take a seat beside him. The angel quickly did such. "When our parents died…Riku was there. I'm not going to go into details, but he…helped me through some rough times. He saved my life, Sora. I was in bad shape. I wanted to die. I honestly did." He shrugged apathetically. "He showed me that death wasn't the correct choice. I look back and think how foolish I was to want such a thing as final as _death_."

Sora nodded slowly. "So…you guys just randomly started dating?"

"I suppose," Leon answered, leaning back a bit. "It felt weird, I admit. Dating someone who was still constantly thinking about my younger brothers."

Sora blinked. "He was?"

Leon sighed again. "When wasn't he? You were dead and he acted like you were still alive. I can't count the times I heard him mutter your name when he slept." He shrugged again and eyed his ceiling with a lack of interest.

"Leon…" Sora absently licked his lips, uncertain what to say. So Leon knew it was him from the start? Damn. Everyone seemed to. "Why aren't you surprised that I'm alive? Why aren't you fainting? I don't get this…"

Leon shook his head. "Not my place to say."

"What?" Blink. "How is it not your place to say—"

"Forget it, Sora," Leon interrupted, looking to Sora. His hard gaze met Sora's and instantly silenced him. "Don't question too many things. You'll end up getting yourself hurt."

Sora huffed and averted his gaze. "Fine. Confuse me even more. Not like I wasn't confused from the start. I mean…it's like you and Axel know something…Do you?"

"I know many things, Sora. I know how to do math and," Leon began smartly, rolling his eyes. He stopped halfway through, figuring Sora had gotten the idea.

"Leon…" Groan. "I hate when you're like this…"

"People don't change," Leon replied coyly, yawning a bit. "At least, I don't."

Sora nodded. "So uhm…" He felt awkward. "It's nice…to see you again?"

Leon looked back to Sora and offered the smallest of smiles. "You don't realize how wonderful it is to see you here, Sora. Riku told me that you'd be gone after new year's, right?" A sad nod. "…That's cruel. I don't understand how someone can do that to all of us."

"I don't understand how you and Axel can blatantly not tell me what the hell is going on," Sora answered with a stubborn look.

"You're smart, Sora. You'll figure it out."

"No, I won't. I'm horribly dense," Sora argued with a swift shake of his head. "I mean, it took me weeks to realize that you _knew_ it was me all along! How am I going to figure out what you both are keeping from me? I swear…if it's something really small, I'm going to hurt you both for making me sweat. But really, Leon…all I want to know is why you guys aren't bothered by my sudden return. Most people don't come back from the dead…"

Leon rubbed his eyes, looking a bit perturbed by his brother's persistence. "It's too complicated to go into now."

"You just don't want to tell me," Sora answered with a frown. "Your brother is _back_ from the _dead_ and you're keeping secrets. That's really reassuring, Leon."

Leon shot Sora a death glare. "Don't push your luck. You may be an angel but you're still my brother and I do have the right to hurt you."

Sora stuck his tongue out and got up. "You wouldn't dare."

"Don't test me," Leon answered, snorting quietly in laughter. He rolled his dark eyes and looked to Sora. "You're leaving so soon?" He cocked a brow.

"Well, you ruined the whole day. I mean, I was expecting to stay here for another hour convincing you it was me, but you knew…and you won't tell me whatever secret you and Axel are harboring, so why not? Besides, I promised Riku I'd be back around dinner," he explained, folding his arms to his chest. His fingers had finally thawed and now he was going to go back out into that bitter cold. Splendid.

"I see," Leon noted, surveying Sora slowly. "Then I won't keep you. I'll see you soon."

"Yep." Sora smiled warmly at his brother, his stubborn look disappearing for that moment. "I love you, Leon. I'm…glad Riku talked some sense into you…I'm really glad…"

Leon chuckled and shook his head. "It was a difficult process, might I add."

Sora nodded. "I wouldn't be surprised…"

Silence. "Take care of yourself. Don't get into too much mischief," Leon murmured, looking back up to Sora.

"I won't, promise," the angel assured him, the smile never fading. "I'll be an angel…haha, literally."

Leon rolled his eyes at his brother's immaturity. "Give Riku hell, okay?"

"Oh, I will," Sora laughed. 

The angel quickly gave his brother a hug and then headed towards the door. He figured he'd have more brotherly talks with Leon _after_ he figured out what Axel and him were hiding. For now, though, Sora figured, it was best to return home and greedily spend time with Riku. He was only here for another few weeks and the last thing he wanted to do was waste valuable time with his first real _boyfriend_.

"Sora?"

Sora was halfway out the door when his brother's voice caught his ears. He glanced over his shoulder to stare at Leon. The look on Leon's face drilled and etched itself into Sora's mind forevermore. It was dark and worried and just…_knowing_. "Don't let your guard down."

"What?" Sora watched his brother for a moment. When Leon didn't repeat himself, or say anything new, Sora sighed, nodded, and left. His mind was spinning and he wasn't sure it would ever stop. So many things were happening at once and all he wanted was some sort of constant. Something that could keep him sane.

_Don't…let my guard down?... What does that mean?_ And if only Sora knew. If only he could read minds. If only the angel could see the hell that was right before his eyes.


	14. devastate me

new chapter. i had writer's block, as usual. rps snapped me out of it and i wrote the chapter up in a day. and yeah, you can kill me for the cliffhanger/ plot twist, if you'd like. but let me tell you, and assure you, there is more to this twist. there is another twist. so don't think you know it all yet. because you don't. have fun!

* * *

**Heavenly**

_It was one of those rare times. One of the actual times where Riku was nice to Sora. They were up in Sora's room, playing a game of cards. Riku was purposely letting Sora win. The silveret was fascinated at how Sora beamed brightly when he won. That smile Sora possessed had to be heavenly. It brightened up the room and made the thin wires around Riku's hair pull. The silveret would blush hotly and look away, pretending to be shuffling the deck with intense concentration—anything to keep Sora from figuring out that he was infatuated with the boy he constantly picked on. _

"_You look tired," Riku noted as he slid an ace of clubs back and forth on his carpet. He sighed and looked up to the brunet. "You should sleep."_

"_Hm?" Sora yawned as he leaned his chin into his hands. "I'm not tired. I'm just…zoning out," he laughed, averting his gaze with a soft blush. It was quite obvious that he was tired; he just didn't want to admit it to his friend, that was all. Anyone could tell by the bags under his beautifully bright blue eyes that captivated the other's soul._

"_Liar," Riku chortled as he began shuffling the cards back into one neat deck. He reached across the floor and took the cards out of Sora's hands. "We'll play again later. Just go to sleep for now," he ordered calmly, voice soft and almost nurturing._

_Sora's blush grew. "Wow, you're being awfully nice," he noticed, stretching his tanned arms drowsily above his head. A yawn escaped his lips while he did such. _

"_Eh, don't make too much of it," Riku murmured as he put the deck away in its case. He averted his gaze once more, not allowing Sora the honor of eye contact. No, for if he did that, the brunet would surely see the hot blush that was staining not only his face, but his eyes. _

"_Fine, fine," Sora laughed. He tossed Riku a warm smile before standing up once again, stretching for a second time. Silently, the brunet traversed through the bedroom and plopped down on the bed, curling up instantly. He hugged his knees tightly to his chest and closed his eyes, inhaling the clean scent of Riku's bed._

"_Comfortable?" Riku laughed under his breath, watching Sora's thin body with fascination. His eyes greedily wandered along the frame, silently harboring sinful thoughts of touching it, kissing it, adoring it. He gulped painfully and sat on the edge of the bed, making sure not to touch Sora whatsoever. Touching him anywhere would be too much of a temptation._

"_Of course," Sora hummed, a bright smile appearing despite his eyes being closed. He yawned again, nuzzling his youthful face into the pillow. "You gonna go to bed now, Riku?"_

"_Nah, I'll stay up," he reasoned, shaking his head. He knew Sora couldn't see the gesture, but he figured he could hear it. "You just rest. I'll be here when you wake up, promise," he reassured the brunet._

"_Okay," Sora said in a tired voice, nodding weakly. He breathed in deeply. "I really like when you're like this, Riku…it's…nice."_

_Riku smiled a bit, simply because Sora could not see it. He allowed the brunet a few moments to fall asleep. When he was certain the boy was asleep, due to his light snoring, he reached out and brushed his pale fingers through the brown tresses. It was tempting, yes, but not as tempting as it would have been if Sora was awake. _

_His aquamarine eyes glued to Sora's parted lips. And those lips drew him in instantly. Wearily, the silveret crouched on all fours on the bed, over to where Sora slept. Despite all his morals and the warnings running about in his head, Riku laid down beside Sora, allowing their legs to gently brush against one another. He smiled to himself, adoringly brushing his hand through Sora's hair over and _

_over. It was a side of him that no one ever saw. A side that Sora even rarely saw. "You keep doing these crazy things to me…"_

_Without a care in the world, he brushed his soft lips to Sora's, shuddering down to the core from the electric shock that entered his body. The kiss rendered him breathless and aroused him in more ways than one. He allowed his lips to linger there, to taste Sora's, before pulling away a fraction. And he knew, deep down, that his first kiss would be his last with Sora. _

_He just knew it._

**xxxxxxxxxxx**

Life isn't fair, they always told him. You can't always get what you want, they drilled into his head. All is fair in love and war, life is meant to be confusing, and your heart speaks its own language. They were all sayings he had commonly heard growing up. But now, considering he was an angel, did these rules apply? Were they common law? Was it a code of angels? He highly doubted that. Regardless, he remained sitting lifelessly at his kitchen table, face hidden from view. His breathing was heavy and he almost seemed in a sleep-like state. Sunlight leaked in through the windows and attempted to pierce through the brunet's eyes. It didn't work.

"Snow melts pretty quickly around here."

Sora lifted his head from its makeshift cushion formed by his arms. Dreary blue eyes stared wearily at the silveret, heavily contemplating whether or not to answer. The prior won the silent feud. "Really wouldn't know from experience," he mumbled groggily, glimpsing at the clock. Noon already?

"Right," Riku answered, an airy chuckle dispersing from his lips. He removed his body from the chair and took up residence beside the brunet. "Sor, you look horrible."

"Angels can't get sick," he murmured, flicking his gaze away from Riku. "I'm fine."

"Can't get _sick_?" Riku wondered incredulously. His eyebrows knitted together in confusion. Carefully, he extended his pale hand and placed it on Sora's arm, his fingers curling around the appendage. "Then what do you call the other night? _Willingly_ throwing up all night?"

Sora flinched, his arms stiffening at the words and touch. "Riku, I meant…"

"I'm your boyfriend now. You don't have a reason to lie to me," he quipped, staring accusingly at the angel. Silver hair fell sporadically over his blotchy face, giving him the appearance of a bed-ridden adult. He didn't look all that good himself, but that was a completely different topic that he really wasn't in the mood to go into. No, this conversation was about _Sora_.

Sora couldn't take it. The angel began shaking uncontrollably. His skinny fingers dug into the soft flesh of his palm as his breathing came out labored. Blue eyes screwed shut tightly, his heartbeat increasing. "No reason to lie to _you_, huh? Then what's _your_ excuse?"

"What?..." Riku fell silent. What did he know?

"Was it your intention to keep me away from Leon when he _knew_ it was me? Are you some sick bastard or something?" Sora spat, his eyes watery and his voice shaky. "You _told_ me not to tell him it was _me_. _Why, _Riku? He already _knew_ it was me!"

"I didn't know he did," Riku lied quickly. He arose from his seat and quickly circled the kitchen table. His arms encircled the hysteric angel, tugging him closer. "Sora…Sora, hush," the silveret murmured, pulling Sora into his standing form.

At once, the brunet buried his head into the taller's abdomen, his shaky hands clutching at Riku's sides as he remained seated.



"I didn't know Leon knew," Riku went on to say, his hands combing through brown locks of hair. "I didn't want him to fall into another depression spell." His voice softened and he slid onto his knees, allowing Sora to retract his head.

The pair eyed each other for a long moment. Riku remained on his knees on the floor, watching his brunet boyfriend with careful observation. Sora held back a few frustrated snivels, his harsh blue eyes matching Riku's gaze. Neither said anything for a long moment. When Riku realized that Sora wasn't going to speak, he instead leaned forward and placed his mouth precariously close to Sora's ear. "I'm sorry," he whispered breathily.

Sora's body went stiff. Not once did the crafty words register as a lie in his mind. No, he was so focused on the hot breath on his ear and the pale hand now upon his thigh. He felt intoxicated, weak. "He knew," he repeated, eyes heavy.

"Sora…" Riku murmured, his breath tickling the crook of the angel's neck. "If I had known that Leon had figured it out, I would have told you."

Leon's words trickled back into Sora's mind. His brain was working far too much and far too quickly. "He told me a few days ago to tell you…to tell you that _he told you so. _Or something like that." Sora trailed off, voice falling to a scant whisper. "What was he talking about, Riku?"

"Nothing," Riku assured quickly, his hand lifting. Five delicate digits caressed Sora's cheek and provided warmth. A pair of aquamarine hues matched Sora's wide blue ones. "I don't know what he was talking about, but I'm sure it's nothing. If anything, he meant that I would end up with you again. I doubt he could have meant anything else." His voice grew softer, "That's all, Sora."

Sora lowered his gaze, his heartbeat finally slowing. "I'm being paranoid again," he realized, his chest falling and deflating quickly.

"Just a bit," Riku chuckled, his fingers rubbing Sora's warm cheek. "But it's okay. I'd rather have you ask questions and vent. I really don't want you to explode, so I'll take the venting." He leaned closer and pressed a reassuring kiss to the center of the brunet's forehead.

Sora breathed out evenly through his nose. Obediently, he leaned into Riku again, his fingers twining around the soft fabric of Riku's shirt. The gentle ticking of his kitchen clock lulled him into a steady breathing. It was so peaceful resting in Riku's arms. "Thank you," he mumbled, eyes shutting. His defenses fell and his anger seeped away. For that brief moment, he truly believed everything Riku told him. In that brief moment, he truly believed that Riku loved him, deep down.

Riku chuckled gently and stood up fully. He eased Sora out of the death grip he had on him. "Let's just relax in the living room, okay?" he offered, aquamarine eyes twinkling down at his angel. A small smile graced his perfect lips.

"All right," Sora sighed. The angel carefully got to his feet and walked through the kitchen and into the living room. After a brief traverse, he collapsed ontot he couch and buried his face into the nearest pillow. He inhaled its familiar scent and closed his eyes once more. "Much more comfortable," he murmured into the plush fabric.

Riku laughed once more.

Sora peeked up from his resting spot. "Your laugh…I really do like it. It's rare," the brunet murmured with a faint blush. He laughed a bit under his breath as well and watched Riku take a seat beside him.

"Rare?" Riku reiterated. He blinked a few times and looked Sora over. The way the brunet was sitting there, he just looked so vulnerable, so adorable, so innocent, and most importantly, so devoid of hatred in every single form. Brown hair framed his full face and it was hard to look away. So Riku continued staring, getting comfortable on the couch that he and Sora often sat upon and spent their limited days left together on.



"What're you staring at?" Sora wondered, one blue eye watching Riku from behind the pillow he held. His smile was hidden but his body language portrayed the curvature of his lips.

"You," Riku answered simply. His right arm extended outwards and looped around Sora securely. A grin danced onto the silveret's face as he lowered his face to Sora's hidden one. He paused a few inches from Sora's face, watching as the angel lowered the pillow so he could directly stare at his now close boyfriend. Their faces remained extremely close for a long moment.

Riku's fingertips danced down Sora's forearm. Another reassuring smile appeared and he brushed his lips tenderly against Sora's nose. "You're simply gorgeous, Sora," he breathed. His lips removed themselves from the brunet's nose and glided down to the small patch of skin above Sora's lips, under his nose. Those crafty lips kissed that area a few times before finally pressing a quick kiss to Sora's sweet lips.

"You trying to get on my good side?" Sora murmured breathlessly, eyes heavy with defeat. He wasn't in the mood to struggle, think, or argue. He wasn't in the mood to think rationally and figure out the lies Riku had fed him moments prior. Right now, this was just good enough.

"Perhaps," Riku laughed. He brought his wrist back towards his body and pulled away from Sora a bit. The brunet watched him in silent confusion. Only one, simple kiss? The angel cocked a brow and watched as the silveret surveyed the tattoo around his wrist. A perplexed look appeared and he smirked carefully.

"What?" Sora wondered, sitting up straight. Oh well. One kiss was better than nothing, after all.

"Remember when I told you this said life?" Riku asked with an amused expression. His lips curled up into a devious smirk.

"Uh, yeah. I remember," Sora said and nodded. The angel watched with fascination as Riku's left finger traced the black tattoo.

"Well, yeah. It _does_ mean life. I mean, at least to _me_." Sora didn't seem to get it. Riku cleared his throat and continued, "It doesn't say _life_ exactly. In fact, it says something else entirely." His green eyes lifted off his wrist and landed on Sora's inquisitive blue. "Want to take a wild guess?"

"Uhm…well, considering you don't believe in heaven and hell…or at least you didn't before I showed up…" He trailed off and decided on a shrug as his answer. "I don't know, Riku. Why don't you tell me?"

"You're denser than I thought," sighed the silveret. "You don't even know your own name in Japanese. What a pity."

"You got my name tattooed on your wrist?" Sora asked skeptically. Curiously, he grabbed for Riku's wrist and brought it to his eye level. The tattoo was awfully pretty.

"Yep," Riku answered. He waited until Sora's gaze wandered back to his to speak again. "I got it there for a reason." He paused. "It's over my vein, right? I did that on purpose. When I lost you, I had a horrible time keeping myself alive. I contemplated killing myself a few times, but then when I saw your name on my wrist, I realized I couldn't take the easy way out. I had to live out my life and live through the pain—the pain I had caused you. I couldn't kill myself. I knew you wouldn't want such a thing."

Sora blinked. And again. And _again_. "That has to be the darkest, yet romantic thing I've heard for a long time."

"Well, what'd you expect from me?" He grinned and closed his eyes. Silence befell the pair. "Sora, I'm really, _really_ glad you're here."



Sora glanced back up at Riku. The angel eyed his boyfriend for a long while. He seemed so peaceful—so at ease. With a soft smile of his own, Sora nodded briskly. "Yeah, I know you are, Riku."

"I know you'll never forgive me for what I did. Hell, I'll never forgive myself, but at least I can say that we had _this_ month," he murmured a bit drowsily, sea green eyes closing. He appeared bothered all of a sudden. Just partly. Not enough for Sora's suspicions to be aroused, though.

Sora's heart paused momentarily. "…do you believe in fate?"

Riku cracked open one eye. "Fate?" he echoed.

"Yeah…you don't really believe in heaven or hell, but what about fate? Destiny?" the brunet murmured as he scooted closer to Riku on the couch. The small male cuddled close against Riku's side and closed his eyes, inhaling Riku's alluring scent. A scent he thought he would never be able to smell again. It relaxed him and reassured him that this was all going to be okay. Even if he left when the month was over, he could say that he had worked things out with Riku and that he had _been_ with him. That he had _dated_ Riku Karada.

"Fate," Riku whispered, chuckling ironically under his breath. "Sure, Sora."

Sora smiled and closed his eyes, attempting to take a nap. "When you leave for work, don't wake me," he murmured, sticking close to Riku's warm side. "I'll complete my job…I'll save you from yourself, Riku…"

Riku nodded and allowed his brunet boyfriend to drift into sleep. He was so cute when he slept. After a moment, when Riku was certain that Sora had passed out, his hands wandered into Sora's brown hair. The tattoo seemed to burn around his wrist. "No, Sora…I don't believe in fate. Because if I did, I wouldn't feel so damn worried about the future…"

He kissed Sora's cheek. "I'm sorry…"

His words fell onto deaf ears, simply soft whispers in the quiet December air.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxx**

When Sora received the call on his cell phone later that night from Axel, requesting his attendance at his house, he wasn't sure what to expect. Riku wasn't due home until eight and Sora figured that he could afford to spend an hour at Axel's house. After all, other than Riku, Axel was Sora's best friend. The least the brunet could do was visit him from time to time. And perhaps, maybe, get some answers from the redhead. That'd be the day.

So, around seven, Sora arrived at Axel's doorstep. The brunet angel yawned and knocked, rubbing his eyes. He was still a bit groggy from his nap but he figured it would wear off. These types of things usually went away with time. With another yawn, Sora covered his mouth and waited for Axel to answer the door. _I wonder what he wants to talk about…maybe he just wants to see me as much as he can before I leave again. I don't blame him._

"Sora," Axel greeted as he opened the door. His cat-like eyes locked with Sora's tired blue ones. "Glad you could make it," he stated airily.

"Of course," Sora answered automatically. He offered his friend a smile. It was odd. He was always himself with Axel. Was that because axel had never done anything to hurt him like Riku did? That was probably the reason. After all, Sora was usually a kind and warm person. It was rare that he was cruel or sarcastic. It seemed like he was only like that lately because of the whole _you're dead_ thing.

"Come in," Axel ushered. The skinny redhead stepped aside and allowed Sora entry into his apartment. And the last time Sora was here…



A shiver slipped down Sora's spine at once. A cold shiver, at that. His breath hitched and he followed Axel inside the cozy apartment. _The last time I was here we ended up making out._ He gulped and looked at Axel, feeling a bit light-headed. _Is it bad that I like his kisses almost as much as…as much as Riku's?_ He shook away the thought. _No,_ he told himself sternly. _You're finally dating Riku. Now is not the time to stare at your other best friend with curiosity._

"You okay, Sora?" Axel wondered as he stalked into his kitchen. He returned a moment later with two cold cans of coke. He took a seat on his sofa and propped his feet upon on the coffee table, handing Sora a can.

"Yeah, fine," Sora answered quickly as he sat down beside his friend. "Just a bit out of it. My apologies."

"It's fine," Axel chuckled and popped open his can. He inhaled deeply and took a quick swig of his beverage. "So, you look kind of worn out. What did you do today?"

"Slept," Sora admitted with a soft laugh. "I was planning on exploring the city but I ended up sleeping on Riku. He didn't mind though," he admitted, shaking his head to the right with embarrassment. Perhaps he shouldn't bring up Riku with Axel. It wasn't really a good idea in his mind.

"You sleep a lot," Axel noted as he took another sip. "You, Sora, are quite an amusing person. You're like a sloth."

"Hey! I'm not lazy!" Sora argued, a frown appearing on his face as he fingered the tab to his own soda. "I just…like to sleep! That's not that slothy. Right?" Frown. "Geez, Axel. When did you get so mean?" A fake pout ensued.

"Since ever, sweetheart," Axel countered jokingly, reclining back a bit more on his sofa. "But anyway, isn't this the life? Sitting here, on a comfortable sofa, drinking soda, watching a turned off television with your best friend."

"It is," Sora laughed softly, nodding. The brunet took a sip and closed his eyes. The fizz tickled his throat but he did his best to ignore it. It had been awhile since he last had Coke. "I went to see Leon last night," he began, his voice quiet and serious.

"Oh?" Axel opened an eye and looked to Sora curiously. "And what did he say?"

"He told me he knew it was me, Axel," Sora deadpanned seriously, looking to his redhead friend acutely. "Why does everyone know it's me?"

"It's…not my place to say," Axel murmured and averted his gaze. "If it was, Sora, I'd be the first person to say something. You know that, right?"

"So there _is_ something I don't know," Sora concluded with a heavy sigh. He didn't feel all that happy anymore. "Let me guess, you, Leon, _and_ Riku know what's going on, right? Who else is in on whatever you guys are doing?"

Axel cleared his throat and shook his head. "Sora, it's not like that," he cut in. "It just doesn't involve me and therefore doesn't concern me. I, for one, want to _enjoy_ the time I have with you. I'm sorry if that bothers you." He cocked an accusing, fiery brow.

"I'm just _saying_ that I'm getting _really_ confused and irritable lately, Axel. I want to know what everyone knows except me. And yeah, it should concern you if it involves me. It _does_ involve me, right? I mean, why else would you guys guard whatever secret it is?" He sighed to himself afterwards, placing the soda on the table. He wasn't in the mood for it anymore, either.

"Sora—"

"And Riku probably is the ringleader, right?" Sora guessed lamely.



"Sora, listen—"

"It's okay, Axel. Keep lying to me. You're just like Riku…But hey, I'm used to people keeping secrets from," he began but was cut short. Axel's lips had hotly closed over his and he was at once rendered speechless. His blue eyes fluttered shut and he felt his soft, placid lips being meshed and massaged. His heartbeat increased tenfold and he wasn't sure whether to struggle or not. Axel's kisses were so demanding and hot…like fire.

"Don't compare me to him, _ever_," Axel groaned, pulling away from the kiss. He licked his lips and stared at Sora greedily. "I truly, _truly_ hate him, Sora."

"Okay I'm confused," Sora whispered, touching his lips. "You guys said you were friends…More lies?"

"How can I be friends with someone who killed my _best friend_ and bullied him? More importantly, how can I be friends with him when he is so fucking _lucky_? And then he goes flaunting off what he has," Axel growled, looking at Sora with a look that could kill.

"I don't get it…"

"Sora…" Axel calmed himself and set his soda down that he had been carefully holding, even during the kiss. The fiery male leaned closer and brushed his skinny hand along the curve of Sora's cheeks. "He's a lucky fuck, you know that?"

"…Because we're dating?" Sora stated worriedly, gulping as he watched his best friend. His body grew warm and he tried his best not to lean into Axel's touch—tried his best to remain faithful to Riku.

"That, and because the asshole can have you whenever he wants to…he can have you in _every_ single way and I can't," Axel breathed, his breath hot as fire on Sora's skin.

Sora gulped again and looked up at the ceiling. His mind was blurring. "No Axel, he can't. I'm an angel."

"What the hell does that have to do with sex?" Axel muttered as he remained impossibly close to the angel. He was practically on Sora's lap by now. His catlike eyes remained glued to Sora's flustered form, watching him like a tiger.

"We went through this. I'd kill him if we had sex. He's human."

Pause.

Twitch.

"I am sick of this," Axel decided, pulling away from Sora. His breathing escalated. "I am fucking _sick_ of Riku lying to you over and over. First about Leon, then about _all _of this."

"What?"

"He hasn't told you _anything_?"

"Told me what?" Sora perked up, forgetting about their heated kiss moments prior.

"I can't believe him. He gets you back for a month and _continues_ to deceive you. I'm tempted to go over there right now and set him ablaze. But really, that wouldn't do any good," he muttered darkly as he kicked his coffee table in violent rage. His body trembled slightly from the anger that coursed through his body.

"Axel! What are you talking about?!"

"Riku hasn't told you…"

"Told me _what_," Sora begged, latching onto his friend's arm. "What hasn't he told me?"



"The real reason you're _here,_ Sora."

"The…what?"

Axel took a deep breath, looked Sora square in the eye, smiled weakly, and then stated in the softest voice he could, "Riku's dead, Sora…He has been for four years."

**xxxxxxxxxxx**

_Riku's gaze locked with his bedroom clock. The minute hand continued ticking murderously. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. His pale hands dove into his strands of silver, tugging at the ends of his hair with frustration. It had been years now since Sora died, yet he couldn't get over the hurt that the death had brought him. He had gotten over it, for a few months at least, but it always came back. He had turned to drugs, to alcohol, to _anything_ that would keep his mind off Sora. But he couldn't bring himself to sex. He couldn't touch another human being that way, knowing that he had never touched _Sora_ like that._

"_I can't take this," Riku groaned as he covered his ears, trying to block out that damn ticking noise. And the ticking wasn't even what was bothering him. No, it was the voices he kept hearing. The voices of himself and Sora in this room. The voices saying childish things, playing, laughing, and it was just driving him nuts. He kept having flashbacks in the middle of the night and day, disrupting his life when all was going well. It was so much to handle._

"_Just leave me alone," he begged into the pillow, banging his face into it. He needed to stop thinking such dark thoughts. He had, several times that day, stared at the tattoo on his wrist, wishing that it wasn't there. If it hadn't been there, he would have ended it all with one single swipe. He would have. He swore it._

"_Sora…" he moaned into the pillow, mind throbbing. Not even all the drugs he was hyped up on at this moment could clear his mind from the brunet. He had often awoke, dreaming that he had been kissing Sora, fucking Sora…alive and dead. His mind was twisted and sick and he wanted to escape this dark reality he had plunged himself into when he had accidentally pulled that damn trigger._

"_I'm sorry…" he whispered weakly into the pillow, clenching at the blankets. He felt his mind spinning. He wanted it all to be over, he really did. He needed it to be over. He doubted he could stand another fight, another drug, another night… The room spun a bit as he remained on the bed, breathing irregular._

"_Sora…I'm so sorry," he muttered desperately, trying to cleanse his mind. All those drugs…how many had he taken again? God, he didn't even care right now. Perhaps it was too many. Oh, he just didn't care anymore. As long as it meant getting Sora off his mind…and yet, not even that worked. Getting high, drunk, none of that worked. None of it kept Sora off his mind. The alcohol was his only friend nowadays and without Sora, it was all he had. Sora…_

_And he really didn't care when his own heart stopped. It wasn't like he was taking care of himself. He had lost the will to live when he took his own love's life._


	15. tell me the truth

and it is revealed in this chapter :D the plot twists, i mean.  
Oh, there is one more...final one, but that's for later.  
just let this all soak in.  
(by far my favorite chapter)  
do review.**

* * *

**

**Heavenly**

Sora didn't stick around to hear the rest of Axel's story. Nor did he stay to hear just how Riku died or _why_ he died. No, all Sora did was storm out of the house in frustration. True, Axel had finally told him the secret everyone was harboring but why did it take this long for the truth to reveal itself? Shouldn't best friends _tell_ each other secrets this enormously _huge_? His stomach churned and his head felt heavy as he walked back home, the dark sky above him giving a wonderful accent to his dreary mood. Regardless, the angel continued down the crowded sidewalks of New York. His mind continued spinning as he struggled to keep himself calm. There was no need to holler at strangers. No, all his screaming and yelling was going _directly_ to Riku. No one else, not even Axel or Leon.

"Sora, god damnit, wait!"

Sora didn't stop walking. The brunet kept his gaze low as he continued. His arms rested immobile by his sides as he hurried along, his breathing labored. His feet clunked heavily against the ground, refusing to cease for even a second. He wasn't going to head home—no, Riku would be there—he was going to see his brother and attempt to figure this all out for once and all. No more secrets. No more deception.

"Sora!" Axel hollered persistently. His red hair flew back and forth, in and out of his eyes as he chased after the brunet. "Sora! Just stop for a damn minute, would you?" His voice was hoarse—he was out of breath and soon he would need to stop for a break. They had been running for four minutes straight.

A growl rumbled in the base of Sora's throat. With a defeated sigh, the brunet skidded to a halt at the end of the sidewalk. It was a red light and he couldn't cross, anyway. Best to get this over with quickly. So, with a second sigh, Sora glanced over his shoulder and met Axel's nearing, flustered gaze. "All right, I'm listening."

"Sora," Axel began, placing his hands on his knees with exhaustion. He sucked in a few uneasy breaths and then allowed his gaze to dance up to the angel. "Where the hell are you going?"

"Leon's," Sora answered simply, averting his blue gaze. "I want to know what's going on."

"And you didn't ask me?" Axel questioned, an incredulous tone echoing in his nasally voice.

"You're not going to tell me, Axel," Sora stated in a rather sad, drained voice. "I know you won't. I'm going to see Leon. Maybe he'll tell me something," he mumbled. "I doubt either of you are going to tell me that much. I'll probably have to ask Riku myself." He didn't seem all that pleased at the idea.

"You're pissed at him, huh?" Axel guessed, still gasping for air. He was slowly recovering from the sprinting moments prior. "Sora, listen, I know he's a smug, idiotic asshole who gets whatever he wants, but he isn't _all_ that bad. My god, I can't believe I just said that but…but don't hate him. Be ticked at him, you have every right, but for god's sake, don't hate him."

"Axel," Sora muttered, placing his shaky hand on his forehead. "One minute you despise him and the next minute you're standing up for him. It's confusing me. Either he's heartless or he's misunderstood. Please, which one is it?"

"Sora," Axel stated, now leaning against the building to support his skinny body. The roar of the cars did not dare challenge the beating of his heart in terms of volume. "I'm jealous of him, _okay_? It doesn't seem fair that he gets a second chance to be with you. It's just not fair."

"Jealous?" Sora stated, his voice quieting. He blinked innocently, eying his friend with a shaky stare. "What are you jealous of?"

"You're so dense," Axel concluded with a chuckle. He brushed his hand through his hair and took a deep breath through his nose. "Sora, you should have realized that Riku wasn't the only one after you. I thought I told you this before. Or hinted. I don't know. All I know is that it's not fair that Riku is the one that gets your affection after all he's done…and here I am, risking my ass telling you all of this, and I don't get anything out of this."

Sora lowered his gaze. "So the kisses meant something, huh? My god, I can't believe I didn't put two and two together. I mean, who kisses someone…without meaning something." He smacked his forehead. "I'm so stupid…"

"You're not stupid, Sora," Axel assured, shaking his head. "You're just caught up with Riku. You've been too blind to notice anything other than him. I don't blame you."

"Axel, I'm sorry," Sora murmured, biting his bottom lip. "I mean…I'm sorry for being so dense, and ignorant, and yeah…If I had…realized I don't think I would have allowed any of that to happen." The words stung his throat and ears. "You and Riku are my best friends, Axel. It's just…you're my best friend. That'll never change, I'm sorry."

Axel looked entirely devastated, and at the same time calm. "I figured that," he sighed and brought his fingers through his hair. "I mean, you and him are meant to be, after all."

Sora winced. He hated when Axel got like this. "Axel, I'm really, _really_ sorry. It's nothing you've done, I assure you. It's just…I don't see you like that. I'm sorry. Maybe if I did I'd be happier. I mean, you've never hurt me like Riku has."

"You can't decide who you fall in love with," Axel chuckled ironically, averting his green gaze. He wanted to conceal the hurt.

"I'm…not in love," Sora reasoned, a blush appearing on his cheeks. "I just, you know, can't get over him. It's stupid, I know."

"Love's never stupid," Axel pointed out, finally meeting Sora's gaze. "Just promise me two things, okay Sora?"

He nodded. "Anything." The cold air swept by them, making Sora restless.

"One, you don't let me kiss you anymore. I don't want to confuse you anymore than I have. Plus, your Riku's. I should have…respected that." He laughed to himself, under his breath. "And second. Don't overreact when you learn the truth, okay?" He offered his friend a weary smile.

"The truth," Sora repeated. A frown appeared. "So…whatever Riku is hiding from me, I assume there's more than him…being dead… you know, right?"

Axel nodded, a bit shamefully. "Listen, I would have told you but it's Riku business. Not mine. I'm sorry, Sora."

"Don't apologize," Sora said with a shake of his head. "I'll sort this out with Riku. I mean, I only have like… a week left, you know." He lowered his gaze. "Then I'll be back in heaven and I'll never see you or Leon ever again," he whispered sadly, folding his arms to his chest dejectedly. He didn't want to accept that reality yet. Not now and definitely not ever.

"Come on, Sora," Axel muttered, pacing over to where the brunet stood. His arm slung around his friend's shoulder and he forced on a smug grin. "Just think, you'll be going back _there_. The place humans only speculate about. It's not all that bad, is it?"

"It is when you're, for the most part, alone," the brunet mumbled as he kicked his foot against the cold sidewalk. "I only have Cloud there. I haven't even _seen_ my parents, and they've been dead for years. I just…don't really like it there. I love it here, Axel. I really do."

Axel leaned his chin against the shorter's shoulder. "Well, find them when you go back up. Make it your goal."

"And Riku?" Sora murmured, looking to his friend. "What about him? Why's he here? I don't get that part. Why would Heaven send me here, to make him free of his sins, if he's already dead? And how did he die?" he asked in a quiet whisper, the questions rushing through his head. He wanted to know the truth already.

"Ask him when you see him," Axel made known as he gently patted Sora's shoulder. "Go see Leon. I'm sure he'll clear some things up."

"He's not dead as well, is he?" grumbled the brunet, looking to Axel almost pathetically.

"No," Axel chuckled, a sad smile on his face. "We're both quite alive."

"All right, good," Sora sighed with a nod. "I'll see you sometime tomorrow, I guess. I might call later tonight if things get out of hand with Riku. I…don't really know what's going to happen. He's been lying to me since I've come back, so I just don't know." He began fidgeting, his blue gaze glued to the ground. His mind hurt, as did his heart.

"Call if you need anything," Axel stated, ruffling Sora's hair. "I know it'll never work between us, I know that for certain now, but I'll always be here for you, kid," he said reassuringly. A smile leaked onto his crafty lips. "Now go see your brother. I'm tired of watching you struggle with the truth."

"All right," Sora mumbled, still not getting the half of everything that was conspiring. First Axel liked him, then Riku was alive and…it was all too hard to keep a grasp on. "See you later." He slipped out of Axel's hold and smiled despondently at him.

"See you around," Axel called back, forcing another smile and wave. He shot Sora one last look before disappearing into the New York crowd.

And Sora's stomach just plummeted further. He shouldn't be here. He should have never come back…it was hurting everyone, including himself.

**xxxxxxxx**

Sora didn't even need to state his current problem, nor did he have to utter a word before Leon knew exactly what had happened. The taller brunet frowned as Sora made his way quietly to the couch he had been on several nights before. Usually jovial blue eyes kept themselves to the floor, not once daring to glance around Leon's apartment. It was warm, at least, but the warmth brought Sora no comfort. How could he feel good right now? Riku was dead and Axel was practically in love with him. How could any of this turn out for the better?

"Sora," Leon sighed as he shook his head, leaning against the side of the couch. "It would have been better if you stayed out of all of this," he began, resting his forehead in his palm. "Axel and I, neither of us wanted you to get hurt. We wanted to keep you from the truth."

"I figured it out eventually, didn't I?" Sora sighed, looking to his brother with a weary smile. "So I take you knew, huh? That you were dating some dead guy." His gaze was broken and his body shook with nerves and confusion.

Leon grimaced and averted his gaze. "I don't want to talk about myself, Sora. Let's just—"

"I want to know," Sora reiterated, looking at his brother shakily. His fingers flexed nervously. "I want to know everything about you that I missed. Leon, please, you owe it to me. I'm your brother. I'm here for one more week. I _want_ to know, please," he urged, biting his lip, drawing blood that quickly turned black. His time was running out.

"You're not going to want to hear any of this," Leon admitted as he walked past Sora. Silently, the lithe man took a seat, a stoic look struggling to remain on his face. His lips were pursed and his eyes remained away from Sora's.

"I don't care how bad any of it is," Sora laughed desolately, hunching his shoulders. His body slumped forward a bit, off the couch. "I just want to know, okay?"

"When you died, I fell into depression. I assume you already know that," the brunet sighed, shaking his head. His foot tapped against the floor—Sora knew that to be a nervous habit that the other never lost. "I managed to hide it quite well, to be honest. I did a better time at coping then Riku did, as you're probably aware of. However, things were far worse for me than Riku. I loathed how he acted so weak. He should have been strong, for all of us. Instead, he moped around and turned to drugs. Regardless… I stayed away from him. I wanted to be alone considering I had just lost Cloud and then you."

Sora winced a bit. "Yeah…you and Cloud were pretty close, huh?"

Leon nodded weakly. "I'd rather not go into that, I apologize," he said with a frail second shake of his head.

"He's doing well," Sora interjected, grabbing for his brother's hand. He cautiously interlaced the fingers, all the while offering a strained smile. "I was living with him before I came back here. He…misses you. I know he doesn't like to show it, but he really does miss you."

Leon's lips curled into something akin to a smile. "When you…do return," he said, speaking the words carefully, each hurting him, "tell him, 'As do I'. He'll know what you mean."

"O…kay," Sora said and then laughed a bit. "You're always telling me to relay messages I don't understand." His small shoulders fell down into a defeated shrug.

"Sorry," Leon said, crossing his arms. "Don't mean to do that."

"Right…well, go on with your story."

"All right," Leon answered with a swift nod. "It was… around four years ago that Riku died. I didn't hear about it—I was never close with him. Anyway, a year after his death, he showed up at my apartment. I, of course, didn't know he was dead…I just figured he stopped by for some reason or another. This was, also, around the time our parents died," he grimaced, "so seeing Riku just brought up horrible memories.

"We started talking again, and shortly after that we began dating. I didn't learn for quite some time that he had died. It took me awhile to accept it, _and_ to believe it. He explained to me why he was here…"

"Why did he come back?" Sora whispered weakly, fearing the truth.

"…Apparently Heaven didn't like the fact that he killed you and that he let the drugs kill him, so they made a deal with him. They told him that he had to keep me from messing up my life, as he did with his own." Leon looked off to the right, as if falling back into the memories.

"So he had to save you, huh?" Sora groaned at the irony that plagued the moment. "Sounds like what Heaven did to me. Except they lied to me….Riku's already dead. I can't save him."

"What were their exact words?" Leon questioned, looking to his brother. He cocked a brow and parted his lips, a curious look spreading across his face.

"They said uh…keep Riku from committing sins and ruining his life or something. I can't remember exactly." Sora scratched his head, doing his best to remember the angel's exact words. This whole month had been a rollercoaster ride so remembering the exact things people said was becoming increasingly difficult.

"Don't you think that could also apply to him if he's dead?" Leon questioned, a twinkle growing in his eyes. His face remained unchanging, but his eyes said it all. The brunet leaned back a bit, still standing.

"Uh…well," Sora said, trailing off a bit. He tapped his chin for a moment, his body turning cold. "So…they knew all along, didn't they?..."

"Maybe, I don't know," Leon admitted with a shrug. "I was just thinking, they _have_ to had had a reason to send you back here if they knew Riku was dead and all that."

"But…why is Riku still here? I mean…he saved you, didn't he?" Sora asked which received a nod. "Then why is he still here?"

Leon sighed, lacing his hands behind his head. "Sora, I can't tell you everything. You're going to have to ask him yourself. I don't know all these things." Sora eyed him a bit, annoyed. "All right, so I do know a lot. But I'm not the person to tell you. I'm just…your brother."

"Well, of course," Sora noted, rolling his eyes. He leaned his chin into his palms and tapped his feet nervously against the ground. "Okay, fine, then. I have one week left to figure out everything."

"Yeah," Leon agreed. The brunet finally took a seat beside his brother. "You're taking the concept that he's dead pretty, hard huh? I knew you'd figure it out eventually, regardless of whether Riku told you or not…I just didn't know how you'd handle it." He sighed and recklessly looked out the window. "Riku had this coming."

"I can't hate him," Sora admitted, hanging his head in shame. Brown bangs fell in his face as he breathed in uneasily. "No matter what he does, I can't hate him. I always think that there's _some_ goodness to him. And that goodness…it keeps me coming back for more. I don't know what's wrong with me, Leon. I _should_ hate him, shouldn't I?"

Leon shrugged. Carefully, the brunet got to his feet and walked over to the shelf. He plucked the picture from its placement and brought it back to the couch, sitting back down beside his younger brother. "Even when he was young, he would have done anything to have your affection."

Sora glanced over at the familiar photograph. "He had a funny way of showing it," he complained in a grumble, eying the picture with a softening gaze.

"We've been through this," Leon muttered as he held the picture securely in his hands. "You know, he keeps trying to call me, Sora. He wants to make certain that he holds your affection—that you care about him. And you know, it's pretty obvious now that he clearly never loved me." Leon sighed and set the picture back down on the coffee table. "He loved _you_, Sora. And he still does."

Sora bit his bottom lip. "I don't think he does, Leon," he began uncertainly, averting his gaze. He looked at the picture and then the window. "If he did, he wouldn't do the things that he does. He wouldn't lie to me and hurt me. He would be a loving, unconditionally."

"Not everyone is perfect," Leon pointed out. "He's…very flawed, I will admit that, but so is everyone else," he spoke wisely, eyes shutting as he breathed in quietly. "If I could, I would switch places with you any day. Being able to be with the person you care about…you're awfully lucky, Sora."

Sora cleared his throat. He suddenly felt out of place—uncomfortable. "You lost someone, huh? Someone you loved?" he dared, tapping his fingers shakily on his knees.

"I did," Leon admitted, his voice strained. "I don't want to talk about it, though. Please respect that, Sora."

"All right," Sora whispered. "I'll be…here for another week if you want to ever talk about it," he stated, catching himself. He would only be here for one more week—that was the bottom-line.

"Thank you, Sora," Leon said, eyes shutting. "Thank you."

"Don't mention it," Sora answered, looking to his brother with a small smile. "I love you, Leon. I always will. I'm sorry that heaven put you through all this…but if I had anything to be thankful to Riku for, it would be for saving you. I suppose I owe him that much gratitude." The smaller brunet leaned against his brother, resting his cheek to his forearm.

"This'll all be over soon," Leon agreed, wrapping an arm around the brunet beside him. "And when it is, I'll lose both you and Riku," he stated under his breath, more so to himself. "It'll be like losing him all over again…"

"I'm sorry," Sora whispered, eyes shutting as he painfully held onto Leon's sleeve. "I wish there was something else I could do. I've tried so hard this past month to make things right, to be strong, but nothing I do will change anything. I'm just…the same person I was eight years ago. I'm just the same old Sora…" And it finally hit him. Nothing had really changed.

"That's right," Leon concurred, nodding solemnly. "You'll always be _Sora_." He hugged his brother tight against him, the silence of the room engulfing them both as the winter snow fell.

"But will it be enough?" Sora whispered to himself, his voice falling onto deaf ears.

**xxxxxxxx**

Sora didn't know what his plan was. He tried creating one on the walk home, but that idea failed miserably. He tried to think of one as he entered his apartment building, and that failed as well. So when he returned home, and his gaze met Riku's from across the room, he had no idea what to do. On one hand, here was Riku, who had lied to him this entire month. First about knowing it was him, then about Leon not knowing, and then hiding the fact that he was dead as well, and _finally_ the whole situation involving Leon. But, on the other hand, here was the boy Sora had grown up with—the person who had saved his brother from death. The person who truly, deep down, cared about him—and in Leon's opinion, loved him. Here was Riku Karada, both sides, combined into one persona. It was up to Sora to decide what side he chose to attack this moment.

"Something wrong?" Riku asked, getting up from the couch. He stretched his arms lazily above his head, allowing a yawn to slip from his lips. "Sora?" he asked again when he received no response for a few moments.

It seemed that the only logical thing to do at this moment was to test Riku. See how far he was willing to take all these lies. The brunet's gaze met Riku's once more as he offered a small smile. If he wanted to finally forgive Riku, to learn the truth, he would have to push them both to their limits.

"I'm fine," Sora said softly, taking off his coat and placing it on the rack. "Just had a long day, that's all."

"Oh, right," Riku laughed, brushing a hand through his hair. He walked over and instantly wrapped his strong arms around the brunet's skinny waist. "I missed you at work today," he stated softly, resting his forehead down to Sora's. And Riku had never really been _this_ close without doing _something_ of the sexual sort.

"Bet you did," Sora whispered, suddenly turning flustered and nervous. His body shook and blushed at Riku's touch. It felt too right to ignore. Why his stomach always knotted when Riku held him was a mystery Sora wasn't sure he wanted to uncover.

"I have tomorrow off, though," Riku pointed out, not removing his forehead from Sora's. His fierce green eyes stared into Sora's, never faltering from their focus. "So I can spend the entire day with you, if you want." His voice was soft and silky. It was hard _not_ to swoon over.

"That'll be nice," Sora stated, watching Riku, doing his best to conceal his shakes. He scrunched up his nose after a moment. "You smell like Starbucks," he said in a quiet voice, a smile appearing on his lips. He couldn't help it.

"Well, I _do_ work there," Riku chuckled, keeping Sora close. His eyes fell shut and he breathed out through his nose. "We have around a week left together, right?" he asked, the levity disappearing from the short-lived moment.

"We do," Sora agreed, closing his eyes as well. In the darkness, behind his eyelids, he felt even more attached—connected to Riku. Maybe Leon was right, maybe Riku wasn't entirely a bad person. And maybe _Axel_ was right, even though he was jealous of him, the redhead had said that Riku had reasons for everything he did and that he was a good person, all in all.

"I don't want to lose you again," Riku muttered, his arms subconsciously tightening around Sora's waist. "I don't want to be put through that torment again."

"…It won't be your fault this time," Sora pointed out, cracking open an eye. The distressed look on Riku's face worried him. It truly did. "Riku…I…don't hate you, you know that, right? I…I'm trying to forgive you, I really am." This was _Riku_, not a monster. This was _Riku_.

"I have one week like with you," Riku reiterated, moving his face away from Sora. "And I've completely fucked up this month."

"What?" Sora flinched a bit at Riku's sudden vulgarity. "What do you mean?"

"I should have been apologizing since the beginning, not tricking you. I'm so sorry, Sora. I really am. I don't know how many times it will take me saying that for you to believe it, but I am." He looked away, his silver bangs hiding his jaded eyes.

"Riku…" Sora's hand shakily lifted into the air. The tanned fingers rested against the pale skin of Riku's cheek. He marveled at the contrast. "You've changed," he admitted at least, to himself and to Riku. "You've changed…you're not the person I died detesting. You're still Riku but…" He smiled and looked up weakly. "But I like this Riku. A lot…"

Riku spared a glance back at Sora. His eyes widened and then he started skeptically at Sora. "Are you certain? You're not pissed at me anymore?"

Sora shook his head. _I just want to know why you're lying to me about being alive. I want to know why you're here and why you need saving if you're already dead. Riku, what are you hiding from me?_ "I mean, I would _have_ to like this you, because I'm dating you, aren't I?" He offered a true smile.

"Well, that's quite true," Riku chuckled, a mirrored smile appearing. Without a second thought, he leaned closer and kissed Sora. His lips meshed passionately to Sora's. At first the kisses were soft, loving, true, but over an interval of a few minutes, they turned a bit fiercer, quick, passionate, _needy_.

Riku's hands fluttered into action. They traveled down along the curve of Sora's back, down the very top of his legs, and then back up again—into Sora's hair, along his neck, along his sides. Riku's lips remained on Sora's, tugging and kissing and licking. The brunet pressed back just as hungrily, the affection making his mind go haywire.

Sora wasn't used to such treatment. Although Riku had lied to him, although Riku had been the one to send him to heaven, he couldn't stay mad at him forever. He needed affection—he needed Riku. He needed Riku to admit the truth to him before he was sent back. He had to complete his job, somehow. He needed to know the truth, and kissing was a great way to start, right?

Riku released a gasp into the kiss as his hands found the ends of Sora's shirt. As his fingers toyed with the hem, his body began directing Sora's down the hallway. Their bodies were clumsy and Sora found it hard not to trip and fall over. However, Riku's strong body held him up as they walked backwards, somewhat, to Sora's bedroom. No words were needed. They had _one week_ left. There was no time for second thoughts, for doubts. There was only time to be loved and to love. That was all.

"Riku," Sora stated warningly. His words were only whispers, softly spoken from his lips. His blue eyes were shut firmly. He guessed he was in his bedroom by now, considering he had heard a door shut. He didn't need to be reminded that he was a virgin and that Riku was his boyfriend and that he was an angel. He knew all that. He knew that Riku had treated him horribly, but he also knew, deep down, Riku had reasons. And there was really only one way to get to those reasons.

"Sora," Riku stated quietly as his hands tugged on Sora's shirt. His lips fled from the brunet's and began darting along the boy's jaw and neck. The kisses were quick and fiery. His hands gave another tug to Sora's shirt, wanting the cloth removed.

Sora opened his eyes. His suspicions were confirmed. They were in his bedroom. He glanced to the right, being greeted with Riku's hair. A moan slipped from his lips when Riku's lips met a sensitive part of his neck. Gasps followed that sound as his cheeks scorched a dark shade of red. Riku was always one of the only people to ever make him this flustered.

Riku gave a third tug on Sora's shirt, as if to ask for permission. Instead of verbally answering, which Sora was certain was impossible at this moment; he lifted his arms into the air. Before he knew it, his shirt was gone and Riku was kissing him again. Their lips glided against each other as they stood in the middle of his bedroom.

"One week," Riku repeated into the kiss, his hands desperately trailing down Sora's back and chest. "I only have one week with you…" His lips left Sora's and began gliding down along Sora's neck and collarbone.

"Yeah…" Sora whispered, uncertain of what else to say. His body was on fire and his hands instinctively clutched at Riku's soft, silvery hair. His eyes fell shut and he indulged in the sensations Riku was giving him. Lips on his neck, collar, chest…and then a pause.

"Riku?" Sora murmured, noticing that the attention had ceased. Riku was no longer kissing him. He was frozen. "Riku, what's wrong?" he whispered, opening his eyes and staring worriedly at his friend—his boyfriend.

Riku's fingertips touched the area near Sora's heart. The silveret visibly flinched. And then the most surprising thing happened. Tears began to form in Riku's eyes, in small clusters. He winced and looked away, his hand dropping from Sora's chest. He looked entirely distraught—guilty.

"Riku? What's…" he began but then paused. He glanced down at his bare chest, still feeling a bit embarrassed at how exposed he was. When his gaze met the scar mark over his heart, his stomach sank. The bullet wound…right. "I…didn't want you to see that," he admitted, averting his gaze.

It entirely killed the moment.

"I…" Riku dropped to his knees. He wasn't crying and he wasn't screaming. He was just sitting there with a look of terror and stun written all across his face. "I really did kill you, didn't I?" he whispered brokenly, refusing to look at the scar. "That…just made it all the more real."

"You didn't deserve to see that," Sora admitted, looking down. He didn't want Riku to see it. He didn't deserve to be reminded of his crime.

"I'm sorry," Riku whispered, sighing miserably. He remained on the floor, his hands pressed flat to it. "I'm really sorry…"

"Riku," Sora said uneasily. The brunet dropped to his knees as well. He reached to his right and collected his right. Quickly, he tugged it back on and then turned his attention to the silveret. "If you want me to finally forgive you…if you want to begin this last week we have together on a good note, please…don't lie to me anymore. I don't want you to look at me with grief and guilt anymore. I want all this drama to just be over. I'm sick of hating everything you did to me. I just want to be with _you_. I…was weak. I was stupid…I just want to make things right. I want you to _clue_ me in."

Riku looked to Sora, his gaze meeting a confused blue one. "I can't, Sora. I would if—"

"I'm going to save you," Sora stated shakily, looking at his friend intensely. "I don't care if it takes forever, but I'm going to save you. I don't know how that's possible, but I will. I'll figure it out. Just please, tell me what's going on."

Riku surveyed Sora for a moment before scoffing. "They told you, didn't they?"

Sora blinked and then nodded. "Told me what, exactly?" He didn't want to rat Axel out entirely.

"I…was going to tell you when this was all over. Once you had forgiven me. Because, that's…" Riku grimaced and looked away. "Fuck, I can't tell you these things, Sora. You just don't understand. I don't _want_ to lie to you anymore. I just…"

"I know you're dead," Sora stated emptily, not wanting to drag this on. He didn't want drama or tears. He wanted the truth.

Riku gulped and spared a look back to Sora. "…How long?"

"Earlier today, actually," Sora whispered, the smile completely gone.

"Do you know the rest?" Riku wondered, looking like a deer caught in headlights.

"Why don't you tell me?" Sora asked. When Riku appeared hesitant, Sora continued. "You've been trying to get me to forgive you, right? Well, lying to me and keeping secrets isn't going to make me forgive you, Riku. You don't realize how hard this month has been on me. One…moment I don't care about the past, the next moment I despise what you did to me. I hate you for it. But when I'm around you, I just want to be held by you…I'm so weak. I just want this all to be right. I want you to _tell_ me," he repeated, his mind spinning.

"…please don't hate me for this," Riku whispered under his breath. His hands flexed by his sides.

"Hate you for what?" Sora wondered, arching a brow.

"…Because I really do…care about you, Sora," he stated, carefully choosing his words.

"…Hate you for what?" Sora repeated, his voice growing weary.

"…They made me a deal…if I could get you to forgive me and get you to fall in love with me, I could go to heaven. If I couldn't trick you into thinking I was a good person, if I couldn't prove to heaven that I could manipulate you…I would end up in hell."

Sora's heart plummeted, as did his world.

"…I'm sorry, Sora."


	16. prove to me

all right so, second to last _actual_ chapter of heavenly. there will be an epilogue, considering there are many things left to be discussed.  
a smaller twist...well, more so a cliffhanger is revealed at the bottom. the last twist is still to come. some people have gotten it.  
anyway, it's been a great ride and i'm so glad people are still reading this, even though i suck at updating.  
anyhow, please leave a review. it'd be sooo wonderful if you could.

* * *

**Heavenly**

"…_They made me a deal…if I could get you to forgive me and get you to fall in love with me, I could go to heaven. If I couldn't trick you into thinking I was a good person, if I couldn't prove to heaven that I could manipulate you…I would end up in hell…I'm sorry, Sora."_

Sora's body was petrified. Blue eyes stared emptily ahead into pained aquamarine. His breath caught in the base of his throat and he found it suddenly hard to breathe. The brunet angel parted his lips to speak but no words came out. He simply stared at Riku for a long moment. The silveret, in return, shakily laughed and looked away, silver bangs hiding his shameful eyes. Neither said anything for what felt like ten minutes. Sora let it_ all_ sink in.

"Manipulate me into falling in love with you?"Sora repeated his voice shaky and skeptical.

Riku kept his gaze averted. The second angel bit his lip and gave a stiff nod. Hifs pale hands curled up into white fists as he sat there in utter silence. However, the ticking of a nearby clock made the moment even more cliché and ominous. Time was, indeed, ticking and having Sora enraged at him wasn't the best way to convince Heaven that he belonged there. How could he accomplish his goal is the brunet hated his guts?

"You never cease to amaze me, Riku," Sora stated unsteadily, his head giving a shake as he stared unbelievingly down at the ground. A tremulous laugh slipped from Sora's lips. "I can't believe I actually fell for it."

"Sora," Riku finally spoke, raising his gaze off the carpet. "It wasn't all about Heaven. I _do_ love you."

And it was just _such_ a fucked up time to confess something like that. "Do you _honestly_ think I'd believe that?" the brunet spat, feeling betrayed and entirely broken.

"Just because I—" Riku began in his own defense but was cut down.

"This isn't just about your damn job, Riku! This entire time I've kept quiet. It was okay that you dated Leon, my god damn brother. And it was okay that you killed me. And it was okay that you lied to me for an entire month. And it was certainly okay for you to seduce me, trick me, manipulate me, and then just randomly tell me you _love_ me. Well guess what, it _isn't _okay anymore. I'm tired of your games! I'm tired of _you_."

Sora got to his feet, stumbling a bit. Riku shot up as well, hitting a nearby lamp with his arm as he managed to get to his own feet. The silveret reached out and tried to snag Sora's arm but it was quickly batted away. He looked down in shame. He deserved that, didn't he?

"I want you out by tomorrow," Sora stated warningly, pointing at his bedroom door. "I want you out of my house and out of my life by the time I wake up tomorrow."

Riku winced. Ouch. "Where do you expect me to go, Sora?"

"It's not my problem," Sora stated icily. "I used to think it was, but it's not. I'm done with the games." And he was finally standing up for himself. But it didn't feel worth it.

"You're going to cause both of us to fail our jobs _just_ because I lied to you?" Riku questioned, lifting his gaze. He attempted to search Sora's but when he found that those beautiful blue hues wouldn't even dance towards his direction, he gave up trying to make eye contact. This was a lost cause.

"I don't even care right about now if I end up in the incinerator. It'd be a thousand times better than having to deal with you anymore."

Riku stiffened. "So you just changed how you feel about me in not even two seconds? Just because I confessed that I had ulterior motives? Sora…I _do_ love you."

"You have the _funniest_ way of showing it," the brunet grumbled as his arms came to rest across his chest. Blue eyes wearily looked over at Riku at last. "I don't want to see you right now," he stated, voice quieting. "I want to be alone."

"I'll respect that," Riku stated, making his way to the door. "I'll talk to you in the morning, Sora. I reallydo love you. Please try and believe that."

Sora sighed and held his arms loosely by his sides. "We're quite the couple, aren't we? Both dead and at each other's throats constantly. We're so messed up…"

Riku sighed as well. "That we are."

"Yeah…"

"Goodnight, Sora," Riku stated as he lingered by the doorway out of Sora's room. The silveret paused, contemplated saying more, and then turned around. He met Sora's gaze and softly added, "Happy Christmas Eve."

Sora blinked in surprise. Tomorrow was Christmas? The brunet stared in stun as Riku left the room, gently closing the door behind him. The brunet sighed miserably and collapsed back down against the bed behind him. He closed his eyes and sucked in a shaky breath. So much had happened during the course of a few moments. He had successfully cussed Riku out and told the silveret he never wanted to see him again. Part of him believed that, and another laughed at him for even thinking of breaking ties with the silveret. But still, how could a person that claimed to love you do something as sadistic as manipulate you in order to get your love? It was sick.

The ringing of Sora's cell phone caught the brunet off guard. Wearily, he snatched his phone from the bureau and flipped it open. "Hello?" he asked groggily, rubbing his forehead. He was far too exhausted to talk.

"Sora, you okay?"

Axel.

"Yeah, I'm fine," the brunet mumbled as he pushed his body up along the sheets so that he could rest his head comfortably against the pillow. His eyes shut again. "Why? Am I not supposed to be or something?"

"Well, you took off from my place earlier like a bat out of hell. I was just checking in to make sure you got to Leon's safely," Axel explained quickly, a nervous chuckle following that. "Couldn't let America's cutest boy be unaccounted for."

Sora rolled his eyes. "Listen Axel, I'm really not in the mood to talk. Thanks for checking up on me and everything, but I just don't have the heart to talk to anyone right now. I kind of just had my world cave in on me for the second time this week."

"What happened?" Expected answer.

"Nothing I'm up for retelling," Sora replied curtly, his head throbbing.

"Geez, what the hell happened?" Axel continued to prod. "You're never this bitchy. What the hell, Sora?"

Sora tensed and held the phone tighter. "I just don't want to talk about it, _okay_?" He was beyond his breaking point and having Axel poke and prod at his mind and heart wasn't something he was up for at this moment. He just wanted to cry and kill Riku all at the same time. He didn't even know what he truly wanted anymore. His mind just hurt that badly.

"Fine…" Axel murmured, backing off. "I'll call you tomorrow. And if I don't hear from you then, have an early Merry Christmas."

Sora groaned. "You too, Axel…"

"Goodnight."

The phone clicked off and once again left Sora in silence. The brunet sucked in a weak breath and held it for a long period of time before exhaling. His heart ached and he wasn't entirely sure what he could do. Riku was using him to get into Heaven. Riku had tricked him into thinking he had changed on his own free will. Riku had just done so many things to him. But Riku loved him, didn't he? Riku had changed, to some degree. Maybe the heaven notion was an incentive. Maybe Riku had a good heart after all. But really, how could Sora trust him after he bluntly lied a million times since the brunet returned to Earth? Then again, everyone had lied, to some extent. Even Leon had.

Sora's phone rang again. The brunet muttered a few choice curses under his breath before answering. "Hello?" he stated, sounding irritated, exhausted, and just dead, which he technically was.

"Hey…" Riku.

"Uh…?" Sora cocked a brow and sat up a bit. Why the hell was Riku calling him on his _cell phone_? The brunet scrunched his nose up for a moment, thinking of what to say. "Why are you calling me?" Seemed like a logical question.

"Well, this isn't seeing me…" Riku pointed out quietly. His voice was oddly gentle and soothing.

"Good point," Sora agreed, laughing quietly under his breath. If there was a loophole to be found, Riku would surely find it. The brunet relaxed a bit on his bed, hugged his knees to his chest, and decided just to make the best out of everything.

"Before I told you anything about Heaven and my motives, you said you wanted to be with me. And you said you wanted to save me. Sora, do you honestly still feel like that? Or did I just ruin everything by doing the right thing and telling you?" Riku wondered, his voice wavering.

Sora winced at the recollection of his spiel. "That was before I realized you were a backstabber."

"How am I a backstabber?" Riku questioned indignantly, though his voice did not rise too much. "I was going to end up in the incinerator if I didn't do what they wanted. I would have never gotten the chance to see you or anyone ever again if that happened. When they said that they'd let me come into Heaven if I tricked you…Sora, I couldn't say no."

"Seems kinda cruel, don't you think? Heaven making you trick me into loving you? What are they…the new hell?" he muttered weakly. He didn't even have the heart to call it the incinerator anymore. He had lost all hope, and faith, in both hell and heaven.

"It does," Riku agreed in a murmur.

"Yeah…" Sora trailed off, fingers limply holding his phone.

"I don't want us to end like this," Riku began after a moment of awkward silence.

"End like this?" Sora repeated, his voice questioning.

"I don't want us to never see each other again. I don't want you to return to Heaven without me, _hating_ me again. When I agreed to do this job, I thought I could change your mind. I thought I could get you to like me again. Sora, I…" Riku trailed off, having no will to say anymore.

Sora sighed and then sucked in a nervous breath. He screwed his eyes shut painfully. "I have to save you in order to go back to Heaven, and honestly, I don't have the faintest idea on how to do that. You don't even need to be saved."

Riku murmured something incoherent before stating loudly, "And I can only go to Heaven if you fall in love with me and forgive me. And considering I told you prematurely about Heaven's plan, I can pretty much kiss Heaven goodbye."

Sora winced. That was true. Riku had ruined his chances of having a happy afterlife all because he wanted to be honest with Sora. The brunet found that rather…peculiar. "You gave it all up just to stet my straight."

"Yeah," Riku said, a heavy sigh following.

"If I wasn't pissed at you, I'd say that that was pretty noble," the brunet angel murmured, scrunching his toes up as he sat there. He rested his cheek onto the crest of one of his knees. His eyelids slipped shut for the third time and he concentrated on Riku's voice through the phone. Even now, even when Sora was pissed at him, the other's voice had a lulling effect on him.

"So where does this leave us?" Riku asked after a moment of hesitation.

"It leaves us wherever the hell I want it," Sora mumbled. It was true, all in all.

"And where do you want it to leave us?" Riku further pried, voice sounding desperate. It was such a strange tone for his voice to adapt.

"Haven't decided yet," Sora murmured, feeling sleep coming fast and hard. Even with all the drama that had ensued he was tired. It seemed rather odd, but he wasn't going to fight it. "Listen, I'm really tired, Riku. I'll see you tomorrow morning, okay?..."

There was hope. "All right," Riku said.

"Sleep well." Sora hung up and allowed the phone to drop onto the bed beside him. The device beeped again after two minutes and Sora groaned. The brunet groped for the annoying mechanism and stared down at the screen.

It was a text message…from Riku.

_I love you. Sleep well, Sora_.

Sora's heart ached and he closed his eyes. And even if he didn't want to love Riku, he just did. It was impossible not to. And perhaps that was what hurt him the most.

**xxxxxxxx**

Despite the fact that it was Christmas, and that every single person in the entire city of New York was out and about, traversing towards their destinations, Riku left Sora's apartment around eight. He figured that the brunet would sleep until around eleven—as he usually did. He would be back far before eleven, he decided. Regardless, the silveret continued down the bustling, frigid streets of New York City, his coat tight to his body. He was losing body heat rapidly and he silently thanked his lucky stars that his destination was within eyeshot.

When Riku finally made it the apartment complex that he had set his eyes on, he paused. Was he really going to go through with this? For a moment, the male stiffened and stared idly ahead at the winding staircase that lead up to the second floor. Shakily, Riku took a breath and became the ascent, his mind spinning all the while. He doubted that he would be received with open arms, but what was the harm trying? Bruised pride, at worst, was the answer.

Riku slipped his sleeves up along the expanse of his arms, revealing his frozen hands. Pushing all vacillation aside, he lifted his curled up fists to the door and knocked. One knock. Two knock. Three knock. And then…

"Bloody hell, it's eight in the morning and—" the man who opened the door fell silent. Catlike hues locked with dreary viridian and the red-head fell silent. "Riku? The hell are you doing here?"

"I need your help," the silveret breathed, his tone treading on the thin line between desperate and downright pathetic.

"With?" Axel quipped, resting his head against the doorframe.

"Sora," Riku answered. His eyes fell shut briefly and he gulped, a visible lump of nerves traveling down his throat. "I fucked up badly this time, Ax. Not only did I mess up my entire plan, but I got Sora to hate me. I've lost everything now, Axel. I have _nothing_ left. Not even my damn pride."

"Well…that sucks," Axel decided with a frown. He paused, strumming his fingers against the doorframe. "I take it you want to come in, right?" Nod. "All right, then do such."

Axel stepped aside and sauntered back into his apartment. Riku followed after cautiously, his gaze nervously wandering around the room as he entered. The last time he was here had been before Sora arrived. The silveret's stomach plummeted at the memory. He had spent hours convincing Axel to go along with his plan and not tell Sora that Riku knew he was _Sora_. The agreement had been that Axel would keep his mouth shut as long as he could tell Sora that _he_ knew it was him. Riku had agreed derisively. He didn't have any other choice.

"You know, I thought you and Sora would have mended things. I mean, it _is_ Christmas. Isn't the holiday supposed to fix all broken bridges?" the red haired male wondered as he swaggered to his couch.

Riku lingered near the entrance of the living room. A frown appeared on his lips. "Well, Sora's just stubborn. I don't blame him, though. I'm kind of an asshole, even now."

Axel snorted and flopped down onto his sofa. "Well yeah. You're hogging Sora all to yourself." He sighed miserably. "But aside from that…the kid's only got a week left on Earth. Why are you making things harder on him?"

"I told him the truth," Riku reasoned, scowling. "I didn't want him to pointlessly try and save me, or whatever the hell he is supposed to do. Hell, I doubt heaven even had a job for him. I don't even know myself."

"Then why don't you ask them?" Axel hummed.

"I have. He doesn't really know either. Damn…" Riku trailed off and rubbed his head. "But I do have an idea."

"What's that?" Axel questioned curiously. The redhead glanced over, surveying his friend with the utmost curiosity. "What kind of idea?" he reiterated. Axel was always far too nosy for his own good. That both Riku and Sora knew firsthand.

"I'm going to get him a Christmas present," Riku decided, arising from his feet. "I'm going to show him that I really do love him. I'll make him believe it this time. I'm determined."

Axel chuckled a bit and watched Riku with amusement. "What if he doesn't accept the present?" His lips tweaked down into a frown.

"Then…I'll have tried," Riku murmured, hands shuffling into his pockets. "I know that we're both going to end up miserable once this month ends, so the least I can do is try to make the best of this week. I love him, Axel. I really do. I just wish I had been a better person when I was younger. Perhaps all of this could have been avoided."

"Yeah…" Axel leaned back and surveyed Riku. "It's going to be hard for me and Leon once you and Sora leave, you know. We both really haven't accepted the fact that you're both dead and leaving us soon. We keep forgetting that small detail." Axel laughed uneasily. He forgot it far more often than Leon, considering he had tried to have sex with Sora. Yeah…that would have been a bad thing. A really bad thing.

"I know…" Riku winced and averted his gaze. "Listen, I would stay longer but I have to go shopping. If any store is open, that is…then I have to stop somewhere before I head back to Sora's."

"All right." Axel got up. "Have a merry Christmas, Riku," he went on to say.

"Thanks." Riku headed to the door, his heart in his throat. "See you soon."

And with that, he embarked into the icy cold once more.

**xxxxxxxx**

Sora's gaze met flustered, sparkling green eyes the moment he wrenched the front door open. A look of surprised danced across his feature's as she stumbled backwards, trying to keep his balance. The cold from the hallway rushed in past the silveret, greeting Sora's face abruptly. A shiver twined around the brunet's spine, paralyzing him. No words were spoken as Riku struggled to catch his breath. Never before had silence been so disturbing. In an effort to end the deathly lack of sound, Sora parted his lips to interrogate the silveret—where had he been earlier?—but before he could get a word in edgewise, Riku beat him to the punch.

"Merry Christmas," Riku stated, breathing labored.

Sora blinked a few times. The brunet attempted to speak once more but was cut short yet again. A small black box was instantly shoved into his trembling hands. Vacillation engulfed Sora. Carefully, the brunet pried open the miniature box. Blue eyes met a glimmer within the black cloth that surrounded the shine.

"What?..."Sora began. His fingers traced the outline of the silver band. "What?" he reiterated, his voice growing shaky.

"I'm not asking you to marry me, don't worry," Riku interjected quickly. His hand came out and fell on Sora's. "I went to see Leon today, by the way."

"Why?" He could have been questioning many things. It was up to the silveret to decipher the question. The sudden change of topic, though, was a bit unsettling. What was the beautiful ring for? And why was Riku _giving_ it to him? He said himself that it wasn't a proposal, so what the hell was it? The brunet remained silent, as if trying to figure things out in his head. Nothing made sense and he just wanted to throw the small box down in rage. No, that would solve nothing.

"He's the closest family you have left," the silveret explained. "I went to…apologize," he whispered. He shook his head. "I never got a chance to tell your parents that I was the one who killed you—I only ever managed to tell Leon. But I never apologized. So I went to see him earlier this morning. It was about time I started taking responsibility for my actions."

Sora scrunched his nose up and looked down at the box with indecision. "So what's the box for?"

"It's probably going to be the most cliché, and most out of character thing I have ever done, but I wanted to show you that I _wanted_ a better future for us. I don't want to continue living in the past. I get it, I'm an asshole who fucked up royally. And I get it, I lied to you and tried to play with your heart. Sora, I knew the ramifications when I started. I knew what was on the line…but," he stated and then fell quiet for a moment. "But things changed."

"Changed?" Sora repeated skeptically, closing the box shakily. "How have they changed?"

"I've fallen back in love with you. I'm madly in love with you. It hurts to even think about how much I care about you," the silveret admitted, shrugging.

"Oh…" Sora fell silent and brushed his thumb uneasily along the curve of the box. He wasn't just going to forgive him. Not now and not…ever, perhaps.

"And I decided the other day that I would tell you all of this, about Heaven and how I feel, because I've lied to you so fucking long. Hell, I've always lied to you. But I'm done, Sora. I want to be honest with you. I want to start anew," the silveret urged. His hands reached out and held Sora's wrists as his eyes struggled to meet Sora's. When they didn't, they dropped.

"We're dead," Sora lamented. "We can't start anew."

"What about after death?" Riku questioned insistently.

Sora sighed and shrugged. "I'm probably going to get punished for not being able to save you." Which he still thought was quite impossible. "And I'm going to end up in hellf and you'll be in Heaven."

"I'm going to Heaven?" Riku repeated, eyes following Sora's distraught expression. "No, I'm not. I've lied to you and hurt you so much. How the hell would I end up in Heaven now?"

Sora frowned. "Because you've succeeded," he deadpanned.

Riku blinked a few times, tentatively. "No, I haven't," he urged, shaking his head. "If I have, how?"

Sora laughed pathetically at the irony of it all. His fingers gripped the black box tightly and he shook his head, allowing his brown bangs to hide his quivering eyes as they held back tears. Tears of an angel that were never meant to form. "Because I fell back in love with you and I forgave you. You won. I lost."

Riku stared in incredulity at the brunet. "That's not possible," he conjectured weakly, "you would never love me, Sora. I'm a horrible person. I'm—"

"Shut up!" Sora spat, wrenching his arms away from Riku's warmth. "I'm tired of you constantly disagreeing with everything I have to say. Damnit, Riku. Why can't you just for once be _happy _over something that happens instead of moping around like a damn _kid_?"

Riku hushed.

"And now," Sora began again, his hand dropping the box. Said box fell to the ground and snapped open, the ring miraculously remaining in place. "Now I have no reason to be here anymore."

"Sora," Riku stated sternly. He reached out to grab a hold of the angel's shoulders but found it impossible due to the boy's flailing. He frowned sullenly. "Sora, please. I _have_ felt happy over a lot of things that happened. Sora, I fell in _love_ with you."

"Stop saying that!" Sora refuted, shaking his head. "How can you love someone you've hurt so many times? If that's your way of expressing love, I want nothing to do with it! Just go back to Heaven and leave me alone! I'm done. I'm so _done_."

Riku wasn't going to have any of that. The silveret growled soundlessly under his breath and promptly grabbed one of Sora's thrashing arms. The taller took that arm and slammed it, and the brunet's body, up against the wall. Riku's arms remained levitated as he pinned both of Sora's securely to the wall above the brown spikes of hair. Sora's eyes widened and he stared in trepidation at the other.

"Riku?" Sora whispered worriedly. His voice caught in his throat and his frail body shook.

"You can't," Riku answered feebly. Emerald eyes held no conviction suddenly. "You can't leave. You're coming back to Heaven with me. I'm bringing you back with me and I don't care what they do to us."

Sora's gaze dropped. "I was supposed to save you. I completely failed at that."

"I still don't get that," Riku admitted, his fingers holding Sora's tanned arms limply. "How were you expected to save me? I'm dead. I'm not like Leon. I don't see how they expected you to save someone who was already dead," he sighed miserably.

"Makes no sense to me either," Sora muttered.

"Is it supposed to?" Riku wondered aloud. Sea green eyes wandered upwards and met twinkling sapphire. "If it wasn't true, they wouldn't have told you that. I don't see Heaven doing something that sick."

"And manipulating me isn't?" Sora laughed heartlessly, wincing at the implication. "Wow, Riku."

"I didn't mean that," Riku groaned. His fingers gently began gliding down Sora's arms and onto the other's shoulders. He remained close, still, but loosened his death grip against Sora. "I don't know what good manipulating you does for them."

"Maybe they're all just twisted," Sora stated with a weak shrug.

"It just doesn't make sense," the silveret murmured.

"Don't think anymore on it," Sora decided, his body frozen. "Just let it go. Let me go. If things were meant to be between us, we wouldn't have had so many obstacles in our way. You wouldn't have found the gun, I wouldn't have died, you wouldn't have been told to manipulate me, and we both would have ended up in Heaven. It just wasn't meant to be."

Somehow, Riku refused to believe that. "Sora," he stated deathly, "I love you."

Sora sighed, eyes slipping shut. "Then prove it," he whispered. "If you love me so much, after all the crap that happened between us, after having dated Leon and died…then prove it to me. Prove that you love me after all these years and that you aren't just saying that to get into Heaven."

Riku stared indecisively at Sora for a moment. His hands shakily snaked from Sora's shoulders down to the brunet's waist. Once there, his arms hooked messily around Sora's waist and tugged the brunet flush to his chest. His breath hitched slightly and he attempted to regulate his inhaling. Sora was such a beautiful being and he just didn't _understand_ how he could have hurt him so fucking _badly_.

"I'm sorry," the silveret whispered as he leaned closer. His lips ghosted over the brunet's, their hot breath mingling. "Please, _please_ forgive me just because I mean that I'm sorry."

Sora watched Riku for a long moment. When he found no mendacity, a small smile crept onto his lips. "You know, it's incredibly hard to be pessimistic when you're giving me that look…" he admitted sheepishly.

"It's so hard not to kiss when you're so close to me after all these years," Riku responded simply. The smile grew on both their lips and he closed his eyes. His eyelashes brushed once against Sora's and a shiver entered his body, penetrating his dense muscles.

"Heaven must be laughing their asses off right now," Sora whispered with a small dash of humor. "Or they're completely stunned at the fact that we both really do love each other…right?"

"More than right," Riku stated, his hand reaching up to brush along Sora's cheek. "More than you'll ever know."

Sora sighed. "That's so cliché," the angel divulged.

"I know," Riku teased. He released Sora finally and stepped a few feet back. The silveret proceeded to bend over and snag the discarded box. Quietly, he lifted it up and stared at it with a slight frown. "I take it that's a no, right?"

Sora gulped a bit. "I just dropped it, I'm sorry," the brunet began. "I didn't reject you. I just was upset and confused. Here," he stepped closer and reached out to take the box but Riku refused, "what?"

"If you want it back, say so," Riku stated slowly, his gaze surveying Sora for a moment.

The brunet huffed a bit. "You're not really in a position to be demanding decorum, Riku," the angel explained with a quirk of his brows. "But fine. I want it back. Please?"

Riku grinned. Sora went to take the box, but Riku pulled it out of reach. Sora's brows furrowed in confusion. "Let me put it on you," the silveret explained calmly. He reached out and gently slipped the cool, silver band onto Sora's finger.

"T-thanks," the brunet murmured, peering down at the band. His heart dropped a bit. He had made a decision…and now this was just making it harder on him. His stomach sank and he fought back the urge to break down.

Riku nodded and stepped closer again. His arms wrapped around Sora and pulled him closer. Without another word, the angel kissed Sora, covering the boy's pliable lips with his own. His body pressed flush to Sora, as if trying to fuse with the young boy. He wanted to be one. He wanted him and Sora to be one entity. He didn't want any more problems or any more lies. He just wanted to be with Sora once and for all.

Sora eased himself into the kiss. His heart ached for warmth and for the first time, he found it. His body shook with immense pleasure as he returned the kiss feverishly this time. Now was certain that he loved this man. Now he was certain that Axel's kisses had truly meant nothing and was simply lust getting the best of him. They had felt nice at times, he admitted, but nothing could ever compare to this. Nothing could compare to the way Riku's hands drifted through his hair, or held him close, or kissed him with so much enamor that he felt a bit weak.

"Let me take you, Sora," Riku breathed into the kiss. His hands ran along Sora's body, memorizing every inch, every curve. His heart beat fiercely and his mind was racing.

Sora felt his entire body shake from the statement. And knowing that he would never have another chance, knowing deep down that this was _it_, Sora whispered, "Yes…please do," in compliance.

And he tried so hard not to cry.

**xxxxxxxx**

Sora's fingers curled in the blankets as his eyes fluttered open. Riku had fallen asleep a few minutes ago and now he was left with an eerie silence. The room smelt of sex and his body continued to tremble with the aftershock. His hands were in pain from having gripped the blankets and Riku so tightly only moments prior. He was certain that he had left mark on the poor angel's back. The brunet sighed and rolled on his side, wincing at the small amount of pain. People had always made anal sex out to be so gross and gruesome and painful, but Sora didn't really see how that was logical or realistic. It wasn't anything of the sort. Sure, the initial penetration was rough, but wasn't it like that for all sex?

The angel closed his eyes and remained laying there. His feet were tangled in the twisted sheets and he didn't really feel like changing them at the moment. His eyes opened for the second time as he glanced over to Riku. The silveret was, as earlier mentioned, passed out. Silver bangs framed his thin face, making him _truly_ look like an angel. His body was half exposed and covered with small red marks. Sora blushed—those were obviously from him.

The blush was short-lived as it shortly turned into a frown. The brunet slipped out of the bed and got to his feet, despite the slight throbbing pain in his lower back. Dejectedly, he looked to the window and the falling snow. Frankly, this had been one of the best Christmases. True, the ones with his family had been amazing, but this was just…unrepeatable.

Sora glanced over his shoulder to the slumbering angel. "I actually believe you," he whispered weakly into the quiet December air. "I finally believe that you love me…and that you're sorry." Silently, Sora crept back over to Riku's side of the bed. His hand dropped and began soothing sticky bangs behind Riku's ears.

"And I know what I have to do to ensure that you get into heaven," he stated quietly, his hand beginning to shake. Tears began to form uncontrollably in Sora's eyes as his fingers traced the contours of his face. At least Sora had the memories. At least Sora had _this_ to cling on to when he went to the incinerator.

"I love you," Sora stated quietly as he bent down and glided his small lips across the silveret's cheek. "Have a great afterlife…okay?"

He had given up on saving Riku. And the only way to ensure that Riku got his spot in heaven was…He reached for his cellphone once he was on the other side of the room. The brunet weakly flipped it open, clicked a button, and waited for an answer. When he did…

"It's Sora…yeah…yeah…well, I have something to say…" Deep pause, a small tear, and then, "I want to come back tomorrow. I quit."

* * *

(:  
leave a **review** and make my day?


	17. love me

all right, i lied. i said there would be an epilogue after this.  
there isn't going to be. if there ever is, it'd be in oneshot form.  
i basically shoved the epilogue ideas into this extra long chapter.  
it's been a great ride and i thank you all for the support and critiques.  
i've taken it all to heart and i hope this chapter appeals to you all (i tried my hardest)  
so, enjoy, grab some popcorn, and indulge in the update

* * *

**Heavenly**

**December 25****th**

Sora stared idly out the window for a few more hours after his brief conversation with the head honchos above. His gaze dully on the monotonous streetlights outside that were partially covered by the day's before snow. The angel sighed some and lowered his right hand to his left. Shaking digits traced the silver band a few times before his fingers slipped away. An unsettling feeling began to grow in his stomach. Sora looked over his shoulder at the slumbering silveret on his bed. The moon and incandescent light leaked in and illuminated every sinful curve of the other's body. Although they had claimed there was love, although they had whispered sweet nothings during the sex, Sora felt a tinge of guilt and uncertainty. Perhaps it wasn't love but just pent-up lust that was released due to the growing tension? Perhaps 'love' was the only logical way to go about doing any of the things they had both begrudgingly dreamt of for decades.

Sora's eyes fluttered shut and he stood by the window for a bit longer. For some reason, the moon felt good against his naked skin. Being exposed in such a state as this, weak, defeated, and helpless, actually made him feel even deader. Being dead meant that he didn't have to live—that he didn't have to go through the struggles humans usually did. Being dead meant he didn't have to fight heartbreak and starvation. Being dead meant that he could be a free spirit again.

After a few hours, the brunet angel walked silently over to the messy bed. He sat down and smiled sullenly down at Riku. Just as beautiful as always, he was. He sighed some before reaching out to touch the hair he adored so much. "You know," he began in a conquered voice; "if I hadn't told you that I knew you were dead, would you have told me your great plan? Or would have you continued to deceive me?"

There was a constant clash in his heart and mind. He, at first, had truly believed that Riku was sorry and that he cared but now he was having second thoughts. He had been too caught up in the afterglow to properly analyze what Riku had said. Was there any sure way to make certain that the other was sincere? Sora sighed and continued staring at Riku. He felt like throwing up.

He didn't expect a response and was not stunned when he only received silence. The brunet closed his eyes and held back a frustrated noise. "I'm leaving at dusk tomorrow. I'll lie and tell heaven that I love you and that I forgive you." He shifted a bit and lay back down, resting his cheek motionlessly against the pillow. "It won't all be a lie, after all. I'll just elaborate the truth."

_But I do love him, you've said so yourself. Stop doubting it…_ Sora's mind screamed at him. The ruthless war continued in his heart. Thoughts were slain and emotions were chained and then set free again. His rationality and adoration fought for dominance and left him with a throbbing headache. He wanted to believe every word Riku said to him, but he just couldn't. And yet, he had. It made no sense.

Without another word on the matter, Sora shut his eyes and allowed sleep to overcome him, dragging him into the depths of his mind. For now he was safe from the torture. For now he was slumbering beside the one man who controlled his fate.

xxx **X** xxx

**December 26th**

"Sleepyhead, wake up."

Sora's eyes slipped open weakly. Riku was resting beside him, happier than ever. The silveret could not deny that he liked it here. For one thing, it was warm, in contrast to his old apartment. For another, being here meant being with Sora and convincing the brunet that he wasn't a truly corrupted and sinister man. Being here was like blending their two heavenly lives together, even if he was only one in the room to view it that way. The brunet surveyed Riku's glimmering eyes for a moment. His lips fell open, as if to speak, but he fell silent and closed his lips promptly.

"Here," Riku said and pulled the covers back over their exposed bodies, "it'll be warmer this way."

Bright spots of color had mounted in Sora's cheeks. Part of his embarrassment, he knew right off the bat, was because he was lying naked beside the man who claimed to love him. "Oh," he mumbled quietly and clutched at the blankets insistently. For some reason, being exposed for any reason other than sex seemed illogical, awkward, and unnecessary.

"Sora, something's wrong," Riku decided—it wasn't a question, it was a statement.

Sora shrugged and nuzzled the side of his face against his pillow. He hadn't gotten that much sleep the night prior and now he was paying for it in spades. The brunet angel laid there inertly for a few moments, allowing the war between his heart and mind to start up again. His fingers remained stiff against the ends of the blankets, refusing to loosen their grips any time soon. "I'm fine, Riku."

"Sora," Riku began stubbornly.

"When I say I'm fine, I'm fine, okay?" He didn't mean to sound so rude and harsh but it just came out that way. Sora sighed and allowed his body to relax back against the sheets. He really wanted to get dressed but at the same time he really wanted to remain covered up.

"What's with the sudden one-eighty?" Riku questioned. He propped up his body a bit so that he could lie on his side and watch Sora's every single movement, down to the small breaths that escaped the brunet's small lips that he adored and desired more than fathomable.

"What do you mean?" Sora questioned lifelessly.

"Your attitude," Riku answered and pointedly touched Sora's cheek. "You look like you just swallowed something horribly sour. Sora, what's wrong?"

"I told you, I'm _fine_," Sora reiterated and looked away. He inhaled deeply and closed his eyes. He wasn't in the mood to argue—he didn't want Riku upset nor did he want the other to cling to him like some sort of lover. They weren't lovers. They weren't friends. They weren't enemies. They weren't anything, really, except angels with no real correlation to one another anymore.

"You confuse me," Riku decided in an annoyed groan. "First you're enamored by me and then I wake up the next morning and you want to rip my eyes out. What gives?"

"I wouldn't rip your eyes out," Sora pointed out dryly, "Listen, I just don't feel well, okay? I'm just thinking about Cloud, and Leon, and Axel and I just really don't feel like talking. I'm sore and miserable."

Riku frowned some. Carefully, the silveret made a move to wrap his arm around the brunet's naked waist. He paused when he felt Sora flinch away from the briefest of touches. He took the hint. "Then take your time," Riku sighed softly and laid back down, his back hitting the bed in a defeated stance.

"Why would you have sex with me?" Sora finally asked.

Riku's attention was recaptured. "Excuse me? Why are you asking that?"

"Because, I want to know why you were so hell-bent on having sex with me last night," the brunet explained curtly, his eyes averted.

"You wanted it just as much as I did!" Riku refuted frustration piquing. "You were _begging_ for it, actually."

Sora huffed a bit. "I was not begging." His heart panged. "Why are you treating me like I was a horny teenage boy?"

Riku blanched some. "Are you serious, Sora? I'm not! You're the one accusing me of this. Sora…" He reached out to touch Sora again but remembered the earlier reaction. He frowned some. "I'm not looking for a fight, okay? Definitely not a fight. I just want to know what's bothering you, okay? There's no malice in that, I assure you."

Sora rolled his eyes, again, acting rashly against his heart's accord. "Really? Then why is it you only care about how I feel _after_ you kill me?"

"Not this again," Riku groaned. "We've gone through this, Sora. I'm not going to keep defending myself. It's over, Sora. I thought we settled it."

"You mean after and before the sex?" Sora wondered lamely. "I don't want to talk about it. Just drop it."

"You brought it up," Riku grumbled and held his forehead with confusion. "Aren't we supposed to be clinging aimlessly to each other and kissing senselessly considering we just had sex for the first time in both our lives?" he wondered aimlessly, looking at the brunet with intense perplexity.

Sora rolled his shoulders into a shrug and leaned his head further back against the cold pillow, his mind throbbing with how harsh he was acting. It wasn't fair. "Sex wasn't as good as I thought it would be."

Riku deadpanned. "…Now you're just being a brat."

"No, I'm acting like an adult and not a hormonal teenager," he murmured and held the blankets tightly. "Just because we had sex doesn't mean anything is solved." He bit his bottom lip, as if fighting with himself to speak the words. It didn't matter, though, Riku didn't notice that small gesture.

"You're pushing me away for no reason," Riku concluded and stared down at Sora. "Why?"

Sora sighed. "I'm…not, okay?"

Now that Riku had something to go on, Sora's little snaps made sense. The silveret sighed and watched Sora for a moment. "Sora, are you afraid of going back to Heaven or something? Are you afraid that we both won't go back?" When Sora didn't answer the silveret hesitantly rested a hand to the brunet's cheek. His touch was soft and shaky.

"Don't want to talk about it," the brunet mumbled as he pulled the blanket over his head for a safe retreat.

Riku's hand remained on Sora's cheek, regardless of the blanket now obstructing his view. "Then I'll wait. We have five days left, Sora. I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here to talk to and to yell at when you see fit." His hands slipped away and left Sora's body alone, upon request.

Sora felt his heart silently break. "…But I am…" he whispered to himself, his heart winning the small side battle. Under the blanket, he silently sobbed. No tears fell—he had mastered the art of crying without wet tears over the month.

"Sora?"

Sora fought back an assault of his heart and peeked out from the blankets. "What? I'm resting. I obviously don't want to talk right now. I just said that," he stated emotionlessly. He was being unreasonably stoic but it felt like the only way to accomplish what he wanted to.

Riku sighed. "So, you're basically telling me that last night was just two guys having sex with no strings attached? That everything you said was just because you wanted to have sex?"

Sora fought back the urge to argue otherwise. He wanted everything that happened the night prior, and his heart told him that he spoke the truth—that they both did—but his mind was still skeptical. "That'd be a bit cruel, even for me," the brunet stated after a moment with a weak sigh.

Riku, even though confused beyond recognition, felt a bit relieved. His aquamarine hues caught sight of the ring upon Sora's hand. At least it was still there. "Sora," he began, reaching out to cup Sora's face. When the brunet didn't pull away, he took it as a sign that Sora was finally coming off his angry venting.

"Hm?" He pretended to be apathetic.

"If you're worrying about getting into Heaven or not, don't. You're a beautiful person, inside and out. What you've done has been for the best and you're just so genuine. Sora, I doubt that anyone could ever possibly refuse you. You're the definition of an angel. They'd be crazy to reject you after all the crap you've put up with through your life," the silveret stated in a whisper, his gaze locking with Sora's.

The words drilled home. "And what about yourself?"

Riku averted his gaze for a moment. "What about me?"

"Yeah. You afraid of not getting into Heaven?"

"I have no idea anymore," Riku murmured and kept Sora's face in his hands. "Nothing makes sense and I'm just going to enjoy these last few days with you. I'm sorry that I lied to you and I'm sorry that I couldn't make this month better, but Sora, listen, I truly do mean it when I say that I love you."

Sora's heart panged yet again. His gaze searched Riku's for any sign of betrayal—he found none. "You only told me about your deception when I called you out for being dead," he pointed out with an exhale.

"I know…" Riku trailed off some. "I figured that if you didn't know that I was dead you'd be happier. You wouldn't have to deal with the grief and all that shit of having someone close to you die. Then again, that was a bit stupid of me to think. I don't know, Sora. I was afraid to tell you."

"I doubt that you were afraid," the brunet stated quietly, his face growing warm in Riku's hands.

"All right, I was a coward who just wanted both of us to go to Heaven. I was going to explain everything to you there," the silveret assured with a weak smile. "And you probably think I'm pulling that lie out of my ass, huh?" Nod. "I know, it sounds really deceptive and blameworthy."

Sora closed his eyes. "I probably look like a bipolar brat in your eyes, huh?"

"Fickle, maybe, but definitely not a brat," Riku stated and then winced some. "Okay, so I called you a brat a few minutes ago because I was upset that you just randomly started yelling at me. I didn't mean it."

Sora leaned his head back some. "You don't mean a lot of things you say, huh?" It was meant to be rhetorical.

Riku chose not to answer this. The angel reached down and took Sora's hand again. His fingers traced the small ring and relished in the way it fit Sora's finger so perfectly. A perfect match—Sora had always loved silver. "It looks good on you, you know. I just wish it could have meant more."

Sora cracked open a wary eye. "Huh?"

"No, not like that," the silveret assured, "I meant that I wish I could have gotten it for you and had you accept it all dramatically. Like…I don't know. It's hard to explain, Sora. I wanted us to be best friends again. Before I went on my ego trip and ended us up here. I wanted you to smile when you saw me and blush at every little thing I did. Sora, I wanted the old times back and when I gave you that, I was hoping that we could revert. I was wrong. I was being idealistic, _again_."

"I'd say that that's your tragic flaw," Sora mumbled and closed his eyes again. His hand tingled in Riku's hold—his heart was winning the war again. "You care too much."

"So what? I'm a tragic hero now?" Riku questioned as he interlaced their fingers cautiously. When Sora did not pull his hand away, he took this as a sign to keep their digits tightly locked.

"Or you're just a villain," Sora hummed drowsily and rolled on his side to get more comfortable. "Haven't decided yet."

"A villain? Sora, that's kind of harsh," Riku said and squeezed the brunet's hand. It felt so right, so perfect. He wanted perfection—he wanted Sora to truly forgive him. "Does that mean you're the hero in this epic tale?"

Sora opened his eyes and watched Riku's soft expression. "I don't know."

Riku smirked. "Oh well." He paused and watched Sora for a long moment. "Would you object to me kissing you? I know it's kind of odd that I have to ask to kiss you after we've kissed a million times and had sex, but you're really odd lately with your constant mood swings so I felt that perhaps it would be best if I just asked." Long-winded rant.

"You're so odd," Sora murmured and shook his head. "Just kiss me. It won't hurt anything."

Ouch. "I don't want to kiss you if you don't want to," Riku retorted with a rare scrunched nose—he appeared rather appalled. "Geez, did sex make you that squeamish of me?"

Sora laughed quietly under his breath. _No, what I'm going to do tonight has made this way. If I wasn't leaving, I probably would, regretfully, be all over you right now. But I can't. I can't let my heart run wild. If I show you that I love you, that I really do love you, it'll only hurt us in the end. So if I just lie to both of us and keep us on an uneasy level, then things will be better. I hope. Oh Riku, please don't look at me like that. You wouldn't understand how taxing this is on me_.

"Sora? You look really…sad," Riku whispered after a long moment.

"I…do?" the brunet asked with slight surprise.

"Yeah. You look like you're about to cry," he noted.

Sora hadn't noticed the small tear that leaked down his face. "Had something in my eye," he mumbled and lifted his free hand to rub at his eyes. He sighed dejectedly under his breath. Stupid emotions.

"Right…" Riku didn't press the matter—he had already messed up far too much this morning. Sora was becoming more distant and he couldn't help but blame himself. After all, why else would Sora suddenly despise him this much?

Perhaps sex wasn't the answer after all.

xxx **X** xxx

Sora didn't have the heart to go and visit Leon and Axel before he left Earth once and for all. Instead, the brunet slipped away midday while Riku was asleep in his bed—apparently he was still worn out from the night before, go figure. Regardless, Sora ended up wandering down to Starbucks for the last time with his notebook and pen in hand. He was going to write a letter to both his brother and Axel, slip them under their doors, and then depart. True, it wasn't the kindest and most respectful way to leave, but he couldn't bear to see their expressions when they knew that this was the last time they'd see Sora. In fact, it'd be like watching the ones you love witness your death. It was disturbing.

Sora ordered a drink and took a seat at the table. The smell of coffee filled his senses and he committed everything about the rich scent to memory. He had to remember this as well as everything else on earth. The brunet proceeded to uncap his pen and begin to write.

_Leon,_

_There's so much I want to tell you, and so little time to collect my thoughts. I know that this letter is going to come out incoherent and repetitive, but I just feel that I have to get my thoughts out before I leave. I'm heading back to Heaven, tonight, and I'm not coming back. I've finally realized that the only way to keep myself from getting hurt is just to leave. I don't want Riku to fall in love with me more than he already has. I have to push him away from me. I care about him too much, despite all that he has done._

_If you're wondering, things between us hasn't been a fairytale. Yeah, Riku killed me…yeah Riku is an angel…yeah Riku lied to me, and yeah, Riku did pretty unspeakable things. But Riku's Riku. I know you never liked him as a child, but you must have found something good in him to date him. He saved you, Leon. He was your guardian angel. He must not be all bad, right?_

_Leon, please don't be angry at Riku. I haven't completely forgiven him for lying to me constantly, but I'm starting to. I haven't forgiven him for killing me, either, but I'm getting over it. It feels so weird, though, to be writing about your own death and then to kiss your killer. I feel like a messed up zombie with no sense of morality. It hurts to me to say this but, perhaps, I'm just a lovesick boy that can't get over Riku. Yeah, that's probably it._

_Leon, when I go back to Heaven, I'll find Mom and Dad. I'll tell them that you're doing all right and that you love them. I'm sure they're doing okay, and I'm sure they're in Heaven. They were truly wonderful people. And Cloud. I'll relay your message to him. _

_You know, he always used to talk about you. He refused to get into detail when I asked about when he was alive, but he just said that you mattered a lot to him. Then again, aren't cousins supposed to, regardless of the fact that they're not blood-related? I don't know. I could only assume. I love Cloud like a cousin, too. He's been so good to me in Heaven, you have no idea. I was so scared._

_Anyway, I don't want this to be too long…Leon, I hope I haven't disappointed you. I would have done this in person but I don't want you to see me cry. I don't want you to have to see me metaphorically die. I love you so much and you're the best brother. Ever. _

_And please, don't tell Riku what I've done—I'm going to Heaven to assure his place there. Why? I don't really know…all I know is that I just want to go back. All I know is that I can't be around Riku any longer. Oh…and please don't be upset with him for the things we did, either. I'd…go into detail but I doubt you want to hear that. _

_Anyway, to make a long story short…I love you Leon and I hope to see you sometime soon. Not too soon, though, because I want you to live your life fully. I'm going to miss you so much and I'm glad that this time I was able to give a proper goodbye. So, I'll see you around sometime, Leon. I love you._

_**Love always,**_

_Sora_.

Sora fought back a few tears as he finished the letter and closed his eyes. His heart ached and he held his breath for a few moments to regulate his breathing. It was so hard to write these things. He didn't want to leave, but yet at the same time he knew he had to. The brunet shifted uneasily in his seat and flipped the page.

"Axel's is going to be worse," he murmured as his pen tapped idly against the paper. He had so much to say to the redhead, and yet, he didn't know what to say. It took him a long moment of staring off into space before an introduction struck him. With a deep breath, he began writing.

_Axel,_

_Now I know what you're thinking, this is Sora's handwriting. Well, yeah, it is. And I know that you hate letters, but please, pay heed to this one. _

_Axel, I don't know how to begin this. I don't want to say goodbye but I have to. I don't know what to tell you. I guess I should just start with what happened over this month, I suppose. It's not fair to leave you confused. So I'm going to bite back my pride and explain everything, no matter how much it hurts._

_When we kissed the first time, I was scared. It was my first kiss. I was mad and upset, deep down. I had always dreamt that my first kiss would be with Riku, you know? And I just was upset that you stole that from him and I. I'm sorry for that, Axel. I was selfish. The second time we kissed, well…I thought I felt something. It felt so good. I don't know how to explain it. It felt like someone cared. Perhaps that's what I liked about it—the passion. Riku's kisses before that were platonic…it wasn't until Riku kissed me after our second random kissing adventure that I realized what I felt with you couldn't compare to him. I know that sounds mean but…it's true._

_You were my best friend, really, growing up. I can't explain to you how grateful I am to have had you. You were the only person that cared, other than Leon and my parents. Riku was a jerk to me for so long and you kept me holding my head up high. Thank you._

_Seeing you for one last time this month has been amazing. We've been able to sort out our feelings and say goodbye for real. Axel…I hope you find someone that's perfect with you. You're an amazing guy—just not the guy for me. I hope you find someone that makes you so, so, so happy. And when you get old and get gray hairs and die, I want you to tell me every single detail when you come to Heaven. Don't worry, you'll come here. You're too amazing not to._

_So I suppose this is our final goodbye. Axel, I'm so sorry I couldn't say this to your face. I'm sorry that I'm leaving so soon but I have to. It's just something I have to do. Please respect that. I'll never forget you. You've done so much and I just…can't let that go. I hope you have a great life and I'll see you sometime in the future. _

_**Your best friend,**  
Sora._

When Sora reached the end of his letter, he felt himself choke back a sob. Why did this feel like he was never going to see them again? Technically, that was the case. And technically he was really writing a suicide note, but it felt so wrong and right that it scared him. The brunet angel closed his eyes and allowed his body to tremble on its own accord. He'd have to deliver the letters before dusk.

He got up and looked at the Starbucks one last time. This was where he and Riku had flirted, had smiled, had fought, and had fun. He inhaled the scent one last time before leaving through the double-doors, promising himself that he would never forget that Starbucks.

xxx **X** xxx

"I never got to kiss him goodbye…"

Sora's heart dropped and he stood in the empty hall of Heaven. Dusk had come far too early and he had returned to Heaven. No one had spoken to him since he arrived and he wasn't in the mood to complain. The brunet remained by the window to the outside world, staring down at his home with a frown and a few tears. It was then when he realized that he hadn't told Riku goodbye. He hadn't written Riku a letter or kissed him goodbye or done anything. Riku knew nothing. Riku would be the last one to know that he would be gone forever. His heart clenched and he instantly regretted having tried to push Riku away. His mind began laughing at his heart and it bled profusely in response.

"Sora, we'll see you now."

A small, stoic, female angel ushered Sora down the hall and into the familiar office he had been in one month ago. The brunet entered quickly and shut the door behind him. He met the gaze of the angel who had sent him on this death mission. He didn't know what to say. Disappointment remained dark in the angel's eyes as he surveyed Sora.

"You gave up?" the black-haired angel asked and pointed at the chair.

Sora sat obediently. "There was no point. He was dead. He didn't need saving."

"And what gave you that preposterous idea?" the angel demanded with a groan. He leaned back in his seat and propped up his feet on the desk. He took in a deep, deep breath, before tossing Sora the file about Riku.

"If you had read that, kid, you would have seen, right at the bottom, that Riku Karada was listed as dead."

Sora's heart dropped. "It was…it was here all along?"

"Yup," the angel answered and eyed Sora curiously. "In fact, everything you needed to know was on that little folder from the start. I don't know why you didn't read it over thoroughly. Oh well, it's over now." He snatched it back and placed it on the spot on the desk before him. "Now, about saving Riku…just because he was dead doesn't mean you couldn't save him."

"Save him from _what_?" Sora stated, confusion filling in his mind.

"From going to the incinerator," the angel explained simply. "You see, we didn't know where to place Riku. He had traits of both an angel and a devil. We put him to the test and made him save your brother. He passed with flying colors, but we needed to make certain he was worthy. So we assigned him the task of you."

"Of manipulating me?" Sora demanded, his heart breaking. He had gotten this all wrong, hadn't he?

"That's what we told him," the angel nodded and frowned at Sora. "But I'm surprised neither of you caught on. Trickery is more so something the incinerator conveys, not Heaven." He tapped the folder some.

"Wait…"

The glasses-wearing man watched Sora. "Yes?"

"…I was supposed to show him that you were testing his morals and how good a person was…and the only way for him to pass was to realize that it was a trick and that he could never manipulate me. I had to convince him that the only way to save himself was to tell you guys he couldn't do it?"

The angel nodded.

Sora's heart dropped and he felt sick.

_I just completely fucked up this entire thing…_

xxx **X** xxx

Riku had been sleeping one moment, and the next he was laying on some uncomfortable marble floor. The silveret twitched awake and snapped up. Hard floor? Sora didn't have hard floor in his apartment. The angel sat up and opened his eyes. He paled tremendously when his gaze met another. _It's that damn angel again. Wait…_ Riku spun his head around a few times. He was back in Heaven? _What_? Had he _failed_? Riku's heart broke and he scrambled to his feet. A laugh was heard and that was when Riku realized he had only a loosely fitting sheet on around his waist.

He gulped and pulled it tight around his body. "Why am I here?" he demanded harshly. "Where's Sora? What did you _do_ to him?" he demanded of the familiar angel.

The red-haired man laughed some. "Oh Riku, you jump to conclusions so quickly. We didn't do anything. Oh the contrary. Sora resigned," the redhead explained with a nonchalantly look. He pointed at a chair and gestured relentlessly for Riku to sit. He finally got the idea.

"Where's Sora?" Riku repeated, not really caring. "God damnit, where is he?!"

"Calm your horses," the angel urged and surveyed the silveret for a moment. "Judging by the marks on your neck and shoulders I can only assume you and Sora hit it off pretty well, hm?"

Riku glared. "What Sora and I did doesn't pertain to this conversation."

"I think it does. I mean, he's the reason you're going to the incinerator, after all," the redhead cooed and laced his hands under his chin. "He gave up and now you're going to suffer because you couldn't trick him into loving you. That's a bit disheartening for such a strong person as yourself."

"I didn't want to hurt him," Riku stated defensively. "At the beginning…maybe. But Sora, I just got reunited with him and I couldn't keep from going against what I was supposed to be doing. I'm _sorry_ that I fell in love with him. It was inevitable. He hates me now, I'm certain of that, and now I'm going to the incinerator. I will go, gladly, if you promise me that Sora stays here. Please, let Sora stay here. I never meant to hurt him…"

The angel eyed Riku. "You really are verbose. This is your last chance. Admit that you manipulated him and you'll be saved."

"Is that all you have to say?!" Riku spat and felt his anger boiling. "Whatever, fuck this. You can keep your damn job. I'm not going to trick Sora anymore. I love him and I don't care what punishment I get. If manipulating Sora is what your _job_ calls for, then maybe I don't want to be in Heaven after all."

"You killed him," the male pointed out, giving a gentle strumming of his fingers against the desk.

"I know," Riku stated sternly, eying the other man. "I know that and I take full reasonability now. I'm not going to deny that I was the one who took a part in Sora's death—who caused it."

"And you do know that you selfishly committed suicide because you were too weak to cope with everything," the angel continued with a nonchalantly expression. "You did many horrible things, Riku."

"I'm fully aware of that. I was a horrible person. I've learned my lesson, thanks to Sora," the silveret breathed. "I've hurt him and I'm willing to embrace Hell if it means gaining Sora's forgiveness, his sincere forgiveness, once and for all."

The angel paused and then smiled. "Very good."

"Huh?" Riku's fists clenched by his sides. "Stop patronizing me!"

"I'm not," the angel assured and shook his head. "I was saying very good because you proved yourself true."

"What the hell are you _talking_ about?" Riku was at his breaking point. He had lost Sora and now he was going to go to Hell. How could he be happy about this? Oh, and he was partly naked, too. That was always a bad thing.

"Don't question things," the angel pressed and began sorting things together on his desk. "I've evaluated all the things that you've done and came to a decision. Simple as that. And my decision was good. I don't feel like elaborating."

"Then tell me this," Riku gritted out, leaning expectantly. "Will Sora be safe? Will Sora have to suffer?"

The redhead, Reno, arched a brow. "You really that concerned about the boy that you would give up Heaven for him?"

"Yes," Riku breathed almost desperately. "I've give up anything, damnit."

Reno smirked some and closed all the open files on his desk. "Good job."

"Not this again," Riku groaned at the vague statement.

"You've succeeded, in other words. Good job," the redhead stated and got to his feet. "Go down four levels and take the 4A hallway. Continue down that way until you get to a door. It's 33AB."

"Why? Is that the entrance to hell?..."

"Just go there," the male scoffed and collected his things.

"Do you _promise_ that Sora will be safe?" Riku stated as he looked harshly at Reno. His eyes shimmered as he tried to figure out just what he had succeeded in. Perhaps they were going to go easy on him in Hell because he admitted and embraced his sins. Maybe he wouldn't get the full hellfire that way. That was always a nice gesture.

"Promise," Reno stated and then leaned his hands down onto his desk. "Now just go to the damn room already, kid. You're giving me a migraine," the angel stated and nudged his head towards the door.

Riku sighed miserably and got to his feet. He had failed. He had fucking _failed_. Yet why were they saying that he succeeded? This made no sense. He was so damn confused. All he wanted was Sora, _Sora_, but at least he guaranteed Sora's safety. At least, _at last_, he had finally made a good choice. He had saved Sora from Hell.

xxx **X** xxx

Sora felt his heart stop when he was reunited with Cloud. The brunet charged towards his cousin and greedily wrapped his arms around the blond. He openly cried and whispered everything that had happened. All the heartache, all the confusion, and all the drama. He left nothing out. Not one thing. He didn't stop talking for nearly an hour, it felt, and he couldn't keep his mind from spinning. He was back in Heaven with Cloud and he oddly felt safe again. New York City was an unforgiving city, after all. Yes, he felt safe now, but he felt empty. He had left part of his heart in the city. And as he stood there, pouring his heart out to Cloud, he realized in that brief moment, the winner of the battle. His mind was a traitor.

He loved Riku.

Cloud attempted to console him but it was working to no avail. Sora just sat there, flipping through old photographs of their earlier lives—back on Earth. The brunet sighed some and leaned his chin into his hands. "All these pictures somehow remind me of Riku."

"It's because you love him," Cloud explained, looking to the younger. "When you love someone, you see them everywhere—in the stars, the moon, the sea, and the faces of the ones around you. You see them in everyday life and in forgotten memories. That's love, Sora."

Sora sighed some. "He's going to Hell, though. There's no point in loving a damned soul…"

"Don't say that," Cloud murmured and walked over, clasping his hand onto Sora's shoulder. "Just because he's going to Hell doesn't mean you have to lose him less. He's still the teen you fell in love with, correct?" Nod. "See?"

"But it's…just so messed up…"

Cloud murmured something to himself before stating, "And you don't think I had a messed up love?"

"I failed to save the one I loved. I died. I'm in Heaven and he's in Hell. Cloud, how more messed up can you get?" Sora felt guilty and broken down and just ironically betrayed. He sighed some before looking back down at the photos.

"Leon," he stated simply, looking to his cousin.

"Leon?"

"Yeah," Cloud answered and resumed walking around the apartment building in Heaven, as if he had something to attend to. Sora watched his cousin walk away and sat there in confusion. Leon? What did that have to do with his tragic love with Riku? What was Cloud getting it?

xxx **X** xxx

Riku, despite how much he wanted to bash the walls of Heaven in, followed the redhead's instructions and quietly traversed the halls of Heaven. It felt so odd to be back here after so long. His stomach rumbled and he walked down the designated hallway. He was going to end up alone for eternity because of a few bad choices. The silveret's stomach twisted and knotted and he wasn't sure anymore what to believe. Heaven had given him a second chance and he blew it entirely. How more pathetic could he be?

With a sigh, Riku got to the room he had been told about. Figuring that he should just be polite, that may he'd get a few brownie points, he knocked.

xxx **X** xxx

"I'll be right back," Cloud told Sora and left the room.

Sora nodded and sat down at the small table in their even smaller kitchen. The brunet closed his eyes and tried to imagine the smell of Starbucks again. Or the smell of alcohol on his first night back. Or the way Riku held him. Or the way Axel had stared at him so intently. Or how amazing it felt to be with Leon again. Or perhaps, just the city itself. But no matter how hard he tried to manifest these things, it didn't work. He was back in Heaven and he had to accept that.

But at least he wasn't the only one without their love here. Although Sora just…didn't understand the relationship Cloud had told him about involving he and Leon, he just knew that there was a great loss. Was Cloud's death the reason why Leon had changed so drastically? Sora didn't question Cloud too much on it. Their feelings for one another, no matter how forbidden, must have been true. Probably just as strong as he felt about Riku.

Sora groaned and closed his eyes. He missed Riku, a lot. He had pushed the other away so much that he was left with nothing now. His stomach sank and he just sat there, brimful of depression.

xxx **X** xxx

Riku didn't want to see what was behind the door. It was his death, his last stage of death, and he just knew it. He had lost this game and succeeded in becoming a member of Hell. And now he regretted even taking on the job. Anything would have been better than hurting Sora. Even the fiery flames of hell…

"I love you, Sora…I'm such a fucking idiot," he breathed, biting back tears.

xxx **X** xxx

Sora remained at the table for a long moment. All the days that had gone by kept replaying in his head over and over. He had failed in saving Riku. He should have realized what he had to do. And he should have read that folder over better than he did. And he should have kissed Riku goodbye and gods, he was filled with regrets. He messed up one of the best things in his life.

Tears leaked from Sora's eyes as his body convulsed. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he choked on his tears and sat there, feeling weak and defeated. "I'm so sorry…" he kept repeating as he hugged his arms tightly to his chest. "Riku, I love you," he whimpered and held his stomach. Why had been so stubborn and refused to accept that everything was true? Riku had given up a chance to be in heaven, in the end…

"Don't cry, Sora..."

Sora continued sobbing, ignoring the voice.

"Sora, please don't. It'll be okay, I promise you. Sora…"

Sora leaned back against the other and continued crying his eyes out. Now he didn't feel weak for crying—he felt worthless. He had caused so many people so much pain. He was never going to see Riku again and that was that. The brunet looked wearily up at Cloud through cloudy blue eyes. "How can you say that, Cloud? How can you promise me it'll be okay when…when the person I love is sentenced to eternal damnation?"

Cloud smiled sadly and didn't say anything for a moment. He let go of Sora.

"No I'm not."

Sora jolted off the chair and fell on the floor from the unexpected statement. The trembling angel shot up onto his knees and looked around the room in confusion. His gaze settled upon his smirking cousin and then finally a blanket-wearing Riku. His breath hitched and he just sat there, dumbfounded for a long moment.

"Now don't cry, it makes me feel bad when you do that," Riku stated and walked silently over to Sora. The silveret crouched down and then slid onto his knees as well. He pulled Sora close with one arm, supporting the towel with his other. It smelt like Earth. It smelt like all the smells Sora had attempted to recover when coming here.

"R-riku," Sora choked on his words and buried his face against the other's chest. His arms, for the first time, openly clung to the other. He cried and sobbed and hiccupped without end and kept close, refusing to break away.

"Ssh, I'm not going anywhere, I promise," Riku stated a bit weakly. His hand gave a soft stroke to Sora's back as he rested his chin to the top of Sora's head. He inhaled the familiar scent of the spikes.

"I thought you…you…"

"I told them I couldn't hurt you, Sora," Riku murmured quietly. "And I told them that nothing was worth seeing you hurt." He buried his face into Sora's hair, as if not believing it himself. "So I suppose…somehow, I'm here and you're here and no one has said anything about the incinerator and I think that maybe we both saved our asses?"

Sora smiled weakly at that statement and lifted his head some. He noticed a few tears streaming from Riku's eyes. "I forgive you," he decided at last. "You…you knew that and…and…" Sora couldn't speak anymore and instead clung.

"Shush, you're acting like a hormonal teenager," Riku joked, purposely using those words. He kissed Sora's forehead and smiled against the skin. "Sora, I love you, I really do. Do you believe me now?"

Sora nodded limply and stared up at Riku. "I'm sorry for having left without saying anything I just—"

"You don't have to explain. I understand now." He nodded some and sighed. "I know I screwed up a lot in my life, but of all the things I did wrong, you were my only right. In a vat full of wrong decisions, you were my only right," he whispered protectively. "And I'd give up anything just to see you smile. I missed that the most."

"Riku," Sora whispered simply and closed his eyes.

"Yeah?"

"We're here, in heaven, together," he stated and felt vertigo come on. "And it just doesn't seem possible and just…" Sora was about to continue but then felt a bit worse and before he could say anymore fell into a small sleep. He lay unconscious in Riku's arms, breathing simply.

"That happens sometimes when you make the jump from Earth to Heaven," Cloud noted quietly from across the room. "Take him to the bedroom and watch over him. I'm sure he'll wake up soon and want to be with you."

Riku nodded and then looked at Cloud for a long moment. "You were him, weren't you?"

"Him?" Cloud hummed, arching a brow.

"Leon's…The person Leon never got over," Riku stated carefully, his gaze meeting the blond's.

Cloud smiled a bit at that. "Really?..."

"He still loves you," Riku said quietly as he collected Sora in his arms, balancing his sheet all the while. He then began leading Sora down into the bedroom, careful not to drop the brunet or ram his own body into something along the way. The walk was short and Riku was more than thankful.

When they arrived, Riku carefully set Sora down onto the bed and lay down beside him. His fingers drifted adoringly into Sora's hair and the smile refused to lift. At last he had his best friend with him, and they were both forgiven, sincerely. Everything felt right. They were back in Heaven and had finally paid for their sins. Finally.

"We did it, kid," he stated and leaned down to lay soft kisses along Sora's face. "We somehow did it." His hand reached down and took Sora's left, interlacing their fingers. "I love you so much and I'm truly sorry for everything I did. I'll never leave you again. I'll never hurt you again. …Sleep well, my angel."

He leaned back and stared up at the ceiling. A larger smile appeared on his lips. All was right. "For when you awake, the beginning of the rest of our afterlives will begin…together."

**_...the end..._**

* * *

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